The Bad Boy's Forever Girl

by Jessie Gussman

  He had that devilish smile that she loved. “I guess I thought you’d wear one because I asked you to.”

  “And what if I ask you to wear one?” She kind of thought that was a bold question. But it hadn’t seemed like that until after it was out in the air, and it was too late to take it back.

  He hesitated. And then his eyes crinkled, and he looked away. “You got me there.”

  Which, of course, made her smile.

  He took her hand, and they walked down the steps and out to his bike. The night was cool but not cold, and clear. Once they got away from the lights of town, they’d really be able to see the stars.

  “I’d like to help you on, but it’s better if I get on first, that way I won’t kick you.”

  She bit her lip. She hadn’t considered this. Whether or not she would be able to mount the bike. With her leg.

  He seemed to read her mind. “Don’t get mad at me.”

  Her eyes snapped to his. “I hope I’m not so scary that you’re afraid to talk to me because you think you might make me mad.”

  “Well, you did get really mad at me that one time I offered you my hand. Kind of scarred me.”

  “Seriously? You’re never going to let me forget that?”

  “You said it. Scared to make you mad.”

  “Well, don’t be. Now...” She put her hands on her hips. “Tell me what you were gonna say.”

  “I was just going to ask if you needed help.”

  Her brow puckered, and she looked at the bike. “I don’t think so. Let’s do it the way you said...I might have to hold onto you a little bit. If I can’t get on, then we’ll figure something else out. Will that work?”

  She really hated that she needed special treatment. All her life, almost every day, she was in some type of situation where she just wished that she could be normal. This was one of those, only the feeling was multiplied, because she hated being special in front of Blade. She just wanted to be a normal girl, going for a ride with a normal guy and feeling like she was falling in love with him.

  Why did her stupid leg have to ruin everything?

  “Sounds good.” He grabbed a hold of the handlebar and swung a leg over, looking like he did it every day. Confident and strong, and she admired him, knowing she would look anything but. Like a whale trying to walk down the runway. A frog trying to fly.

  At least she would be behind him, and he wouldn’t see how awkward and ungainly she was.

  “Do you mind if I hold onto you?”

  “I don’t. I’ll enjoy it.”

  She wasn’t sure what to make of that. So she didn’t say anything but grabbed a hold of his shoulder. Big and hard, it felt smooth under her hand, with only his T-shirt between her skin and his.

  She steadied herself and grabbed on with her other hand too before awkwardly shifting her weight to her good leg, lifting her bad one, and trying to get it over the bike. She just couldn’t quite lift it up high enough.

  She could feel her face, confound it, getting red despite the darkness.

  She wasn’t sure she had a good enough balance to take one of her hands off his shoulder and use it to lift her leg up. But that was about her only choice.

  He shifted under her hands, turning his head and looking. She wanted to tell him not to; she wanted to hide. She already looked ungainly and awkward with her leg up in the air like a dog peeing on a fire hydrant.

  But before she could move, he reached back and gently cupped her leg just above her ankle. “Am I going to hurt you?”

  “No.”

  “I’m going to lift.”

  “That’s fine.” She shut her eyes as she said it. Embarrassed.

  She gripped his twisting shoulders with both hands as he carefully lifted her leg and guided it over the seat.

  When it was over, he allowed it to slide out of his hand, and she put her butt down on the seat.

  “There are pegs there for your feet.”

  She found them and was able to get her feet on and hook them.

  He twisted around again, looking at her. “Are you okay?”

  She appreciated the consideration. She really did. He was sweet, more than she had expected. Even knowing that his bad-boy reputation wasn’t anything like what he actually was. Maybe because of being so embarrassed, maybe because of the gentleness with which he had held her leg, or maybe just because of the concern in his voice, but it made her want to cry.

  She pushed the feeling aside. Having the dog eat the steaks, being unable to get on the bike, then breaking into a puddle of tears. Boy, if this wasn’t a disastrous first date, she didn’t know what was.

  It was pretty much the kind of date that guaranteed there wouldn’t be a second one. So she determined to enjoy it.

  “I’m fine. It’s sweet of you to ask. Thank you.”

  “That back bar isn’t very high. You can hold onto me.”

  “I don’t want to overstep my bounds. Where, exactly, am I supposed to hold onto you at?”

  One side of his mouth kicked up. “You don’t have to worry about overstepping any bounds. Hold me wherever you want to.”

  Well, he said it. So she wrapped her arms around him.

  His breath seemed to tremble as he let it out. Maybe she imagined it, but she still smiled.

  He didn’t make any comments, and neither did she, but started the bike and eased out from the curb, humming slowly down the street.

  It was like riding a bicycle, only faster, less tiring. She could see so much better, and there was just something freeing about it. Or maybe it was being behind Blade. His scent and his warmth and his strength as she held tight. She definitely wasn’t used to having her arms wrapped around anyone, especially not someone like him. It wouldn’t be hard to get used to it and want to do it more often.

  Eventually, they maneuvered out of town, and he opened it up on the highway. She could see the speedometer over his shoulder from where she sat. They weren’t speeding, but it felt really fast. The wind blew her hair, and if she ever got the opportunity to ride again, she made a note to make sure she had a ponytail. It’d be nothing but tangles until they got home.

  But it was worth it. Stars and the wind and the man in front of her, confident and competent, gave her a soaring feeling in her chest. She wanted to close her eyes and hold her arms out, feeling like she was flying.

  They rode for a long time, and she lost track of time. But eventually, he headed up a mountain road. One she’d never been on before. It was paved but wound uphill with several hairpin turns and switchbacks. They finally crested the top and rode over the other side. She looked out over the valley below and saw the lights, maybe the lights of town, and more, spread out. They seemed so close to the stars above which were almost as bright.

  They didn’t drive very far before there was a turnoff, and Blade slowed, easing the bike into the wide spot.

  He kicked the stand down, shutting the motor off.

  Maybe she should ease her arms from around his waist and straighten, but she didn’t. She laid her cheek on his shoulder and stared at the valley below them.

  “I’ve lived in this area all my life, and I’ve never been here,” she whispered softly.

  “I believe it.” His voice was pitched low. “Since they put the interstate in, most people just take the next exit and go through the pass. This road isn’t used much anymore.”

  “How’d you find it?”

  Blade didn’t say anything for a while; she thought maybe that was an answer—no answer.

  He stood.

  Was he going to walk somewhere?

  He shifted and carefully pulled his leg over the seat. Her hands fell off and down, and she wondered if she was supposed to get up too.

  “If you don’t mind, stay where you’re at. I wanted to face you.”

  She didn’t say anything, a little miffed that he didn’t answer her question. But he must have been able to see enough of her face from the starlight and the moon shining down that he knew it was okay. Beca
use he turned, putting his other foot carefully over the seat, and sat down facing her.

  Maybe squatted was more like it, because their knees hit.

  He put his hands over her thighs just above her knees, and his fingers went down under her legs. “You mind?”

  She shook her head slowly, uncertain what he was asking. But he lifted her legs gently and slid his under them, so they were sitting on the bike facing each other, with her legs over his. It was comfortable, she had to admit.

  “This was a make-out spot when we were in high school. It probably still is. I think most of the people that would be up here normally, though, will be down there street racing tonight. I could be wrong. We’ll have to see.”

  She wanted to sigh but tried to do it quietly.

  Of course, she didn’t know where the make-out spots were in high school. And of course, he did.

  Her eyes swept over the valley again, aware of his strong legs under hers and the scent that was all his. She’d catch whiffs of it in the garage, but it had been much stronger tonight. It was a scent of confidence and strength, mixed with a spicy smell of forest and Virginia Pine. She could breathe it all night.

  “I can’t believe I’ve lived here all my life and didn’t realize how beautiful it was.” She supposed, if one got to choose their make-out spot, this would be a good one. If one got bored, at least there was a good view.

  She almost laughed out loud at that one. Her husband, Cliff, might’ve been a little boring. She hardly thought that anyone who was hanging out with Blade would get bored. Just a guess.

  His hand rested on her knee. Heat on the bottom of her leg, his legs through her jeans, and heat on the top.

  “It is pretty,” Blade agreed. Then he turned to her. “You’re the most beautiful thing out here tonight.”

  She kept her head turned out toward the valley and bit her lips over the words that wanted to come out of her mouth. She closed her eyes. “That sounds like a line you’ve used on a lot of girls. And that kind of disappoints me, because I felt like, up until now, you hadn’t used any on me.”

  He was quiet for a while; she didn’t know whether he knew it or not, but his thumb rubbed over her knee. If she had to choose between that and the view, she’d take the thumb.

  “I’ve never said that before. But I don’t expect you to believe me. Because I can’t say I’ve never been here before.” He sighed, long and a little harsh in the darkness. “In hindsight, it was really dumb to bring you here, but honestly, I didn’t do it because I was expecting to make out with you. And I guess that’s the difference between you and any other girls I’ve been here with.”

  His words eased the ache that had opened in her soul with the idea that he was using a line on her, one he’d used with everyone. Part of her wondered if she could believe him. But a stronger part said he’d never lied to her, and she’d never seen him lie.

  So of course, she’d believe him. She’d want him to believe her until she gave him a reason not to. At that point, she couldn’t blame him if he didn’t.

  “You want to leave?” His legs shifted under hers like he was preparing to get up.

  “No,” she said quickly. No one wanted to be judged by their past.

  “I don’t suppose it probably makes a difference, but I haven’t brought any girls up here since I got out of prison.”

  “That does make a difference to me. Thanks for telling me. You didn’t have to.”

  “I wanted to. Tell you, that is. Because I’ve been kinda curious about you.”

  He hadn’t asked any questions, but they were implied.

  She wasn’t going to make him. “I’ve already told you I’ve never been here. I’ve never been anywhere where people make out. But I was married. I didn’t know whether you knew.”

  She could tell before he even spoke that he hadn’t known. The way they were sitting, she could feel the shock that went through him.

  “I hadn’t known.”

  “We barely lasted a year. It was while you were in prison.”

  “What happened?”

  She shrugged. She really didn’t know. She gave her standard answer. “We were both boring. And I was content with that. He wasn’t. When he started to be a little successful and had some money, someone more exciting came along, I guess.”

  She didn’t know if that was it or not. She hardly thought Janie was madly in love with Cliff, but Libby wasn’t exactly an expert in love. It just seemed like the money was a draw. Because Libby and Cliff had ended up with each other because they were both pretty much the same. Not exactly people that screamed sexy and available.

  “You’re not boring.”

  He was the only person who thought that. She wanted to argue. Smart, girl. Talk him into not liking you.

  “I’ve had a few dates here and there, since he left. I didn’t have too many in high school.” Three, to be exact, but who was counting, right? “I guess it probably had something to do with my leg. Or maybe it’s me. I don’t know.”

  “Maybe you were just waiting for the right one. Then you got a little impatient and married whatever his name was. But obviously, he wasn’t the right one.”

  “Well, the right one is sure taking his good old time coming around.”

  “Maybe he’s here.”

  She wasn’t sure if that was a pity statement or if it was sincere. That was something she had to watch with her handicap. People had a tendency to feel bad for her and say things they didn’t really mean.

  She decided to ignore it. “I kind of wondered exactly what happened between you and Mariam that night.” She said the words slowly but added quickly, “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”

  She echoed his words of earlier. And she meant it. She didn’t want him telling her anything he didn’t want her to know.

  He breathed in deep through his nose and breathed back out. His hand moved off her knee, and he folded his arms over his chest. She didn’t like that, because it made her feel like he felt like he needed to have a shield between her and him in order for him to tell it.

  But at least it seemed like he was going to.

  “It was really because of you. You probably knew that.”

  “No. I didn’t.”

  His leg twitched. “We walked along the old railroad trail that summer, in the morning. Remember?”

  “Yes.” How could she forget?

  “I wasn’t interested in exercise or in walking the trail. But I don’t even think I drove by you twice on my way to work at the Richmond Rebels’ shop, seeing you there walking, before I decided I’d like to take a walk in the morning too.”

  It was a serious story. He had spent three years in prison. But she snorted at the way he said that, because she kinda thought he meant to be funny.

  Yeah. His teeth flashed in the moonlight.

  “There’s always been something about you.”

  She didn’t know what to say to that. So she just stayed quiet.

  “It took about a month; I didn’t see you every morning. But it took about a month of me trying, walking on the crazy trail in my work boots, nodding ‘hi’ as we passed, before I got up enough nerve to actually say a sentence.”

  His hand came back down and landed on her knee. She didn’t hesitate but placed her own hand on top of his. She didn’t want him taking it away again.

  “I was pretty surprised when you spoke to me. It made me want to get to know you better. So when I found a note on my truck, asking me to meet you behind the grocery store, I didn’t hesitate. I was surprised, but I didn’t hesitate.”

  It all made sense to Libby now. A couple of times in the morning, Mariam had walked with her. Mariam had talked a little about Blade after he’d nodded and said hi to them, and maybe one time, he stopped and chatted for a few sentences. He was good-looking, always had been, and Mariam definitely noticed him.

  “The note was from Mariam, wasn’t it?” She hadn’t known.

  “Yeah.” The word came out harsh. His
voice modulated. “That’s who showed up, anyway. I thought, for a second or two, that maybe it was a trick on your part. I had plenty of time in my prison cell to come to the conclusion you had nothing to do with it. I didn’t need that much time. I was angry, didn’t see straight for a while, but I knew it wasn’t you.”

  “Did she attempt to arrange for someone to see you?”

  “I don’t know. Honestly, I thought she was your older sister. I had no idea she was as young as she was. But it didn’t matter, I didn’t have any desire to kiss her or do anything she claimed. Not a one.” Blade looked down at his lap, and he ran his other hand over her other knee. “In the end, it didn’t matter.”

  “It should have,” she said with more heat than she intended.

  “It makes me ridiculously happy to hear you defend me. I guess it would have been kinda nice if anyone had defended me, but somehow, it really matters to me that you believe me.”

  She supposed she should level with him while they were on the subject. “You know, my dad’s probably never going to be okay with you. That’s part of the reason I said you really didn’t need to go to church. He’s not going to be nice. It won’t matter that I’m with you.”

  The wind blew, cooler on the top of the mountain than it had been at her house. And from off in the distance, she could hear a train whistle blow, soft and low, sounding kinda mournful.

  “That matter to you?”

  She put her other hand on top of his, and he twisted so their fingers threaded together.

  “No.”

  “I honestly didn’t bring you here so that I could kiss you. But I’ve been fighting the urge now for a while. If you don’t want me to, maybe you better say something.”

  She leaned forward. “Does that mean if I do want you to, I should say nothing?”

  His lips curved. She liked seeing that. He didn’t smile nearly as much as he should.

  “Two words will do.”

  She tried to think. Yes, please? Right now? Hurry up? None of those seemed right, and her brain wasn’t working very well.

  She chuckled softly. “Give me a hint.”

  “Kiss me.”

  Oh yeah. That would do it. She didn’t actually have to say anything, because his head leaned toward hers and she reached up.