Eight Steps to Alpha: A Nerdy by Nature Novel

by Taylor Sullivan

  She knew if she shifted only a couple of inches lower, he would be there. Hard and ready for her. She reached for the edge of her panties, determined to have him finally inside her, but his hands were there, flatting on top of hers.

  “That’s my job,” he said again, causing an electric shock to pulse between her thighs.

  Her legs began to tremble, and she knew she was on the verge of orgasm. “Then do it already!” she yelled, but her head dipped down, causing a curtain of hair to cascade around them.

  A mixture of panic, excitement, and pent up desire began to whirl in her belly. She placed her hands once again on his chest, trying to push herself closer to him, arching her back in attempt for more friction.

  She could feel herself growing wetter by the second, could sense herself getting closer and closer to orgasm. Then his fingers were there, between their joined bodies and everything started to pulse. At first, she tried to push him away, knowing they would send her over the edge, but his fingers were like magic. Adding the perfect amount of friction, the prefect amount of pressure, and her body shattered into a million pieces.

  Completely at his will, her body surrendered. Sending sparks of electricity down each limb until everything within her began to shake. She collapsed on top of him, pulling in ragged, panting breathes. “Why,” she whispered against his chest. “Why did you do that?”

  He pulled her into his chest, rolled with her until she lay flat on her back. His body on hers, grounding her, making her feel whole. “Because I didn’t want to miss seeing it.”

  Her heart flipped with his words, and she began playing with a lock of his hair with her fingers. “Seeing what?” But her words came out inaudible, because the way he was looking at her, the way she felt right now, made it impossible to speak.

  There was something about him, the way he memorized every detail of their time together, that made her think that maybe…

  He rose up to his knees, his eyes burning hot over her entire body. “The way you move, the way you moan, the way your eyes flutter when you’re so close.”

  Her mouth parted, unsure how to respond, but then his fingers brushed over her lips, causing her mind to go completely blank as she caught the scent of herself on his skin. She wanted him again. Over and over again, she wanted him.

  His hands began a slow decent down her face, trailing a path down her chin, her neck, her collarbone. She forced herself to stay completely still, completely silent, not wanting the sweet exploration to end.

  His finger continued down her chest, her stomach, until both of her hands were on her body, cupping her breast, kneading them, molding them. His thumbs brushed over her sensitive nipples, causing a surge of pleasure to pulse through her core again.

  Looking up into his eyes, she found a sea of passion. His jaw flexed, but his eyes never shifted from hers as his hands continued with their decent down her body. His fingers then slipped under the delicate sides of her panties, and she instinctively lifted her hips, allowing him to pull them down her legs. He discarded the fabric to the ground, opened the drawer to grab a condom, and she watched as he rolled it down his length, marveling at how beautiful he was.

  Soon his body was on top of hers again, his length teasing at the juncture of her thighs, and she wrapped her legs around his hips.

  “Part of me wants to play with you forever,” he whispered to her. “But the other part knows my body can’t take it. I need to be inside you.”

  His chest covered hers, weighing her down, and she knew she needed him too. She arched her back, letting him know she was ready, and his lips crashed down to hers, silencing her with his mouth, stealing her cry at the exact moment he thrust deep inside her body. He lifted up to his elbows, suspending some of his weight, and looking into her eyes. His cock was buried deep, his mouth above hers, sharing the same breathes, but he didn’t move. They both only stayed just like that a moment, as she tried to get used to him. The pleasure, the size, the pain. But he touched a place in her that had never been touched before…a delicious bundle of nerves that made her whole-body tremble.

  Elliot lifted his chest higher, just enough so he could look into her face. He must have liked what he saw, because a sweet smile turned the corner of his mouth, and he started kissing her again. This time soft and sweet, kissing her face, her eyelids, her cheeks.

  It was both soft, yet passionate. Urgent, yet slow. She wrapped her legs around his hips, allowing his erection to sink even deeper inside of her.

  Soon, she began to move her hips, unable to keep still any longer. She needed him to move, to thrust, to bring her to ecstasy again. He groaned deep in his throat, buried his head in her neck, and began to rock into her. Hips pinning her to the mattresses before he slowly pulled out again, almost leaving her completely, and then sinking deep within her once more. He grabbed both of her hands, lacing them around his neck as his thrust became stronger. “Hold on to me. Don’t let go, Fe. Don’t let go.”

  Tension built inside her belly as he moved faster and faster. She arched her back, taking every part of him she could. His mouth trailed kisses along her chin, her jaw, until his mouth settled on her ear. “I can’t hold back any longer.”

  “I don’t want you to.”

  “I need you.”

  Her hands began to trail up and down his body, fisting in his hair, his back, anything she could hold onto. Then his fingers slipped between their joined bodies again, his thumb and finger adding pressure at her core. “Elliot!” she cried out. “Elliot!”

  His body collapsed on top of hers in the exact moment her own body exploded. “Oh God!” she yelled. “Oh God!”

  He stayed like that for a long minute, pulse after pulse rushing over her body, and she took on his full weight. All of him, willingly, and it felt wonderful. Finally, and with much effort, he rolled to the side and discarded the condom to the trash.

  He quickly pulled her in close again, tucking her body into the crook of his neck, grasping in breathes of air. He was squeezing her so tight, she felt as if her bones might crack from the pressure of it, but she didn’t want it to stop.

  “Fe.” He began kissing all over her face. “Fe.” Her forehead, the bridge of her nose, and her lips.

  When he finally laid down beside her, she rose to her elbows and looked at him. Fear suddenly filled her stomach because a million questions began whirling in her brain.

  What was he thinking?

  What now?

  Why did she have to like it so much?

  But she pushed them all aside and kissed him, not allowing her brain to mess this up. She kissed him like it was their first, yet their last. She kissed him with curiosity and passion, and with her whole self.

  They made love once again, but this time it was slow, and tender, and took far longer than the first.

  As she was burrowed deep into his side hours later, feeling more relaxed than she’d ever been in her entire life, his fingers began to move in slow circles at the small of her back. “Thank you,” he whispered softly into the side of her neck.

  She smiled at the sensation, then turned just a little so she could fit herself even closer to him. “For what?”

  He hesitated a moment, causing a tight ball of panic to gather in her throat. His eyes were intense, he jaw tight when he finally answered. “For everything.”

  Chapter 32

  At some point between falling asleep last night and waking up this morning, everything changed. It was obvious the second he rolled over and found Fe missing. There was no trace of her, no clothes, no note, nothing.

  He sat on the edge of the bed, forced his hands through his hair and tried to think. But all he could think about was her. Getting to her. Finding her. He snatched his pants from the ground, shoved his legs through the holes, then opened the door to the guest house. From the front porch, he could see the wine bottle they’d left by the swing and her discarded high heel shoes.

  He ran toward the path they’d taken the night before, up the stone steps, t
o the patio where they’d danced. Glasses, empty bottles, and burnt out votive candles were everywhere, all being cleaned up by Maria’s wait staff, but no Fe. He began looking in doors, windows, until he finally found her in the kitchen, sitting in the corner of the room with her brother—hair un-brushed, eyes almost hallow. All he wanted to do was shake her and ask her what she was doing, why she’d left without telling him. But her brother was there, followed by the rest of her family, and soon, they were all gathered around a table eating food he couldn’t taste, because all he could do was think about was what going on in her mind.

  All morning, she wouldn’t look at him, and now, strapped into the passenger seat of his truck on the way back home, it was much the same.

  He glanced over at her and turned down the radio until it reached only a faint whisper. “You okay?” he asked finally, even though the words felt like pulling a chicken threw a barbwire fence. Awkward. Painful. It was stupid really, because he already knew the answer. She wasn’t okay. If she was okay, she wouldn’t be acting like this, and she wouldn’t have left him this morning.

  “I’m just tired,” she said without looking over.

  He tapped his thumbs on the stealing wheel and clenched his jaw. “Are you sure? Because you haven’t looked at me all morning.”

  She lifted her chin and turned to face him. “There.” She met his eyes. “Happy?”

  She was telling him to “drop it,” and he knew that if he continued pressing her, things would get worse, but he couldn’t help it. She was upset, he’d made love to her last night, and the fact the two things happened in such close proximity made his gut roll.

  “Fe,” he began, but he wasn’t even sure where to start. Because sorry didn’t seem the right word for it. He wasn’t sorry, but he’d take it all back in a second if it meant she wouldn’t look at him this way ever again.

  Before he could come up with the right words to say, she spoke again, stopping him before he could press. “Why did I have to learn about your father from Colton?”

  He blinked a couple times, thrown by the sudden change in subject, “Where did that come from?”

  She shrugged. “We’ve been friends for five years, yet you’ve never mentioned him until I asked, why?”

  “Because it’s not exactly the most pleasant conversations, that’s why.”

  “How so?”

  “Because I was a bastard, Fe. Because everyone took pity on my father for knowing he raised a child that wasn’t his own. It’s not exactly the first thing you want people knowing about you.”

  “How about the tenth? The hundredth? We’ve known each other for five years, you’d think at some point—”

  His throat tightened, and he punched the steering wheel. “So what? So you can pity me like everyone else does? Pardon me for wanting a reprieve from that life. For making a place for myself where the first thing people think when they look at me isn’t ‘there’s Elliot, the bastard.’”

  Her jaw tightened, and she turned to the window. “I didn’t—I wouldn’t.” She cleared her throat, trying hard not to cry. “I thought we were friends.”

  “We are friends.”

  “Friends tell each other everything.”

  He slammed his fist on the steering wheel again, unable to hide his frustration. “Oh yeah? Then why don’t you tell me why you’re acting this way?”

  “Like what?”

  “Like I just slapped you and didn’t say sorry!” He pulled to the side of the road, knowing he was too angry to drive.

  She placed both feet on the floor before facing him. “I should have known you’d react like this.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “That we’d sleep together, and you’d get weird on me.”

  His eyes practically bulged from his head. “Me? ME? You’ve got to be kiddin’ me.”

  “No, I’m not kidding. You’ve been walking around like a wounded puppy all morning—”

  “Like a wounded—” He could barely get the word out. “PUPPY?”

  She closed her eyes, then pushed her hair back from her face. “Look, last night was fun and all, but like I said, everything needs to go back to normal. We fucked, that’s all. I’m sorry I let it happen.”

  His grip tightened on the steering wheel and he pulled in a breath through his nose. Fun and all? We fucked? A wry laugh escaped his mouth and he threw the truck into drive again. The echoes of their argument became faint whispers that filled him with panic. Words that cut up his insides, that made his foot a little heavier on the accelerator as he merged back into traffic. How had they gone from last night’s love making, to this morning’s conversation? How could she be so cold, when only hours ago things had been so hot.

  But he didn’t ask any more questions, and the truck was cast into a painful silence for the three hours it took to get back to their apartment. When he stepped into the living room, dropping his bag of clothes at the entryway floor, Colton’s suitcase was on the arm chair. Overflowing with clothes and toiletries. He thought about Fe’s question on the way home, and knew Colton was the cause of it. Knew his brother had told her everything.

  How dare his brother talk to her about his life. How dare he share something so personal. But maybe Colton thought she would’ve know. Maybe Fe was right, and that after five years, he should have told her.

  Continuing to his room, he stepped out of his shoes, hearing Fe enter the apartment behind him. He gripped his skull, feeling restless, and agitated, and hurt. Visions of last night, blurred with this morning’s argument, and he couldn’t think straight. How could she be so sweet one minute, then cold as ice the next?

  Moving to his closet, he dug out the running shoes and sat on the edge of the bed to put them on. But Fe appeared at the door, and he froze.

  “Did you need something?” He looked up at her.

  She only stood there, holding onto each side of the doorframe. “I need for you to not be mad at me for this.”

  “For this? For what? Because we fucked?”

  “Elliot,” she said pleading, and he could hear the hurt in her voice, see it in her face.

  “I’m not mad,” he whispered. Because the vulnerability he felt in his gut wasn’t anger. It was something far more damaging. He was hurt, and broken, and all sorts of other things, but…he wasn’t mad. He could never really be angry with Fe.

  She looked at him, her teeth pressed together. “I never meant to hurt you.”

  He pushed himself from his bed, and turned toward his dresser. “I’m fine.”

  “Last night was amazing, I want you to know that. You’re good at what you do.”

  He tore off his old t-shirt, threw it to the laundry, then pulled a new one over this head.

  “Your penis is beautiful, Elliot. Truly. It’s the biggest one I’ve ever seen.”

  He stopped, turned to face her and laughed. “What did you just say?”

  “It’s true.” She nodded.

  He rubbed over his face with both hands, finding himself both confused, but amused at the same time. “Sometimes I don’t understand you, Fe.”

  Her voice was shaky and uneven. “Join the club.”

  “What do you want from me?” he said then, turning around to face her. He had nothing to lose. Take him or leave him, it was her decision.

  Her mouth turned down at the corners, and she stepped slightly forward “I want you to be my best friend.”

  His jaw tightened. “Is that all?”

  She paused for a moment, as though assessing what his words meant, but then she nodded, looking him right in the eye. “Yes.”

  He looked down to the floor, unable to suppress his hurt. “Okay.”

  She pulled in a shaky breath, “Thank you. Thank you for last night, thank you for understanding.”

  He flexed his jaw again, trying to find something to say that would ease the tension between them. “Thanks for the compliment about my penis.”

  She laughed. “You’re welcome.”

  �
�But it’s a cock.”

  A burst of amusement came from her throat and she bit her lip. “Noted.”

  “Anything else?”

  She smiled and began walking backwards. “No, that’s it.”

  “Okay.”

  She closed the door as she left, and he waited until he heard the click before falling back on his matters. She wanted to be friends.

  Best Friends.

  There was only one problem with that? How could he be best friends with the girl he was in love with?

  Chapter 33

  “So you’re really going to go through with this? After all that’s happened?” April sat back in her seat, her features pinched together with disapproval.

  “I have to.” Fe shrugged. “It’s for the best.”

  “Why do you say that?”

  “Because I said I would. Because this is the final step.” Or at least that’s what she kept telling herself.

  April reached into her oversized bag and pulled out her wallet. “Let me get this straight. You were doing the wild thing with him less than a week ago, and now you’re going to push him into the arms of his boss. Are you serious?”

  Fe’s eyebrows drew together, and she held one finger over her mouth. “Shhh…. My God, are you seriously incapable of keeping a secret?”

  “Why are you torturing yourself, Fe?”

  “Who said it was torture? And besides, I want to go.” Even as the words left her mouth, she knew April wouldn’t buy it. She hardly believed it herself.

  “You’re seriously still moving on with this plan? Have I ever told you what Ed and I think of your plan?”

  Fe took a deep breath, realizing not for the first time that April was judgmental. “Look, I really don’t care what you think of it. I’m going to the party, like I said. End of discussion”

  “It’s because you’re curious about Mary, isn’t it?”

  Fe rolled her eyes, but something grabbed hold of her heart and twisted. “I could care less.” But it was a total lie, because without Mary, none of this crazy thing would have ever happened. Without Mary, she wouldn’t have fallen in love with her best friend.