Pause.
FLORA But you don’t keep notes in the scullery.
EDWARD You’d be surprised. You’d be highly surprised.
FLORA Good Lord, what’s that? Is that a bullock let loose? No. It’s the matchseller! My goodness, you can see him … through the hedge. He looks bigger. Have you been watching him? He looks … like a bullock.
Pause.
Edward?
Pause.
(Moving over to him.) Are you coming outside? I’ve put up the canopy. You’ll miss the best of the day. You can have an hour before lunch.
EDWARD I’ve no work to do this morning.
FLORA What about your essay? You don’t intend to stay in the scullery all day, do you?
EDWARD Get out. Leave me alone
A slight pause.
FLORA Really Edward. You’ve never spoken to me like that in all your life.
EDWARD Yes, I have.
FLORA Oh, Weddie. Beddie-Weddie …
EDWARD Do not call me that!
FLORA Your eyes are bloodshot.
EDWARD Damn it.
FLORA It’s too dark in here to peer …
EDWARD Damn.
FLORA It’s so bright outside.
EDWARD Damn.
FLORA And it’s dark in here.
Pause.
EDWARD Christ blast it!
FLORA You’re frightened of him.
EDWARD I’m not.
FLORA You’re frightened of a poor old man. Why?
EDWARD I am not!
FLORA He’s a poor, harmless old man.
EDWARD Aaah my eyes.
FLORA Let me bathe them.
EDWARD Keep away
Pause.
(Slowly.) I want to speak to that man. I want to have a word with him
Pause.
It’s quite absurd, of course. I really can’t tolerate something so … absurd, right on my doorstep. I shall not tolerate it. He’s sold nothing all morning. No one passed. Yes. A monk passed. A non-smoker. In a loose garment. It’s quite obvious he was a non-smoker but still, the man made no effort. He made no effort to clinch a sale, to rid himself of one of his cursed boxes. His one chance, all morning, and he made no effort.
Pause.
I haven’t wasted my time. I’ve hit, in fact, upon the truth. He’s not a matchseller at all. The bastard isn’t a matchseller at all. Curious I never realised that before. He’s an impostor. I watched him very closely. He made no move towards the monk. As for the monk, the monk made no move towards him. The monk was moving along the lane. He didn’t pause, or halt, or in any way alter his step. As for the matchseller – how ridiculous to go on calling him by that title. What a farce. No, there is something very false about that man. I intend to get to the bottom of it. I’ll soon get rid of him He can go and ply his trade somewhere else. Instead of standing like a bullock … a bullock, outside my back gate.
FLORA But if he isn’t a matchseller, what is his trade?
EDWARD We’ll soon find out.
FLORA You’re going out to speak to him?
EDWARD Certainly not! Go out to him? Certainly … not. I’ll invite him in here. Into my study. Then we’ll … get to the bottom of it.
FLORA Why don’t you call the police and have him removed?
He laughs. Pause.
Why don’t you call the police, Edward? You could say he was a public nuisance. Although I … I can’t say I find him a nuisance.
EDWARD Call him in.
FLORA Me?
EDWARD Go out and call him in
FLORA Are you serious?
Pause.
Edward, I could call the police. Or even the vicar.
EDWARD Go and get him.
She goes out. Silence.
EDWARD waits.
FLORA (in the garden) Good morning.
Pause.
We haven’t met. I live in this house here. My husband and I.
Pause.
I wonder if you could … would you care for a cup of tea?
Pause.
Or a glass of lemon? It must be so dry, standing here.
Pause.
Would you like to come inside for a little while? It’s much cooler. There’s something we’d very much like to … tell you, that will benefit you. Could you spare a few moments? We won’t keep you long.
Pause.
Might I buy your tray of matches, do you think? We’ve run out, completely, and we always keep a very large stock. It happens that way, doesn’t it? Well, we can discuss it inside. Do come. This way. Ah now, do come. Our house is full of curios, you know. My husband’s been rather a collector. We have goose for lunch. Do you care for goose?
She moves to the gate.
Come and have lunch with us. This way. That’s … right. May I take your arm? There’s a good deal of nettle inside the gate.
The MATCHSELLER appears.
Here. This way. Mind now. Isn’t it beautiful weather? It’s the longest day of the year today.
Pause.
That’s honeysuckle. And that’s convolvulus. There’s clematis. And do you see that plant by the conservatory? That’s japonica.
Silence. She enters the study.
FLORA He’s here.
EDWARD I know.
FLORA He’s in the hall.
EDWARD I know he’s here. I can smell him.
FLORA Smell him?
EDWARD I smelt him when he came under my window. Can’t you smell the house now?
FLORA What are you going to do with him, Edward? You won’t be rough with him in any way? He’s very old. I’m not sure if he can hear, or even see. And he’s wearing the oldest –
EDWARD I don’t want to know what he’s wearing.
FLORA But you’ll see for yourself in a minute, if you speak to him.
EDWARD I shall
Slight pause.
FLORA He’s an old man. You won’t … be rough with him?
EDWARD If he’s so old, why doesn’t he seek shelter … from the storm?
FLORA But there’s no storm. It’s summer, the longest day …
EDWARD There was a storm, last week. A summer storm. He stood without moving, while it raged about him.
FLORA When was this?
EDWARD He remained quite still, while it thundered all about him
Pause.
FLORA Edward … are you sure it’s wise to bother about all this?
EDWARD Tell him to come in.
FLORA I …
EDWARD Now.
She goes and collects the MATCHSELLER.
FLORA Hullo. Would you like to go in? I won’t be long. Up these stairs here.
Pause.
You can have some sherry before lunch.
Pause.
Shall I take your tray? No. Very well, take it with you. Just … up those stairs. The door at the …
She watches him move.
The door …
Pause.
The door at the top. I’ll join you … later.
She goes out.
The MATCHSELLER stands on the threshold of the study.
EDWARD (cheerfully) Here I am. Where are you?
Pause.
Don’t stand out there, old chap. Come into my study. (He rises.) Come in.
The MATCHSELLER enters.
That’s right. Mind how you go. That’s … it. Now. make yourself comfortable. Thought you might like some refreshment, on a day like this. Sit down, old man. What will you have? Sherry? Or what about a double scotch? Eh?
Pause.
I entertain the villagers annually, as a matter of fact. I’m not the squire, but they look upon me with some regard. Don’t believe we’ve got a squire here any more, actually. Don’t know what became of him. Nice old man he was. Great chess-player, as I remember. Three daughters. The pride of the county. Flaming red hair. Alice was the eldest. Sit yourself down, old chap. Eunice I think was number two. The youngest one was the best of the bunch. Sally. No, no, wait a minute, no, it wasn’t Sall
y, it was … Fanny. Fanny. A flower. You must be a stranger here. Unless you lived here once, went on a long voyage and have lately returned. Do you know the district?
Pause.
Now, now, you mustn’t … stand about like that. Take a seat. Which one would you prefer? We have a great variety, as you see. Can’t stand uniformity. Like different seats, different backs. Often when I’m working, you know, I draw up one chair, scribble a few lines, put it by, draw up another, sit back, ponder, put it by … (Absently.) Sit back … put it by ..
Pause.
I write theological and philosophical essays ..
Pause.
Now and again I jot down a few observations on certain tropical phenomena – not from the same standpoint, of course. (Silent pause.) Yes. Africa, now. Africa’s always been my happy hunting ground. Fascinating country. Do you know it? I get the impression that you’ve … been around a bit. Do you by any chance know the Membunza Mountains? Great range south of Katambaloo. French Equatorial Africa, if my memory serves me right. Most extraordinary diversity of flora and fauna. Especially fauna. I understand in the Gobi Desert you can come across some very strange sights. Never been there myself. Studied the maps though. Fascinating things, maps
Pause.
Do you live in the village? I don’t often go down, of course. Or are you passing through? On your way to another part of the country? Well, I can tell you, in my opinion you won’t find many prettier parts than here. We win the first prize regularly, you know, the best kept village in the area. Sit down.
Pause.
I say, can you hear me?
Pause.
I said, I say, can you hear me?
Pause.
You possess most extraordinary repose, for a man of your age, don’t you? Well, perhaps that’s not quite the right word … repose. Do you find it chilly in here? I’m sure it’s chillier in here than out. I haven’t been out yet, today, though I shall probably spend the whole afternoon working, in the garden, under my canopy, at my table, by the pool
Pause.
Oh, I understand you met my wife? Charming woman, don’t you think? Plenty of grit there, too. Stood by me through thick and thin, that woman. In season and out of season. Fine figure of a woman she was, too, in her youth. Wonderful carriage, flaming red hair. (He stops abruptly.)
Pause.
Yes, I … I was in much the same position myself then as you are now, you understand. Struggling to make my way in the world. I was in commerce too. (With a chuckle.) Oh, yes, I know what it’s like – the weather, the rain, beaten from pillar to post, up hill and down dale … the rewards were few … winters in hovels … up till all hours working at your thesis … yes, I’ve done it all. Let me advise you. Get a good woman to stick by you. Never mind what the world says. Keep at it. Keep your shoulder to the wheel. It’ll pay dividends.
Pause
(With a laugh.) You must excuse my chatting away like this. We have few visitors this time of the year. All our friends summer abroad. I’m a home bird myself. Wouldn’t mind taking a trip to Asia Minor, mind you, or to certain lower regions of the Congo, but Europe? Out of the question. Much too noisy. I’m sure you agree. Now look, what will you have to drink? A glass of ale? Curaçao Fockink Orange? Ginger beer? Tia Maria? A Wachenheimer Fuchsmantel Reisling Beeren Auslese? Gin and it? Chateauneuf-du-Pape? A little Asti Spumante? Or what do you say to a straightforward Piesporter Goldtropfschen Feine Auslese (Reichsgraf von Kesselstaff)? Any preference?
Pause.
You look a trifle warm. Why don’t you take off your balaclava? I’d find that a little itchy myself. But then I’ve always been one for freedom of movement. Even in the depth of winter I wear next to nothing.
Pause.
I say, can I ask you a personal question? I don’t want to seem inquisitive but aren’t you rather on the wrong road for matchselling? Not terribly busy, is it? Of course you may not care for petrol fumes or the noise of traffic. I can quite understand that.
Pause.
Do forgive me peering but is that a glass eye you’re wearing?
Pause.
Do take off your balaclava, there’s a good chap, put your tray down and take your ease, as they say in this part of the world. (He moves towards him.) I must say you keep quite a good stock, don’t you? Tell me, between ourselves, are those boxes full, or are there just a few half-empty ones among them? Oh yes, I used to be in commerce. Well now, before the good lady sounds the gong for petit déjeuner will you join me in an aperitif? I recommend a glass of cider. Now … just a minute … I know I’ve got some – Look out! Mind your tray!
The tray falls, and the matchboxes.
Good God, what …?
Pause.
You’ve dropped your tray.
Pause. He picks the matchboxes up
(Grunts.) Eh, these boxes are all wet. You’ve no right to sell wet matches, you know. Uuuuugggh. This feels suspiciously like fungus. You won’t get very far in this trade if you don’t take care of your goods. (Grunts, rising.) Well, here you are.
Pause.
Here’s your tray.
He puts the tray into the matchseller’s hands, and sits. Pause.
Now listen, let me be quite frank with you, shall I? I really cannot understand why you don’t sit down. There are four chairs at your disposal. Not to mention the hassock. I can’t possibly talk to you unless you’re settled. Then and only then can I speak to you. Do you follow me? You’re not being terribly helpful. (Slight pause.) You’re sweating. The sweat’s pouring out of you. Take off that balaclava
Pause.
Go into the corner then. Into the corner. Go on. Get into the shade of the corner. Back. Backward
Pause.
Get back!
Pause.
Ah, you understand me. Forgive me for saying so, but I had decided that you had the comprehension of a bullock. I was mistaken. You understand me perfecdy well. That’s right. A little more. A little to the right. Aaah. Now you’re there. In shade, in shadow. Good-o. Now I can get down to brass tacks. Can’t I?
Pause.
No doubt you’re wondering why I invited you into this house? You may think I was alarmed by the look of you. You would be quite mistaken. I was not alarmed by the look of you. I did not find you at all alarming. No, no. Nothing outside this room has ever alarmed me. You disgusted me, quite forcibly, if you want to know the truth.
Pause.
Why did you disgust me to that extent? That seems to be a pertinent question. You’re no more disgusting than Fanny, the squire’s daughter, after all. In appearance you differ but not in essence. There’s the same …
Pause.
The same …
Pause.
(In a low voice.) I want to ask you a question. Why do you stand outside my back gate, from dawn till dusk, why do you pretend to sell matches, why …? What is it, damn you. You’re shivering. You’re sagging. Come here, come here … mind your tray!
EDWARD rises and moves behind a chair.
Come, quick quick. There. Sit here. Sit … sit in this.
The MATCHSELLER stumbles and sits. Pause.
Aaaah! You’re sat. At last. What a relief. You must be tired. (Slight pause.) Chair comfortable? I bought it in a sale. I bought all the furniture in this house in a sale. The same sale. When I was a young man. You too, perhaps. You too, perhaps.
Pause.
At the same time, perhaps!
Pause.
(Muttering.) I must get some air. I must get a breath of air.
He goes to the door.
Flora!
FLORA Yes?
EDWARD (with great weariness) Take me into the garden.
Silence. They move from the study door to a chair under a canopy.
FLORA Come under the canopy.
EDWARD Ah. (He sits.)
Pause.
The peace. The peace out here.
FLORA Look at our trees.
EDWARD Yes.
FLORA Our own t
rees. Can you hear the birds?
EDWARD No, I can’t hear them.
FLORA But they’re singing, high up, and flapping.
EDWARD Good. Let them flap.
FLORA Shall I bring your lunch out here? You can have it in peace, and a quiet drink, under your canopy.
Pause.
How are you getting on with your old man?
EDWARD What do you mean?
FLORA What’s happening? How are you getting on with him?
EDWARD Very well. We get on remarkably well. He’s a little … reticent. Somewhat withdrawn. It’s understandable. I should be the same, perhaps, in his place. Though, of course, I could not possibly find myself in his place.
FLORA Have you found out anything about him?
EDWARD A little. A little. He’s had various trades, that’s certain. His place of residence is unsure. He’s … he’s not a drinking man. As yet, I haven’t discovered the reason for his arrival here. I shall in due course … by nightfall.
FLORA Is it necessary?
EDWARD Necessary?
FLORA (quickly sitting on the right arm of the chair) I could show him out now, it wouldn’t matter. You’ve seen him, he’s harmless, unfortunate … old, that’s all. Edward – listen – he’s not here through any … design, or anything, I know it. I mean, he might just as well stand outside our back gate as anywhere else. He’ll move on. I can … make him. I promise you. There’s no point in upsetting yourself like this. He’s an old man, weak in the head … that’s all.
Pause.
The Short Plays of Harold Pinter Page 7