Lucy let out a shuddering breath, forcing her mind to focus, to draw all the right conclusions. And now that Max had, as he’d promised, tied things together, she caught up quickly.
“You didn’t…” Love Cindy. She cut herself off before she could finish the thought, and decided not to put words in his mouth. “I mean… did you love Cindy?”
“Not enough.” Max studied her with sad, guilt-ridden eyes. “And not the way I should have.” He grasped her hands, his sudden hold on her too tight. “And certainly not the way I love you… and always have.”
The words hit Lucy square in the gut… and in the heart. So many varied emotions tumbled around inside her it was a wonder she could process them all. But somehow, she managed.
First came an overwhelming sense of relief—for the starry-eyed girl who’d loved Max Savage and believed he’d chosen someone he loved deeply and who wasn’t her. Then anger because he’d deprived them of years of happiness, but how could she sustain anger when she, too, lived with the fear of loving so much and losing even more? And by now she realized she’d had years to perfect and hone the skill of keeping people she loved at a distance. It worked for her, preventing her from ever experiencing that aching sadness and grief again.
“Lucy, say something.”
She couldn’t. Because hot on the heels of those other emotions came fear and panic. “You… you love me?” She asked, horrified when every cell and molecule in her body knew she ought to be ecstatic and throwing herself into his arms.
“Always have, princess. It just took me years to get past the guilt and self-loathing I felt after Cindy died. I spent a lot of time losing myself in BDSM. And through the club, I met Dr. Daniel Carver. The guy considers himself the resident shrink there. If he likes you, he’s going to make damn sure you don’t hate yourself.” He shrugged. “Guess I got lucky. The guy became a friend.” His lips quirked upward, and his cheeks flushed with embarrassment at the admission.
She managed a smile, happy that Max had found peace after all these years. Too bad she couldn’t say the same for herself.
But he’d ripped himself open for her, and she cherished the knowledge that he trusted her so intimately. She knew it couldn’t have been easy for him to admit his weaknesses.
She ran her finger down his cheek, soaking in the feel of his scruff, the warmth of his skin beneath the outer cold. He was such a good man. And she was such a freaking mess.
“Do you understand the point behind this whole long-winded story?” he asked.
“Well, now I understand how and why you seem to understand me so well.”
He smiled at that, his grin sexy to her, even if they were involved in a deep and serious conversation.
“That’s only part of what I wanted you to take from it.” He grasped her wrist in his, lowering it to his lap and holding on. “I also wanted you to understand that you don’t have to be alone. You can let me in because I’ve been where you are.” He brushed a strand of hair from her cheek with his free hand. “I won’t let you get hurt.”
She shivered, suddenly cold inside and out, and he immediately shrugged out of his jacket, wrapping it around her shoulders.
She pulled the sides closer, inhaling the masculine scent that made her feel deceptively safe. “That’s just it, Max. You can’t protect me from life.”
“I can damn well try.” And if all he needed was determination, she knew he’d accomplish his goal.
“If you’d come to me when I was younger and told me your feelings, I would have done anything to be with you.” She sniffed, her nose stuffy, her eyes filling with tears. “But once you got engaged, it was like another death to me. I’d clung to this dream, that you and I could be together, but you didn’t want me, you wanted someone else. And I fled to California to get away from the pain… and from you.”
She glanced at him through damp eyes to find his face stricken with both shock and pain.
“I didn’t know.”
She nodded. “How could you? We were two people who had deep feelings without acknowledging them. The timing was always wrong. Back then for you, and now for me. Just because you’re ready doesn’t mean I am.”
He pulled her tight against him, and she cuddled into his warmth.
“I’m not giving up on you,” he said gruffly.
“It’s not fair to keep you going like this when I’m not sure I can give you what you need,” she whispered.
He stroked her hair, long soothing passes of comfort. “You will. I have enough faith for both of us.”
Chapter Nine
In the weeks that followed, Lucy put her all into trying to enjoy her life with Max and not live in fear. He’d opened his heart to her, and everything in her wanted to do the same. His life hadn’t been as easy as she’d assumed, and she hurt for the little boy who’d latched on to her family because his own had been lacking.
Knowing he understood loss like she did and built protective defenses similar to hers allowed her to relate to him on a different level than she had before. But most of all, realizing how invested he always had been, her heart was lighter. For now it was the best she could do. That and be open to believing in the future, and over the last six weeks, she’d done just that.
Tonight she planned to surprise him by showing up at the restaurant and taking him out for dinner to celebrate the opening, which was planned for next week. She arrived at Savage in Soho, where she felt like she’d lived while the furnishings had been delivered and installed.
Using her key, she walked through the front doors, struck, as always, by the changes from the dimly lit, gutted place she’d seen the first time. The dining area seated one hundred and twenty people in a bright room conveying the ambience of Barcelona. With wooden floors and expansive windows, ivy spread through a trellis on the walls, and suspended lighting from the ceiling, the inside evoked the feeling of the outdoors. Diners had their choice of pub-type or dining-height tables and chairs. Lucy was both proud and excited for the opening and potential success of the restaurant Max had created.
And though Sebastian was still having problems with his ex, he’d buckled down and worked on the menu, treating Max and Lucy to a sampling one night, and Lucy had left feeling certain they had a winner on their hands.
It looked like workers had left for the day and nobody was around.
“Max?” she called.
“Back here,” he said, stepping out from the double kitchen doors. He wore a pair of jeans and a grey Henley, looking tired and yet utterly delectable at the same time.
She strode right up to him, rose onto her toes, and placed a kiss on his lips.
“What’s that for?” he asked, his eyes twinkling with delight.
She was happy she could put that look there. “I thought I’d steal you away and take you for dinner. Looks like it’s quiet anyway.”
He nodded. “We finished up the hiring interviews, and Sebastian and I were going through the final choices. He got called away, so I was just wrapping up here.”
“Great! Then my timing is perfect. Are you hungry?”
“I’m always hungry for you,” he said, sliding a hand around her waist and pulling her close.
She cursed the need for a jacket because she couldn’t feel his hard body against hers. “Max, I was talking about food.”
He grinned, and at that moment, his stomach grumbled loudly.
“That answers my question. I’m going to feed my man.” Before she could walk off and lead him outside, he dipped his head, and his lips settled hard and firm on hers.
She loved his kisses. He always made her feel like there was nothing else in the world he’d rather be doing than kissing her, and she felt the same way. He delved deep, his tongue swirling around her mouth, thrusting in and out in a mimic of making love.
She moaned and threaded her hands in his hair while losing herself in the luxurious slide of his tongue and occasional nips on her lips. Because when it came to sex, Max was all about changing it up, surpr
Suddenly the distinctive tone of his cell interrupted them, and Max broke the kiss, leaning his forehead against hers. “Shit.”
She managed a laugh. “It’s not like we could do anything more right now anyway.” Even if her body was pulsing in all the right places, her sex softening, moisture dampening her panties. “Why don’t you get it.”
He pulled the phone from his back pocket, frowned, and hit end call. His expression turned dark, and he shoved the phone back where it’d started. “Let’s go,” he muttered, his good mood clearly broken.
“Wait.” She touched his arm. “Who was it?”
He met her gaze, the reluctance to answer obvious in his somber expression.
“Max?”
“My mother,” he said and started for the front of the restaurant.
She blinked in shock. “Hey!”
He turned to face her.
“I didn’t know you spoke to them.” Other than that serious conversation between them, he’d never, not in all the time they’d been together, mentioned his parents.
“I don’t.” He raked a hand through his hair, tension vibrating from him in waves. “But they call. Sometimes.”
“And do you always ignore them?” she asked, treading carefully over this sensitive subject.
He shrugged. “Why not? It’s not like I have anything to say to them.”
“But maybe they have something to say to you.”
She, of all people, knew about things left unsaid. She hadn’t had an argument with her parents before they’d died, but she’d been impatient to get back home from Gabe’s graduation. She didn’t remember telling them she loved them, something she regretted to this day. She didn’t want Max to have similar regrets. Not when his parents were still alive and he could change their estrangement.
“They don’t have anything to say that I want to hear,” he muttered.
“I’m not sure that’s true.” Lucy pursed her lips and tried to come up with a way to help him deal with this past pain. “When was the last time you spoke to them?”
“When my father sold me his restaurant so they could retire. His partner had already passed away, and it was his to do with as he pleased. He needed the retirement money, and I’d already been in the business awhile, so I took out a loan and bought the place. We shook hands at the lawyer’s office.” A muscle jumped in his jaw, telling her how hard he must be clenching his teeth.
She reached out and smoothed her hand along his stubbled jaw. “Then don’t you think a conversation between you all is long overdue?” she asked gently. “Obviously they’ve been reaching out, so they have something to say.”
“I doubt it. And I can’t imagine why they call. Guilt isn’t something my parents feel, you know?”
Lucy wasn’t convinced. “People change. Time passes, and they have a chance to rethink their actions. Aren’t you a little curious?” she asked, not giving up.
“No.”
“I don’t believe you.” She folded her arms across her chest and glared at him. “Aren’t you the same man who told me you worked through your issues? So why wouldn’t you want to do the same with your family? I’m not saying you have to forgive them. But you could at least hear what they want. Maybe you’ll get some closure.”
Lucy didn’t know if closure was enough. She’d never know if she’d feel any differently about losing her parents if she’d had advance warning, or if she’d at least been able to say what was always in her heart. But she was pushing hard to make sure Max had that opportunity now.
He pinched the bridge of his nose and groaned. “I’ll think about it.”
“I’ll go with you,” she offered. If he could find… if not a relationship, then some measure of peace, he deserved at least that.
He held on to her gaze and finally nodded. “Okay then.”
She smiled. “Okay.” He grasped her hand and led her outside, locking up behind them.
They went to dinner at their favorite Mexican restaurant near the apartment and relaxed over fajitas and tequila for him, a frozen margarita for her. No touchy subjects came up and they just enjoyed.
A little while later, they returned home. Lucy headed for the master bathroom. She washed up and slipped on her favorite negligee, a red chemise with black lace and a bow where the cleavage dipped low, before joining Max.
He sat in bed, back propped against the pillows. A sheet covered his tented erection, and his bare chest beckoned to her from across the room.
“C’mere, princess,” he said in a gruff voice she had no problem obeying.
She stepped across the hardwood floor and onto the area rug surrounding the bed before sliding onto the mattress and into his arms.
He pulled her on top of him, and she sat up, straddling his hips. “Hey,” she said, looking into his eyes.
“Hey yourself.” She wriggled her lower body until his cock settled against the aching space between her thighs.
He wrapped a hand around her and cupped her ass cheek in one hand. “No underwear.”
“Nope.”
“Trying to tell me you’re in the mood?” Max asked her.
She treated him to what she hoped was a sinful smile. “I’m always in the mood for you,” she said in a version of his earlier comment to her.
She eased herself off him and settled on one side, then slowly slid the covers down and off his straining erection.
“Lucy,” he said, a distinct warning in his voice.
“Oh, are you against a blow job?” she asked.
He let out a low growl. “You’re going to pay for being impertinent.”
She laughed, her sex already tingling. “I hope so,” she said, as she gripped his cock and licked her tongue over the head in a teasing gesture.
He slid his hand across her back and up to her neck, gripping her tightly. She moaned and closed her mouth around his shaft, pulling him in deep.
“Oh fuck,” he muttered, his hips jerking upward, forcing his cock to the back of her throat.
She managed to swallow around him and continue. She held on to his hard length and worked her mouth up and down, lubricating him and pumping her hand as she worked to arouse him further and take him to the brink.
His grip on her neck never eased, and the low groans coming from his throat served to heighten both her sense of power and her own excitement and need. But she was wholly focused on him and determined to make him lose his mind. She slid her mouth up and down, alternating using her tongue, tasting his salty essence, and teasing him with light grazing of her teeth.
He suddenly tugged on her hair. “I’m gonna come, Lucy.” His voice sounded gruff and harsh.
She appreciated the warning, but she wasn’t about to stop now. She tightened her grip and renewed her determination, sliding her tongue beneath the sensitive head until he bucked his hips and his come exploded in her mouth.
She swallowed what she could, knowing some dripped down her face. When he collapsed, muscles releasing their tension, she lifted her gaze and rubbed the remaining wetness on his thigh. He could just clean it off in the shower, she thought, highly pleased with herself.
“Get over here,” he said gruffly.
She eased herself up and over his body, her own still tingling with need. He gripped her hips and pulled her up until she straddled his face, her pussy hovering above his mouth.
“Max,” she murmured, a mixture of embarrassed and uncomfortable. Sex with Lucas, heck, sex with the men in her past, had been quick and missionary. Everything with Max had been exciting and new. But this… she was so open to him.
“Relax, princess. Now ease yourself down.”
When she didn’t respond immediately, he gripped her hips harder. She moaned and did as he asked. Next thing she knew, she was lost in sensation, his mouth on her sex.
She grabbed on to the headboard, unable not to rock her hips back and forth as he licked and sucked her into oblivion. His talented tongue lapped at her lips, up one side and down the other, before darting inside her. She moaned and pushed against him, barely aware when she took one hand and rubbed it over her sensitive clit. Pleasure mounted quickly, faster than ever before.
Between the friction of his mouth and the pressure of her finger, she detonated quickly, her entire body shaking and succumbing to pleasure and stars exploding behind her eyes as she rode out wave after wave of the most intense climax. She collapsed beside him, barely aware when he pulled her into his arms and into the protective curve of his body.
A little while later, they showered, taking the time for a luxurious round of making love under the hot, steamy water. And she couldn’t call it anything less than that. Nothing she did with Max fell under one category only. He wasn’t just her lover. He wasn’t just her best friend. He wasn’t just anything.
He was everything.
She loved him despite having done everything in her power to avoid feeling this way. And now? She’d have to deal with the fallout.
* * *
Max hadn’t thought he’d visit the house of his adolescence ever again. Yet somehow, because Lucy had convinced him, he was here to talk to his parents. He’d known today would be tough for him. But Lucy was right about regrets, and he didn’t want to be coming back here with things he should have done haunting him. As they approached the old neighborhood where she’d grown up with her parents, her silence told him that he wasn’t the only one facing the past today.
Gabe had sold the house next door to his after Lucy graduated from college, and as far as he knew, she hadn’t returned since. As he parked out front, he glanced to the side, noting her complexion had turned pale. Apparently she wasn’t any more ready to face the past than he was.
He turned off the engine, and she hurried out of the car, rushing over to grab his hand, taking over… taking care of him. If it meant she was putting her own painful thoughts out of her mind, he’d let her take the lead.
Max rang the doorbell and met Lucy’s gaze for a brief second before the door opened and his mother stood before him. She’d aged. There were fine lines in her face that hadn’t existed the last time he’d seen her, and there was a light sprinkling of grey in her brown hair. His mother had never been one to overly worry about personal appearance, and that hadn’t changed. No hair dye or heavy makeup for her.
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