They’d already been there for a while, sharing jokes, watching football, and enjoying a lazy, relaxing day with friends and family. Now the men sat in front of the television, football played on the large screen, and Gabe was talking. But Max’s attention was more on the women in the kitchen… his woman in particular.
Lucy had seemed distracted all weekend, since she’d come home from work on Friday. She’d said she had a headache, and they’d stayed in, ordered food, and watched a movie on TV. Her mood had lasted all weekend despite the fact that she said her headache was better.
“Max, buddy, how’s it going? I see you’re making progress with my sister. You moved in almost immediately after my wedding,” Decklan said, his gaze steady on Max.
“Really? I thought you wanted us together,” Max said, not understanding Decklan at all. “Didn’t we talk about this on the phone two months ago?” Because of course the minute Max had moved in with Lucy, Decklan had called, playing big brother.
Decklan groaned. “Sorry, man. Amanda hasn’t been feeling well, and I’m on edge.”
Max leaned forward, worried. “Is she okay?”
“Yeah.” Decklan shook his head and laughed. “She’s great actually. Look, I’m all for you and my sister being a couple, but if she gets hurt, I might have to kill you. Then I’d be out a best friend.” His tone was mild; the deadly warning look in his eyes was not.
Max grabbed the back of his neck and massaged the stiff muscles there. “If you have to worry about anyone getting hurt, it’s me,” he said, revealing more about his fears than he’d meant to.
“Is Lucy giving you a hard time?” Gabe asked, joining them, a glass of scotch in his hand.
Fuck. Max didn’t need an in-depth probing into his emotions with the Dare brothers.
“Your sister is giving herself a harder time than anyone else is giving her. But I’ve got it under control.” Or he was trying to control her feelings and it wasn’t working, Max thought, frustrated because this weekend he felt like he’d taken steps backward, not forward.
“It’s time!” Amanda said, leading the women into the family room.
Isabelle walked over to Gabe and wrapped her arms around him, joining him on the sofa. Amanda did the same to Decklan. Lucy pulled up a chair from the dining room and sat by herself, proving his earlier point.
Max’s gut was right. She was backing off. He gave her space for now, sensing she needed it. He’d crowd her later and try to figure out what was going on inside her head.
“So we have news,” Amanda said, her tone rising with excitement.
“As if we haven’t figured it out,” Isabelle said under her breath, but her eyes twinkled with the same delight as Amanda’s.
Lucy chuckled, telling Max that she, also, knew what was going on. But Max was clueless.
“I’m pregnant!” Amanda said, taking Max by surprise.
Apparently women’s intuition had outsmarted him on this one, Max thought wryly. He watched Lucy as everyone congratulated the couple. Without a doubt, conflicting emotions crossed her face. Yes, she was happy about her brother and Amanda’s pregnancy, but obviously she’d known the announcement was coming… and maybe that’s what had her upset.
“There’s more news,” Decklan said, drawing Max’s attention. “We’re moving,” he said, once everyone had retaken their seats. “Can’t raise a family in this small place.” He sounded every bit like a proud father to be, and Max was happy for his friend.
“Want to know the best part?” Amanda asked, practically glowing. “We bought a house near Gabe and Isabelle!” she said with a squeal of excitement.
“Playdates! Lunches!” Isabelle said, and the two women were off and running, discussing all the things they could do together once they lived close by.
The husbands watched, amused, but Max’s attention was on Lucy… as she appeared to shrink back and into herself.
Time to get her out of here, Max thought. She couldn’t live in her head anymore, and it was time for them to have a long, emotional talk. Unfortunately they couldn’t leave now, not without being rude. But after dinner and before dessert, Max suggested they head home. Lucy immediately stood up to kiss her family good-bye, relief in her brown eyes.
He drove them back into the city, leaving the serious talk for once they were home.
* * *
Max parked in the garage beneath her building, but instead of heading upstairs to the apartment, he led her out of the garage and outside. She decided not to ask questions and see what he had in mind.
Her hand in his, they walked toward Central Park. The late October weather had begun turning cold, and he pulled her close. Conflicting emotions churned inside her after Decklan and Amanda’s announcements. She appreciated Max’s strength and heat, and curled into him as they walked.
He stopped at an empty bench, and they settled in, the slats beneath her thighs as cold as she felt inside.
“What are we doing here?” she asked.
“I wanted to go somewhere quiet.”
Lucy bit down on her lower lip and met his obviously concerned gaze. He’d shaved early this morning, but he already had a shadow on his handsome face.
“Umm, why? Is something wrong?”
He grasped her hand, and her stomach flipped with nerves. “Because I noticed that lately something’s bothering you… and when we were at your brother’s, I realized what was going on.”
“Oh? And what’s that?” She straightened her shoulders, always wary and a little angry when he got into her head and read her mind.
“I’m doing this all wrong.” He let out a groan. “Look, I shouldn’t have to guess at what you’re thinking or feeling. I’d rather you tell me what’s going on,” he said, frustration etched in his face. “Dammit, open up for once. Share your feelings with someone you know is going to understand.”
“Fine. I knew Amanda was pregnant and they’d be telling us about it soon. And I’m happy for them. I am. But it’s hard to watch them move on with their lives without me, okay?” Tears sprung to her eyes at the admission.
The truth hurt and made her feel guilty because she shouldn’t be resentful of her brothers’ happiness. She loved them and wanted them to be happy.
She blew out a shuddering breath, and Max waited patiently, his hand wrapped solidly around hers.
She swallowed past the lump in her throat and tried to explain. “It was easier for me to be alone and keep an emotional distance from the people I love when I was in California. It’s harder being right here.”
He wrapped a hand around hers. “Why do you feel like you have to keep that distance?” he asked, pushing for more answers.
She was past the point of holding back. “So I can’t be hurt when they go away. Or don’t have time for me anymore…”
“Or die,” he finished for her in a soft voice.
“Or die.” Her voice caught on that dreaded, hateful word.
He squeezed her hand tighter. “I think it’s time I explain why I think I understand you so well.”
She shivered, and it wasn’t from the cool night air. He was about to bare his soul, and that scared her. She’d end up feeling more for him than she already did, if such a thing were possible. And if he delved into the similarities in their pasts, he would tell her how much he’d loved his wife, and how losing her had destroyed him.
Hearing that would bring her back to her younger self. That girl had been filled with love and adoration, and she would have done anything to have Max in her life. But he’d married someone else, ripping her hopes and dreams out from under her. And that second loss had taught her to build her walls and keep them high, to keep everyone, even the people she loved, at a distance. She’d moved clear across the country to avoid his wedding, because losing him to another woman had felt like another death to her.
She didn’t need to relive those feelings now.
Better to assure him she already understood. “I don’t need you to explain. I know you lost your wife, Max. I’m sure you
loved her very much, and that’s kept you from having any long-term relationships since. And you figure that you understand the emotional barriers I use to keep people out. How’s that for summing up why you think you can get into my head so easily?”
She folded her arms across her chest and deliberately slid farther away on the park bench, pain ripping through her at having to discuss all these things.
He shook his head and laughed, the sound wry and cynical. “You’re not even close, princess.”
That surprised her, and she couldn’t stop herself from wanting to know more. “Tell me then.”
He leaned one arm on the wooden slats behind him, staring at her with an expression she’d never seen before. Beneath the strong man she saw every day was one who’d also been hurt deeply.
“You know my parents took in foster kids, right?”
“I remember. We went to school together. But they didn’t hang out with the neighborhood kids, so I never got to know them at all.” She hadn’t expected him to go back so far into his past, and she was immediately drawn in.
His jaw clenched tightly, the subject obviously not an easy one for him. “They were a rotating bunch. My mother would bend over backwards trying to show them the love and affection they’d never had, but very few of them knew how to accept it. But my mom kept trying with them. Just not with me.”
He paused, the silence heavy and weighted.
Her heart hurt at the revelation. He’d always been her brother’s best friend, the guy who was always around. She’d never realized there was anything going on at home, or wrong with his relationship with his mother. But she was younger then, and wrapped up in her own feelings for the boy next door.
He drew a deep breath and went on. “The thing is, it wasn’t always like that. Before we moved next door to you, we were a close family, just the three of us. Dad owned a restaurant near the small apartment we lived in, and it took both of my parents to keep it running. I used to work there after school, busing dishes and helping the chef in the kitchen when he’d let me.”
Lucy smiled, wishing she could have seen a young Max learning the business and cooking.
“Dad was a good chef, and eventually someone approached him to partner and remodel. To make a long story short, the business took off, and we moved up in the world. Next door to you.” He smiled at that, but his expression quickly soured.
“What happened?” she asked, leaning closer, wanting to know more.
“My mother had put her career in social work on hold to help in my father’s restaurant, and as soon as he succeeded, she jumped back into her passion. She decided I’d already had all I needed in the way of emotional support, and the others needed her more.”
His pain was palpable, that of a young boy stripped of everything he’d ever known for a reason that was cold and made no sense to a child. Hell, it made no sense to Lucy now, and she was an adult.
“And your dad?” she asked. Because he kept referring to his mother’s shortcomings as a parent.
“My father was too wrapped up in the success of his business to notice or care what was going on at home.” Max shrugged, as if that fact were unimportant, but Lucy knew he felt much more deeply than he let on.
She ought to know. She was an expert at covering up her feelings. “They were both wrong. You deserved so much more from them.” Parents who loved and continued to love, to show their emotions and their feelings for their only child.
“I used to think it would have been better if I’d never known what it was like to be a real family. Then I wouldn’t have felt the loss. Because once we moved next to you and everything changed, I felt like I’d had the foundations of my life ripped out from under me.”
“Like a death,” Lucy murmured, understanding immediately. He’d gone from two parents who doted on him and adored him to none.
“Exactly,” he said, his voice gruff and filled with pain.
His big body shuddered, and she couldn’t help but wrap her arms around him and give him the warmth and understanding he desperately needed, that he always shared with her. Because at this moment, he wasn’t Max Savage, the strong man who tried to conquer her demons, he was the little boy who’d lost his parents.
“I never knew,” she said, resting her head against his shoulder. She’d never realized how much they really did have in common. “But now I get why you can read me so well. Because we both suffered loss.”
“I’m not sure you really do understand, because there’s more.” He straightened his shoulders, shrugging off the sadness of his childhood.
Suddenly Max Savage, dominant male, was back, with a determined gleam in his golden eyes and pride in his posture. He was the man who decided what he wanted and went after it, no holds barred.
Lucy shivered. “What do you mean?” she asked, suddenly wary because this Max had an agenda. And she was on it.
“I mean, I haven’t tied everything together for you, but I will.” He shifted toward her. “Yes, we both suffered loss. And you know how you keep the people you love at a distance? How you protect yourself by not letting yourself get too close, feel too much?” he asked, every word aimed at piercing that very armor she used to keep herself safe, because he knew her secrets.
“Yes?” she asked, unable to hide the tension shooting through her.
“Well, I learned that same lesson, and I learned it from my parents.”
Lucy stared into his sexy gaze, lost and confused. He hadn’t kept anyone at arm’s length. In fact, he’d brought someone very, very close. “But you fell in love… and got married.”
“No… and yes.” He set his jaw, pausing in thought before continuing. “I think I need to backtrack in order to explain more about us.”
“Us?”
He nodded. “At first you were just Decklan’s pain-in-the-ass little sister.”
Her lips curved in a smile at that description because she had been exactly that. She’d followed the boys around, wanting to be included, annoying them any way she could, usually just by her mere presence.
“Then after your parents died, you were a sad, lost girl I wanted to look after and protect. But once you graduated from college and came home, I saw a different Lucy. You were a curvy, gorgeous woman.”
“You noticed?” His compliment spread through her, warming her heart.
He nodded. “Oh, I noticed. And we spent a lot of time together then, and God, I wanted you.” His body visibly shook at the memory, his eyes boring into hers, begging her to believe.
“You wanted me back then?” Lucy blinked in utter and complete shock. “I felt the same way,” she whispered, the words falling unbidden from her lips. “But you never said a word. Never showed a sign!” She wanted to cry in frustration, knowing how different her life might have been if she’d been aware.
He reached out and stroked her cheek, his touch so welcome and sweet.
“You were too young then. You had your whole life ahead of you, and your brothers would have strung me up alive if I made a move at that point.”
He spoke the truth. Still, her lips parted, ready to yell at him for giving in to what her brothers wanted instead of coming to her and offering them a chance.
He stopped her with his hand over her mouth, which he quickly dropped. “Don’t say it. Because Decklan and Gabe weren’t the only reason I kept my distance.”
She shook her head, at a loss. “What other reason could there have been?”
* * *
Max groaned, aware that Lucy wouldn’t be happy with the explanation. Still, it was time he laid it all out for her.
“I wanted you, Lucy. But I couldn’t let myself have you.” He pulled back and studied her wide-eyed, confused look. Yeah, this wouldn’t go over well, but it was time they both faced the truth.
“Explain that.”
“Look inside yourself and you’ll understand,” he said, not meaning to be cryptic, merely honest.
She blew out a long breath and closed her eyes, her dark lashes swe
eping down over her face, as she sat in silent, deep thought.
Finally she met his gaze. “You already told me you’d built your walls high like me. Because of your parents.”
“Yes.” He nodded, keeping a close watch on her expressions as things were revealed.
He wanted to be able to catch every nuance and answer every question. He needed her to see that although she was afraid and resistant now, there was hope she could get past her fears.
“But… you married Cindy, so I’m not sure how high those walls could have been,” she said, tipping her head to the side in confusion, even as her voice betrayed her hurt at the fact that he’d chosen someone else.
Her pained expression devastated him. It was only now, years later, with the wisdom of his own experience, that he realized how badly his choices had hurt her too.
He clenched his jaw and sought the easiest way to explain his actions. He finally settled on using her life as an example.
“Why were you with Lucas?” he asked, figuring that letting her draw the parallels would make this simpler.
She gnawed on her lower lip, a little quirk of hers he’d grown to recognize and enjoy.
“He was the safe choice,” she whispered.
“Because?”
“I thought this was about your past, not mine.” She narrowed her gaze, clearly not happy with what must have felt like an interrogation.
He smiled, hoping to reassure her. “They’re tied together, princess. At least our reasons for doing things are. So bear with me and I’ll walk you through this.”
She nodded jerkily. She obviously wasn’t comfortable with this conversation, but she was letting him lead it, and he appreciated the trust it took for her to do so.
“Why was Lucas safe for you?” he asked again.
She glanced down, her gaze steady on her thighs.
Oh, he had no doubt she knew the answer. She just didn’t want to admit it.
“Because there was no chance of me falling in love with him,” she finally said, her voice even softer than before.
“Bingo.” He reached out and tipped her chin up until she had no choice but to face him and the depth of emotion that had to be etched all over his face. He waited as she processed his words. He was with Lucy now. He had all the time in the world.
Dare to Seduce Page 11