by Mia Archer
“So what are you going to do about this?” Craig asked.
I sighed. “I don’t know? I mean it was just one day and her mom was a little weird about the whole thing.”
“Yeah, parents can be pretty good about picking up on that sort of thing even when we think we’re being sneaky. My mom told me she’d known for a couple of years when I finally came out to her. Was actually kind of a letdown. I’d been building myself up for this big explosion and instead we just had coffee and she told me she loved me no matter what.”
I giggled. Leave it to Craig to be upset when his mom wasn’t upset about him being gay.
“So what do I do?” I asked. “I never really thought about girls like this. I guess I never really thought about guys like this either except for you.”
“Come on Sarah. Don’t bullshit yourself,” Craig said.
I blinked. Not what I was expecting.
“What are you talking about?”
“I never said anything about this before because of reasons, but did you ever stop to wonder if maybe there was a reason why the two of us got together?” he asked.
“Well I mean I liked you and we were good friends and…”
“And now I came out of the closet and it seems like you’re developing a girl crush. You were never all that passionate when we were together,” Craig said.
“Well you weren’t all that passionate either mister,” I said.
“Fair enough. The point is one of the great things about dating you was you never wanted to really do any of the… stuff… that usually goes along with dating. Did you ever stop to think about why you weren’t that into it?”
I stopped to really think about that. I’d always figured the reason we didn’t get too hot and heavy was because of Craig’s eventual announcement about his preference for the guys, but was there something more to it? It wasn’t really an issue that I pressed. It wasn’t something I’d been all that interested in.
“It’s almost like the only reason I was with you was just so I could say I had a boyfriend,” I whispered, the revelation hitting me like the ton of bricks Craig mentioned. “Because that’s what I thought I was supposed to do.”
“Ding ding ding, and we have a winner,” Craig said. “You just repeated exactly what I said almost word for word when I realized what I really wanted out of life.”
“Damn,” I breathed. “That’s pretty heavy stuff.”
“Tell me about it,” he replied. “I always suspected you weren’t as into me as I wasn’t as into you. So now the question is what are you going to do about it now that we’re being honest with ourselves?”
“I don’t know. I was going to get her phone number but her mom interrupted us,” I said.
“So? Look her up online. We have a thing called the Internet now, you know.”
“You have a point there,” I said. I bit my lip and stared at the telephone poles streaming past my headlights along the dark empty highway. Even the taillights off in front of me had disappeared. Apparently the guy, or girl, in that car had something of a lead foot.
“We’re also going to the same college in the fall. Same swim team, even. She got a scholarship too. We’re going to be together this summer practicing for the fall season,” I said.
Craig barked out a laugh. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. You’re living the dream!”
“The dream? What are you talking about?”
“Living in the dorms with a hot student athlete that you totally have feelings for but you haven’t said anything about it yet? That’s totally the dream, Sarah. So hot. I wish I was in your shoes this summer, because damn!”
I grinned. He did have a point. A whole summer all to ourselves where the only responsibility we had was getting up in the morning and afternoon and showing up to practice? While everything was being paid for through the generosity of a university athletic department that wanted to keep us happy and swimming at their school?
It really did have all the makings of a perfect summer even before you threw in the whole girl crush thing. Add that into the mix and watch out, baby, because things were going to heat up and I’m not just talking about the weather.
“Maybe you have a point,” I said. “I need to look her up online, don’t I?”
“You bet your ass you do!” Craig said. “Besides, the whole idea of dating your formal rival is kinda hot. You have to admit that.”
I grinned even though he couldn’t see it. Craig had a way of doing that to me. “You’re nuts, Craig.”
“Maybe, but you still love me. Like a friend, of course, since it seems neither one of us is equipped to like the other romantically.”
“If I could stick my tongue out at you right now I totally would,” I said.
“I bet you wouldn’t mind sticking your tongue out at this girl, you minx,” Craig said.
I rolled my eyes when I realized exactly what he was talking about. Of course there was a part of me that figured he was absolutely correct, but I didn’t have to let him know that.
“Okay, and with that I think this conversation is over, Craig. Go back to sleep or whatever it is you do in your bed all alone late at night. I don’t really want to know.”
“Suit yourself,” Craig said. “But I can’t wait to meet this girl when we all get to school in the fall. This is going to be very interesting!”
“I’m so glad you’re living through me,” I muttered. “Bye Craig.”
I ended the call before he could get in any more smart ass comments. I got the distinct feeling that Craig was maybe a little jealous of the situation I suddenly found myself in. Not like it was my fault something like this fell in my lap, though.
I was stunned by this new way of looking at the world. Maybe the reason I hadn’t dated much wasn’t that I didn’t have time for guys. It was just that I wasn’t interested in guys and so it had never come up. And I’d been denying how I felt about girls the entire time, and it took Alyssa coming along and waking me up. Stirring those feelings for the first time.
Damn.
The only thing that really mattered was I felt closer to Alyssa than I had to anyone else. Craig included. I suppose there was a possibility this was just a really strong friendship, but it felt like one hell of a crush and I was pretty sure she felt the same way from how she’d been acting around me.
I turned up the radio and started singing along at full volume. One of the benefits of being all alone in my car. I was positively giddy as I rolled down the highway thinking about Alyssa and everything that happened today. I was ecstatic at the thought that she might be just as into me as I was into her.
One thing was absolutely for certain even if my sexuality was still just a little in question. I was really looking forward to my first summer away from home, and now I had a huge reason for graduation to get here already so I could move on with my life.
The next month or so of waiting was going to be killer.
Part 2: Summer Lovers
10: College Girls
Alyssa:
“Are you sure this is the right place?”
“Yes mom, I’m absolutely sure this is the right place. It says so right here on the map,” I replied.
I held out the pamphlet that had the new campus map. Mom looked down at the GPS display on the center console and then up at my dad. She frowned and I held back the eye roll that was threatening to break free.
“That’s not what the GPS says,” she said. “Look at the screen there. None of the streets on this silly map they gave us even exist on the GPS!”
I bit back a couple of sharp remarks. I’d found that since that fateful day with Sarah I’d been a lot more likely to snap at my mom. Maybe it wasn’t entirely fair to snap at her, maybe she didn’t deserve all of it, but it felt like a lifetime of holding back when she started going overboard was breaking free.
I couldn’t wait until I got to the dorms. I couldn’t wait until I saw Sarah. My phone was buzzing nonstop from her sending me message after m
essage asking when I’d get there. She’d already been in the dorm for most of the morning, and as luck would have it we’d been absolutely right about the school putting up all the student athletes in the same complex.
“Mom, we already went over this with the nice people who gave us directions back at the entrance. They have a lot of new construction around campus and the GPS might not reflect all of that yet,” I said.
“Nonsense. This is the most expensive car in this series. There’s no way it doesn’t have the latest roads on it,” she said, crossing her arms and turning her frown to the outside world. Well at least that was an improvement. She wasn’t frowning at me or dad.
I pointed to a building off in the distance. There was still a crane on top and a few of the windows near the top of the building were open to the world rather than the shiny reflective glass on the rest of the dorm. Obviously they were letting people in before the thing was completely ready to go, but that was fine with me. It meant I’d be staying in the latest and greatest complete with air conditioning rather than one of the older dorms where the university’s idea of comfort was giving you a window fan to circulate air in the muggy summer heat.
Another perk of being a student athlete.
“The dorm is right over there,” I said pointing to the massive building in the distance. It was impossible to miss it. There was even a big sign out front that said “Welcome Student Athletes” in big friendly letters.
Mom looked at it and sniffed. “Go to that building over there Tom,” she said. “Honestly. You can’t even buy a car with an updated GPS? The thing was right in front of us the whole time!”
I sat back in my seat and rolled my eyes. Only another half hour to an hour and I’d be free of this stuff. Hopefully for good. At least for the duration of the summer and the fall semester, though I would have to go home for winter break. That was months away and I was already dreading it.
Still, I was also filled with a delicious anticipation. It wouldn’t be long until I was in the dorms. The dorms where Sarah was staying for the summer too. My phone buzzed again but I ignored it. I didn’t want to be caught texting her right now. Not with mom in the mood she was in.
Getting situated in the dorm wasn’t all that difficult. I’d packed light for the summer. I was just going to have to pick everything up and move in the fall when I was given my permanent assignment. I just hoped it was as cushy as the place I was staying now, because as I stepped into the room I felt like I was in a nice hotel or something.
I knew from campus tours that the rooms could get a lot less nice very quickly. This looked like a hotel room, but there were places on campus that were still made out of cinder blocks with no air conditioning. I’d also have to have a roommate in the fall, but right now I was all on my own thanks to the university having too many rooms and not enough people to fill them over the summer.
I fell back on my bed an kicked it a couple of times. Let out a happy little squeal that I clamped down on as mom walked through the room and gave it her typical critical eye.
“It’s not great, but I suppose it will do,” she said.
“Yeah, that’s nice mom, but I really need to get settled in here and unpack some of my stuff,” I said.
Dad walked in behind her carrying the sum total of everything I needed to unpack for the summer. A large box full of my summer clothes and swim stuff, and a smaller bag that had a few books and my laptop in it. Like I said, I packed light for the summer because I didn’t want to move a bunch of stuff when the fall semester hit.
Besides, it’s not like I anticipated spending a bunch of time in the dorm. I was here to swim and explore the campus. See what life was like around here. Maybe get a head start on going to a few parties or something.
The important thing is I wasn’t going to be around my mom for awhile.
“Are you sure honey?” mom said, false concern suddenly dripping from her voice. I braced myself. That probably meant she was about to try and stick around longer. “I mean we could stay here and help you redecorate this place. Really make it feel like home. Then we could go out to dinner this evening!”
I fought back the urge to roll my eyes and groan. Yup. She was trying to hang on for as long as possible. With any other parent I could sympathize. Figure maybe they were suffering from early onset empty nest syndrome or something. With my mom, though, I was pretty sure she was just angling for a way to stick around and keep her hooks in me for as long as possible.
“Really, I’m fine,” I said. “I’m going to go down to the cafeteria in the basement or something for dinner. That’s why they gave us a meal plan, after all!”
Mom looked around the room one more time. Fixed me with a suspicious look as though she was wondering if I was up to something. Which I totally was, but she didn’t need to know that. I just smiled my best sweet and innocent smile and hoped that would be enough to disarm those suspicions. I also hoped she would get the heck out of here so I could go exploring.
“She wants to be alone for now honey,” dad finally said, winking at me from behind mom where she couldn’t see him. I would’ve winked back, but that would’ve given up the game. Instead I tried to look as sweet and innocent as possible. Nothing at all like a girl who was hoping her parents could leave so she could finally cut loose a little bit.
“Fine,” mom said with a sigh. “I’ll be sure to call you every night! You stay safe.”
She rushed across the room and wrapped me in a hug. I returned it. I figured there was probably at least some genuine emotion there. For a brief moment I even felt myself getting a little choked up at the idea of leaving my parents behind for the first time in my life.
It was a very brief moment.
Then the hug was over and mom was moving over to the door with dad pulling her along. More like he was dragging her along. Either way, soon enough the door closed with dad giving me one last wink. This time I did smile and wink back at him since mom couldn’t see. He was taking one for the team, for sure. Then again he was the one who married her, even if that wasn’t an entirely fair thought since him marrying her resulted in me. Something had to be working between them for them to stay together for so long considering how overbearing my mom could be.
I fell back on my bed again and let out a long relieved sigh. I was finally free. For a couple of months. Except for when mom would make those inevitable calls she’d threatened. There was no doubt in my mind that it was a threat and a promise.
A knock on the door pulled me out of my brief enjoyment of my freedom. It had been so short. I squeezed my eyes shut and the sigh I let out this time was anything but relieved. She couldn’t even make it down the hall before she had to turn around and start meddling in my life again? That woman was insufferable and crazy, and the more I sat back and looked at life in my house from the perspective of someone about to break free the more I realized just how crazy things were.
I dragged my feet over to the door. Hesitated for a moment before I opened it. I didn’t know if I had the strength to resist her mothering me right now. Not after I’d used so much mental energy to try and resist talking back to her on the car ride over here.
I pulled the door open expecting the worst and finding the best. Sarah stood on the other side with her fist raised as though she was about to knock on the door again. As soon as she saw me her face split into a huge grin that had me melting where I stood. Then I didn’t have time to worry about melting because she tackled me in a huge hug that had me stumbling back a few steps.
Sarah might be lean in all the right places from swimming, but she was also heavy. There was a lot of muscle hidden under that T-shirt and shhorts.
“I thought your mom was never going to leave,” Sarah said.
“Yeah, I was thinking the same thing. It took my dad dragging her away to finally get rid of her. She’s been really overboard ever since she realized her girl is going off to college and she’s not going to have anyone to boss around at home anymore.”
Sarah rolled her eyes. “I don’t know how you put up with it.”
“Yeah, well right now I’ve got the whole summer away from them, and I’m going to enjoy it!”
“So what would you say to getting a little bit of lunch in the cafeteria down in the basement?”
I pulled out my phone and glanced at the time there. “Don’t you think it’s a little late for lunch?”
Sarah wrapped an arm around me and I was reminded of the feelings I’d been missing so much since the state swim championships. Talking to her online had been fun and all, but there was nothing like the feeling of having her up close and personal with her body pressing against mine. I closed my eyes and allowed myself to enjoy the moment as feelings that I’d been trying to forget, without much luck I might add, came flooding back.
“That’s the beauty about college, Alyssa,” she said. “We can do whatever we want on whatever schedule we want.”
I allowed her to pull me out into the hall. The door clicked shut behind me and for a panicked moment I ran my hands over my pockets to make sure the little computer chip the university handed out was still in my pocket. I breathed a sigh of relief. I hadn’t just locked myself out of my room on my first day on campus. Talk about potential embarrassment.
“Well almost whatever schedule we want,” I said. “We do have to get up in the morning to go to practice. And show up in the afternoon for practice too.”
“I know,” Sarah said. “They’re letting us off so easy. Did you know practice here starts at seven in the morning? I can’t believe they let us sleep in that late!”
I giggled. “I couldn’t believe it either. I’ve been getting up at five in the morning for so long that my body isn’t going to know how to deal with sleeping in like that!”
“Exactly. And I was down at the pool earlier today. No one was around, but I saw their record board. We’re going to get to set all sorts of new records here, even if neither one of us got that state title we wanted,” Sarah said.
I frowned for a moment. I always felt a darkness pass over me when I thought about the state title. One credit to my parents, they didn’t mention it at all. I wasn’t sure if that darkness was because I’d spent so long reaching for that goal only to have it snatched away from me at the last moment, or because it reminded me of that strange weakness I felt in the pool. It hadn’t come back since, but I hadn’t pushed myself all that hard since that day either.