“No,” she stated.
“No?” Summer asked quietly as she leaned up on her elbows. “I thought…” She sat up and pressed her lips to the skin of Charlie’s revealed abdomen. “I thought you wanted-”
“I’m sorry, Summer,” Charlie apologized and pulled back. “I’m sorry, but I can’t do this with you.”
“Okay.” Summer slid her legs out from under Charlie. “I’m sorry. I thought you and I were having a fun night and-”
“We were. You do not have to apologize to me. I should apologize to you,” Charlie insisted as she buttoned her shirt and stood. “I’m not in a place where I can be with anyone, and I’ve never really been good at casual sex. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have let it get this far.”
“Why did you then?” Summer climbed off the bed.
“I don’t know. I’m sorry,” Charlie replied.
“It’s okay,” Summer said after a moment. “I came on a little strong there. I probably should have warned you or something.”
“I had no idea, by the way,” Charlie pointed out. “You kept talking about breaking up with a boyfriend.”
“I know,” Summer stated and rubbed Eddie’s curious head, as he approached both standing women. “I should have told you before that I was bi. I’ve just been crushing on you for the past couple weeks. I was going home to break up with the boyfriend in person, since I’m a good person.” She laughed a little again. “I thought when I got back, if you were here, I’d ask you out. We were having fun tonight. I jumped the gun, but I am sorry.” She headed toward the door. “Luckily, I’m staying in the same hotel, so I don’t have to worry about driving anywhere.” She turned to Charlie. “I’m going to go sleep it off. Are we okay though? I swear, I’ve never done anything like this.”
“Yes, we’re okay,” Charlie offered her a reassuring smile.
“When I see you tomorrow, let’s pretend that this night ended with me heading to my room after meeting Eddie, and that I didn’t stick my tongue down your throat and try to get you naked,” she suggested.
Charlie nodded and laughed.
CHAPTER 20
“How have you been?” Emma asked Hailey, as they sat next to one another on the couch in Emma’s apartment.
“Confused,” Hailey admitted.
They hadn’t spoken in a while. She’d called Emma to try to explain what had happened before. Emma agreed to meet, and now Hailey wasn’t sure why she thought this was a good idea, because she was still searching. She felt as if she’d figured nothing out. When she was away from Emma, it was easy to remember that they weren’t the same people that had fallen in love all those years ago. When she was near her though, those thoughts and feelings came rushing back.
“About me?”
“About me,” Hailey replied.
“Hails, what’s going on?”
“When we met, Emma, I thought I’d found my soulmate at seventeen,” she shared with a shy smile. “You made me feel safe and loved. We kept coming back to each other, and I thought this time that it was supposed to happen.”
“Hailey, if you’re trying to dump me again, you already did that. This is just cruel.” Emma turned to face her but offered a smile with her words to show Hailey she wasn’t being serious.
“Em, that’s not what I’m doing.” Hailey turned to her too. “I screwed things up. I kept thinking that if you and I spent more time together, it would feel like how it felt for me back then.”
“I know.”
“Do you really still feel that way about me?”
“The way I did when we were kids?” Emma stared down at the floor for a moment. “No, I guess not.”
“I don’t think we’re meant to be, Em.”
“Well, you’re with Charlie now, so I’d hope not, or that would be really mean of you, Hails.”
“I’m not with Charlie,” Hailey said.
“What? What happened?”
“I messed it up, but I don’t want to talk about Charlie with you, Emma. That’s not fair.”
“Hailey, I’m dating someone,” Emma blurted out. “It started after you told me about Charlie, but we’ve been dating since, and it’s going well.”
“Oh, wow.”
“Probably shouldn’t have just announced that. I just didn’t want you to think I’d been sitting around here crying or something,” she added. “I think I got caught up in it all, in what we used to have, and I thought we’d get back there, like you did. But then I met Eli and-”
“Eli? Your friend Elizabeth from the party?”
“Yeah, she’s really great, and I like her, Hails.”
Hailey recognized her wide smile. Emma used to smile at her like that. Then, it clicked.
“Oh, my God, you really like her!” Hailey laughed.
“Don’t make fun of me,” Emma said. “I like her. She’s funny and sweet.”
Hailey continued her laughter.
“I’m sorry. I think it’s great,” Hailey stated as her laughter died down. “Emma, it is. So, you’ve been dating for, like, three weeks?”
“Yeah.”
“And you guys have…”
It amazed Hailey how much she wanted to know and how much she wasn’t at all hurt by the idea of Emma sleeping with someone else. Then, it really clicked.
“You really want to know this?”
“Only if you want to tell me.”
“Yeah, we have,” Emma revealed with a coy smile. “It was good too. Well, it’s been good. We’ve done it multiple times now, obviously.” She sighed. “She’s ready for what I’m ready for, Hails.”
“That’s important.”
“She’s a few years older than me. She doesn’t want kids and is fine if she never gets married but wouldn’t mind it if the woman she settles down with wants the ceremony and the whole thing. She’s successful in her career but doesn’t work too much to where she can’t make time for me.”
“Like me?” Hailey accused herself.
“Well, yeah, but I understood, Hailey. Your boss quit and left it up to you. I still don’t know why you didn’t apply for her job.”
“I told you; I don’t want it. I like what I do.”
“Sorry, I’m just used to the people I work with. It’s all cutthroat. Everyone is just trying to get the next promotion.”
“I’m not saying I don’t ever want a promotion, but I don’t want one now. I’m really good at work, Em. It’s my personal life that needs the fixing right now.”
“What happened with Charlie, Hails?”
“I got scared. I got really scared, Em. I told her I couldn’t do it, and then she went out of town for work. I haven’t spoken to her since. She’s been gone for close to a month on another project.”
“I knew she was out of town. One of her people told me.”
“This is the longest I’ve gone without talking to her since we met. I’d forgotten what it was like, not having her in my life. She’s been in it for so long. I haven’t seen her in close to a month, Emma.”
“Have you tried to call her?”
“I did, after the first week, but she didn’t call me back. I felt like I should give her the time she wants. I needed time to figure things out too.”
“What have you figured out?”
“That I am terrified of not living up to what she thinks.”
“Hailey...”
“She’s had these feelings for me for a long time. And I have this history of sucking at relationships.”
“You didn’t suck at our relationship.”
“I hadn’t yet developed that skill yet. With you, it was different. You were the first and the only there for a while. Then, I crushed on Ember for a minute, realized that was crazy, and I started falling for the wrong women. Just every time, they were wrong, and even if they were right, I’d run away after a while.”
“Did you ever stop to think that you did all that because none of them were right for you?” Emma asked her. “Hails, I’m not going to lie and tell you that I’m
over this, because I’m not yet. Eli’s nice. We’re getting to know one another, but I’m still working through this. I’m not telling you that to make you feel bad, but I want you to know, I don’t have any reason to want you to be with Charlie other than the fact that I want you to be happy.”
“She’s got this head start on me, Emma. I’m not used to that.”
“So?” Emma challenged. “So, what if she does? Why does that change anything? I had a head start on you.”
“What? No, you didn’t.”
“Hailey, in high school, I was totally into you before we talked that day in the bathroom. You knew that.”
Hailey moved her head back and lifted her eyebrows in surprise.
“You said you’d seen me around,” Hailey said.
“I was playing it cool. I told you later, though.”
Hailey laughed, “No, you didn’t. I would have remembered that.”
“Oh, shit! Maybe I just thought I told you. Yeah, Hails, I’d seen you around, but we had the same lunch period for two years. I’d noticed you since you were a freshman. I was a much more sophisticated sophomore, of course.” She winked.
“Oh, of course,” Hailey mocked.
“I’d see you around in the halls, but I kind of lunch-stalked you there for good two years.” She laughed at herself. “I remember, the first day of my senior year, I was so excited for lunch. I looked for you the entire time, but you weren’t there.”
“Why me?”
“Hailey, you were beautiful. You seemed quiet and smart, I guess, because you were usually studying at lunch while you ate and, sometimes, instead of.”
“Why didn’t you talk to me before that day?”
“Because I wasn’t ready to admit to myself that I wanted you as more than just a friend. I still wasn’t ready that day, but it seemed like time was running out. I was in my last year, and then I’d graduate. I felt a little bit better about the whole likelihood of me being gay thing, and then you gave that speech, and it was so cute. You were so cute up there, and I saw you go into the bathroom. I stood outside for a few minutes and then pretended I had to pee, because when I saw you, I lost my nerve. I had no idea if you were gay, straight, or bi. I just thought I’d talk to you, and if nothing happened, then at least I’d know.”
“You never told me any of this,” Hailey offered.
“I guess I never thought it mattered, given that we got together after that. Plus, I still wanted you to think I was cool.”
“Oh, you were. You were so cool. You wore that super cool purple dance uniform.”
“Hey, I couldn’t control the school colors.”
Hailey leaned back against the sofa.
“So, what you’re saying is that you were clearly obsessed with me,” she teased and turned her face toward Emma.
“What I’m saying, Hails, is that the head start doesn’t mean anything,” she replied seriously.
“What if I can’t live up to what she thinks?”
“You didn’t live up to what I thought.”
“Hey!”
“What? You didn’t. Hailey, you were better, because you were real.” Emma leaned back to match Hailey’s posture. “Have you thought about what it would be like to be with Charlie?”
“Yeah,” Hailey answered softly at the recollection of touching herself to that very idea.
“And I’m assuming you guys have…”
“Oh, not yet,” Hailey told her. “We’ve kissed and almost… we were interrupted.”
“So, which was better, imagining you were kissing her or actually kissing her?”
“God, actually kissing her,” she answered immediately.
Emma laughed at her, “Why do you think it’s not the same for her?”
“I guess, I don’t know.”
“Look, you and I didn’t work out. I don’t know if you and Charlie will, but I hope that you do, because I think she’s the reason you’ve been holding back with everyone else, and I’m including myself in that.”
“Can we be friends? And not like the friends that see each other once a year, Em. Can we be real friends?”
“Yeah, we can be friends, Hails.” She shot up. “Actually, you can do me a favor.”
“We’ve been friends for ten seconds, and you already need a favor?” Hailey jested.
“There’s this party I need a date for, and Eli’s out of town. Can I borrow you instead?”
“I’m your replacement date?” Hailey poked her shoulder.
“It’s this Friday night. Eli’s visiting her sister’s family. She just had twins.”
“I’m free on Friday.”
“I was dreading going alone. It’s a work thing. At least if I have you there, I’ll be able to keep from being bored to tears.”
“Well, I’ll take that as a compliment.”
◆◆◆
Charlie arrived at the hotel just as Summer did, and she pulled her into a hug.
“Hey, thanks for coming,” she said.
“No problem. I’m glad I was in town.” Summer pulled back.
Since the incident in the hotel, Charlie and Summer had continued getting to know one another. When Charlie returned to Chicago and got settled back in, Summer had a trip scheduled there with some potential investors, so they agreed to meet up. They’d shared a drink and laughed about the time they almost hooked-up. Charlie asked her to join her at a party she was attending as a guest. Lena wasn’t available because she was doing a round of speed dating at a local lesbian hot spot. Summer being in town meant that Charlie didn’t have to go alone. She’d thought about asking Ember, but she hadn’t talked to her since she’d left the city, beyond a few text messages. She wasn’t ready to let it be known that she was back until she had some time to readjust.
“Well, this is for work. I can’t guarantee we’ll have a good time, but if it sucks, we can leave after like an hour,” Charlie told her. “Well, you can leave whenever you want, actually. I have to stay at least an hour.”
“I wouldn’t leave you at a boring party, even if I’m not getting laid after.” She winked at her.
They’d established that they would be friends. Charlie had spent a lot of time talking to Summer about Hailey, and it was nice to have someone that didn’t know them well weigh in on the situation. The big theme in all of Summer’s advice had been to give Hailey time. Charlie was exhausted from giving Hailey time. It wasn’t fair for her to add the ten-plus years she’d been in love with her to that ticking clock, but she did anyway, because she’d wanted her for so long that she couldn’t not. So, Charlie was exhausted and considered going back to the whole part about getting Hailey out of her heart and mind and moving on with someone else, but she knew this time that it would take a lot longer than she anticipated, because now, she’d had a chance with Hailey. She’d been on a date. She’d kissed her. Hailey’s hands had been on her body. They’d laughed and talked like they’d never talked before. It would definitely be a lot harder this time.
They made their way into the hotel and toward the event room where their hosts had already started the evening. Charlie had opted to arrive an hour late so that the party would be in full swing; she could make the rounds and then head out. It wasn’t a party she’d been that excited to attend. She’d received the invite the week prior, while she was wrapping things up in Detroit, and considered not coming back for it. Unfortunately, her company was hosting, so she had no choice.
Charlie made her way around the room, after getting drinks for both, herself and Summer. She mingled and introduced Summer as her friend to her boss and then to a few members of her team. A couple of them, at least, gave her the impression that they doubted the two of them were just friends.
“Hey, Charlie!” Emma’s voice came from behind her.
“Shit, she’s here,” Charlie muttered to herself.
“Who?” Summer turned around with Charlie.
“Hey, Emma,” Charlie returned. “Nice to see you again.”
“You too
. Your team told me you’ve been out of town.”
“Detroit, yeah,” Charlie offered and turned to her guest. “Oh, this is Summer.”
“Summer?”
Charlie didn’t have to look to her right to know whose voice that was, but she did. And when she did, she saw Hailey standing there, dressed impeccably in a light blue cocktail dress with white strappy sandal shoes. Her hair was pulled back away from her face, but it was down. Her eyes were bright green, as always, and she’d brought them out even more with the dark green tint of her eyeshadow.
“Hails.”
“I didn’t know you were back.”
“I didn’t know you’d be here.” She glanced back at Emma. “I knew you’d be here,” she said to Emma. “I’m glad the project worked out.”
The Health Department project had wrapped early. Charlie’s firm was hosting the party as a thank you to their local clients for their business, and also, of course, to drum up new business. It had been put together somewhat at the last minute, when they lost a huge client to a competing firm. This was less about saying thank you, and more about saying ‘please, give us more business to make up for that loss in the upcoming quarter’.
“It turned out really well. Your team did an amazing job.”
“Thanks. I’ll make sure to let them know,” Charlie replied.
◆◆◆
“So, Summer?” Hailey questioned as she stood next to Emma, and now in front of Charlie and a woman she didn’t recognize but who was, apparently, named after a season.
Just Tell Her Page 23