Pause.
In the middle of that road. It was still dark, don’t you remember? I looked out. It was all misty. I thought per haps you wanted to kip, but you were sitting up dead straight, like you were waiting for something.
BEN I wasn’t waiting for anything.
GUS I must have fallen asleep again. What was all that about then? Why did you stop?
BEN (picking up the paper) We were too early.
GUS Early? (He rises.) What do you mean? We got the call, didn’t we, saying we were to start right away. We did. We shoved out on the dot. So how could we be too early?
BEN (quietly) Who took the call, me or you?
GUS You.
BEN We were too early.
GUS Too early for what?
Pause.
You mean someone had to get out before we got in?
He examines the bedclothes.
I thought these sheets didn’t look too bright. I thought they ponged a bit. I was too tired to notice when I got in this morning. Eh, that’s taking a bit of a liberty, isn’t it? I don’t want to share my bed-sheets. I told you things were going down the drain. I mean, we’ve always had clean sheets laid on up till now. I’ve noticed it.
BEN How do you know those sheets weren’t clean?
GUS What do you mean?
BEN How do you know they weren’t clean? You’ve spent the whole day in them, haven’t you?
GUS What, you mean it might be my pong? (He sniffs sheets.) Yes. (He sits slowly on bed.) It could be my pong, I suppose. It’s difficult to tell. I don’t really know what I pong like, that’s the trouble.
BEN (referring to the paper) Kaw!
GUS Eh, Ben.
BEN Kaw!
GUS Ben.
BEN What?
GUS What town are we in? I’ve forgotten.
BEN I’ve told you. Birmingham.
GUS Go on!
He looks with interest about the room.
That’s in the Midlands. The second biggest city in Great Britain. I’d never have guessed.
He snaps his fingers.
Eh, it’s Friday today, isn’t it? It’ll be Saturday tomorrow.
BEN What about it?
GUS (excited) We could go and watch the Villa.
BEN They’re playing away.
GUS No, are they? Caarr! What a pity.
BEN Anyway, there’s no time. We’ve got to get straight back.
GUS Well, we have done in the past, haven’t we? Stayed over and watched a game, haven’t we? For a bit of relaxation.
BEN Things have tightened up, mate. They’ve tightened up.
GUS chuckles to himself.
GUS I saw the Villa get beat in a cup-tie once. Who was it against now? White shirts. It was one-all at half-time. I’ll never forget it. Their opponents won by a penalty. Talk about drama. Yes, it was a disputed penalty. Disputed. They got beat two-one, anyway, because of it. You were there yourself.
BEN Not me.
GUS Yes, you were there. Don’t you remember that disputed penalty?
BEN No.
GUS He went down just inside the area. Then they said he was just acting. I didn’t think the other bloke touched him my self. But the referee had the ball on the spot.
BEN Didn’t touch him! What are you talking about? He laid him out flat!
GUS Not the Villa. The Villa don’t play that sort of game.
BEN Get out of it.
Pause.
GUS Eh, that must have been here, in Birmingham.
BEN What must?
GUS The Villa. That must have been here.
BEN They were playing away.
GUS Because you know who the other team was? It was the Spurs. It was Tottenham Hotspur.
BEN Well, what about it?
GUS We’ve never done a job in Tottenham.
BEN How do you know?
GUS I’d remember Tottenham.
BEN turns on his bed to look at him.
BEN Don’t make me laugh, will you?
BEN turns back and reads. GUS yawns and speaks through his yawn.
GUS When’s he going to get in touch?
Pause.
Yes, I’d like to see another football match. I’ve always been an ardent football fan. Here, what about coming to see the Spurs tomorrow?
BEN (tonelessly) They’re playing away.
GUS Who are?
BEN The Spurs.
GUS Then they might be playing here.
BEN Don’t be silly.
GUS If they’re playing away they might be playing here. They might be playing the Villa.
BEN (tonelessly) But the Villa are playing away.
Pause. An envelope slides under the door, right. GUS sees it. He stands, looking at it.
GUS Ben.
BEN Away. They’re all playing away.
GUS Ben, look here.
BEN What?
GUS Look.
BEN turns his head and sees the envelope. He stands.
BEN What’s that?
GUS I don’t know.
BEN Where did it come from?
GUS Under the door.
BEN Well, what is it?
GUS I don’t know.
They stare at it.
BEN Pick it up.
GUS What do you mean?
BEN Pick it up!
GUS slowly moves towards it, bends and picks it up.
What is it?
GUS An envelope.
BEN Is there anything on it?
GUS No.
BEN Is it sealed?
GUS Yes.
BEN Open it.
GUS What?
BEN Open it!
GUS opens it and looks inside.
What’s in it?
GUS empties twelve matches into his hand.
GUS Matches.
BEN Matches?
GUS Yes.
BEN Show it to me.
GUS passes the envelope. BEN examines it.
Nothing on it. Not a word.
GUS That’s funny, isn’t it?
BEN It came under the door?
GUS Must have done.
BEN Well, go on.
GUS Go on where?
BEN Open the door and see if you can catch anyone outside.
GUS Who, me?
BEN Go on!
GUS stares at him, puts the matches in his pocket, goes to his bed and brings a revolver from under the pillow. He goes to the door, opens it, looks out and shuts it.
GUS No one.
He replaces the revolver.
BEN What did you see?
GUS Nothing.
BEN They must have been pretty quick.
GUS takes the matches from his pocket and looks at them.
GUS Well, they’ll come in handy.
BEN Yes.
GUS Won’t they?
BEN Yes, you’re always running out, aren’t you?
GUS All the time.
BEN Well, they’ll come in handy then.
GUS Yes.
BEN Won’t they?
GUS Yes, I could do with them. I could do with them too.
BEN You could, eh?
GUS Yes.
BEN Why?
GUS We haven’t got any.
BEN Well, you’ve got some now, haven’t you?
GUS I can light the kettle now.
BEN Yes, you’re always cadging matches. How many have you got there?
GUS About a dozen.
BEN Well, don’t lose them. Red too. You don’t even need a box.
GUS probes his ear with a match.
(Slapping his hand.) Don’t waste them! Go on, go and light it.
GUS Eh?
BEN Go and light it.
GUS Light what?
BEN The kettle.
GUS You mean the gas.
BEN Who does?
GUS You do.
BEN (his eyes narrowing) What do you mean, I mean the gas?
GUS Well, that’s what you mean, don’t you? The gas.
BEN (powerfully) If I say go and light the kettle I mean go and light the kettle.
GUS How can you light a kettle?
BEN It’s a figure of speech! Light the kettle. It’s a figure of speech!
GUS I’ve never heard it.
BEN Light the kettle! It’s common usage!
GUS I think you’ve got it wrong.
BEN (menacing) What do you mean?
GUS They say put on the kettle.
BEN (taut) Who says?
They stare at each other, breathing hard.
(Deliberately.) I have never in all my life heard anyone say put on the kettle.
GUS I bet my mother used to say it.
BEN Your mother? When did you last see your mother?
GUS I don’t know, about –
BEN Well, what are you talking about your mother for?
They stare.
Gus, I’m not trying to be unreasonable. I’m just trying to point out something to you.
GUS Yes, but –
BEN Who’s the senior partner here, me or you?
GUS You.
BEN I’m only looking after your interests, Gus. You’ve got to learn, mate.
GUS Yes, but I’ve never heard –
BEN (vehemently) Nobody says light the gas! What does the gas light?
GUS What does the gas –?
BEN (grabbing him with two hands by the throat, at arm’s length) The kettle, you fool!
GUS takes the hands from his throat.
GUS All right, all right.
Pause.
BEN Well, what are you waiting for?
GUS I want to see if they light.
BEN What?
GUS The matches.
He takes out the flattened box and tries to strike.
No.
He throws the box under the bed. BEN stares at him.
GUS raises his foot.
Shall I try it on here?
BEN stares. GUS strikes a match on his shoe. It lights.
Here we are.
BEN (wearily) Put on the bloody kettle, for Christ’s sake.
BEN goes to his bed, but, realising what he has said, stops and half turns. They look at each other. GUS slowly exits, left. BEN slams his paper down on the bed and sits on it, head in hands.
GUS (entering) It’s going.
BEN What?
GUS The stove.
GUS goes to his bed and sits.
I wonder who it’ll be tonight.
Silence.
Eh, I’ve been wanting to ask you something.
BEN (putting his legs on the bed) Oh, for Christ’s sake.
GUS No. I was going to ask you something.
He rises and sits on BEN’s bed.
BEN What are you sitting on my bed for?
GUS sits.
What’s the matter with you? You’re always asking me questions. What’s the matter with you?
GUS Nothing.
BEN You never used to ask me so many damn questions. What’s come over you?
GUS No, I was just wondering.
BEN Stop wondering. You’ve got a job to do. Why don’t you just do it and shut up?
GUS That’s what I was wondering about.
BEN What?
GUS The job.
BEN What job?
GUS (tentatively) I thought perhaps you might know some thing.
BEN looks at him.
I thought perhaps you –1 mean – have you got any idea – who it’s going to be tonight?
BEN Who what’s going to be?
They look at each other.
GUS (at length) Who it’s going to be.
Silence.
BEN Are you feeling all right?
GUS Sure.
BEN Go and make the tea.
GUS Yes, sure.
GUS exits, left, BEN looks after him. He then takes his revolver from under the pillow and checks it for ammunition. GUS re-enters.
The gas has gone out.
BEN Well, what about it?
GUS There’s a meter.
BEN I haven’t got any money.
GUS Nor have I.
BEN You’ll have to wait.
GUS What for?
BEN For Wilson.
GUS He might not come. He might just send a message. He doesn’t always come.
BEN Well, you’ll have to do without it, won’t you?
GUS Blimey.
BEN You’ll have a cup of tea afterwards. What’s the matter with you?
GUS I like to have one before.
BEN holds the revolver up to the light and polishes it.
BEN You’d better get ready anyway.
GUS Well, I don’t know, that’s a bit much, you know, for my money.
He picks up a packet of tea from the bed and throws it into the bag.
I hope he’s got a shilling, anyway, if he comes. He’s entitled to have. After all, it’s his place, he could have seen there was enough gas for a cup of tea.
BEN What do you mean, it’s his place?
GUS Well, isn’t it?
BEN He’s probably only rented it. It doesn’t have to be his place.
GUS I know it’s his place. I bet the whole house is. He’s not even laying on any gas now either.
GUS sits on his bed.
It’s his place all right. Look at all the other places. You go to this address, there’s a key there, there’s a teapot, there’s never a soul in sight – (He pauses.) Eh, nobody ever hears a thing, have you ever thought of that? We never get any complaints, do we, too much noise or anything like that? You never see a soul, do you? – except the bloke who comes. You ever noticed that? I wonder if the walls are sound-proof. (He touches the wall above his bed.) Can’t tell. All you do is wait, eh? Half the time he doesn’t even bother to put in an appearance, Wilson.
BEN Why should he? He’s a busy man.
GUS (thoughtfully) I find him hard to talk to, Wilson. Do you know that, Ben?
BEN Scrub round it, will you?
Pause.
GUS There are a number of things I want to ask him. But I can never get round to it, when I see him.
Pause.
I’ve been thinking about the last one.
BEN What last one?
GUS That girl.
BEN grabs the paper, which he reads.
(Rising, looking down at BEN.) How many times have you read that paper?
BEN slams the paper down and rises.
BEN (angrily) What do you mean?
GUS I was just wondering how many times you’d –
BEN What are you doing, criticising me?
GUS No, I was just –
BEN You’ll get a swipe round your earhole if you don’t watch your step.
GUS Now look here, Ben –
BEN I’m not looking anywhere! (He addresses the room.) How many times have I –! A bloody liberty!
GUS I didn’t mean that.
BEN You just get on with it, mate. Get on with it, that’s all.
BEN gets back on the bed.
GUS I was just thinking about that girl, that’s all.
GUS sits on his bed.
She wasn’t much to look at, I know, but still. It was a mess though, wasn’t it? What a mess. Honest, I can’t remember a mess like that one. They don’t seem to hold together like men, women. A looser texture, like. Didn’t she spread, eh? She didn’t half spread. Kaw! But I’ve been meaning to ask you.
BEN sits up and clenches his eyes.
Who clears up after we’ve gone? I’m curious about that. Who does the clearing up? Maybe they don’t clear up. Maybe they just leave them there, eh? What do you think? How many jobs have we done? Blimey, I can’t count them. What if they never clear anything up after we’ve gone.
BEN (pityingly.) You mutt. Do you think we’re the only branch of this organisation? Have a bit of common. They got departments for everything.
GUS What cleaners and all?
BEN You birk!
GUS No, it was that girl made me start to
think –
There is a loud clatter and racket in the bulge of wall between the beds, of something descending. They grab their revolvers, jump up and face the wall. The noise comes to a stop. Silence. They look at each other. BEN gestures sharply towards the wall. GUS approaches the wall slowly. He bangs it with his revolver. It is hollow. BEN moves to the head of his bed, his revolver cocked. GUS puts his revolver on his bed and pats along the bottom of the centre panel. He finds a rim. He lifts the panel. Disclosed is a serving-hatch, a ‘dumb waiter’. A wide box is held by pulleys. GUS peers into the box. He brings out a piece of paper.
BEN What is it?
GUS You have a look at it.
BEN Read it.
GUS (reading) Two braised steak and chips. Two sago puddings. Two teas without sugar.
BEN Let me see that. (He takes the paper.)
GUS (to himself) Two teas without sugar.
BEN Mmnn.
GUS What do you think of that?
BEN Well –
The box goes up. BEN levels his revolver.
GUS Give us a chance! They’re in a hurry, aren’t they?
BEN re-reads the note. GUS looks over his shoulder.
That’s a bit – that’s a bit funny, isn’t it?
BEN (quickly) No. It’s not funny. It probably used to be a café here, that’s all. Upstairs. These places change hands very quickly.
GUS A café?
BEN Yes.
GUS What, you mean this was the kitchen, down here?
BEN Yes, they change hands overnight, these places. Go into liquidation. The people who run it, you know, they don’t find it a going concern, they move out.
GUS You mean the people who ran this place didn’t find it a going concern and moved out?
BEN Sure.
GUS Well, who’s got it now?
Silence.
BEN What do you mean, who’s got it now?
GUS Who’s got it now? If they moved out, who moved in?
BEN Well, that all depends -
The box descends with a clatter and bang. BEN levels his revolver. GUS goes to the box and brings out a piece of paper.
The Short Plays of Harold Pinter Page 4