After Thought

by P. A. Crenshaw

  “And why are you back?” Adam said, playing along with the story.

  “Because while I was gone I missed you terribly and realized how much I love you.”

  It melted his heart to hear her say those words. But he knew that was not really why she came back. She came back to get the book, and he caught her in the act. Otherwise, he probably would’ve never seen her again. He chose not to point that out at the moment. He wished that he could just trust her again. He was really going to have to work at it. He had built up walls around his heart to protect himself from the possibility of her deceiving him again, and he didn’t like it. He didn’t like that they no longer had complete trust between them. But how could it be otherwise? She had lied about her entire life to just about everybody.

  But now he understood why. It wasn’t because she was a bad person or because she was a liar at heart. She was a good person who lied to protect herself and the people she loved. He understood it, but he didn’t think his friends would. They couldn’t understand RTP. They would think Adam and Maddie were both crazy if they told them the truth.

  He said, “Well, I can’t think of a better story. If they ask, we’ll just have to go with that and see if they buy it. Otherwise, it might be better not to explain it at all.”

  Chapter 30

  When Maddie and Adam arrived at the club, he held her hand as they walked in the backstage entrance. He sensed her apprehension when she squeezed his hand just a little too tightly. He could feel his own heart beating rapidly with dread about what was about to happen. Although he had originally wanted her to feel some discomfort when she had to face Zach and the others, he had since changed his mind. He didn’t want her to feel any pain. He knew his friends could be brutal when they were standing together to protect one of their own. He wished that there was a way he and Maddie could be together and he and Zach could remain best friends. He wished the band could go on as usual, and no one would have any hard feelings.

  But what if they never accepted her back into the group? What if he was forced to choose between her and his friends?

  Adam knew what he would choose. There was no doubt in his mind. He had expressed it to Maddie the night before. He would be willing to give up his life as he knew it to be with her. It would be the hardest thing that he had ever done, but he would do it.

  Still, he knew Maddie would not want him to give up his friends, the band, and his dreams. She would probably rather leave him again than to make him choose. He knew deep down that if his friends never accepted her, she would eventually leave. He didn’t want to give her a reason to leave. So he tried to think positive thoughts. He didn’t know a thing about RTP yet, but he visualized the outcome that he was hoping for. He knew it might take some time, but he hoped it would all work out somehow.

  When they arrived at the club, Adam entered the backstage room first with Maddie close behind him. The room was filled with the usual people buzzing around, getting ready for the performance—the band members, some friends, stagehands and the rest of the crew. Everyone was busy setting up, testing their equipment, and going about the normal routine.

  In an attempt to hide his nervousness, Adam casually delivered his usual greeting. “Hey, guys.”

  At first none of them paid much attention to their entrance as they said ‘hey’ back. But after a few moments, Adam saw some head-snaps and double-takes in their direction. No one said a word. He saw Claire and others staring at Maddie. The looks of surprise and shock on their faces said it all. He felt Maddie grip his hand even more tightly. Claire’s gaze went from Maddie to Zach, who still hadn’t seen her. Then she looked at Adam questioningly.

  Zach was busy plugging his guitar into the amplifier and hadn’t looked up yet. He started to say, “I didn’t think you were going to make…”

  But before he could finish his sentence, he looked up and froze when he saw Maddie. His mouth dropped open. At first he had a look of incomprehension, as if he couldn’t believe what he was seeing. Then his eyes narrowed and the look turned to that of realization and anger. He glared at Maddie with a look that could kill and growled through gritted teeth, “What the hell is she doing here?”

  At that point, everyone in the room stopped what they were doing and stared at Maddie and Adam. Adam and Claire exchanged glances. Inside, he cringed like a child being punished. Outside, he met Zach’s gaze and tried to appear calm.

  Adam pulled Maddie a little closer and said, “Maddie’s back.”

  Well, that was brilliant.

  He didn’t know what else to say. Zach’s eyes widened as he looked at Adam. The look said it all. Adam could tell that Zach thought he had gone completely crazy, and that he was an absolute dumbass. Incredulous, Zach said, “You’ve got to be fuckin’ kidding me. Right? Is this a joke? Are you punking us?”

  Adam locked eyes with him and slowly shook his head.

  Zach looked at Maddie with disgust and hatred. She moved slightly behind Adam, as if he were a shield.

  She said quietly, “Maybe I should go.”

  Adam shook his head and said, “No. Don’t go. It’ll be okay.”

  And with that, Zach threw his guitar down and stormed off, which was a very bad sign because he normally treated his guitar like his precious baby.

  Adam looked back at Claire again. She gave him a disapproving look. Maddie stood there, her face blank, silently absorbing all of the scrutiny. She just took it. She knew it was her doing, and she was willing to accept it. But Adam still felt bad for her. He wished this moment did not have to happen, but there was no way around it. All he could hope for was that Zach and the rest of them would eventually get over it.

  Maddie leaned close and whispered in his ear, “I can leave. You go talk to Zach.”

  Adam shook his head and said, “Please don’t leave. I’ll be right back.”

  She nodded and stepped back into a corner of the room and leaned against the wall. As Adam was leaving the room in the direction that Zach had gone, he noticed that Cristy—who had befriended Maddie when she first started attending the rehearsals—motioned for her to come and sit down in the empty chair beside her. Maddie slowly made her way over to Cristy and the other ladies and took a seat.

  Adam was relieved to see that at least some people were welcoming Maddie back without question. The rest of band members had stayed surprisingly silent during the exchange between Zach and Adam. But still the tension in the room remained. Adam knew that Zach was pissed. But who could blame him? It was hard for Adam to put him through this. But he knew that even if he tried to explain, Zach could not accept it. Adam hoped maybe someday he would be able to tell Zach the truth. But for now, he could only hope Zach could forgive Maddie enough to accept that she was going to be a part of Adam’s life, hopefully for a long time to come.

  As he walked out the backstage door that led to the alley, he saw Zach pacing and puffing heavily on a cigarette. Zach only smoked when he was extremely drunk, stressed, or angry. When he saw Adam approaching, he stopped pacing and turned his back. Zach stared straight ahead and said, “What the hell is going on?”

  “I know what you’re thinking, and I don’t blame you for being pissed,” Adam said. “But it’s a long story, and I can’t even explain it to you. You’ve just got to accept that Maddie and I are back together.”

  Zach spun around to face Adam. Anger and disbelief flashed in his eyes. “You want me to just accept it? Just like that, huh? I was the one who watched you suffering and pining away over this girl who heartlessly left you while you were in the hospital after a near-death experience. Did you forget that? Did you forget that she left you in your greatest moment of need? She disappeared just like that and crushed your heart. Did you forget that, Adam? And suddenly she waltzes back into your life and you just take her back with open arms. Have you lost your fucking mind?”

  Adam tried to remain calm and said, “I know it looks
like that, Zach, but it’s not that simple. We’ve had a really long talk and Maddie apologized for leaving. She feels awful for what she did, and I don’t think she will do it again.”

  Zach shook his head and said, “I bet you didn’t think she’d leave you the first time either, did you? She said she loved you and then walked right out the door. How could you ever trust her again?”

  That was a good question. Adam didn’t know for sure that he could trust her again. Only time would tell. He didn’t respond.

  Zach didn’t wait for a response. He continued, “The bottom line is you can’t trust her. And you know it. When did she get back here, anyway? How long have you been hiding this from us?”

  So that was part of the reason for his reaction. Zach thought Adam had been hiding something from him. One of the reasons their friendship was so strong was that they were always honest with each other—sometimes brutally honest.

  Adam said, “I haven’t been hiding it from you. She just got back into town.”

  Zach looked skeptical. “Well, where the hell was she?”

  This was the part Adam was dreading the most. The story he and Maddie had made up on the way to the club didn’t sound too convincing to him, but it was all they could come up with in a pinch. He sure as hell didn’t think Zach would buy it. He sighed and told the story he and Maddie had rehearsed.

  Zach snorted and said, “Bullshit. And she couldn’t even answer your calls? That’s called common courtesy.”

  He had a good point. Adam had to think quickly on his feet. He wasn’t good at lying to Zach. He knew Adam too well. Adam said, “She just freaked out and didn’t want to hurt me by giving me any hope.”

  Zach tilted his head and narrowed his eyes. “And she didn’t think she would hurt you by leaving you and never talking to you again?”

  “It was a bad decision,” Adam said. “She made a mistake, and she’s really sorry for it. Plus, she feels a little bit responsible for me getting hurt on the mountain, and the guilt kept her away.”

  Zach’s eyes narrowed as he said, “Really? Why would she feel responsible for that?”

  Adam realized he had said too much. Damn, but he was a terrible liar.

  “Look, Zach, I don’t really want to go into that right now. It’s a very long story. Trust me. Someday I’ll explain the whole story to you. But for now, you just have to understand that I love her and she’s going to be a part of my life, hopefully for a long time. I’ve forgiven her, and I hope that you can too.”

  Zach tossed his cigarette on the ground, snuffed it out with his foot, and said, “I’m sorry. I can’t forgive her just like that. I saw what she did to you. Claire and I were the ones who had to pick up the pieces. I don’t know if I will ever be able to forgive her for that.”

  Adam pleaded, “Man, you’re my best friend. You’re like a brother to me. I really hope this doesn’t come between us, but I love Maddie and I have to give her a second chance.”

  Adam could see the disappointment and sadness in his best friend’s eyes, and he felt horrible. But he hoped Zach realized that he wasn’t going to change his mind.

  Zach stomped on the cigarette again, looked Adam in the eyes, and said, “Well, when she does it to you again, don’t come crying to me.”

  He turned and walked back inside. Adam stood silently for a moment and then followed him. It had actually gone better than he had imagined. At least they hadn’t come to blows. But still he feared their friendship had been permanently damaged. When Adam was a young boy, his mom liked to use the saying, “Time heals all wounds.” He could only hope that in this case, it would be true.

  Chapter 31

  Zach and Adam didn’t speak to one another for the rest of the night. The same went for Claire and some of the band members. But most people welcomed Maddie back. Adam thought it was nice having her there again, just like it had been in the beginning.

  After the performance, Maddie and Adam went back to his place. She spent the night and they made love over and over. It was in moments like that when Adam wished he could freeze time and they could stay in the moment forever. They were just two people who were madly in love. All of the complicated, outside events of the world around them melted away when they were alone. They could simply be happy together.

  In the morning, Adam woke before Maddie. While she slept, he gathered up some things and put them in his truck. When she stirred, he kissed her gently and said, “Wake up sleepyhead.”

  She yawned, stretched, and smiled as she put her arms around his neck and kissed him.

  He kissed her for a few lingering moments, pulled back and said, “Get up and get ready to go. I’ve got a surprise for you.”

  “A surprise? I love surprises. Tell me. Tell me.”

  “Not tellin’,” he said playfully.

  She stuck out her lower lip, making her best pouty face.

  “Come on,” she whined. “At least give me a hint.”

  He shook his head and said, “All I’m going to tell you is that I’m taking you somewhere special.”

  “Do I need to dress fancy?”

  He shook his head. “Nope. It’s a casual kind of place. I hope you like it as much as I do.”

  She rolled out of bed and headed toward the bathroom. Over her shoulder she said, “If you like it, then I’m sure I will too.”

  He smiled. He really hoped so.

  They finished getting ready, had a quick breakfast and some coffee, and prepared to leave. As they approached his truck, Maddie noticed fishing poles sticking out of the bed. She smiled and said, “Are we going fishing?”

  Adam smiled slyly and said, “Maybe.”

  They headed north of New York City to the place where he and his family had gone fishing a lot when he was a kid. He thought that during the two or so hour drive it would be a good time to talk.

  Shortly after they got on the road, Adam said, “Will you explain more about Refined Transcendent Power to me? How does it work? How does one go about learning to use it?”

  Maddie thought for a moment and said, “Well, basically, it boils down to this—we all have the ability to imagine and dream and create, and if we can envision a thing or a state of being, focus our energy on it, and truly believe we have already received it, it will happen.”

  “Certainly there’s more to it than that or more people would be doing it,” said Adam.

  “Well,” she said, “it’s simple and it’s not. We could go into the modern principles of quantum mechanics and the ‘Observer Effect,’ which states that at a subatomic level, energy responds to our mindful attention and becomes matter. We are all connected to energy and a divine, infinite intelligence beyond space and time. Our conscious thoughts, feelings, and state of being can influence all probabilities in the quantum field to become reality. There’s a ton of material about it all over the internet. We could talk about it and analyze it for days. But trust me, you don’t need to be a quantum physicist to understand it. The ancient practitioners of RTP mastered it without knowing anything about subatomic particles or quantum physics. The basic principles are simple. Just know that your inner being is unconditional, infinite, unlimited, connected, and powerful. Our thoughts become things.”

  “Then how come I haven’t ever seen anyone do what you do?” he said.

  “Sadly,” she said, “partly because Paul and the KTP have successfully ensured that the knowledge of RTP has been kept a secret, and partly because people simply don’t believe it. It really depends on the person. Some people have an easier time believing and they learn to use it faster than others. Children are very good at learning to use RTP because they don’t have any preconceived notions about what they can and cannot do. They just believe wholeheartedly and it works for them.

  Some adults have a more difficult time mastering RTP. Many overthink and overanalyze it. Others have been let down in life, or
they have lived a hard life, or bad things have happened to them. This causes them to have difficulty believing in what they cannot see. Adults are more skeptical. They can’t believe they can use their thoughts to change their lives. Therefore, by the very nature of RTP, it doesn’t work for them because they think it doesn’t work for them. Since they believe it doesn’t work or they can’t do it, then it must be so. But don’t let that discourage you. Many people, old and young alike, have had great success in mastering RTP.”

  “You make it sound so simple.”

  She turned to face him and said, “That’s the beauty of it. It is simple. Basically, you can practice by thinking a sustained thought about something you desire. Then you must focus all of your energy on it and truly believe you have already received it. You must feel the feelings of thankfulness and gratitude for what you have received, even if you haven’t received it yet. And then you simply release it into the quantum field, go on with your life, and eventually it will manifest.”

  Adam furrowed his brow and said, “But you seem to be able to manifest things instantly. It seems that you have a special superpower that most people don’t have.”

  Maddie shook her head. “I don’t have a special superpower for using RTP—no more than you or anyone else. It’s just that I’ve been practicing using it for so long. I have trained myself to have absolute faith that I can manifest anything at any time. I truly believe that the possibilities of what I can think and create are limitless. Some people have a hard time mastering this belief. It is a mind game to some. Even I, as easy as I may make it seem, have my mental limitations at times.