by Mia Archer
Alyssa:
“Are you sure you should be eating that? You have to worry about…”
I looked down at the plate in front of me and suppressed a growl. Mom had always been a little too gung-ho about my diet choices for my taste. The last thing I wanted was to listen to a lecture about how I wasn’t eating properly when I didn’t even start swimming at the college level for a couple of months.
As far as I was concerned that meant I had a couple of months of vacation from swimming. The first couple of months when I didn’t have to worry about hopping in the pool since I was a little kid. Not that it would probably work out that way. I knew I wouldn’t be able to stay away for long.
I’d be right back to swimming with the summer club soon enough even if I didn’t technically have to do it.
“I’m going to eat what I want tonight, mom,” I said. “Could you please not give me any crap over it?”
“You watch your mouth young lady,” she said. “You do not talk to your mother like that!”
I sighed. It looked like it really was going to be one of those nights. Mom’s eyes narrowed at the sigh. She knew what that meant, but I didn’t care. I was feeling strangely giddy tonight. Like I didn’t want to put up with her smothering me for once. Like I wanted to break free rather than dealing with it.
I glanced to the other side of the buffet where Sarah was being sensible and getting some fish concoction along with some vegetables that probably were probably drowned in butter and not all that healthy considering this was a buffet, but her choices were still a damn sight better than the fried stuff on my plate.
She had a lot to do with why I was feeling that way. It was as though having Sarah showing up to show her support, the first time someone had ever really done that and it was my rival from another team, had shown me there was another world coming my way very soon. Another world I’d realized that I very much wanted to be a part of now rather than waiting the month it would take to graduate and get to the dorms.
“Y’know what mom, I think I’m going to go sit on my own for now,” I said. “Why don’t you go over and sit with dad and Coach Scott?”
Her eyes narrowed and she opened her mouth to say something, but I wheeled around and walked off before she could. I’d been dealing with her overbearing side for so long that it felt wrong to turn like this. I felt like I was being a horrible daughter which was probably in no small part due to all the lovely guilt trips she’d taken me on over the years whenever I tried something like this.
But I didn’t care. I moved to a booth on the other side of the restaurant and waved a very confused Sarah over when she stopped to glance between where I sat and where the adults were on the other side of the room.
“Get tired of your parents already?” she asked as she slid into the booth.
“Something like that,” I said.
The guilt was already going down at just a few words from Sarah. Sitting with her made that decision feel right. The two of us on our own over here felt so much better than the awkwardness that would’ve no doubt happened if we were on the other side of the room with my parents.
I did feel a little bad for poor Coach Scott, but that couldn’t be helped. Besides, she’d been around my parents often enough to know how the game was played. She was probably running interference for me right now. Coach was about the only person in the world who my mom deferred to.
I looked down at Sarah’s plate and frowned. She really had been big on the health food. Or at least what passed for healthy food at this place. Again, there wasn’t all that much.
“Getting ready for summer training already?” I asked.
“I suppose,” Sarah said with a shrug. “Honestly I’ve been eating like this for so long that I can’t really imagine getting something unhealthy.”
She looked down at my plate and blushed. “I mean that doesn’t mean that…”
I held up a hand to stop her. “Don’t worry. I’m well aware that my love of all things fried food isn’t exactly the greatest habit to have if I want to be a champion swimmer.”
“So why do it?”
“Because life’s too short to not let loose and enjoy yourself once in awhile,” I said, staring right in her eyes as I said it. My stomach twisted in nervous somersaults as I said it. I wasn’t talking about eating fried food every once in awhile, and something about the way she blushed told me that she was getting the message loud and clear.
“I really want to thank you for coming out here to support me,” I said after that deliciously awkward moment had passed. “It means a lot that you were willing to do that.”
“Yeah, after everything that happened at sectionals I realized I couldn’t not come out here. After all, that was our event you were competing in!”
I frowned and looked down at my plate. It was our event I was competing in. I was competing for both of us, and I’d blown it. Spectacularly. I hadn’t been strong enough to push through the pain and get a win. Some great job I’d done.
I felt something bump against my foot. Weird. Did I hit the column holding it up or something? I moved my foot, but a moment later I felt that bump again. What the heck? I glanced down just in time to catch Sarah’s foot bumping against mine again, only this time she stopped and held her foot there for a moment before pulling it away.
I looked up at her. She had an odd look on her face and that blush was back with a vengeance.
“Sorry,” she said. “Guess there’s not much room down there.”
“Yeah, I guess so,” I said.
Only I think we both knew that was bullshit. I certainly knew that I wanted more. I moved my foot out until I found her leg and started rubbing my ankle ever so slightly against hers. I’d never played footsie with someone before, and it was weird how something as simple as a little bit of contact under the table could be so filled with meaning.
“You don’t need to worry, though. It’s not a problem. At all.”
I paused to consider exactly what the hell we were doing here. I’d never had thoughts like this before for a boy or a girl. I never had time to date. I was so busy with swimming that I didn’t have time to think about boys, let alone girls.
I half expected Sarah to get up and go running out the door. She drove herself. She could escape and leave me here all alone, or worse she could leave me here with my parents, but she didn’t do any of that. She smiled and responded. I shivered. Goose bumps rose all over my body and I felt it responding in ways it never had before with anyone else.
Huh. Maybe I was into girls. I’d been so busy with sports that I never stopped to really consider it, but this felt good. I suppose that was all the proof I really needed, wasn’t it?
I was surprised at how okay I was with that. I didn’t feel any of the panic or identity crisis stuff that you heard about people getting in these situations. Then again maybe all of that was going to come later or something.
Sarah opened her mouth as though she was about to say something. A part of me hoped she might be on the verge of asking me something silly like if I wanted to be her girlfriend. I was sure we were right on the edge of sharing one hell of a moment, only the moment was shattered.
“Are the two of you okay?”
I squeezed my eyes shut even as Sarah’s foot pulled away from mine with surprising speed. Her shoe thunked against the booth and that only seemed to make my mom even more suspicious as she stared down at the two of us as though she knew something. Suspected something.
The moment was gone. Nothing was going to happen with my mother standing right there. Damn it. Why did she have to come up now of all times? Why couldn’t she wait for a minute?
“We’re fine,” I said, my voice slightly icy. I wasn’t happy about being interrupted. No, not at all.
“If you say so,” mom said. She lingered for a moment as though she was about to say something, but never did. Instead she sighed and turned back to the table where she’d been exiled with dad and coach.
Again I struggl
ed with guilt for a moment. That hesitation was probably her waiting for me to give in and invite her to sit with us or something. A day ago I might’ve even done that, but not now. I felt like a different person. I felt like I was breaking free even if I was going back to life as usual soon enough.
“Is she going to be okay?” Sarah asked.
“I think she will be,” I said. “She’s just having trouble letting go now that graduation is getting closer and closer.”
“If you say so,” Sarah said.
“So are you looking forward to getting out to college and swimming?”
Sarah paused for a moment chewing on a bit of green bean. Finally she grinned.
“I’m looking forward to it a lot more now than I was,” she said.
I tried to suppress a thrill. Damn this girl had a way of driving me wild with a few simple words. If this was something that was going to continue when we got to the dorms this summer then I might go crazy. In the best way possible.
“I think I’m feeling the same way,” I said.
We continued chatting about the summer and our plans and whether or not there was a chance we’d wind up in the same dorms. I figured the chances were pretty good. It made sense that they would put student athletes in the same building. That also opened up all sorts of interesting possibilities even though neither one of us had given voice to that electric tension building between us.
And I kept thinking about that interrupted moment when Sarah had been about to say something. Maybe she’d been on the verge of giving voice to these feelings before mom had showed up and ruined the moment. Damn it. That moment never returned, either, though we did get close.
“Either way I figure this is going to be an awesome summer,” Sarah said. “Supposedly there aren’t as many parties going on during the summer, but I figure we’ll be able to find something.”
“That sounds awesome. We’ll be like the two musketeers or something!” I said. On an impulse I reached out and took her hand. We’d long since finished eating and were just chatting about all the fun things we were going to do for this one summer when we had all the fun of being at college without much of the responsibility.
Sarah looked down at my hand on hers and licked her lips, but didn’t say anything. She didn’t pull away either which I figured was a damn good sign. I opened my mouth to ask her for her number, but I couldn’t get the words out. I felt like I was on the verge of passing out. Sort of the same as the feeling I got when coach pushed me past the limit and my body was almost to the point of failure and my limbs were all wobbly and stuff.
Only this was all emotional. I mean there was one hell of a physical response going on too, but still. Sparks were flying. The moment was returning.
And I saw someone moving towards us. I turned and realized my mom was making her way across the room again, damn it. The woman seemed to have a sixth sense about when something was about to happen with me and Sarah. I wondered if she suspected something.
“It’s going to be a long drive home and after everything that happened today I think we should get going now,” mom said, all of the words coming out in a torrent as though she was afraid I’d stop her or something if she paused.
I looked at Sarah who seemed a little irritated. Maybe she’d felt that moment too and didn’t want it interrupted. I wanted to stay, wanted to see if maybe Sarah could give me a ride home or something, but mom put her hand around my arm and pulled me out of the booth.
I turned and mouthed “sorry” to Sarah as I allowed myself to be dragged away. Standing up to my mom when she was being crazy was one thing. Creating a scene where she was physically dragging me from a restaurant was another thing entirely. I’d give her this victory, because soon enough I’d be at college and she wouldn’t be there to interrupt those magic moments.
Assuming that was a magic moment and not just wishful thinking on my part.
One way or another, I was suddenly looking forward to graduation and going off to college even more than I had been.
9: Revelations
Sarah:
I felt funky. It was the only way I could think to describe it. My whole body was tingly all over and I felt like I was on fire. Warmth ran through me every time I thought of everything that happened with Alyssa today.
It all seemed so impossible, but it had all happened. From being welcomed into her little corner of that massive natatorium to playing footsie with each other at the buffet.
Of course there’d also been that business about her mom going a little crazy every time she saw the two of us together. Like she could see that something was going on and didn’t care for it.
Whatever. The whole day had been amazing. It was definitely one I was going to remember. Maybe my only regret was I didn’t get her phone number there at the end. I had a feeling Alyssa’s mom had shown up right when she did on purpose.
That woman seemed to be one of those people who had a sixth sense for when people were about to have a good time coupled with a desire to ruin that good time.
I sighed. I’d been so close to asking her for her number. It felt crazy that I’d even consider asking a girl for her number, but here we were.
More than anything I felt a burning desire to talk to someone about everything that happened today. It was just me and the highway right now, and I wasn’t going to get any satisfaction spilling my guts to the tail lights in front of me.
I fumbled for my phone. My dad was always griping at me about talking on the phone while driving, but I figured it wasn’t like I was texting or anything. Besides, it was just me and the highway and not much in the way of actual traffic. It was safe enough.
I thumbed through my contacts until I reached the person I was looking for. The one person who could truly appreciate what I was going through right now even if his perspective on what I was going through had caused me a bit of heartache once upon a time.
Craig. He’d get a kick out of what I was going through right now. Especially after all the crap I gave him when he came out of the closet and broke up with me.
The irony of the situation wasn’t lost on me.
“Hello?”
Shit. I glanced at the car’s clock. I’d been so preoccupied with the day and Alyssa and everything crazy that happened that I hadn’t stopped to think about the time. It was after eleven o’clock. Not all that late for me, especially on summer vacation, but Craig had always been an early riser.
Damn. I probably woke him up. He sounded groggy and just a little annoyed.
“Craig? I didn’t wake you up, did I?”
“You did, but that’s okay. What’s up?”
I paused and bit my lip. How to proceed? How would he take the news that I was into a girl? I’d said some pretty nasty things to him when he realized he was gay and came out. I’d been hurt. Now, looking back, I was starting to wonder if maybe I hadn’t been a little afraid, too. Afraid that I was seeing a potential future for me even if I didn’t recognize those feelings.
“I have something to confess, and it might make you mad,” I said.
“Sarah, it’s late. Could you please cut the bullshit and just tell me what’s going on?”
“Well I went to the state swim finals today to cheer on Alyssa,” I said.
“That girl you’re always going on about? The one who beat you last week? Why would you want to cheer her on?”
“I have my reasons,” I said, suddenly feeling on the defensive. There was a hint of accusation to his tone that I didn’t like, and it only got worse.
“Sarah, is there something you’re not telling me here? Why would you travel a couple of hours to cheer for a girl you supposedly hate? The stupid cow who was the reason why you weren’t the one swimming at that state meet?”
“She’s not a stupid cow. I was just jealous when I said that,” I snapped. “You don’t know her. She’s a really nice girl and…”
I paused. Craig was laughing on the other end of the line. My eyes narrowed. The bastard set me up.
He’d done that just to get a rise out of me! Besides, it’s not like I’d called Alyssa a stupid cow for some time now. At least a couple of months, and even then I didn’t really mean it when I said it. I was just getting into the spirit of competition, is all.
“Sarah dear, if I didn’t know any better I’d almost say you had feelings for this girl!” Craig said.
“I never said that,” I replied.
Damn. He was pulling mind tricks on me or something. Then again wasn’t this what I’d called to talk to him about? Of course there appeared to be a big line between calling to talk to him about the huge girl crush I’d developed and actually getting out that I had a huge girl crush.
It was a big thing to admit to someone else even if it did seem to be the new normal for me.
“Come on Sarah. I’ve known you forever. You can’t bullshit me. Why’d you call me this late? Because if it’s anything less than you falling head over heels for this girl and not knowing who to talk to about it then I’m hanging up right now,” Craig said.
I sighed. The bastard really did know me too well. It was like he could read my mind sometimes. It was too bad he wasn’t into girls, or that I wasn’t into guys apparently, because otherwise we would’ve made one of those perfect cutesy couples you always hear about who starts dating in high school and stays together forever.
It looked like that wasn’t in the cards, though.
“Okay, so maybe there is something weird going on here,” I said. “I mean it’s not like I can help it. I thought I was going down to show her some support and instead…”
“You find yourself falling for a girl?” Craig said. “Pretty weird feeling, isn’t it? I still remember what it felt like the first time I realized I was doing more than glancing around the locker room after practice. Hits you like a ton of bricks, or at least it did me.”
I smiled as I thought of the giddy feelings running through my body whenever I was near Alyssa. Yeah, those feelings sure had hit me like a ton of bricks. I guess I was right in calling Craig. He knew exactly what was going on.