by Vera Quinn
“You’re just going to leave your truck here? How big is this plane we are getting on? I am not sure I am comfortable with B getting on a small plane. B has never flown before and I read that they can cause small children problems with their ears. That’s the reason I never took her on a plane before and aren’t they more prone for crashes?” Dra smiles.
“Maddie calm down. This is a rental and I have someone picking it up and returning it. Children fly on planes all the time and if Betsy has a problem with her ears then we will give her some gum. I chartered a plane from a very reputable man that I trust. I am not taking any chances with my family,” Dra tries to assure me.
“B doesn’t chew gum. It’s not good for her teeth. I just don’t want her scared or in any pain,” I tell Dra.
“Darlin’, Betsy will be trying all sorts of new things in her life that are a little scary, but her mom and dad will be there to help her through it. Relax so she won’t feel your anxiety. That will probably scare her more than the plane ride,” Dra says as if it is a natural thing of him taking care of his daughter. I have made B miss this.
“How do you know that? I don’t remember you having any experience with children.” Dra’s face goes hard and I know I made a mistake asking him that question.
“You’re right Maddie. I do not have the experience of taking care of Betsy. That was taken away from me by you. I don’t have hands on experience like you but since the day that I found out I had a daughter I have been reading up on how to care for my child, so I would be prepared for the day when I could bring her home. I had also started reading books with Callie before she had Kellan. Remember, we thought I was going to raise your nephew with your sister.” I hear the regret in Dra’s voice. I think it is always going to come back to the life that Dra wanted with Callie. I don’t know how to compete with that. Dra looks like he is trying to control his temper.
“I can’t begin to tell you how sorry I am,” I tell Dra honestly.
“Look Maddie, it is not going to do us any good to keep going over the past again and again. I can’t say I am not still angry, but I know I need to let it go so we can move forward so let’s both try to do that. Betsy is what is important. I want to get to know her and I want her to trust that I will always be there for her like a dad should be,” Dra tells me without taking his eyes off the road. I see the way his hands are gripping the steering wheel.
“That would probably be easier if you would call her B instead of Betsy. It’s what she is used to. I have called her B since the first day she was born,” I tell Dra hoping it will help B warm up to her dad. It’s not like she has had time. She has seen him all of five minutes today before she was back to sleep.
“Why would we call our daughter B?” Dra asks me with a smile on his face. I see parts of the man I fell for there in that smile.
“Well her name is Betsy Lauren. Betsy after your Gram and Lauren for my Grandma Bass. I wanted her to have something for herself, but I think three names are just too much, so I thought I would call her B, so it is all hers. I call her honey B sometimes because she is sweet as honey,” I tell Dra honestly.
“I can see that but why didn’t you give Betsy my last name? Don’t you think she needs her dad’s last name?” Dra asks me.
“In the state of Texas, the father has to sign the birth certificate for it to be legal and I was trying to keep it as simple as possible. I do want B to have your name. You both deserve that. I know that now,” I try to explain myself. I know there is no excuse that Dra will accept. I understand that.
“That will be corrected. My attorney is bringing all the paperwork to Vegas. I will try to remember to call our daughter B, but she needs to be taught her real name also for when she goes to school.” I have already thought of this, but I like to see where Dra’s head is. I think we can make this work if we both keep putting B first.
“Okay.” I smile as I say it. Dra smiles back at me and that is how we leave it as we drive up to a small airstrip in the middle of nowhere.
Chapter 12
Maddie
It has been two days since Dra and I were married in Vegas. I have been walking on eggshells since we got off the plane and Dra’s attorney, Mr. Davidson whisked us away to a small hotel, so I could sign a stack of papers. I read each one carefully and I know that they are going to change every one of our lives. Dra has as much right to B as I do now and that is the way it should have always been. There is just something about the way Dra is acting that has me not trusting him. Maybe it is the way he has treated me in the past or maybe it is because that for the last two days Dra has not once tried to have sex with me. Dra made it very clear that we were going to consummate our marriage and we haven’t even slept in the same bed yet. Do I want Dra to touch me? Yes. We are husband and wife and if we are going to be a real family then Dra and I must find a way to coexist as husband and wife. Dra has been getting acquainted with B. He’s taking it at her pace which I am happy about, but I can see the disappointment in his face when she wants me over him. I just want normal. I’ve never had normal. I don’t even know if I would recognize normal if it bit me on my butt. I want B to have a mom and a dad in her life every day that are happy and not just going through the motions until it blows up in our faces. I just need to breathe.
Dra dropped B and I off at his house and had to go take care of business, whatever that means. I try not to think about it. I thought I would be more comfortable in an actual house than going to the clubhouse, and this may be Dra’s house, but it is not a home. It’s a nice four-bedroom three bath single story house set on a few acres of land. Dra’s description, not mine. I know this is the house that Dra bought for him and Callie. Her mark is all over the house. It’s decorated in the same style as her home in Oklahoma. Leather sofa and love seat, leather recliner, and heavy wood tables are in the living room area. It’s made for comfort but there are no light colors or female touches. I love Callie dearly, but she was raised in a house with a very male atmosphere.
B is playing with the few toys that I brought with us. I checked the refrigerator and there are the bare necessities and most of those are out of date. A trip to the grocery store is in our near future. Fortunately, I brought all the little heat up meals they had for me at the farmhouse for B, pasta dinners, but they will do for today. That and some fruit cups, juice boxes, and oatmeal will get us through.
I think the thing that shocked me the most when I looked around the house is Dra still has the pregnancy pictures he had made with Callie before Kellan was born over his fireplace on the mantle. One of the spare rooms still has things that someone bought for a baby. I am guessing for Kellan, but it strikes me as a little weird. No, make that a lot uncomfortable. It’s like this house has not moved on since Callie was here. I know that Dra and Callie loved each other but surely Dra has moved on. I mean we are married. He had an ol’ lady, Sunshine, at one time, surely she didn’t live here like this. I need to talk to Aunt Deb and Micah and see what they think about it or if I am being oversensitive. I am brought out of my thoughts by a knock on the front door. Should I answer it? What am I thinking, of course I should answer it! I’m not a prisoner here or a secret. I live here now, and I am Dra’s wife. B beats me to the door, so I hurry over and look out the peephole. It’s not easy since I am too short but raising up on my tippy toes and reaching. I am surprised to see Krill standing there smiling at me. He knows I am looking at him. I move B back away from the door. I think she is not any more comfortable in our surroundings than I am because she hasn’t said anything which is not like my chatterbox daughter. I open the door and Krill is patiently waiting. He has a big smile on his face and I can tell that Krill is going to be a handful. I am sure he is used to getting exactly what he wants from any female with that smile.
“Hello Maddie, is Dra here? I didn’t see his bike but thought since I was here I would knock and ask anyway.” B has her hands wrapped around my leg and Krill’s eyes go to her. “Wow, Betsy is the spitting image of Dra exc
ept in female form.” Krill laughs.
“Dra said he had club business.” That brings Krill’s eyes to me and he looks uncomfortable now. “Would you like to come in and talk with B for a few minutes? I have a few questions I think you might help me with.” I bend down and pick B up and step back so Krill can come in. Krill walks in and I shut the door and I follow Krill into the living room. “Betsy is used to being called B. She may warm up to everyone faster if you call her that but do whatever you are comfortable with.” I sit down on the love seat and Krill sits on the coffee table and he reaches for B and to my surprise B goes right to him. “Wow, that’s a first. You must be the baby charmer. B usually takes a little while to warm up to people.” Krill winks at me and smiles.
“That’s because B knows her Uncle Krill is going to be her favorite person. I have all sorts of plans to spoil this little girl rotten.” Krill sits B on his knee and starts bouncing her. His mistake. Now she’ll expect it every time. “We are going to be great friends, aren’t we B?” B is laughing. Krill has her full attention. Krill looks at me. “What can I help you with Maddie? I’d like for us to get to know each other too. Dra’s text was a little vague, but I got the point that the two of you are married and that makes you family.”
“I guess the only way to do this is take the bull by horns and just ask what I want to know.” I smile at Krill. “I’m not real sure what is expected of me since I am married to Dra. I know the details between Dra and I will be worked out between us, but I am looking more along the lines of the club. I have been around the BlackPath MC for a limited amount of time and I have been around Callie and the Feral Steel MC, but I am not familiar with what if anything is expected of me. I know the Troubled Fathoms MC is not exactly like either of the other two clubs. I really don’t know what I am asking. I just feel so out of my element here and Dra left us here and said he had club business to attend to and I am a little overwhelmed, I am a long way from ranch life in Texas. There I know what is expected of me and where I belong but here I am just lost.” I smile again but I feel more like throwing up because my stomach is twisted in knots. Krill puts B on the floor. She walks off to her toys where she had been playing before. Krill looks at me.
“Maddie, it sounds like to me that you and Dra need to have a conversation about this. He can tell you everything you need to know. You two are married now and if you don’t communicate then I don’t see how things can work out between the two of you,” Krill says in a kind manner, but his words tell me that he isn’t going to be much help to me.
“Krill, I am not asking you to betray anything between you and Dra. I just need the basics of club life for dummies because right now I am feeling stupid about this situation. I am a person that needs rules and directions to follow so I know I am doing things right. I have always been a rule follower until it came to things doing with Dra, I have broken all my rules with him.” Krill laughs. I mean a full belly laugh. It kinda stings. I don’t know if he is laughing because it was amusing to him the way I described it or if he is laughing at me. I guess he sees the confusion in my eyes.
“Are you really that naïve and innocent? Because if you are this life is going to eat you alive.” Krill is still half laughing.
“Just because I like lists and rules does not mean I am naïve and what is wrong with innocence? It just means I do not have a tainted outlook on life and that is why I am asking, so I can learn,” I tell Krill letting him know I do not appreciate his laughing at me.
“Calm down sweet cheeks. There’s nothing wrong with the way you do things it is just different than what we are used to around here. Dra is really going to have his hands full.” Krill tries to calm me.
“What do you mean by that?” I ask feeling my cheeks going red from getting so upset.
“All I mean is we are not used to women who ask for rules or how they are supposed to act or even what their place is in the club. Which I need to say, your place in the club rests all on Dra. Most woman around the clubhouse are a little bit brash and they demand their place and will fight tooth and nail for it and that includes scratching the eyes out of someone as naïve as you are. You may be the breath of fresh air that we have been needing, a little sweetness,” Krill tells me. His attitude does nothing for my nerves.
“I guess I will just need to wait for Dra to explain what he expects from me.” I look to the floor not wanting Krill to see just how out of sorts I am feeling here. I don’t want to disappoint Dra in my first day here. Krill steps up to me and puts his fingers under my chin and makes me look at him. It seems he is being gentle with me and it seems so out of character for him.
“Hey, sweet cheeks, you hold your head up. There is nothing that you are doing wrong now. I don’t agree with you keeping my niece from me and more importantly keeping B from Dra but just spending the little time I have with you I know you don’t have a mean bone in your body. Misguided maybe, but not mean. You are going to need to grow a bit of a backbone for this life and not wear your heart on your sleeve so much. That’s just a little bit of unsolicited advice. I want this to work out for you, Dra, and most importantly B. Just keep your eyes open and be flexible.” I think about what Krill has said and I think it is coming from a good place and I need to respond with honesty, so he knows I am sincere.
“Thank you, Krill, for your brutal honesty but you need to know I will not blindly believe everything that Dra or anyone else tells me.” Krill widens his eyes a little and starts to say something, but I hold up my hand to stop him. Krill lets go of my chin and steps back. “I have lived a bit of a sheltered life compared to the motorcycle club life, but I am not gullible and someone who will wear blinders, so I don’t see what is going on around me. You, coming here, tells me that Dra had no club business, because you, being the President of the Troubled Fathoms MC, would know about any club business going on, or you wouldn’t be the president. That means Dra is doing something he didn’t want me to know about or come out and tell me. I will be no one’s fool.” Krill doesn’t give anything away. He just starts shaking his head and the smile is back.
“Maddie, you may work out better than I thought. This should be interesting. I need to get going. I do have club business to take care of.” Krill doesn’t admit anything, but he doesn’t deny it either.
“You and Dra are a lot alike, but then complete opposites too. I hope you and I can become friends. I don’t think Micah and Dra will ever get along but maybe you and I can be friends.” I need some friends here.
“Well except for Callie, that would be a first. I don’t have female friends, but I would like to try.” Krill walks towards the door as he says it. I follow him. “Uncle Krill will see you soon B.” B stops playing and runs to us and lifts her hands up to Krill. He bends down and picks her up and kisses the side of her head.
“Bye-bye,” B says. Krill looks at me. I reach for B and she comes to me. Krill watches us.
“That means she wants to go with you, so you better go before B decides to go into her crying to go with you.” I see Krill likes the idea that B wants to go with him.
“I go bye-bye with kill.” Krill and I both look at B.