Moore than a Feeling (Moore Than a Feeling #1; Needing Moore #4)

by Julie A. Richman

  “Oh, so is that your diagnosis, Dr. Malibu Barbie?” Like nails on a chalkboard, Janine’s voice got louder with each step she took down the alley.

  As with their previous altercation, Holly ignored her, staying focused on Aiden. “If you can’t do it for me or for us, please love yourself enough to do it for you. You are more than worth it. Promise me you’ll never, ever forget that.” Reaching for his hand, she gave it a squeeze knowing this moment was their goodbye.

  Loosening her grip, she turned to leave, but Aiden did not release her hand. Surprised, she looked back over her shoulder at him, knowing with her anger now dissipated, the only emotion left for him to see was the pain she could no longer hide. Their eyes met, each mirroring profound sadness, Holly realizing he would probably never find his way back to her, and Aiden acknowledging how truly lost he was. With a final squeeze of her hand, Aiden’s hold lessened and Holly’s hand slowly slipped from his until only their fingertips touched. Curling the last knuckle of her fingers in his, he squeezed again, not releasing her. Not ready to. Just one more second. And then it was just one finger left connecting them.

  Please let me go, Holly silently begged.

  And he did.

  Still a few feet away, Janine stepped to the left, placing herself directly in Holly’s path. With her arms crossed over her chest, there wasn’t enough room on either side to pass without banging into her and she was daring Holly to walk past her.

  With the practiced finesse only a true California girl could master, Holly tossed her head, initiating a perfect hair flip, as her sheath of long hair slapped Janine across the face like a flogger. It was a skill developed to torture Zac when they were little, and was coming into very good use now.

  “Bitch.” Janine grabbed Holly’s arm as she attempted to pass.

  Jerking her arm to disengage from the other woman’s claw-like grasp, Holly opened her mouth to tell Janine not to touch her, but the words never got out.

  From behind her, Holly heard Aiden’s voice loud, clear, and very angry. “Janine, take your hands off her now.” The emphasis was on now and his girlfriend was shocked. Following his orders, she dropped Holly’s arm, allowing her to pass.

  The forty feet to the end of the alley was a never-ending walk. Holly straightened her spine and walked slow and deliberately like the pageant girl her mother had always wished she’d become. As soon as she reached Ocean Breeze Walk and was clear of the alleyway’s view, she picked up her pace, heading back toward the house.

  Hoping the family was all still outside on the deck enjoying the holiday evening, Holly decided she would pack her bag and leave a note on the kitchen island, telling everyone she had left. Special holiday schedule ferries and trains would be running late to shuttle the July 4th crowd, and even though she’d get back to Manhattan in the wee hours of the morning, she’d at least be far away from Aiden and his girlfriend, and wouldn’t have to worry about running into them and having yet another altercation with the unpleasant Janine.

  Playing over in her head what had just happened in the alleyway, Holly felt confused by the mixed signals. Not letting her hand go when Janine was already there. The way he spoke to Janine telling her to leave Holly alone. And calling her Angel. Why would he do that? Angel was his term of affection for her. Yet he was very clear about not wanting her in his life.

  As she approached the house, she prayed that they would all be outside, that she wouldn’t have to talk to anyone and recount the details of her encounter with Aiden and Janine. She’d just grab her backpack and a few items and be gone before anyone was the wiser.

  Opening the front door, she stepped from the darkness of night into the bright lights of the people-filled great room.

  “Holly, you’re just in time for dessert,” Henry called out from the kitchen island where he was helping Mia scoop ice cream.

  Standing in the threshold, Holly didn’t move as she glanced around the noisy room while her eyes adjusted to the light.

  On his feet the moment he saw his daughter’s face, Schooner took three, long-legged strides toward her, and opened his arms.

  “Daddy.” She rushed to him.

  Holding her tight, he assured her, “It’s okay, sweetheart. I’ve got you now.”

  Late July thru Labor Day Weekend

  HOW DID YOUR exam go?

  Holly had just walked out of her last final of the summer semester when the text arrived from her dad.

  Waiting in the hall for Jenna to finish, she texted back, Done. I think I did well.

  No surprise there. When are you coming out?

  Not sure. Holly could feel the pressure. Just the thought of being out at the beach sent her angst through the roof.

  Kids miss you and so do I. You have over 5 weeks off.

  Yeah, but… Her shoulders tensed just thinking about the scene in the alleyway.

  They haven’t been here since July 4th. And that’s no reason for you not to spend time with your family.

  You’re right. He was generally right. She knew that.

  So when will you be out? The man was relentless.

  Tomorrow afternoon.

  Why not tonight?

  Because tonight I am drinking margaritas!

  Totally valid reason. Let us know what ferry you’ll be on.

  Will do. Love you.

  Love you Moore. ☺

  Dad I’m rolling my eyes at you. Holly smiled as she typed.

  “Who’s making you smile like that?”

  She hadn’t seen Jenna approach. Holly laughed. “My dad. He is such a goofball.”

  “My brother totally has a guy crush on your dad.”

  Holly laughed. “That’s because my dad makes Pierce drink single malt scotch with him.”

  “Yeah, that would absolutely constitute love for my brother. No wonder why he wants to be adopted by your family.”

  Strolling down Broadway, with the heat from the pavement rising up to greet them with every step, the subject remained on Pierce.

  “So, he texted me that his bandmates are better and they’ve got weekend gigs out in the Hamptons,” mentioned Holly.

  “Yeah, they’ve got a few bookings between now and Labor Day weekend at the Echo Beach Inn. They’ve played there in the past and something happened with the house band, and the owner called and asked if they could fill in. He’s even letting them stay at one of his properties.”

  “My parents are going to miss him. Not sure how I’m going to break this to my dad,” she kidded.

  Finding two open barstools at the Taqueria, the lab partners ordered their end-of-semester celebratory drinks.

  “Here’s to acing the semester,” Jenna toasted, clinking glasses with Holly and taking her first icy sip. “When you and my brother left my party, I really thought something was going to happen with the two of you.”

  Holly could feel the rush from the tequila coursing through her veins. “Your brother is really cute, but I wasn’t over my ex, and honestly, I can’t imagine Pierce even wanting to be in a committed relationship.”

  “Is that what you want? A committed relationship?”

  Taking a moment to answer and another sip of her drink, Holly licked the salt from her lips. “Maybe your brother has it right. Maybe I should be looking for something casual.”

  “Would that make you happy?”

  Holly loved that her friend was such a straight shooter. Shaking her head, “No. Not at all. I’m definitely the monogamous type.”

  “And the ex?”

  Holly sighed. “He’s moved on.” Taking a healthy gulp of her drink, her face screwed up, appearing at first to be from the icy cold liquid, but when she spoke, it was evident that the grimace was actually caused by her thoughts as she added the detail, “With his ex.” Taking another sip, this time Holly smiled. “And she hates me.”

  “I’d hate you, too, if you were my boyfriend’s ex. I mean, look at you.” Jenna took a sip of her drink and then laughed. “I can tell you this, all the women at my ba
rbeque hated you when you left with my brother.”

  “That’s so funny, especially because we are just friends.”

  “Yeah, well you were the new girl who stole him.”

  “He’s not stealable. Is that a real word, stealable? Or did I just make that up?” Holly laughed, feeling the effects of drinking on an empty stomach.

  “I’m a microbiology major, I have no clue. I dreaded undergrad English courses.”

  “Anyway, your brother is not stealable. But I do think he’s probably a thief of hearts.”

  “I’d love to see him with someone he’s crazy about. Maybe he’ll meet someone out in the Hamptons.”

  Mia waved to get Holly’s attention as she got off the ferry. It had been several weeks since Holly had been out to the island and Mia was anxious to tell her news that she had just learned on her walk into town.

  “It’s so good to see you.” She hugged her stepdaughter, before helping her hoist her oversized duffel bag into the family’s little red wagon.

  Taking a deep breath of sea air, Holly closed her eyes for just a moment. “I didn’t realize how much I missed it here. And coming off finals, I already feel more relaxed.”

  “Well, don’t relax too much yet,” Mia lowered her voice so people surrounding them wouldn’t hear. This was a small community and news traveled fast.

  “What?” Holly asked, halting.

  “I just saw Billy on the way here. Aiden’s back. And he’s alone.”

  Holly let out an involuntary gasp, “Mia, what do you mean back and alone?”

  “From what I understand, he’s going to be splitting his time bartending at Maguire’s and Matthew’s. He’s rented a studio apartment at one of Andy Metzger’s rental houses, and, last but not least, the piece of information you’ve been waiting for…”

  “Mia, I’m going to kill you. Spit it out!”

  Mia laughed. “No Janine. Janine is history. He told Billy he ended it several weeks ago, so that’s got to be shortly after July 4th.” Mia smiled brightly at Holly. “Welcome back, baby.”

  “Oh my God.” Holly’s eyes were wide. “Do you know when he got back?”

  “Sometime earlier in the week, I’m guessing.” Mia shrugged. “Not sure. We definitely didn’t see him last weekend.”

  “Oh my God. Wow. Living and working here. He’s really back.” Holly repeated. “Mia, what should I do?”

  “Well, let’s get you home and unpacked.” They had only taken two steps when Mia turned to Holly with her signature devilish grin, “Oh, and I just happened to mention to Billy that you’d just finished finals and were on your way out and that I was meeting you at the ferry. I’d give it another hour, tops, before that news makes its way to a certain someone. So, I don’t think you have to do anything except sit back and let it play out. If he didn’t want to see you, he wouldn’t be out here, Holly. He’d be making himself scarce like he did for months when no one even knew he was back. You want to know my guess?”

  Holly nodded.

  “He couldn’t stay away. As much as he may have wanted to, he couldn’t.”

  “From the island or from me?”

  “I don’t know that you can separate the two of you. Fire Island is where his heart is, this is home for him. And you are the one who holds his heart.”

  “I don’t know about that. He was quite the player before we were together. There were always girls hanging around until closing, waiting for him to lock up. And it was always a different girl. The man could flirt.”

  “Yeah, but that stopped the minute you told him you were interested in him. He was totally monogamous.”

  “He was a good boyfriend. Until he wasn’t.”

  “Well, he’s back, so we’re going to be running into him. This is a small island and even a smaller town.”

  They turned up the path to the house.

  “Oh God, I bet he’s dreading running into Dad.”

  Mia nodded. “And with good reason.”

  Aiden had always looked up to Schooner, admiring that he was a self-made man who focused on making his dreams come true and taking care of his family, while Schooner appreciated Aiden’s strong work ethic and convictions. The two men enjoyed an easy camaraderie and shared a love for Holly. But decimating his daughter’s heart was not something Schooner took lightly, and both Holly and Mia worried his reaction to seeing his daughter’s ex-boyfriend might be less than cordial.

  He was pacing the great room with his characteristic, long-legged strides as he talked to a business colleague when Mia and Holly entered. Looking up, he flashed a breathtaking smile and mouthed the words, “Welcome home” to his daughter before returning his focus to the call. The house was quiet, with Natie and Po in summer camp, as Holly made her way upstairs to her bedroom.

  Standing before the window, watching the ocean’s foam form lacy patterns on the shoreline, she tried to think through what Mia had told her just minutes before. He was here. Right here. On this tiny little sandbar of an island with her, and it was inevitable that they would be running into one another. A lot.

  Do I wait for him to contact me? Approach me? Or should I just go for it, balls to the wall, and go find him and make him talk to me?

  Janine was history. Holly couldn’t help but smile. The woman was a piece of work. But it wasn’t just that or the fact that she was sleeping with the man Holly loved. It was her lack of sensitivity to his needs, to what clearly was PTSD. She had not made Aiden’s needs a priority and that is what angered Holly more than anything.

  As she watched the water intricately weave its way onto the beach, Holly wondered, will Aiden let me in like the water rushing over the sand? And it was in that moment she realized that although she wanted to flood his world like a tidal wave, take over and fix everything, which she acknowledged was a very Moore trait, she knew there was a fragility to this situation that was going to require restraint and patience, and with only a little over five weeks before she had to leave again, this was going to be a balancing act.

  Sitting on the edge of her bed, she continued to stare at the sea, silently hoping that riding in on the crest of a wave would be the answers to questions that her experience and knowledge were ill-equipped to handle. PTSD was very serious and very real, and she knew that she needed to be sensitive to that above all else. Her emotions needed to take a backseat here, and she was fearful that her love might also demand to be shelved, too, although she was sure, with every fiber in her being, that it was her love that had the best chance of saving him.

  Let me in, Aiden. Please let me in.

  She was still sitting on the edge of her bed thirty minutes later when there was a knock on her bedroom door.

  “Come in,” she called. Looking over her shoulder, she smiled as her father entered. “Hi, Dad.”

  “Hey, sweetheart. I thought you’d be down on the beach already trying to get rid of that bio-lab pallor.” He sat down next to her and slung an arm across her shoulders.

  Holly looked at her forearms, “I really am pale, aren’t I?”

  “Mia told me Aiden’s back.” He cut to the chase.

  “Yup.”

  “How do you feel about that?” He, too, stared out the window at the mesmerizing ocean view.

  “Well, I’ve been sitting here thinking about it.”

  “I thought that might be the case.”

  “And although I want to go all bull in a china shop all over him, like I did the first time I saw him, I realize I have to tread very lightly. The man I saw on July 4th is clearly suffering from PTSD, and I need to pull myself out of the equation because there will be no chance for a me and Aiden if Aiden doesn’t get healthy again.” Sighing, Holly leaned into her father.

  “You are so smart and so sensitive.” Schooner smiled at his oldest, his pride worn on his sleeve.

  “I also have to face the possibility that he meant what he said when he broke up with me.” Holly’s cornflower blue eyes widened, the sadness evident.

  “Do you think
that’s the case?”

  She shook her head. “Not after what happened in the alley. That didn’t feel over.” She thought for a moment. “At least, not to me.”

  “PTSD is a really serious thing.”

  Holly recognized the tone in her father’s voice. It was the preparing tone.

  “I realize that, Dad. And I really think that is why Aiden pushed me away. He never wanted to talk much about his previous tours. But if he’ll let me in, you know I’m going to be all in.”

  Schooner nodded, his brows furrowed with worry.

  “Mia’s been really open about what she went through in her twenties with PTSD from sexual assault. If Zac and I hadn’t been in the picture, and you reconnected with Mia at that time, would you have left because she was going through a really rough time?”

  “Not a chance. I would have stayed by her side trying to help her through it.”

  His daughter was more like him than anyone in the world, and he ached watching her in pain, frustrated by the fact that he needed to stay out of it. This was something only she and Aiden could fix.

  “I hope he lets me.”

  “Let me know if I can do anything to help.” He kissed the top of Holly’s head and stood to leave.

  As he reached the door, Holly smiled at him. “Just promise me you won’t kill him.”

  “That’s an easy promise. I’ll just torture him a little, instead. It’s much more fun anyway. Maybe I’ll tell him I bought Maguire’s.” Schooner laughed, and before closing the door, “By the way, we have reservations there tonight at seven. We made them yesterday, before we knew he was back.”