Moore than a Feeling (Moore Than a Feeling #1; Needing Moore #4)

by Julie A. Richman

  “So, Jenna, tell me, is this your first time in Ocean Beach?” Billy was very interested in Holly’s new, cute friend.

  “Actually, it’s my first time on Fire Island.”

  “I didn’t realize you hadn’t been out here before, either,” remarked Holly, as she took a sip of her Rocket Fuel. She could feel Aiden’s body right behind hers, drawing her like a magnet.

  “Either?” Billy asked.

  “Yeah, my brother had never been here until he and Holly got drunk and decided to play escape from New York in the middle of my Memorial Day barbeque. And now he loves it here and can’t wait to come back.”

  “I think my father wants to adopt him.” Holly immediately felt Aiden tense behind her the minute the statement was out of her mouth, and instantly regretted verbalizing it. Mia had shared with her that her dad had been pretty rough on Aiden, and when he called her that night after Aiden left, he didn’t tell her to walk away from him, but he did urge her to be cautious and careful.

  “Your brother’s the guy with the bun?” Aiden asked, inching his body even closer to Holly’s.

  “Yeah. That’s my brother.” Jenna looked directly at Aiden who didn’t acknowledge her answer.

  “Hey, Billy, can I get some water? I’m feeling a little dehydrated from being on the beach all day.” Holly fanned herself.

  “Sure.” He reached under the bar and grabbed a bottle, loosening the cap before handing it to her.

  “Want this?” She held up her Rocket Fuel for Aiden.

  “You don’t want it? You feeling okay?”

  “Yeah, we were just on the beach all day and I can tell that I’m a little dehydrated.” She handed him the drink. “Excuse me, I need to go to the ladies’ room.”

  With Billy serving customers, Aiden and Jenna were left alone, their silence uncomfortable in the noisy bar. He scanned the crowd, checking out all the patrons, as if he were on some kind of watch, looking out for the next potential troublemaker, before returning his attention to the woman standing in front of him.

  “So, Holly was with you over the weekend?” he finally asked.

  “Yes. We went out to the Hamptons to see my brother play, and we stayed with him and his band.”

  Aiden just looked at her in steely silence. He knew she was fucking with him, throwing in the detail that they had stayed with Bun Man and his band.

  “I don’t like you,” she finally said. With her first Rocket Fuel under her belt, Jenna’s already questionable filter had all but disappeared.

  “Well, that’s your problem.” His tone made it clear the feeling was mutual. Another moment of silence passed before Aiden asked what was really on his mind. “So, what’s your brother’s story? Does he like Holly or what?”

  Jenna took a sip of her Rocket Fuel. “Of course, he likes Holly. She’s beautiful, smart, and fun, and they totally get along.” Smiling, she added, “And they look great together, too.”

  Aiden silently regarded her, and Jenna went on, “My brother is very protective of Holly and he was not happy to see what she looked like last weekend. What you did to her. If he could have canceled his gig for this weekend, he would have, just to be here with her.” She didn’t mention how Holly’s emotional state had been, because it was none of his business.

  “She doesn’t need his protection.” Aiden was liking this woman less and less. He knew she just wanted to protect her friend. But she didn’t know him. And she had no clue how he felt about Holly.

  “Well, that’s not our opinion. I’m here this weekend. He’ll be here next.”

  “Whatever.” Aiden turned and walked away from her.

  Heading toward the back of the bar, he turned down the hallway toward the restrooms.

  Holly was emerging from the bathroom just as he got there.

  “Are you okay?” He thought she looked tired.

  “Yeah, I’m fine. Like I said, I think just a little dehydrated.”

  “Come with me.” He put his hand on her shoulder and led her through the doorway toward Castaway’s private offices and storage area. As a longtime employee of all the establishments in town and a friend of the owners, he knew nobody would have any issues with him slipping back there.

  Stopping outside of one of the office doors, he turned to Holly, and she leaned up against the wall.

  “I just wanted to talk to you alone for a second. You don’t need to be afraid of me and you don’t need to bring friends out here to protect you from me.” His tone revealed he was upset that Holly felt she needed bodyguards when around him. And he was even more upset at who she had chosen to help keep her safe.

  “What?” Holly cocked her head to the side, her long hair cascading down her arm.

  “Your friend and her bother coming out to guard you.”

  “That’s not why I invited them out, Aiden.”

  “Well, that’s their plan.”

  Holly shook her head and sighed. “That was not my intention.”

  Running a hand down her arm, he asked, “Are you okay? Really? I’ve been thinking about you all week and what happened.”

  Looking into his eyes, she admitted, “Yeah, I’ve been thinking about you, too.”

  “I’m really sorry.”

  “I know. I know you didn’t mean to hurt me.”

  “Yeah, well, I’m sorry about that, too.”

  Holly looked at him questioningly, waiting for him to continue.

  “But what I’m most sorry about is what I said to you in the morning. I don’t know if I said that stuff to protect you or to protect myself. It doesn’t really matter, either way, it’s not true.”

  Feeling her heart starting to race as he leaned over her with an arm on the wall, she looked down and nodded.

  “Angel, it never has, and it never will be just a fuck with you. And no matter what moronic stuff comes out of my mouth, I hope you know that.” Leaning down, he whispered in her ear, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry about so many things.”

  “Including meeting me?”

  His hand immediately went to her chin, tipping her head up so he could see her eyes. “That just might be the stupidest thing that has ever come out of my mouth. And we both know I’ve said some stupid shit in my time.” As his eyes flashed regret, his hand swept slowly from her chin to her jaw, and then down the curve of her neck. Sliding his thumb softly back and forth across the front of her throat. “Are they healing?”

  She nodded. He didn’t move, and she was vaguely conscious that his hand on her throat was pleasurable, not scary.

  “I’m glad.” His voice was soft.

  “Oh, hey, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to barge in on you.” The busboy looked as surprised to see them there as they were to see him.

  Clearing his throat, Aiden straightened up and stepped away from Holly, dropping his arm from the wall. It felt to him like someone had flipped on the lights and it was way too bright, making it hard for his vision to adjust.

  “I should get back to Jenna,” Holly mumbled, immediately saddened that their moment had evaporated with the intrusion.

  He just nodded, and held open the door for her, scanning the area as they walked through the door.

  “Sorry I was gone so long,” Holly apologized to her friend.

  “No worries. Billy’s kept me company. I figured you got detained by a certain someone.”

  Looking over Jenna’s shoulder toward the front door, Holly rolled her eyes.

  “What?” Jenna asked with a laugh.

  “A couple of the new waitresses from Maguire’s just walked in, and one of them is always hanging all over Aiden. Ugh. If you don’t mind, I don’t want to stick around to watch.”

  Jenna nodded. “I think we’ve had enough excitement in this place for one night.”

  “Flipping understatement,” Holly agreed. “Do you want to check out one of the other bars? There’s a bunch of places we can go.”

  “Don’t think I’m weird, but you know what I really want to do? I want to go to that ice cream
place we passed, get a giant waffle cone, with sprinkles,” she added. “And then the part you’re going to think is really, really crazy, I’d rather go back to your house and hang out with Mia. She is hysterical.”

  Holly laughed. “She is very amusing. Especially when she’s with her best friend, Seth. This weekend you’ll meet him and his partner, who is my Uncle Henry.”

  “Let’s go get ice cream,” Jenna urged. As they were about to work their way through the crowd, she asked, “Who’s the one who hangs all over Aiden?”

  Holly motioned her head to the right. “The short one with the purple and blonde hair.”

  As they passed by, Jenna handed her empty plastic cup to the purple-haired girl, who took it from her, and was left with a perplexed look on her face, as if she were asking, Why did this chick just give me her cup? And why did I take it?

  “You look like you need something to hang onto,” Jenna told her over the noise, and kept walking.

  As they stood in line waiting for ice cream, Holly felt her phone vibrate in her back pocket.

  He left as soon as he realized you were gone. I think crowds really put him on edge. Once he knew you were gone, he bailed

  Is that purple-haired girl still there?

  Yeah, I think she’s looking around for Aiden

  Ugh!

  A wave of nausea hit Holly as she silently hoped the girl didn’t follow him home — and that she didn’t know where the extra key was hidden.

  As he passed Bayberry Walk on Thursday afternoon, Schooner was surprised to find Aiden standing in the middle of the street, arms crossed over his chest, staring at an empty structure. The building was like many others on Fire Island, at nearly a century old, the cedar shake shingles had taken on a rustic appearance, having been weathered by the harsh winter elements, sun, and salt. What differentiated this place from the other buildings on the street, was a porch running its entire length, and the fact that it was vacant.

  Approaching slowly and stopping a few feet away, so as not to catch him off guard, Schooner too stood in the middle of the road, crossed his arms, and regarded the building.

  “What do you see?” he eventually asked Aiden.

  “Tapas.”

  “Yeah.” Schooner nodded. “That would absolutely work. Nothing else like it around. Perfect for a beach community. I like it.”

  Smiling, Aiden nodded.

  “Mia would love a tapas place. You just need to feed her olives and she’s happy.” Schooner laughed at the thought.

  “And a nice Albarino to go with them. Spain’s always had such great wines.”

  Could work, thought Schooner. Aiden’s knowledge of wines and his palate had been well developed over years in the restaurant industry, and he certainly had the purchasing expertise and contacts.

  “I’ll let you get back to your envisioning.” Schooner walked away. His weekend duffel slung over his shoulder. He’d been in the city for three days and was anxious to get home and see Mia and the kids, including his oldest daughter, whose neck he was very interested in seeing up close and in person versus on his phone screen.

  No one was inside the house when he arrived. Looking out onto the deck, Mia, Holly, Seth, Henry, and Holly’s friend, Jenna, whom he hadn’t met yet, were all stretched out on lounge chairs soaking up the sun. Nathaniel and Portia were still in day camp.

  “Looks like I’m a little overdressed for this party,” he said, stepping out onto the deck in a pair of well-worn cargo shorts and a pink, cotton button-down Ralph Lauren rolled at the sleeves, exposing tan, muscular arms.

  “I vote you get naked,” Seth commented, looking up from his Kindle.

  Schooner laughed and bent down to kiss Mia. “Missed you, Baby Girl.”

  “It’s smoochal, Pretty Boy.”

  “Hello, sweetheart.” He walked over to Holly’s chair and tipped her head back to inspect her neck. A look passed between the two, but he made no comment, and kissed her forehead. He would talk to his daughter alone later.

  “You must be Jenna.” Schooner extended a hand to Holly’s friend.

  “So nice to meet you. My brother has told me so much about you.” She couldn’t take her eyes off Holly’s handsome father.

  “It’s been fun having him here.” He smiled at her.

  Still in work mode, he looked across the deck at Henry. “You wanted to talk about Carlsbad?” The facility was in the middle of a remodel and as most construction projects go, they’d hit more than a few unexpected glitches.

  “Yeah, let me just run upstairs and grab my laptop.”

  As soon as they were both inside, Seth looked over at Jenna. “It’s okay, you can say it.”

  Jenna shook her head. “I can’t. That’s Holly’s dad and Mia’s husband.”

  Without looking up from her Kindle, Mia gave her permission. “It’s okay, you can say it.”

  “No wonder why you’re so beautiful, Holly.”

  “Actually, I look like my mom. My brother looks more like my dad.”

  “Is he married?” Jenna perked up.

  “He’s engaged. And I would not mess with his fiancée,” Holly warned with a smile.

  “Understatement,” Seth chimed in. “She’ll cut you.”

  “Oh my God, Princess, I can’t believe you just said that,” Mia admonished her BFF.

  “Oh, get over it, BBC. Lily could kick all our asses. That girl is more than a little scary.” Seth removed his sunglasses with the sole purpose of rolling his eyes at Mia.

  Jenna looked on, amused. “You’re right, they are funny together.”

  The french doors opened, and Henry came back out, “Holly, your dad would like to see you.”

  “I was afraid of that.” She got up from her chair.

  “What is he, like The Godfather, where everyone goes in one by one?” Jenna asked, amused.

  “I know what ring I’d like to kiss.” Seth smiled at Mia.

  “Don’t hold your breath,” she shot back.

  “Years of practice, I’ve learned to breathe through my nose.”

  Mia picked up a tube of La Mer suntan lotion and threw it at his head. Hitting him smack on the ear.

  “Ow, that hurt, you bitch.” He looked at the tube. “Ooo, La Mer, the good stuff. Thank you.” He slipped it into his beach bag and went back to reading.

  “Jenna, please accept my apology on behalf of these two morons.” Henry sat back down and picked up a bottle of water.

  “Is it always like this?” she asked, totally amused by the rapport and camaraderie.

  “Believe it or not, they’re actually on their best behavior right now.” He shook his head.

  “You rang?” Holly asked her father as she entered the house, referencing Lurch from the old Addams Family reruns her dad used to watch with her and Zac when they were kids.

  Schooner smiled at the reference and at the memory of his two older children laughing like crazy, throwing themselves against the back pillows of the couch, whenever Cousin Itt or Uncle Fester came on.

  “You look good. I don’t know what you looked like a week ago, but I feel better now that I’ve seen you and I can see that you’re alright.”

  “I am okay, Dad. It was just one of those perfect storm situations and I really don’t think Aiden is violent. I just know he would never physically abuse me. The only one I worry about him hurting is himself.”

  “Do you think that’s a possibility?” Schooner’s brow furrowed. That was an alarming thought.

  “Honestly, I don’t know. He really hasn’t let me close enough to find out.” Pulling a peach out of a glass bowl on the table, she watched it as she rolled it back and forth between her hands. “All I know is that twenty veterans commit suicide every single day and Aiden is definitely suffering from PTSD.”

  “Hopefully therapy will give him strategies to help manage things.”

  “I hope so, Dad. We saw him last night at Castaway and some guy grabbed me and I thought Aiden was going to smash his head into the bar. There’
s an anger in him now that there wasn’t before. Aiden was the diffuser, the roll-with-the-punches guy, the one who could calmly handle any situation, even with the biggest jerk. I’ve seen him do that a million times. Now you can see the fuse is just poised for him to blow. I’m not going to lie, it’s more than a little scary. He’s much more aggressive. Zero to sixty immediately. Things escalate fast, and that’s not Aiden.”

  “Are you seeing anger management issues?” Schooner probed.

  “I don’t really know. Like I said, he won’t let me close enough.”

  “Well, I think that’s pretty typical with PTSD. Pulling away emotionally from people, that is.”

  “I feel like a puppet on a string. One minute he’s being sweet and protective and the next he’s pushing me away. My head is spinning, and I just don’t really know how to act or what to do.”

  Schooner just listened and nodded. They sat silently for a moment and he finally asked, “What do you want?”

  “I want to be part of his healing.”

  Schooner’s heart ached for his daughter, but he understood it would be impossible to let someone she loved so deeply flounder and not try and help. “Here’s what I think.”

  Holly listened attentively, her father’s advice was usually very sound.

  “I think you need to heal, too.” His statement was very matter-of-fact and he continued, “What has happened to Aiden is beyond comprehensible. Without knowing specific details, I think we can safely assume he has been to Hell and is probably to some degree still trapped there. But what has happened to Aiden has had a profound effect on you, too, sweetheart. Whether he wants you to be part of it or not, you already are, and I think he might know that, at least on some level, but admitting it adds another level of guilt for him.”

  Holly stopped rolling the peach and looked up at Schooner. “Yes. You are right. It has. It has had a huge effect on me. I feel like I’m feeling his pain, Dad. And it hurts so deeply I can’t even describe it.” It was clearly an epiphany for Holly as she took a deep breath, pondering her father’s words.