Reckless Abandon (Reckless - The Smoky Mountain Trio Book 2)

by Sierra Hill

  I won’t allow him to direct his anger toward London when she’s remained by his side through thick and thin. Been the only constant in his life. The only loving presence.

  “Sage, wait. Please.” I swallow my pride, taking a step toward him, as he watches me like I’m a predator to be feared. Or killed.

  I can tell he wages an internal war as to whether or not to give me the courtesy and hear me out. His knuckles turn white around the banister he grips tightly. Maybe to keep him upright or maybe to keep him from lashing out more. I’m not sure. Either way, he at least gives a minute to express my regret and to apologize.

  I glance around the room, where people still linger and are clearly eavesdropping to hear what’s going on between us. I wouldn’t be surprised if someone was taking video of this confrontation, in hopes it turns into a physical fight and they can sell it to TMZ for some cash.

  But it doesn’t stop me from saying what I need to say. What I should’ve said years ago but was too dumb and stupid to cop to.

  “I’m so sorry, man. You have every right to be angry at me. We were so young and dealing with such enormous circumstances. I didn’t know how to deal with the feelings…” I taste bile in my throat. Bitter regret. I swallow it down and drop my eyes to the floor.

  “I was confused about how you felt about me. What I felt for you. I panicked and lashed out at you out of fear. Shame. But I always loved you. I know that now. I know that I made a grave error and hurt you. Hurt you both,” I nod my chin over my shoulder toward London. When I return my gaze to Sage, his expression has softened, but not enough to turn this thing around. Yet.

  But if it’s one thing I remember and know about Sage, it’s that his heart has the capacity to love bigger and bolder than anyone else I’ve ever known. He accepts others who are different than him for who they are and never makes them feel less-than. Unlike me, Sage has never shied away from who he is or what he is. He’s owned up to everything he’s done in life.

  Maybe that’s why his star shines so brightly.

  I just need to get him to accept me for my past grievances. To recognize that who I was then isn’t the same man standing in front of him now.

  Sage inhales a breath and closes his eyes. It’s a concession. A start.

  I continue, taking a step closer to the bottom of the staircase, dismissing the audience in our midst who linger and loiter to get a whiff of what’s happening. If Sage doesn’t mind the lack of privacy in his own home, then I can deal with that, too.

  “I want to make amends. However long it takes for you to forgive me, I’ll keep working to earn your trust back. To earn your forgiveness. I just don’t want you to shut her out because of me and my failures to be a friend to you. Whether you believe it or not, I do love you. I always have.”

  London slowly moves toward Sage, taking cautious steps and reaches for him with an outstretched hand.

  “Please Sage. Let us talk to you. We love you.”

  Sage turns his head away, considering his options. This is his home and he has every right to kick me out for just showing up unannounced and “ruining his good vibe” like he said. Maybe we should’ve given him a heads up, but what’s done is done. I’m here now and I’m here for them.

  As if he’s just elected to have a root canal, Sage grimaces and shrugs.

  “Whatever. Stay the night,” he concedes, looking at us both. “We can talk tomorrow. Tonight, I’ve got other plans.” He tips his chin up the stairway in the direction the two chicks went off in, which I presume is his master suite.

  A part of me feels like that’s a slap in London’s face to flaunt his sexual proclivities in front of her like that. A woman he’s been on and off with for years. But it doesn’t seem to phase her at the moment. It seems par for the course. Her only established agenda for coming here tonight was getting him to listen to reason and getting him to commit to getting help.

  A smile bigger than the Grand Canyon alights London’s face and she kisses Sage’s palm that she still holds in her hand. As if he’s the king. Or her sweet prince.

  “Thank you, Sage. Thank you for giving us a chance.”

  As he continues up the stairs that curve over the foyer, he corrects her assumptions.

  “I’m doing this for you, London. Not him.”

  Well, at least it’s a start.

  Just like the fairytales we all read as children, the door has been opened for us to find a way to change the story’s ending. So that the Princess and Prince can have a life free from tragedy and live happily ever after.

  Chapter 10

  Ten Years Earlier

  The day Sage’s bond was finally posted, London and I waited for four hours outside in the county jail parking lot.

  Apparently even in a redneck county like ours, releases of inmates only happened once a day without a real concern for people’s lives or schedules. Geoff originally told us to be there at nine a.m., but it wasn’t until after the lunch hour when Sage finally appeared.

  He walked slowly behind two larger, scruffy men who looked like they hadn’t showered in weeks. Sage himself was looking pretty haggard and shitty, even though he’d only been in custody for five days.

  I didn’t have to be in jail to know it wasn’t a garden party. Although he hadn’t mentioned how bad it was, there’s no way Sage would ever want to return there. Who would?

  With every step closer to us, we watched Sage transform; the deep lines of worry in his forehead slowly dissipating and erasing the closer and closer he got to my truck.

  London, unable to hold herself back any longer, jumped out of the cab and ran toward him, arms thrown wide open as she launched herself against him and enveloped him in a tight bear hug.

  Staggering back slightly, he reciprocated with his own hug, lifting her up in his arms so she could swing her legs around his waist. Sage buried his face into the curve of her neck and even from where I stood, I could see his body shaking with emotion.

  I moved in until I was just inches from them and I swung my arm around his shoulders, pulling them into my embrace.

  “I’m so glad to see you, Sage. We missed you so goddamn much.”

  His long, thick lashes were wet when he reluctantly peered up at me.

  “Get me out of here, man.”

  Dropping London to her feet so she could walk on her own, the three of us wordlessly walked back toward my vehicle, London sandwiched between us, her hands clasping ours on each side of her. Always between us.

  As we situated ourselves in the cab and I turned on the engine, the air flicking on to eliminate the heat, the atmosphere was atomic. It was still – the way the sky gets moments before the funnel cloud sweeps down out of the sky and annihilates everything in its path. It felt both the same as it had always been and yet wholly uncomfortable. Like wearing an ill-fitting pair of jeans that you’ve grown out of but don’t want to throw out. We still wanted to make it fit between us, but the dynamics had changed.

  Everything had changed since that prom night just a few days before.

  We had changed.

  I should’ve fought harder for him to join us. But instead, I was a jealous asshole who wanted London all to myself. Had I not been so selfish, that night would’ve ended differently. His father would still be alive, and Sage wouldn’t have to go to trial for charges of involuntary manslaughter.

  Sage stared out the window, completely still, London holding his hand as we drove toward my house.

  As a condition of his bail, and approved by my parents, it was required that Sage was to live at my house. It was no big deal, considering he’d been a fixture at my home since we were kids. This time, however, he didn’t have a real home to go back to. No mother. No father. No family.

  Just London and me. We were his family.

  It was like a kick in the gut knowing that Sage’s life would never be the same again. Starting now – and dependent on the outcome of the trail – he would always carry the weight of his father’s death on his shoulders. The
blood on his hands.

  “You hungry, bro?” I asked him, figuring he was probably starving after having to eat prison food and would want something to eat.

  “Nah. I just want to sleep.”

  I could feel the weight of London’s stare as I glanced to the side where she gazed at me with a deep-green eyed, fragile look. I knew she felt exactly as I did – hopeless and useless. Uncertain what we were supposed to do for him. Unable to change the situation or make things better. Walking on eggshells with Sage because the circumstances were so tenuous.

  But I wasn’t about to let him wallow in this depression or state-of-mind. So, I pushed him. “Come on, man. How about we stop by Pete’s Burgers for burgers and shakes? Your favorite. My treat. We can take them back to my place if you want.”

  “Whatever.” His response nearly broke me. Nothing could cheer him up if his favorite food didn’t work.

  “Or how about pizza?” London added hopefully, her voice overly chirpy.

  “Jesus Christ!” he exploded, startling London so that she jolted back against my shoulder. “I said I wasn’t fucking hungry and just want to go to bed. Can’t you two mother hens just give me that? I just need some fucking sleep.”

  It wasn’t the tone of his response that surprised me so much as it was the way he immediately shut down and didn’t say another word the entire ride home. Sage turned away from us, leaning his head against the passenger side window, crossing his arms at his chest and closing his eyes to shut us out completely.

  “Sure thing, honey. Whatever you want.” London stroked his thigh reassuringly, the tension vibrating off his body so intense, even I could feel it from where I sat. And London’s normally sunny disposition suddenly became clouded with sorrow.

  The minute we parked in my driveway, Sage flung the door open and was already jumping out of the cab before I’d even turned off the ignition.

  “Sage, wait.” I demanded, jumping out of my seat and rounding the truck hood.

  He turned to stare at me with a far off look in his eye, as if he heard me but wasn’t really present.

  I walked toward him slowly – to avoid startling him – and held open my arms. Before he could protest, I pulled him into me and squeezed him tightly.

  We’d shared bro hugs in the past, but never one of this magnitude. I wanted him to really and truly know I was there for him. That I loved him, even if I couldn’t necessarily say it out loud.

  “We’re here for you, man. Always. No matter what…”

  The rest of that sentence died on my lips. I couldn’t bear to say them. The implication that he could lose the trial and be given a prison sentence was too heavy of a reality. A weight that could easily bury us in the coming months. Or years.

  We had to find a way to keep Sage’s spirits up.

  To help him live his life fully in the event the worst possible outcome occurred, and our world would be turned inside out and upside down.

  Chapter 11

  Present Day

  The partygoers began to dwindle and clear out around four a.m.

  I roll over on the bed and gaze down over London’s sleeping body, her hands formed in a prayer position near her cheek against the pillow. Her blonde hair spills out and I can’t stop myself from petting the silky locks. It brings back a flood of memories – her hair in pigtails when she was six. Her tight, dancer bun when she danced a solo in her ballet recital at twelve. Her cascading waves that fell over her shoulder as she straddled me and road me naked at eighteen.

  So many moments, many of which we reminisced about last night.

  After Sage departed upstairs, London and I’d hung out by the pool for an hour or so, catching up over a few beers, as people came and went, watching us with a mild curiosity. We didn’t quite fit the rock and roll scene, both of us dressed far more conservatively than the others. But I didn’t care about any of those people. It was just nice to sit and catch-up with London.

  I hadn’t realized how much I’d truly missed what we had once shared.

  Over the last ten years, I’d seen and done so much, lived a thousand lives. But nothing – with the exception of the birth of my own son – made me feel as whole and complete as I did when I was with London.

  My heart felt fuller. My burdens lighter. My smile bigger when she was around. She just had a way of bringing that out in me.

  Or maybe it was also knowing that Sage was in our presence. That the three of us were together once again – at least under the same roof – it lifted my spirits and comforted me with some kind of peace.

  I shake my head at my own sentimental stupidity as I quietly roll to the side of the bed, careful not to wake London. We’d only gotten a few hours of sleep, and I wanted her to continue resting because last night took its toll on her. I could see the sadness in her eyes, even when she tried to pretend it was all good. Sage’s behavior hurt her.

  Slipping on my jeans, I leave them unbuttoned and quietly open the door into the hallway, seeking out the nearest bathroom. The house looked different in the morning light, brighter and sunnier, with the rays of morning sun slipping through the cracks of the closed bedroom doors.

  Seeing nobody around, I close the door behind me with a soft click and turn to head downstairs, the same direction we came up last night when I bump into someone.

  “Sorry,” I begin to say, but lose my train of thought when I lift my eyes to see that it’s Sage.

  His nostrils flare as he takes in my shirtless torso and he takes a step back as if avoiding a venomous snake. He runs a hand through his messy bedhead hair.

  “Morning. I was just coming to find you two.” His voice sounds gravely and thick like he swallowed rocks. “I wasn’t sure if you took me up on my offer and stayed the night.”

  I lift a shoulder and watch his eyes track the movement.

  I have never been attracted to another man in my life. I enjoyed women. But something about Sage – some unique element of his being – always attracted me to him. The way I felt about him scared and scarred me. It made me doubt who I was. Who I was with him and without him.

  And it was for that reason that I did what I did to him.

  Clearing my throat, I nod. “Yeah, we found a room. She’s still asleep.”

  Sage’s eyes land on the door and then reconnect with mine, the dark brown simmering with curiosity. He lifts an eyebrow skyward.

  “Did you fuck her? Make up for lost time?”

  Anger seers through me at the implication and his obvious jealousy. He’s the one who’s had her on and off for years, keeping her dangling from a string and pulling her in only when it’s convenient for him. When he’s lost and needs her light to help him find his way. Otherwise, from the sounds of it, he couldn’t care less about her.

  And yet here he stands, angry with me because I slept in the same bed with her?

  “Fuck you, man. You’re a hypocritical asshole. You practically broke her heart last night when she watched you leave with those two hoes, flaunting it in her face. How could you do that, you prick? I thought you loved her?”

  Something I say strikes a chord with him, and he heaves a heavy sigh, dropping his head, his fingers threading through his hair.

  “Fuck, I know. I’m an asshole of epic proportions. I was just so angry when she showed up with you. I was wasted and high and then pissed off that she didn’t give me any advance warning. It’s a bad combination that prevented any good decisions on my part. I’m sorry.”

  Something in the way he says it and the genuine regret over what happened last night makes me accept his apology. Plus, it’d be mighty hypocritical of me if I want him to forgive me and I don’t do the same for him.

  Before we can say anything more, our conversation is interrupted by a sleep-riddled woman who saunters down the hallway from what I assume is his master bedroom. She scoots between us, leaning in to whisper in Sage’s ear, her voice tinged with a smoky, southern accent.

  “Thanks for last night, darlin’. I had fun. Hope to see
you again soon, baby.” The girl reaches up on tiptoe and kisses Sage’s cheek, her hand sliding over his ass to give it a hard squeeze. Then she turns to me and eyes me up and down, giving me a wink before turning to leave.

  “Yeah, see ya.”

  I watch her walk off, my jaw dropping open at the blasé and completely casual nature of their exchange. Especially if they’d fucked each other last night. It floors me to see how nonchalant their exchange was. I’ve never been a guy who was into casual. I hooked up once with a woman after I’d learned of Lisa’s cheating, and felt disgusted with myself after that.

  “Girlfriend?” I ask, even though it’s obvious she isn’t anything to him.

  Sage coughs, leaning around my body that’s blocking his view of her retreating form.

  “Nah, man. Don’t even know her name. I think she’s the daughter of one of my producers. She offered, I accepted. Although, I have to admit, I’m not even certain we got to the fucking last night. She may have blown me before I blacked out.”

  Okay, then.

  I stand in awkward silence, remembering that I have to take a piss.

  “Hey, I need to use the bathroom. Where’s the nearest?”

  Sage points two-doors down. “It’s right in there. I’m having some coffee made and brought out to the patio. Why don’t you come and join me when you’re finished? We can talk then.”

  I’m stunned at how open he is right now. Like everything is right in the world and last night didn’t even happen. Nor did anything in the past.

  But that’s Sage for you. His heart can’t stand hate or ill-will. His temper is a flash in a pan and then it burns itself out just as quick.

  He pats me on my shoulder before heading down the hallway in the opposite direction the girl went and leaves me there scratching my head in confusion over the weird turn of events.

  As if he can read my mind, Sage turns and says with a dirty smirk, “I’m still fucking pissed at you, if that’s what you’re wondering. It’ll require some groveling. Maybe even a blow job while you’re down on your knees. I seem to recall you owe me one.”