Rewriting Yesterday

by Wright, Candice

  A cough behind me has me turning to pyjama man.

  “He’s breathing. Just knocked out, I think. What about her?”

  “Same. An ambulance should be on its way.”

  “What about him?” he points to the crumpled body on the floor between the beds, a crimson stain pooling around him.

  “He’s dead.” I have no idea if that’s true or not, but he will get no help from me unless he wants helping to the other side.

  * * *

  FRANKIE

  It’s the smell that wakes me, cluing me in to the fact that I am yet again in a hospital. Slowly, I open my eyes, squinting against the harsh fluorescent lighting.

  “Hey, there she is. Sam, can you turn the lights down?” I turn towards Caleb’s voice, comforted to find them here, guarding me.

  The events leading up to my stay here crash over me.

  “Jacob,” I manage to choke out, my voice sounding gravelly. My throat feels like I’ve swallowed glass.

  When hands slide around my stomach and pull me back against a hard chest, I realise that I am not alone in the bed. Ryan places his lips against my ear, talking quietly, calming me with his soft gentle tone.

  “Jacob is fine, sweetheart. He has a bit of a headache and a mild concussion. They are keeping him in overnight to monitor him, as he is still a minor, but he will be staying with Steve in his private room, and if everything seems fine then he will be free to go home tomorrow. Malcolm is with them both, and the police have someone stationed outside the door just as a precaution.”

  I sigh in relief, my panic receding now that I know Jacob is safe. I open my mouth to ask about Robert when the door opens and a doctor walks in.

  “Ah, Mrs Taylor, I’m glad to see you are awake. How are you feeling?”

  “My throat is sore, and I have a headache,” I whisper, noting it hurts less than straining to talk at full volume.

  “Well, that’s to be expected. You have a nasty bump on your head and some bruising to your face and neck.” He looks around at the men crowding me before returning his attention to me.

  “Would you like the gentlemen to step out of the room for a few minutes whilst I continue?”

  I feel the tension in the air, knowing that they don’t want to leave but that they won’t force me to let them stay.

  “They can stay, Doctor. I need them here with me.” Ryan’s arms spasm around me as Caleb slides his hand into mine, offering me his strength. Sam moves to stand at the end of the bed, placing his hand on my calf and offering me a reassuring squeeze that they aren’t going anywhere.”

  “I need to know if you would like us to check you over for sexual assault,” he tells me softly, and I realise belatedly that having the boys here for what comes next might not have been such a clever idea.

  The room feels electrically charged, and I try to dispel it by shaking my head no. The hand on my calf tightens painfully but it helps to keep me in the moment instead of letting me slip into flashbacks from earlier.

  “You have a deep bite on your right breast that has been cleaned and dressed, but Mrs Taylor, you were unconscious when you were admitted, and given the nature of the attack I would like to make sure that nothing happened whilst you were asleep.”

  “Nothing happened more than what you can see,” I answer him emphatically.

  Nobody looks convinced, and a dark bead of humour bubbles up inside me at the irony that nobody believes that I wasn’t raped any more than anyone believed that I was years ago.

  “You wouldn’t necessarily wake up during an attack Mrs—”

  But I cut him off. “I would know, trust me. I know exactly what it feels like to wake up and find out that your body has been violated, and to have no memory of it happening. That didn’t happen this time. He tried but I stabbed him before he could go any further.” I focus on Sam instead of the doctor, willing him to understand. “I didn’t care what he did to me, but he was going to hurt Jacob.”

  Sam tilts his head in question to the odd tone of my voice.

  “He was going to hurt Jacob like he likes hurting me, and then he was going to force him to—” I sob because there is no way I can get those words out, but judging by the look of horror on his face I know he has figured it out.

  The doctor looks between Sam and me before continuing.

  “Okay, if you are sure. Is there someone at home that can stay with you tonight?”

  Three resounding yeses answer before I can even open my mouth.

  The doctor shifts, looking marginally uncomfortable.

  “Right. Well, I see no reason why you can’t go home. I will write you a prescription for the painkillers, which you can fill at the pharmacy downstairs. If you start to feel worse or experience any other symptoms, please come back.”

  “It’s okay, Doc. We know what to look for,” Caleb answers him, still clutching my hand.

  “Very well. I will go and get your release papers. I hope you feel better soon.”

  The doctor leaves the room and I focus back on Sam, who hasn’t taken his eyes off me.

  “Is he dead?”

  He is quiet for a moment, probably contemplating if I can handle any more before nodding.

  “You stabbed him in the carotid artery and he bled out before he got here.”

  My body starts shaking, making Ryan hold me tighter. I know I didn’t have a choice, but I still killed a man. I have blood on my hands, literally.

  A tear escapes before I can stop it. My emotions are all over the place, and I hear Sam curse before he moves to the side of the bed that isn’t occupied by Ryan, nudging Caleb out of the way before sitting down on the bed next to me. I pull myself up into a sitting position with a little help from Ryan and raise my arms for Sam. He plucks me from the bed as if I weigh no more than a feather and places me on his lap, straddling him.

  I vaguely hear Caleb in the background telling him to be careful with me, but all my focus is on Sam as he places his thumb under my jaw, tilting my head up so that he can look into my eyes. I want to look away. I feel too worn down and vulnerable, but it is impossible to snap the thread that is connecting us. I guess his demons recognise mine.

  “I am so fucking proud of you, Frankie.”

  My breath catches in my chest at the raw emotion in his voice.

  “You fought tooth and nail and didn’t give up even when you were scared out of your God damn mind. I am so in awe of you. Don’t beat yourself up about his death. If I had managed to get my hands on him, what you did would have seemed like child’s play. He doesn’t deserve your guilt, Frankie. You did what you had to do to make it safe for you and Jacob. I don’t want you spending any more time thinking about him. He already stole your yesterdays. Please don’t let him steal your tomorrows, too.”

  My breath hitches again painfully in my chest almost like it's cracking open to expose my tattered heart. He rests his lips against my forehead before whispering to me, “I love you, Frankie. I’m so glad you fought your way back to us. Now let us fight for you. Nobody is going to hurt you again on our watch.”

  I look back up to him, stunned by his admission.

  “You love me?”

  “Frankie!” He smiles at me, the first real smile I’ve seen from him in months. “It’s impossible not to love you.”

  “Okay, Sam, stop stealing our girl.”

  I turn towards Caleb, who is staring at me with a burning intensity reminiscent of the first time we met. He holds out his hands to me and helps me down off Sam’s lap before engulfing me in his arms.

  “It’s true, Frankie. You are impossible not to love.”

  I stare at him, mouth agape, doing a wonderful impression of a fish out of water before squeaking out, “You love me, too?”

  “Since the moment you punched me in the face.”

  The room is quiet for a few beats before we all start laughing.

  “Well, you were being a dick!” I tell him indignantly.

  “And I probably will be again, because I’m a
man, and when we fuck up, we fuck up big.”

  He swallows hard, and I know he is blaming himself again for bringing Robert back into my life. I run my fingers over his jaw.

  “That’s okay. I know how to keep you in line.”

  I smirk at him and offer him a flirty wink that helps the tension seep from his body. He pulls me close again, wrapping his arms around me and resting his head upon mine as I face Sam and Ryan. I sense no jealousy from anyone, which is a relief, because I would rather have no one than have to choose between them.

  Sam’s lips twitch as if he knows exactly what I’m thinking. Insightful bastard.

  I turn my attention to Ryan, who has been abnormally quiet, and feel my now calming heart start to beat erratically again at the look of desolation in his eyes. I gently shrug out of Caleb’s embrace and step towards him.

  “Ryan?” I whisper, not sure what else to say. I jump slightly when I feel Caleb lift me into his arms and place me back onto the bed next to Ryan.

  “Ryan was the one who found you first, sweetheart. He is just struggling with the images in his head,” Caleb speaks for him.

  “Oh Ryan! God, I’m sorry. I never wanted any of you to see me like that.”

  I dip my head down to hide the wave of shame I feel knowing the state he must have seen me in. He slips his arms around my back and hips and yanks me to him before holding me tightly against his body. I can feel him trembling against me as he tries to keep his emotions in check.

  “Don’t you ever apologise for what happened,” he tells me quietly but vehemently, leaving me little room to doubt his feelings. “Just like Sam said, I’m proud as fuck of you.” He swallows reflexively, caught in his memories. I squeeze his waist to remind him that I’m here and that I’m okay.

  “When I heard that gunshot, I thought I had lost you before I ever really had you. That’s when I heard you scream, and it gave me hope. Hurt can be fixed but you can’t fix dead, you know? But then it went deadly silent, and by the time I got to you, you were laying in a river of blood with that fucker on top of you, and I thought I was too late. I wanted to die right along with you.” He shuffles me up the bed until we are face to face, his warm breath tickling softly my bruised cheek.

  “When I found a pulse, I thought I was going to pass out from sheer relief. I almost lost you and I’m done waiting. I’m sorry, so fucking sorry that you got hurt because of us.”

  I go to speak but he silences me by placing a finger against my lips.

  “I am so in love with you, I can’t be away from you anymore. I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but please, God, tell me that you will let me spend the rest of my life making it up to you.”

  I would love to be able to say something profound right now, but I can’t speak. My voice is trapped and hidden under a tsunami of feelings—hope, fear, regret, and love—so instead of trying to tell him how I feel I decide to show him by closing the sliver of distance that remains between us and softly kissing him.

  He freezes briefly, clearly not expecting my actions, before responding by sliding his hands into my hair and deepening the kiss. He pulls away before I’m ready, causing me to mewl slightly, which makes him chuckle. He kisses my head and arranges my head upon his chest and one leg thrown over his, with his arms tight around me. My eyes drift shut. I feel safe, cocooned from the outside world. Sam’s hand is on my leg again, tracing circles. The heat from Caleb presses against me as he leans over and kisses my shoulder.

  “Sleep,” he tells me in a quiet but no less demanding than usual voice, and that’s what I do, unaware of the little smile that stays on my lips long after I have drifted off.

  Chapter Twenty

  FRANKIE

  “Sam, I am perfectly capable of walking,” I tell him as he lifts me out of the back seat of Caleb’s car and swings me up into his arms, but it may as well have fallen on deaf ears. I give up, knowing I won’t win this battle, and rest my head against his shoulder as I watch Caleb and Ryan head up the steps to my house with their bags in their hands.

  After being discharged we went upstairs to see Jacob and Steve, where I dissolved into a sobbing wreck yet again. When I finally got myself under control I fussed over them for a while, needing to see with my own eyes that they were okay. Eventually my body decided that it had enough and the boys, noting my fatigue, told me in no uncertain terms that it was time to go home. After hugs and promises of coming back tomorrow, they finally managed to get me out the door and on our way home, stopping only long enough for them to grab a bag each from their places.

  The lights are blazing as we step through the door and to the side so that Ryan can lock up and set the alarm. I don’t ask how he knows my code; it’s probably better not to. I glance around the kitchen expecting to feel uncomfortable and scared now that Robert has invaded my home but if anything, I feel numb. It’s almost like my body has reached is quota of emotions and just can’t process any more, so it has started to shut down.

  I release a small sigh as Sam walks into the sitting room and gently places me down on the sofa.

  “I am going to do a walk-through and make sure everything is locked up. Caleb is going to run you a bath so that you can relax, and Ryan is going to order some food and find a couple of movies for us all to watch, okay?” I look at him and smile a genuine smile of relief.

  “That sounds perfect, thank you.”

  He nods before giving me a soft peck on the lips and leaves the room just as Caleb walks in. Before I know it I’m up in Caleb’s arms this time and being carried upstairs into my bedroom. If I was feeling better, I’m sure I would be getting pissed about them picking me up and carrying around all the time despite all my protesting but at the moment I have no fucks left to give. I’m tired, hungry and sore. At this point I am more than welcome to the idea of being looked after for a change.

  Placing me on the bed, Caleb heads into the connected bathroom where I hear him filling the bathtub before returning to me.

  “Where are your comfortable PJs?” he asks me, cupping my face and using his thumb to stroke over my cheek bone.

  I point him in the direction of my dresser before telling him which drawer to find them in. After some rummaging he returns with a pair of soft grey lounge pants and a black tank top with a built-in bra. He has also grabbed some purple fluffy socks and a pair of baby pink boy shorts. On a normal day, having someone go through my underwear drawer and casually pop them down next to me like they have seen a hundred pairs just like them would have me blushing a lovely shade of crimson. Today, however, has been anything but normal, and in the grand scheme of things Caleb fondling a pair of my panties barely registers on my radar.

  “Think you can manage the rest on your own?” he asks me using that soft tone again, the one that says he is expecting me to break any second. I reach out and snag his wrist as he kneels in front of me.

  “I’m fine now, Caleb.” The look he throws me screams "bullshit", making me laugh and him smile.

  “Okay, I’m not okay, but I will be, I promise. I’m going to have a soak, and then I will meet you downstairs where you can feed me until I burst and then snuggle me until I fall asleep.”

  “Now that sounds like a plan.” He stands and kisses my forehead before leaving my room pulling the door close but not closed on his way out.

  I head to the bathroom and check the water, which is the perfect temperature, so I turn off the taps before undressing and climbing in. I lie back, not caring if my hair gets wet. In fact, remembering how much blood washed away in the quick shower that I grabbed at the hospital has me reaching for the shampoo again.

  The shear amount of blood I was covered in was shocking, hammering home the horror that took place in that hotel room, but I can’t find it in me to feel any remorse. Sam’s right, I did what I had to do, and I would do it again. I don’t know what that says about me. Robert was an evil man, and the world is a better place without him… but I still took a life, and all I feel is vindicated.

&nb
sp; I sink down into the water until everything is submerged except my eyes, nose and mouth. The quiet stillness offers me no answers but allows me to focus on my breathing and to calm some of my scattered thoughts. With a final calming breath, I slowly but thoroughly wash my body from head to toe before washing and conditioning my hair again. Pulling the plug, I step out and grab a huge fluffy towel and cocoon myself inside it, hurrying back to my room all whilst studiously avoiding my reflection in the mirror.

  Dressing in the clothes laid out by Caleb and running a brush through my hair before braiding it, I head back downstairs to see what food Ryan has ordered. Hearing the doorbell, I head towards the kitchen and walk in just in time to see Ryan place four large pizza boxes down on the kitchen island. Spotting me, he pulls out a stool and then hollers for Sam and Caleb.

  He opens the top box and slides it towards me, the smell making my mouth water in anticipation. Realising that he has custom-ordered my favourite pizza has me inexplicably blinking back tears. I guess the numbness is beginning to wear off. Sam and Caleb plop themselves down on either side of me, opening the pizzas in front of them before looking at each other and swapping them. Guess we all like our pizza a certain way.

  I look up to find Ryan watching me. He winks at me and I offer him a small smile before digging into a slice. The boys talk quietly around me while I continue to eat, not realising just how hungry I was until I lick off the last of the trails of melted cheese and that the kitchen is too quiet. Looking up again, I find all three of them staring at me with looks of shock and amusement on their faces.