Alien and the Wedding Planner

by Lizzie Lynn Lee

  That made the two women pause. They traded a bewildered glance.

  “If you do,” Alana continued, “you’re making a big mistake. No one would buy a chubby girl like me. I don’t make a good sex slave. I don’t have that many experiences. I mean, I’ve had sex before but it wasn’t that good. I mean, I know it can be good, I’ve read a lot of books and—”

  “Calm down, Alana Watson—”

  “Don’t freaking call me by my full name! It’s annoying.”

  The first woman didn’t look fazed. “What would you like to be called?”

  Alana pursed her lips. Miffed. “Lana,” she said in a small voice.

  “Well, Lana. It seems you have a misunderstanding.”

  Alana widened her eyes. “You’re with the human trafficking ring, right? You kidnap people to sell to perverts?”

  The two women blinked at the same time. The first woman recovered quickly. “I can assure you, Alana Watson, we are not who you think we are.”

  “Then who are you people? Oh my God, you’re with the government, aren’t you? You kidnapped people to experiment with them. What did you do to me? Did you inject me with biological warfare serum? Is that what you did? Please tell me!”

  “Calm down, Lana,” said the second woman, gently pushing her back to the gurney. “We are not with the government or the human trafficking ring.”

  “Then, who are you people?”

  “We’re Crimean. We’re going to bring you to our home planet.”

  Alana watched them for a second and burst out laughing. Didn’t Ice and Storm mention about uncloaking a ship earlier? Those crazy cosplayers or Larpers or whatever they called themselves these days.

  “Why are you laughing?” asked the first woman. “I’m afraid I didn’t get the joke.”

  “Of course not. I just thought you were gonna say you’re aliens or something.”

  The first woman tilted her head slightly aside. An almost smile hovered on her lips. “I guess you can call us that. We are not humans, if that’s what you mean.”

  Alana laughed harder. “Yeah, right.”

  “Do you find it hard to believe?”

  “Aliens don’t exist.” Alana rolled her eyes. Give me a break. “Or if they do, why would they kidnap me? I’m a nobody. They should kidnap Stephen Hawking. He’s smart.”

  “Believe it or not, you might be the key to our survival.”

  Survival? Alana laughed again. “Okay, okay, seriously, this is getting old. You people really commit to your characters. This is going too far. Take this stuff off me. Please.”

  “I’m afraid we can’t.” The second woman held her shoulders against the gurney. “We’re nearly done, just one more step, and then we’ll be able to let you up from the table.”

  The first woman held what looked like a giant syringe with no needle, filled with a dark red liquid.

  Alana watched her with horror. “What is that?”

  The woman lifted the sheet and pressed it against Alana’s side. The syringe hissed, and Alana gasped at the sting of it. “Fuck!” When the woman lifted the syringe, it was empty. “What was that? What did you do to me?” Alana asked, trying to keep the panic out of her voice, and failing.

  “Proteins and engineered bacteria to make sure you don’t feel ill while the nanobots alter your DNA.”

  “Wha—”

  The second woman kept her from thrashing against her bounds. “You’ll need to lie there for a few more minutes, and then you can get up. I know you must be confused.” She stood a little taller and gestured to the other woman. “I am Rain Moonray, and this is Leaf Windblade. I’ll answer any questions you have. I’m sorry we couldn’t explain what we were doing before we did it, but time is of the essence.”

  Alana’s body felt suddenly light, as if she were floating off the table. Her mouth went dry. “What did you do to me? And why?”

  Rain tilted her head again as if she approved of the questions. “We examined you earlier and confirmed that human physiology can’t withstand travel faster than the speed of light. The radiation alone would end your life, so we modified your physiology to allow you to survive the journey.”

  “Journey?”

  “Back to our planet, Crimea.”

  Alana swallowed, and her mouth felt normal again. “Right. Well, let me tell you something, I ain’t going nowhere. I want to go home, right now. Home.” She swallowed hard and added, “Earth!”

  “I understand, and I am sympathetic. The only consolation I can offer, Lana, is that you will be revered on Crimea and hailed as a hero of our people if our mission is successful. We need you, and as such, you will be treated much like I suppose a queen is treated on your earth,” said Rain.

  Queens aren’t always treated that well, lady. Just watch Game of Thrones.

  Alana flinched when the one called Leaf held a round, silver object over her stomach. “What is that?”

  Leaf offered a reassuring smile. “I’m scanning to be sure it’s safe to allow you to sit up. You won’t feel anything.”

  Alana closed her eyes and hoped that all of this was nothing but a bad dream. Maybe Susan the bridezilla spiked my coffee with acid when I told her I can’t get some white hyacinths as a bridal bouquet. It’s freaking summer! You can’t get hyacinths in the summer. And why would you want hyacinths when other brides covet peonies or cabbage roses? Yes, yes, I must be going crazy.

  A male voice said, “Greetings, Alana.”

  She startled and opened her eyes. She found Ice leaning over her. Alana’s first instinct was to berate him. Then she realized how vulnerable she felt, strapped down and naked. Fear was there, rolling in her stomach, but not as much as she might have expected. She glared at him, growling, “How dare you. Just wait until I get my hands on you, I’m gonna kick your ass six ways to Sunday.”

  Ice looked puzzled. “Forgive me; I don’t understand what you mean. Is that human’s idiom?”

  “Har-de-har-har. Very funny.”

  “I assume that’s sarcasm. Forgive me, Alana. If it helps you to know this, I had no intention of taking you. Suddenly circumstances changed, and I didn’t have the time I wanted to ask you more questions or even convince you to come willingly.”

  “It doesn’t explain anything. I don’t know what your problem is, you can’t just kidnap people willy nilly.”

  “I understand. If it makes you feel better, this is the first time I had to abduct somebody.”

  “Oh, what a relief. That’s sarcasm, by the way.”

  Ice gave her a unreadable expression. Was he amused? Pissed? She couldn’t really tell. He was lucky he was handsome. She itched to kick his sexy ass, no matter how big he was.

  Rain distracted both of them when she tapped the silver circle device a few times and said, “We can let you up now.”

  Then she took the thin sheet that covered Alana and whipped it to the side to unstrap her, leaving her completely naked with them all standing over her.

  With Ice standing over her.

  The moment she could move, she sat up and put an arm across her breasts and one across her lap. “Where are my clothes?”

  Ice responded first. “Would you like a uniform, or your—”

  “My clothes.”

  Leaf retrieved her slacks, blouse, and underwear from a cabinet and handed them to her in a neat, folded pile. They all stood around her, watching.

  “Am I not going to be allowed privacy?”

  All three strangers looked at one another.

  “I don’t know where you come from but women don’t go around naked in front of men. Or get dressed with them watching.”

  Ice stared at her for a moment, then seemed to realize what she was saying. “Oh. I promise you I have no interest in your naked body, but I can leave the room if you wish.”

  She gritted her teeth. She didn’t know why what he declared irritated her to the high hell. “Just turn around until I’m done, okay?” She didn’t want him to leave, because she had a few things to say
to him.

  Well, a lot.

  Ice turned, though he seemed confused about it, and Rain and Leaf turned away, as well. Alana quickly dressed, and immediately felt less vulnerable. She walked around Ice to look him in the face. “You. Take me back to my shop.”

  Ice looked at Rain, who said, “We’ve explained that we can’t do that.”

  “Right, because you’re taking me to your home planet. Seriously, people, I’ve got work to do. I know you people are so committed to this larping thingy, but I can’t keep playing. So, either you take me back right now or I’ll call the cops and press charges. Your call.”

  “Cops?” Rain repeated it as if it was a foreign word.

  “The police!” Alana brandished her hands in frustration. “I can think of a few things to charge you with already. Kidnapping. Unlawful imprisonment that leads to emotional distress. Reckless endangerment. You’ll be hearing from my lawyer too. And oh boy, you’re not going to like it.”

  Ice seemed unperturbed with her outburst. “I would if I could but I can’t.”

  “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

  “We’re in crisis. We can’t spare fuel to send you back home.”

  If she were a cartoon character, steam would have been shooting from her ears by now. “You people are nuts!” She wheeled around and strode to the farthest corner of the room toward a window. It was actually a viewport. And that thing was blocked.

  Alana rapped against the glass. “Open it.”

  Hesitantly, Ice murmured something to Rain. The woman cast her a genuinely concerned look before pressing some buttons on the wall panel. A second later, the shade in the viewport slowly faded, revealing a scene she didn’t expect: a clear view of the blue Earth, floating in the sea of blackness.

  Alana took a step backward as if the view offended her terribly. Her mind raced. Her heartbeat pounded against her

  No, this can’t be true. This isn’t happening. Aliens aren’t real. This whole mess is nothing but a hallucination. No, no, no. Agent Mulder, Agent Scully, save me!

  She staggered and had to lean on the wall to prevent her from crumpling to the floor.

  “Alana,” Ice stepped toward her. “You’re upset.”

  “Well, duh. How very observant of you, Sherlock.” Even a village idiot couldn’t miss her sarcasm this time. Her knees weakened as she was overwhelmed by the urge to curl up somewhere and forget this insane reality.

  Ice took her hands and held her steadily.

  “I want to go home,” she whispered.

  He slowly nodded. “I know. And I’m sorry, but we’re not taking you back. Not yet, at least. So please, let me explain why. Why don’t we get something to drink and eat first? It’s way past your lunchtime. You must be famished.”

  He sounded and looked so sincere, she felt like he really cared about her. Their gaze locked. She was momentarily mesmerized by his eyes. Up close and personal, they were more light grey than ice blue with flecks of silver on the irises. She was stunned by how gorgeous he looked. Soulful eyes. Perfect nose. High cheekbones. Dimple that flanked his almost-smiling lips.

  There was one quick second where she was tempted to reach up and kiss him on the lips. Nuts, she tore her eyes off him, utterly bewildered. I’m supposed to be scared of him. This guy is a freaking alien! Alien! “Is that…” Alana swallowed hard. “Is this the way you really look? I thought aliens are little gray people with big eyes.”

  He was somewhat puzzled for a moment. Then he chuckled. “I’ve learned that the humans have misconceptions about extra-terrestrial beings. This is our true form. And no—we are not reptilian creatures in disguise either.”

  His words were so reassuring, she felt at ease. Alana lowered her guard, grinning along with him. “So, there’s no scales underneath your skin?”

  “No. Touch it, if you don’t believe me.” Ice captured Alana’s fingers and placed her hands on his face.

  Alana halted her breath. There was a spark the moment their skin touched. She felt his cheeks. The stubble on his jaw and his chin. His neck. He shaved just like any other man she knew. Only, no man she’d ever met was this gorgeous.

  Suddenly, Alana was curious what he would look like underneath his uniform. She knew he had a nice figure from the suit he wore when she first met him in her shop. And the slim fit of his uniform didn’t hide the outline of his body, either. Still, her imagination ran wild. Would the flesh underneath that fabric feel as firm as it looked?

  Unconsciously, she dragged her hand over his pectoral. She could feel his heartbeat there. Thumping. Just like a human. Her mouth formed an ‘O’ at her new discovery. He noticed it. He smiled and placed his large hand over hers, pressing it deeper into his chest as if he wanted her to know that he was no different than her. That he posed no danger.

  “You feel so hot,” she remarked. “I mean, your skin.” Okay, you’re insanely hot too but there’s no way I’m going to tell you that.

  “Our normal body temperature is approximately one hundred and six degrees Fahrenheit, borrowing your measurement system. Or forty-one point one one one degrees in Celsius. Or three hundred fourteen point two hundred sixty one degree in Kelvin.”

  “Fahrenheit. In the US, we use Fahrenheit.”

  His smile widened, revealing a row of perfectly white teeth. Normal teeth. No fangs or anything. Jesus Christ, he could be a toothpaste model with that dazzling smile.

  “See? I know you can enlighten us with the precious information we desperately seek. My instinct was right, and normally, I don’t act on instinct alone. I’m glad I did this time.”

  “So, going home isn’t really a choice at this point, huh?”

  “I’m afraid not.”

  “Bummer. Just so you know, I’m not a fan of anal probes either. So, if you’re thinking of it, I swear I’m not going to talk. Ever. No matter how bad you torture me.”

  She didn’t expect him to laugh, but he did.

  “Another misconception,” he noted. “No. We won’t do that to you. I promise.”

  “But you guys did something to me earlier.” Alana turned to Rain and Leaf who stood silently near the padded gurney. “She injected me with red liquid.”

  Ice turned his head at Rain, then her again. “It’s only nanoenhancive serum. We put some ‘little helpers’ in your system to help you survive the journey. The human body can’t handle the stress from the superluminal speed of this ship.”

  “And this choker thing on my neck?” Alana pulled her hand from his and touched the metal band that Rain had put on her earlier.

  “Rapid translator system so we can communicate flawlessly.”

  “I see.”

  Ice touched her hand and held it tightly. “Come. I’ll show you around the ship. I understand that you must have some questions.”

  “A lot.”

  “And I am here to answer them.”

  It wasn’t as if Alana could simply run. She had no hope of getting off a ship on her own. And she couldn’t fight these people—beings—and force them to take her back. She didn’t have much choice but to cooperate unless she wanted to be miserable, maybe even strapped down again.

  She did not want that.

  Besides, Ice was very nice.

  Hey, that rhymed!

  This couldn’t be happening, could it?

  Nope. All the bridezillas finally made me snap. I’ve had a break with reality, and I’m sitting at my desk right now, giggling, and eating paper, and talking about how Elvis killed Kennedy, and the Earth is really flat.

  It felt real enough, though. It was real. This smoking hot guy in front of her was freaking real. He had a dazzling smile, normal heartbeats and didn’t have fangs. He looked young and had a steady job, obviously. And he got to go to faraway, exotic places like Earth. Was he a real catch or what?

  He also smelled very nice too. So that was a plus.

  “Yeah.” Alana cleared her throat. She started to feel funny in front of him—a feeling that she hadn’t expe
rienced in a long, long time. Like a schoolgirl with crush. She worried that she’d start giggling next. “Question one: are you single?”

  Chapter Five

  Ice couldn’t blame Alana for being upset and angry. If their situations were reversed, he would be—if he could ever worry about such things. He’d probably also be fearful, but he hoped he could put Alana at ease as quickly as possible. He led her down a long corridor that connected the sickbay with the bridge.

  “I’m single. Unattached. I’ve never been married if that is what you mean.”

  “That’s what I meant. Any girlfriend or special someone back home?”

  He smiled. The study on Humanology concluded that humans often asked about marital status if they were interested in striking a friendship with people they had just met. This was a good sign from Alana. “No. I don’t have a lover.”

  “Why not? You seem like a catch.”

  “A catch?”

  “Someone who is very desirable.”

  “I assume that is a compliment?”

  She pouted, but she didn’t seem upset. “Trust me, I don’t give compliments lightly.”

  He squeezed her hand gently. The study of Humanology also stated that humans prized intimate contact to establish trust. Simple things like never breaking a gaze or holding hands. And for some reason, he also enjoyed it as well. Strange. He had never been compelled to do this before. “I treasure your praise and your companionship, Alana.”

  Her cheeks suddenly reddened. Blushing? Ice was struck by her beauty. Odd, he thought to himself. His race was genetically perfected beings. But he didn’t find them as attractive as he found Alana. The imperfections in her were what made Alana perfect. Ice was curious to find out why.

  He led her onto the bridge. They passed a few of his underlings on the way there and they snapped to attention and saluted. Alana seemed to regard him in a different light after that but she didn’t inquire about his ranking.

  Campania’s bridge was a vast white room, manned with two dozen officers and specialists. Almost everyone surreptitiously stole glances in Alana’s direction, heavy with curiosity.