Widows & Orphans

by Michael Arditti

  ‘The nursery school teachers report that she’s not very bright. But that’s precisely because they don’t take the trouble to listen to her. Ellen’s tests prove that she understands far more than you’d think. She’s about to start with her first VOCA. You’ll be seeing a tremendous change.’

  ‘Fingers crossed.’

  ‘No, that’s not good enough! We can’t leave anything to chance.’ Linda’s voice betrayed a desperation that Duncan had not heard since she pleaded with him to start the testosterone treatment. ‘Ellen’ll set out the results of her tests, but she could still conclude that Rose needs a level of support she’ll only get at a special school. I’ve even read of kids in wheelchairs being refused places in regular schools because they’re a fire risk!’

  ‘I suppose that must be a consideration.’

  ‘What? How many school fires have you heard of lately?’

  ‘Well, none that –’

  ‘Exactly. I’ve told them how much time I’m prepared to put into the school – in the classroom too if they can’t afford enough teaching assistants. Our buying the VOCA will already have saved them five thousand quid.’

  ‘Of course,’ Duncan said, wondering whether she expected him simply to be a sympathetic listener or to deploy the power of the press.

  ‘That’s why I hoped you’d sound Ellen out on her recommendations. I know she’s on our side … not that it’s a question of sides. But she works closely with the local authority, so she’s in a tricky position.’

  ‘I promise I’ll do what I can,’ Duncan said warily. ‘But she’s a professional to her fingertips. I’m not sure she’d welcome my interference.’

  ‘You’re right. Forget I mentioned it!’ Linda said, moving to wipe the saliva from Rose’s chin. ‘I might have a word with Craig,’ she said, refusing to let the matter drop. ‘He’s the last person I’d choose to ask for a favour, but he’s going out with Ellen’s daughter, Sue. Of course, you already know that. Small world!’

  ‘Or just a small town?’

  ‘I’m not proud; I’m ready to try anything. I won’t let Rose be written off. She may not be the next Stephen Hawking, but she deserves a chance.’

  Rose, alert to her mother’s agitation, moaned and thrashed about. Linda hurried to her. ‘Don’t worry, angel. It’ll soon be time for your tea. Where do you suppose that naughty brother of yours has got to? Oh look,’ she said, pointing at the screen. ‘Lollipop and Aniseed are playing beach ball.’ Calming herself as well as her daughter, she turned back to Duncan.

  ‘I’m sorry. I know how you hate fuss.’

  ‘That’s not fair.’

  ‘It wasn’t a criticism. I expect it’s why you hit it off so well with Ellen. You still are, aren’t you?’

  ‘Yes,’ Duncan said, unable to resist a smile.

  ‘That’s great. Truly. I so want you to be happy.’

  ‘Thank you. It’s early days yet. We’re both afraid of rushing things. She’s not long out of a disastrous marriage.’

  ‘That’s not your problem, I hope.’

  ‘You know it’s not. I don’t understand how she stuck it for so long. Matthew – her ex – was a brute.’

  ‘Maybe that’s why she’s gone for a man who’s the opposite?’

  ‘Is that why you went for Derek?’

  ‘I asked for that, didn’t I? I don’t know; I’ve never analysed it.’

  ‘No,’ Duncan said, recalling an attraction that, perhaps to spare his feelings, she had described to him as ‘chemical’ but to a mutual friend as ‘magnetic’. In retrospect he knew that he should have fought harder to keep her, but not only was it not in his nature, it wasn’t in his code. Having encouraged her to open new doors, he felt unable to stand in her way when she chose the one marked Exit.

  Jamie’s arrival put an end to his soul-searching. Ignoring his parents, he made straight for Rose, planting a squelchy kiss on her cheek and asking whether she had had a good day.

  ‘Earth to Jamie,’ Linda said. ‘Has a magic spell turned us both invisible?’

  ‘Can’t you see I’m talking to Rose?’ He followed her hand, interpreting the symbols effortlessly. ‘You saw a bird drinking from the pond? Cool!’

  ‘Your father’s been waiting half an hour. Don’t you think you owe him an explanation?’

  ‘I’m sure there’s a very simple one,’ Duncan said mildly.

  ‘I left two messages on your mobile,’ Linda said. ‘Why was it switched off?’

  ‘I was in detention, all right?’

  ‘What did you do?’ Duncan asked.

  ‘It wasn’t my fault. Why can’t you both get off my case?’

  ‘We’ll talk about it later,’ Duncan said. ‘We’d better make tracks. Granny’s waiting.’

  ‘Oh no,’ Jamie said, turning to Linda. ‘Craig said he was coming round tonight.’

  ‘So he’s seeing his father and you’re seeing yours,’ she replied. ‘Now go and clean yourself up. I don’t want your grandmother saying I sent you off looking like a tramp.’

  Jamie went out, dragging his heels and muttering.

  ‘I heard that,’ Linda said.

  ‘Did you really?’ Duncan asked as soon as Jamie was out of earshot.

  Linda shook her head. ‘But it’s as well to keep him guessing.’

  While Linda consoled Rose on the loss of her playmate, Duncan brooded on Jamie’s fixation with Craig. Was it simply deference to the elder brother he had never had, or did it represent something more sinister?

  ‘I wish I felt warmer towards Craig,’ he said tentatively. ‘This morning, I caught him playing hooky with Sue. I’m fairly sure they were smoking dope.’

  ‘I wouldn’t be surprised. Francis Preston’s drowning in the stuff.’

  ‘You don’t think Jamie…?’

  ‘No, I’m sure not. But it’s only a question of time.’

  ‘You’re being remarkably sanguine. Shouldn’t we talk to him?’

  ‘And say what? It was easy for our parents. They’d never smoked anything stronger than Senior Service. But our kids know that we have. Remember the night you, Miles and Sanjay liberated the chickens from the factory farm in Devon? It’d be the pot calling the kettle black.’

  ‘No pun intended,’ Duncan said, as her baffled expression confirmed that it wasn’t. ‘But the dope is so much stronger these days. It does real damage.’

  ‘Sure, that’ll be the clincher! Sorry, kids, it was safe when we took it, but not any more.’

  ‘Even so, it‘d be irresponsible not to point out the risks.’

  ‘They have drugs advisers at school. Not that they seem to be much use.’

  ‘Exactly. There are some things that come best from a parent.’

  Although he still winced at the memory of his own father who, ignoring the evidence of his KS, had assumed that he was sexually active at the age of twelve and given him a lengthy pep talk on the use of condoms, few aspects of Derek’s usurping of his paternal role had galled him more than his pre-empting of the sex chat after catching Jamie with a pile of Craig’s top-shelf magazines. If Derek had warned Jamie against confusing flesh-and-blood girls with pornography (apparently as great a danger in the Internet age as getting them pregnant), then he would be the one to warn him against the equally bogus attraction of drugs. So what if he had to admit to certain youthful indiscretions? The odd blush was a small price to pay for protecting his son.

  ‘Look who I found lurking on the stairs,’ Derek said, walking in with his fist pressed casually to Jamie’s skull. ‘How are my two favourite girls?’ he asked, moving first to kiss Linda, who appeared indifferent, and then Rose, whose face crinkled with joy. ‘Evening, young man,’ he said, raising his right hand in preparation for a high-five and, when Duncan failed to respond, tracing an arc in the air. ‘How’s the world treating you?’

  ‘Oh, I’ve given up worrying about the world. I’ve enough problems on my doorstep.’

  ‘It’s an expression, Dad,’ Jamie said, sighing. �
�You don’t have to take it literally.’

  ‘Actually, it’s a cliché, which is why I did.’

  ‘The editor speaks! That’s telling us, isn’t it, son?’ Derek said with studied ambiguity.

  ‘You should go now, Jamie,’ Linda said. ‘Your grandmother will be waiting and I’ve got to cook supper for Craig.’

  ‘I’m sorry love; he’s not coming,’ Derek said. ‘I meant to ring but it slipped my mind. He texted to ask if he could make it another night. He’s doing something with Sue.’ He turned to Duncan. ‘She’s his … of course, you know. She’s your new girlfriend’s daughter.’

  ‘Gross!’ Jamie said.

  ‘Take no notice,’ Linda said to Duncan. ‘He’s delighted for you really.’

  ‘Like I care.’

  ‘Actually, I saw them both this morning,’ Duncan said to Derek. ‘I had to drop a parcel off for Ellen and they were at the house. Craig said they had a free study period, which seemed unlikely.’

  ‘For fuck’s sake, Dad, how can you be such a grass?’

  Duncan was taken aback by Jamie’s outrage. ‘I was concerned about Craig and thought it only right to warn his father. The same way I hope he’d tell me if he was concerned about you.’

  ‘No chance of that, is there, sport?’ Derek asked, brushing Jamie’s head with enviable licence. ‘I mean there’s no chance that you’d do anything to worry me.’

  Seeing the easy rapport between stepfather and stepson, Duncan reflected bitterly that his initial fears of their mutual resentment had been replaced by envy of their intimacy. Yet he of all people should understand why, missing Craig, Derek had turned to Jamie. He hinted as much when he was finally alone with his son on the way to Ridgemount.

  ‘Derek must be hurt at Craig crying off.’

  ‘He’s cool. Some dads want their kids to have a good time.’

  ‘Some dads want to have a good time with their kids,’ Duncan said, affecting nonchalance.

  ‘Yeah, right! Still, there’s always a bad vibe when he comes round. Mum gets pissed that he refuses to eat with Rose. He says it’s like feeding time at the zoo.’

  ‘That’s very cruel.’

  ‘It’s true. Sometimes she even gets food stuck at the back of her throat. Mum has to put her fingers in her mouth to stop her choking. It’s disgusting.’

  ‘I’m disappointed in you,’ Duncan said, glancing at Jamie, his face aptly jaundiced by the street lights. ‘You’ve always been so good with Rose.’

  ‘So? People change. Are you the same guy you were when you were thirteen?’

  ‘I hope I’m still as loyal to my sister,’ Duncan replied, conscious that he had yet to tell her about his meeting at the bank.

  ‘Aunt Alison’s a tennis champion; Rose is in a wheelchair. It’s not the same. Anyhow, what are you getting at me for? I didn’t blow you off.’

  ‘I know, and I’m very pleased to see you. So give me a rundown on what you’ve been up to.’

  ‘Boring!’

  ‘All right. We’ll save it till we get to Granny’s.’

  ‘Why do we always have to go to hers?’

  ‘You’re the one who complains that my flat’s too cramped.’

  ‘It’s wrong that everyone else lives in smart houses and you’re squashed in a cubbyhole.’

  ‘It’s a very convenient cubbyhole; I’m never late for work. Still, I’m touched that you’re so concerned about your old dad.’

  ‘Who says I’m concerned? It’s just embarrassing.’

  ‘Try to make an effort with Granny,’ Duncan said, as they waited in a lengthy tailback on Bartholomew Road. ‘She may not always show it, but she lives for you children.’

  ‘She should get out more.’

  ‘That isn’t kind.’

  ‘If she lives for anyone, it’s Tim and Graham. She never stops talking about them.’

  ‘I’m sure she talks to them about you.’

  ‘When? They never come here. They’ve got more sense. She’s always criticising me. And making sly digs at Mum. “I don’t suppose that’s the way things are done in your house, is it, darling?” “Whoever taught you to use the word serviette? Oh, I’m sorry, was it Linda?”’

  ‘You’re quite right to stick up for your mother, but don’t be too hard on your grandmother. She hasn’t had the easiest life.’

  ‘Because her dad was a Nazi?’

  ‘Whatever you do, don’t say that to her! In any case he wasn’t; he was a fascist sympathiser. He was culpably naïve and he suffered the consequences. What I meant was her life with your grandfather.’ Having previously glossed over his parents’ differences, he judged that Jamie was old enough to understand that two generations of marital discord need not lead to a third.

  ‘I thought he was Mr Popular.’

  ‘Mr Too Popular if you were his wife! When I was your age, I could never figure out why the editor of a Francombe newspaper had to spend so many nights in London.’

  ‘So why did he?’

  ‘He didn’t.’

  ‘Then what?’ Jamie laughed coarsely. ‘You mean he was a dirty old man?’

  ‘The polite word is roué.’

  ‘There’s always a polite word like “napkin” and “serviette”, but it’s the same thing underneath. Mum said that Granny made up half the things that were wrong with her so you’d feel sorry for her. She said if it weren’t for her, the two of you would still be together.’

  ‘What? That’s nonsense. I don’t believe Linda would have said that.’

  ‘She so did!’

  ‘Then you must have misunderstood. Either way it’s not true.’

  ‘So why did you split up? It can’t be because of the two of you. You always get on so well. You row far less than Mum and Derek.’

  ‘But then we see each other far less,’ Duncan said, striving to be fair.

  ‘Michael Phillips’s mum cut his dad out of all their wedding photos. Pete Limkin’s mum accused his dad of trying to rape her.’

  ‘Not all divorces are like that.’ Duncan ached for his son’s lost innocence.

  ‘So if it wasn’t because of Granny, then it must have been me.’

  ‘What?’ Duncan asked, as the lights changed and the cars surged forward.

  ‘Mum said you didn’t want another kid. Which means you didn’t want another one like me.’

  ‘Where on earth…? Who told you that?’

  ‘No one. They didn’t have to. I can work things out for myself.’

  ‘You couldn’t be more wrong. True, I didn’t want another kid. But it had nothing to do with you. I’d have had ten more if I’d known they’d turn out like you. Good and clever and healthy.’

  ‘What sort of healthy? You mean not like Rose?’

  ‘No, not like me. We really can’t have this conversation now,’ Duncan said, in response to a salvo of hooting from behind.

  ‘You’re driving too slow, Dad.’

  ‘The needle’s dead on thirty.’

  ‘So? There aren’t any speed cameras around.’

  ‘That’s not a reason for breaking the law. Look, forget the cameras. I’m talking about you, or rather me. You know I was born with a slight – very slight – chromosomal imbalance?’

  ‘Whatever.’

  ‘And you know you haven’t inherited it?’

  ‘Uh-huh.’

  ‘But if you’d had a brother, he mightn’t have been so lucky. I’m very low on the KS spectrum. Some men who have it are born with learning difficulties and grow such large breasts that they have to go for regular mammograms.’

  ‘Dad, please! I don’t want to talk about it. All right?’

  ‘It’s not my favourite topic of conversation either. But if there’s one thing I want you to remember – if it’s the only thing you ever remember – it’s that you’re in no way to blame for what went wrong between your mother and me. On the contrary, you were the best thing we had then and you’re still the best thing we have now. Do you believe me?’

  ‘Su
ppose.’

  ‘“Suppose” isn’t enough.’ Duncan parked the car at the bottom of the Ridgemount drive. ‘I’m not going to let you out until you promise that you believe me.’

  ‘I promise, OK? I’m hungry.’

  ‘And not a word of this to your grandmother. She’d be mortified to think that you or your mother or anyone else blamed her for my divorce. I tell you what: you be on your best behaviour tonight and next week I’ll book us a table at Vivien’s. I’ll ask her to make us her seafood pasta. Deal?’

  ‘Deal.’

  For all that he disapproved of bribing children to do what they should do willingly, Duncan was prepared to make an exception. With a spring in his step, he walked up to the house, past the algae-choked pond and the clump of chestnut trees, their conkers rotting on the ground like a mockery of childhood. Standing beside his son in the cluttered porch, he tentatively placed a hand on his shoulder and, to his delight, it was not shrugged off. Chris answered the door, scuttling back inside to warn Adele of their arrival.

  ‘You didn’t say he’d be here,’ Jamie hissed.

  ‘Is it a problem? He’s a big-hearted man, devoted to Granny.’

  ‘He gives me the creeps.’

  They crossed the beeswax-scented hall to the drawing room, where Adele was crocheting a giant bedspread for Alison and Malcolm’s silver wedding in June. ‘I’ll never have the energy to make another one,’ she had said to Duncan. ‘So it’s some comfort to know I won’t have to.’

  Bending to kiss her cheek, Duncan caught whisky fumes on her breath, but any hope that the drink might have mellowed her was quickly dashed.

  ‘I thought I must have muddled the day,’ she said.

  ‘No, Mother, the new counter-flow system on Bartholomew Road caused a massive snarl-up.’

  ‘Don’t blame me if the dinner’s burnt.’

  ‘We won’t,’ he said, making way for Jamie whom she greeted with heartening enthusiasm.

  ‘I invited Chris to join me for a small scotch after all his hard work,’ Adele said, as if to justify his presence in the room.