“Abigail, you are not responsible for Shema’s death. That was your father’s doing and his alone.”
“Yes, but if I had not spoken about God, then my father never would have known, and then—” she glanced toward the spot where Nathan and Jonathan sat “—the twins would not have lost their mother.”
“What is this you speak, Abigail? Dara is here with us. She has not left her sons.”
“Shema used to hug and kiss them on the cheeks. Whenever they did something that made her happy, she would press her lips to their heads. She never did that with me, and I loved her. I know she loved me.”
He squeezed her fingers. “I am sure she did love you, but that does not mean she was their mother, Abigail.”
“You have a mother, Jesse. Did she pick you up when you scraped your knees? Did she kiss you and wish you well before bedtime?”
He nodded.
“Shema did those things with the twins. She did not do so for me and she was like a mother to me. I remember her saying that if she ever had a daughter then she’d want her to be just like me, Jesse. Like me.” Tears welled up in her eyes. “I know she was their mother. I know it here.” She thumped the tip of her finger against her chest. “And I took that from them. Oh, how they must hate me.” She buried her face in her hands and sobbed.
The warmth of Jesse’s hand seeped through her tunic as he rubbed comforting circles on her back, for the night air had begun to chill with the lack of sun.
“Abigail, you must know they would not be here fighting to protect you if they hated you. They are loyal to you. I have seen it in their eyes.”
Abigail lifted her head and searched his eyes for the truth. She swiped the sleeve of her tunic across her eyes and sat up straight. “You mean it?”
“Yes, Abigail. I have not excelled at the ways of battle without discerning a man’s loyalty.”
“Why would they?” She hiccuped. “Why would they do that after what I have taken from them? Shema was the kindest of people, gentle and full of joy.”
“Then you do her proud, Abigail.”
“What do you mean?”
He tucked a finger beneath her chin and raised her eyes to meet his. “You are the kindest of people, gentle and full of joy.”
She shook her head. “It is not—”
“It is, Abigail. How many people do you know who would steal a meal from a griffon?”
She gave a little laugh. “Shema would have, the twins. And as grumpy as Dara is, she would have, too.”
“They leave a legacy that will carry on through you. As for the twins, they do not blame you, Abigail.”
“Unless they do not realize my part in her death.”
“Abigail, my beautiful, beautiful Abigail.” Jesse cupped her cheek in his palm. “Do not allow the sins of your father to steal your joy. Shema would not wish it, and I am certain the twins would not, either.”
“It remains, I must beg their forgiveness and then seek this God who makes beautiful sunsets.”
The corner of his mouth slid upward. “Abigail, the God who makes beautiful sunsets is the only living, breathing God. The only one worthy of your prayers and worship. Hear the song?”
She nodded.
“It is a song of praise unto our Lord, Creator of the heavens. ‘Oh Lord, our Lord, How excellent is Your name in all the earth, who have set Your glory above the heavens.’ It was written by your ancestor King David. He loved the Lord, even in his sin, and trust me when I say he had many, yet he always sought reconciliation with God.”
“How can I do this, Jesse? How can I make amends with God?”
“David wrote, ‘Lean your ear to me, O Lord, hear my cry.’ All you must do is call out to the Lord and have faith He will hear you.”
She glanced to the wide expanse of the heavens. A multitude of lights winked down at her.
“Those who seek refuge in the Lord will find rest.”
She dropped her gaze to his. “Even the daughter of Athaliah?”
“Even the daughter of Athaliah.”
Chapter Sixteen
Jesse stretched his arms. The sting from the cuts had lessened as had the pain in his ribs. The soft sounds of the camp slowly coming awake brought him comfort. Soon they would be on their way to Jerusalem. And he was quite thankful there had been little grumbling since his people had just left the city. For the most part, they were willing to help, especially since it furthered the cause of Judah, secured Joash as king.
Some, however, were leery of returning Abigail to Jerusalem for fear she’d try to seize the crown. Of course, they did not know her motives for wanting to return. They did not know she wanted truths. If they did, they might not have agreed, especially if they knew what the truth entailed.
He scrubbed his hand through his beard, sat up and rested his elbows on his knees. It did not matter how he felt—she deserved the truth, even the part he played in her current situation. He was glad of Athaliah’s death. He only regretted having been the hand who had shed her blood.
He speared his fingers through his hair. The bump had grown smaller overnight. He had not noticed the lack of thundering in his head until this moment. He was thankful for the attention and care Dara had taken. If not for her and Abigail, he would have perished and missed this morning’s sunrise.
He slipped from his tent and stood. He arched his back and stretched again.
“Did you sleep well?”
Something kicked against his chest and he smiled. “Good morning, Abigail. What is it you are doing awake?”
“I did not wish to miss my first sunrise.”
He held out his hand. “Come, shall we?”
She entrusted her hand to his. He navigated his way through the sleeping bodies and tents until they reached the east side of camp. He did not want any man-made objects obscuring their vision as they watched God wish them a good morning.
“I should have grabbed one of the blankets for you to sit on.”
“I am well, Jesse. I think I would prefer to stand. That way I am closer.”
They stood there for long moments, watching in silence as the darkness gave way to tender shades of dark blue. Purple streaked to the south. Pink to the north. A bright orange oval pressed into the horizon, bringing with it colors indescribable.
“Do not stare at the sun, Abigail. Its brilliance will momentarily blind you.”
He felt her eyes upon him. He turned and looked at her. “’Twould not be such a bad thing, would it, Jesse? Your uncle seems to find his way around better than those of us with eyes to see. He is wise, that man.”
His breath caught in his throat as something burst in his chest and shot to his knees. He drew his fingers down the side of her jaw, tucking her hair behind her ear. Somehow she understood his uncle when many would only see a blind man. She saw beyond the ugliness of his scarred eyes.
He glanced back toward the horizon. “It is why I try to never miss a sunrise or sunset.” He gulped. “It is the one thing my uncle claims to miss the most.”
The shuffling of feet reached his ears. Jesse turned to see Seth walking toward them. Jesse let go of Abigail’s hand and made toward his uncle. “Good morning, Uncle.”
“Good morning it is, Jesse. How is it this morning?”
“Beautiful as ever,” Jesse said as his eyes sought out Abigail, her eyes closed, face tilted upward.
“I meant the sunrise, nephew.”
“Of course. It is breathtaking as usual. The blues are more tender this morning.”
“Tender? Is that what it is?”
Jesse smiled. “They are deep, near the color of blackness. However, they have smoothed together as if there is no barrier between them.”
“Magnificent. Good morning, Abigail,” he said as Jesse brought him to a halt.
>
Abigail placed her hand on Seth’s shoulder. “Good morning, Seth.”
“Come now, I have asked you to call me Uncle.”
She leaned forward and pecked Seth on the cheek. “Of course, Uncle.”
Seth smiled, his age seeming to dissipate as he basked in the morning sunlight and Abigail’s affection.
“My thanks for pleasing an old man with your description, nephew. I never tire hearing of God’s goodness.”
Abigail clapped her hands together. “Oh, but it is beautiful. I cannot imagine they are different each morning.”
“Have you never seen the sun rise before?”
She dipped her chin, her cheeks pink. “I have always known there was day and night. Knew the sun rose and the moon appeared in the dark along with the stars, but no, Uncle, I have never witnessed such a brilliant sight.” She looked at Jesse. “I now understand why so many believe there is a supreme God. How else could such a thing occur?”
“In that you are correct, Abigail. Only a loving God, the God Almighty, would provide such a gift to His creation.”
The look in Abigail’s eyes as she spoke with Seth captivated Jesse. She spoke to him as she spoke to anyone. Her eyes did not shift away, only when she felt shame, such as her having never seen a sunrise before this very morning.
Jesse’s heart smiled. There was no other way to describe it. He was glad he was able to share this first sunrise with her. He hoped it would be one of many, but first they had to get to Jerusalem.
The sun was near halfway above the horizon, and as much as he regretted it, it was time for them to begin packing up camp. “I hate to bring an end to this moment, but it is time. We must gather our belongings and make our way to Jerusalem.”
They turned toward the camp. Jesse acknowledged many as they wove through the throng of people. He guided Seth to his tent. “I will see you soon, Uncle.”
Abigail gave Seth a parting kiss on the cheek.
“May God grant thee safe travels.”
“To you, as well, Uncle.”
It had been decided the night before that two of the younger boys would lead Seth and Suph’s horses back to the cavern to wait for their people to return home. Jesse had been reluctant to give up Papyrus, but, as Isa had pointed out, it would not do for Suph to recognize his own horse. Of course, Nathan and Jonathan grumbled, as well, but they eventually saw the wisdom in leaving them behind. It helped that Jesse vowed to return them once Abigail was safe. Now he had to speak with Ianatos and explain the plan for the Philistines. Ianatos would not like it, but what choice did they have?
He stopped outside Abigail’s tent, reluctant to leave her presence for even a moment. “Until I see you again.”
He turned to leave. “Jesse,” she said, halting his retreat.
“What if I do not wish to return to Jerusalem?”
He grabbed hold of her shoulders. Had she decided to return to Suph? “What is it you are saying?”
“What if I do not wish to know the truth, Jesse? I fear it will destroy the peace I am finding here among your people.”
His people had not been so kind to her cousin, but he understood. He did not wish to take her to Jerusalem, either, but in this they had no choice. He could not tell her what it was he had done until she heard what it was Jehoiada had to say. It was his only hope of receiving her forgiveness.
“Abigail, if you do not return, you will always wonder about your cousins and your father’s sons. You will always wonder if Joash is the rightful King of Judah. You will always wonder if you were responsible for Shema’s death.”
Shadows of pain flickered in her eyes.
“It is sorry I am, Abigail, but I do not believe you will live in peace, not with yourself, if you do not find the answers you seek.”
She stepped back and crossed her arms over her chest. “I am scared.”
He tipped her chin up until she met his eyes. “Abigail, you were brave enough to stand in the face of a griffon’s deadly talons in order to save a cub.”
“I did not know what it was I was facing.”
“As so in this, Abigail. You do not know what the truth holds, neither do I. What I do know is you are brave enough to face the truths before you, no matter what they may bring.”
She drew in a ragged breath. Tears welled on the edge of her lashes. He watched her fight for strength and courage. She straightened her shoulders and nodded. “Jesse, will you pray?”
He smiled and grabbed hold of her hands. Here she was prodding him to be an example. “Of course.”
He knelt on the ground outside her tent, drawing her down beside him. He closed his eyes and bowed his head.
“Heavenly Father, God of all creation, we praise You above all, for You are the only God who breathes and gifts His creation with sunrises. Lord, You alone know our days. You alone know what our purpose is here on the earth. Lord, Abigail and I beseech You to go before us, to hide us from Thine enemies and grant us understanding in the face of our own fears. Seal our future in the palm of Your hands, God. Amen.”
Jesse opened his eyes. Abigail’s hair draped around her shoulders, shielding her. Peace surrounded her. Peace encompassed him and he knew no matter what happened in the next hours, the next days, all would be well. He did not know if he loved her as Isa had suggested, but he knew in this one small moment he wanted to try.
And, Lord, I pray Thee, grant Abigail the ability to forgive me for my sins against her.
* * *
Something—she did not know what—calmed all of her fears as Jesse prayed. He’d quit speaking, but she did not want to move from the comfort surrounding her. She wanted to bask in this moment and never let it go.
He squeezed her fingers and guided her to stand. She opened her eyes and looked into his. They were filled with an emotion she did not understand but had seen when Nathan looked at Bilhah. Perhaps it was that affection Bilhah suggested a man did not give easily. If that was true then why had Jesse kissed her?
Did Jesse feel something for her?
Would he kiss her again?
He winked. Her heart dropped to her stomach and rolled around. She felt...happy, joy. Laughter bubbled up into her throat, but she tamped it down. Jesse would only ask her the cause of such joy and she had no answer for him, not yet.
“It is time.” He gave another reassuring squeeze and then dropped her hands. “Help Bilhah and Dara gather your belongings, and do not forget the cub.”
She gave in to the laughter. “I do not think Micah would allow me to do such a thing. He is quite taken with the beast.”
Jesse pressed his lips together. He looked as if he wanted to say something.
“It is all right, Jesse. I know the cub cannot stay. It is too dangerous. Surely someone at the palace will know what to do with it.”
It would not be the first time a big cat prowled the courts of Judah.
He nodded. “I will see you once the camp is broken down. Do not leave or wander. Wait here and I will come for you, Bilhah and Dara. I will not send a messenger. I will come myself. Understood?”
She twisted her lips.
“Abigail, if the twins arrive before I do, make them wait here with you.”
“I will not leave.”
“For nothing, Abigail. It is important. You do not know everyone here. If a stranger were to come into camp and ask you to go with them, you would not know them from any other here.”
“I understand, Jesse.”
He grabbed her hand. “If you have need of me, send Micah.”
Stepping closer, he leaned forward. She thought he was going to kiss her, the glint in his eyes like that of a polished stone telling her so, but the shine dulled and became guarded. He released her hand and walked away. His rejection reminded her of all the times her mother had paid her
little heed.
She watched him skirt around one tent then another. She caught glimpses of him as he moved toward the tent he’d spent the night in. He moved like the big cats she’d seen at the palace, lithe, graceful. Yet strength and power lay at rest in his shoulders and upper arms. She’d felt his strength when he’d cradled her after her encounter with the bird. She’d seen the strength vibrate through him as he fought to control his anger.
“Princess, will you care for the cub while I fetch some things for Dara?” Micah looked reluctant to give up the animal. She would have offered to do Micah’s chores for him, but she’d told Jesse she would stay.
“Of course.” She held out her hands for the cub. “How is he doing today?”
“He keeps his eyes open longer and has had some goat’s milk. He still does not move much.”
Abigail laughed. “Soon you will be wishing he did not move at all. Go do what Dara has asked. Do not be long, we must be ready soon.”
“Yes, Princess.” He scratched the top of the cub’s head, bobbed his chin and then ran off.
Abigail took a deep breath before ducking into the tent. “Are we almost ready?”
Dara rolled a wool blanket and tied a cord around it. “I sent Bilhah for Nathan and Jonathan, and then sent Micah after Bilhah. I need my boys to take our things and load them on the donkeys.”
“Yes, Micah just left a moment ago, but I did not see Bilhah anywhere.” She snuggled her face into the cub’s fur. His purring tickled her cheek.
Dara’s wrinkled brow wrinkled further. “She left shortly after you did, Abigail.”
Abigail peered out the tent flap and then back to Dara, Jesse’s warning firm in her thoughts. Was it possible Suph or one of his men had snuck into camp? “You do not think anything has happened to her, do you?”
“I would not panic yet, although she has been gone longer than necessary. Unless she still searches for Nathan and Jonathan.”
Abigail closed her eyes and prayed for Bilhah’s safety. Lord, please send Jesse to me. Something does not feel right.
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