BEN What games?
GUS (passionately, advancing) What’s he doing it for? We’ve been through our tests, haven’t we? We got right through our tests, years ago, didn’t we? We took them together, don’t you remember, didn’t we? We’ve proved ourselves before now, haven’t we? We’ve always done our job. What’s he doing all this for? What’s the idea? What’s he playing these games for?
The box in the shaft comes down behind them. The noise is this time accompanied by a shrill whistle, as it falls. GUS rushes to the hatch and seizes the note.
(Reading.) Scampi!
He crumples the note, picks up the tube, takes out the whistle, blows and speaks.
We’ve got nothing left! Nothing! Do you understand?
BEN seizes the tube and flings GUS away. He follows GUS and slaps him hard, back-handed, across the chest.
BEN Stop it! You maniac!
GUS But you heard!
BEN (savagely) That’s enough! I’m warning you!
Silence.
BEN hangs the tube. He goes to his bed and lies down. He picks up his paper and reads.
Silence.
The box goes up.
They turn quickly, their eyes meet. BEN turns to his paper.
Slowly GUS goes back to his bed, and sits.
Silence.
The hatch falls back into place.
They turn quickly, their eyes meet. BEN turns back to his paper.
Silence.
BEN throws his paper down.
BEN Kaw!
He picks up the paper and looks at it.
Listen to this!
Pause.
What about that, eh?
Pause.
Kaw!
Pause.
Have you ever heard such a thing?
GUS (dully) Go on!
BEN Ir’s true.
GUS Get away.
BEN It’s down here in black and white.
GUS (very low) Is that a fact?
BEN Can you imagine it.
GUS It’s unbelievable.
BEN It’s enough to make you want to puke, isn’t it?
GUS (almost inaudible) Incredible.
BEN shakes his head. He puts the paper down and rises. He fixes the revolver in his holster.
GUS stands up. He goes towards the door on the left.
BEN Where are you going?
GUS I’m going to have a glass of water.
He exits. BEN brushes dust off his clothes and shoes. The whistle in the speaking-tube blows. He goes to it, takes the whistle out and puts the tube to his ear. He listens. He puts it to his mouth.
BEN Yes.
To ear. He listens. To mouth.
Straight away. Right.
To ear. He listens. To mouth.
Sure we’re ready.
To ear. He listens. To mouth.
Understood. Repeat. He has arrived and will be coming in straight away. The normal method to be employed. Under stood.
To ear. He listens. To mouth.
Sure we’re ready.
To ear. He listens. To mouth.
Right.
He hangs the tube up.
Gus!
He takes out a comb and combs his hair, adjusts his jacket to diminish the bulge of the revolver. The lavatory flushes off left. BEN goes quickly to the door, left.
Gus!
The door right opens sharply, BEN turns, his revolver levelled at the door.
GUS stumbles in.
He is stripped of his jacket, waistcoat, tie, holster and revolver. He stops, body stooping, his arms at his sides. He raises his head and looks at BEN.
A long silence.
They stare at each other.
Curtain.
A SLIGHT ACHE
A Slight Ache first published by
Methuen & Co. 1961
© FPinter Limited, 1961, 1966, 1968
A Slight Ache was first performed on the BBC Third Programme on 9 July 1959, with the following cast:
EDWARD Maurice Denham
FLORA Vivien Merchant
Directed by Donald McWhinnie
The play was first presented on stage by Michael Codron at the Arts Theatre, London, on 18 January 1961, and subsequently at the Criterion Theatre, with the following cast:
EDWARD Emlyn Williams
FLORA Alison Leggat
MATCHSELLER Richard Briers
Directed by Donald McWhinnie
It was revived at the Young Vic in June 1987 with the following cast:
EDWARD Barry Foster
FLORA Jill Johnson
MATCHSELLER Malcolm Ward
Directed by Kevin Billington
It was revived on the Lyttelton stage of the National Theatre, London, on 13 September 2008, in a double bill with Landscape. The cast was as follows:
EDWARD Simon Russell Beale
FLORA Clare Skinner
MATCHSELLER Jamie Beamish
Directed by Iqbal Khan
Characters
EDWARD
FLORA
MATCHSELLER
A country house, with two chairs and a table laid for breakfast at the centre of the stage. These will later be removed and the action will be focused on the scullery on the right and the study on the left, both indicated with a minimum of scenery and props. A large well-kept garden is suggested at the back of the stage with flower beds, trimmed hedges, etc. The garden gate, which cannot be seen by the audience, is off right.
FLORA and EDWARD are discovered sitting at the breakfast table. EDWARD is reading the paper.
FLORA Have you noticed the honeysuckle this morning?
EDWARD The what?
FLORA The honeysuckle.
EDWARD Honeysuckle? Where?
FLORA By the back gate, Edward.
EDWARD Is that honeysuckle? I thought it was … convolvulus, or something.
FLORA But you know it’s honeysuckle.
EDWARD I tell you I thought it was convolvulus.
Pause.
FLORA It’s in wonderful flower.
EDWARD I must look.
FLORA The whole garden’s in flower this morning. The clematis. The convolvulus. Everything. I was out at seven. I stood by the pool.
EDWARD Did you say – that the convolvulus was in flower?
FLORA Yes.
EDWARD But good God, you just denied there was any.
FLORA I was talking about the honeysuckle.
EDWARD About the what?
FLORA (calmly) Edward – you know that shrub outside the toolshed …
EDWARD Yes, yes.
FLORA That’s convolvulus.
EDWARD That?
FLORA Yes.
EDWARD Oh
Pause.
I thought it was japonica.
FLORA Oh, good Lord no.
EDWARD Pass the teapot, please.
Pause. She pours tea for him.
I don’t see why I should be expected to distinguish between these plants. It’s not my job.
FLORA You know perfectly well what grows in your garden.
EDWARD Quite the contrary. It is clear that I don’t.
Pause.
FLORA (rising) I was up at seven. I stood by the pool. The peace. And everything in flower. The sun was up. You should work in the garden this morning. We could put up the canopy.
EDWARD The canopy? What for?
FLORA To shade you from the sun.
EDWARD Is there a breeze?
FLORA A light one.
EDWARD It’s very treacherous weather, you know.
Pause.
FLORA Do you know what today is?
EDWARD Saturday.
FLORA It’s the longest day of the year.
EDWARD Really?
FLORA It’s the height of summer today.
EDWARD Cover the marmalade.
FLORA What?
EDWARD Cover the pot. There’s a wasp. (He puts the paper down on the table.) Don’t move. Keep still. What are you doing?
FLORA Covering the pot.
EDWARD Don’t move. Leave it. Keep still.
Pause.
Give me the Telegraph.
FLORA Don’t hit it. It’ll bite.
EDWARD Bite? What do you mean, bite? Keep still
Pause.
It’s landing.
FLORA It’s going in the pot.
EDWARD Give me the lid.
FLORA It’s in.
EDWARD Give me the lid.
FLORA I’ll do it.
EDWARD Give it to me! Now … Slowly …
FLORA What are you doing?
EDWARD Be quiet. Slowly … carefully … on … the … pot! Ha-ha-ha. Very good.
He sits on a chair to the right of the table.
FLORA Now he’s in the marmalade.
EDWARD Precisely.
Pause. She sits on a chair to the left of the table and reads the Telegraph.
FLORA Can you hear him?
EDWARD Hear him?
FLORA Buzzing.
EDWARD Nonsense. How can you hear him? It’s an earthenware lid
FLORA He’s becoming frantic.
EDWARD Rubbish. Take it away from the table.
FLORA What shall I do with it?
EDWARD Put it in the sink and drown it.
FLORA It’ll fly out and bite me.
EDWARD It will not bite you! Wasps don’t bite. Anyway, it won’t fly our. It’s stuck. It’ll drown where it is, in the marmalade.
FLORA What a horrible death.
EDWARD On the contrary
Pause.
FLORA Have you got something in your eyes?
EDWARD No. Why do you ask?
FLORA You keep clenching them, blinking them.
EDWARD I have a slight ache in them.
FLORA Oh, dear.
EDWARD Yes, a slight ache. As if I hadn’t slept.
FLORA Did you sleep, Edward?
EDWARD Of course I slept. Uninterrupted. As always.
FLORA And yet you feel tired.
EDWARD I didn’t say I felt tired. I merely said I had a slight ache in my eyes.
FLORA Why is that, then?
EDWARD I really don’t know
Pause.
FLORA Oh goodness!
EDWARD What is it?
FLORA I can see it. It’s trying to come out.
EDWARD How can it?
FLORA Through the hole. It’s trying to crawl out, through the spoon-hole.
EDWARD Mmmnn, yes. Can’t do it, of course.
Silent pause.
Well, let’s kill it, for goodness’ sake.
FLORA Yes, let’s. But how?
EDWARD Bring it out on the spoon and squash it on a plate.
FLORA It’ll fly away. It’ll bite.
EDWARD If you don’t stop saying that word I shall leave this table.
FLORA But wasps do bite.
EDWARD They don’t bite. They sting. It’s snakes … that bite.
FLORA What about horseflies?
Pause.
EDWARD (to himself) Horseflies suck
Pause.
FLORA (tentatively) If we … if we wait long enough, I suppose it’ll choke to death. It’ll suffocate in the marmalade.
EDWARD (briskly) You do know I’ve got work to do this morning, don’t you? I can’t spend the whole day worrying about a wasp.
FLORA Well, kill it.
EDWARD You want to kill it?
FLORA Yes.
EDWARD Very well. Pass me the hot water jug.
FLORA What are you going to do?
EDWARD Scald it. Give it to me.
She hands him the jug. Pause.
Now …
FLORA (whispering) Do you want me to lift the lid?
EDWARD No, no, no. I’ll pour down the spoon hole. Right … down the spoon-hole.
FLORA Listen!
EDWARD What?
FLORA It’s buzzing.
EDWARD Vicious creatures
Pause.
Curious, but I don’t remember seeing any wasps at all, all summer, until now. I’m sure I don’t know why. I mean, there must have been wasps.
FLORA Please.
EDWARD This couldn’t be the first wasp, could it?
FLORA Please.
EDWARD The first wasp of summer? No. It’s not possible.
FLORA Edward.
EDWARD Mmmmnnn?
FLORA Kill it.
EDWARD Ah, yes. Tilt the pot. Tilt. Aah … down here … right down … blinding him … that’s … it.
FLORA Is it?
EDWARD Lift the lid. All right, I will. There he is! Dead. What a monster. (He squashes it on a plate.)
FLORA What an awful experience.
EDWARD What a beautiful day it is. Beautiful. I think I shall work in the garden this morning. Where’s that canopy?
FLORA It’s in the shed.
EDWARD Yes, we must get it out. My goodness, just look at that sky. Not a cloud. Did you say it was the longest day of the year today?
FLORA Yes.
EDWARD Ah, it’s a good day. I feel it in my bones. In my muscles. I think I’ll stretch my legs in a minute. Down to the pool. My God, look at that flowering shrub over there. Clematis. What a wonderful … (He stops suddenly.)
FLORA What?
Pause.
Edward, what is it?
Pause.
Edward …
EDWARD (thickly) He’s there.
FLORA Who?
EDWARD (low, murmuring) Blast and damn it, he’s there, he’s there at the back gate
FLORA Let me see.
She moves over to him to look. Pause
(Lightly.) Oh, it’s the matchseller.
EDWARD He’s back again.
FLORA But he’s always there.
EDWARD Why? What is he doing there?
FLORA But he’s never disturbed you, has he? The man’s been standing there for weeks. You’ve never mentioned it.
EDWARD What is he doing there?
FLORA He’s selling matches, of course.
EDWARD It’s ridiculous. What’s the time?
FLORA Half past nine.
EDWARD What in God’s name is he doing with a tray full of matches at half past nine in the morning?
FLORA He arrives at seven o’clock.
EDWARD Seven o’clock?
FLORA He’s always there at seven.
EDWARD Yes, but you’ve never … actually seen him arrive?
FLORA No, I …
EDWARD Well, how do you know he’s … not been standing there all night?
Pause.
FLORA Do you find him interesting, Edward?
EDWARD (casually) Interesting? No. No, I … don’t find him interesting.
FLORA He’s a very nice old man, really.
EDWARD You’ve spoken to him?
FLORA No. No, I haven’t spoken to him. I’ve nodded.
EDWARD (pacing up and down) For two months he’s been standing on that spot, do you realise that? Two months. I haven’t been able to step outside the back gate.
FLORA Why on earth not?
EDWARD (to himself) It used to give me great pleasure, such pleasure, to stroll along through the long grass, out through the back gate, pass into the lane. That pleasure is now denied me. It’s my own house, isn’t it? It’s my own gate.
FLORA I really can’t understand this, Edward.
EDWARD Damn. And do you know I’ve never seen him sell one box? Not a box. It’s hardly surprising. He’s on the wrong road. It’s not a road at all. What is it? It’s a lane, leading to the monastery. Off everybody’s route. Even the monks take a short cut to the village, when they want to go … to the village. No one goes up it. Why doesn’t he stand on the main road if he wants to sell matches, by the front gate? The whole thing’s preposterous.
FLORA (going over to him) I don’t know why you’re getting so excited about it. He’s a quiet, harmless old man, going about his business. He’s quite harmless.
EDWARD I didn’t say
he wasn’t harmless. Of course he’s harmless. How could he be other than harmless?
Fade out and silence.
FLORA’s voice, far in the house, drawing nearer.
FLORA (off) Edward, where are you? Edward? Where are you, Edward?
She appears.
Edward?
Edward, what are you doing in the scullery?
EDWARD (looking through the scullery window) Doing?
FLORA I’ve been looking everywhere for you. I put up the canopy ages ago. I came back and you were nowhere to be seen. Have you been out?
EDWARD No.
FLORA Where have you been?
EDWARD Here.
FLORA I looked in your study. I even went into the attic.
EDWARD (tonelessly) What would I be doing in the attic?
FLORA I couldn’t imagine what had happened to you. Do you know it’s twelve o’clock?
EDWARD Is it?
FLORA I even went to the bottom of the garden, to see if you were in the toolshed.
EDWARD (tonelessly) What would I be doing in the toolshed?
FLORA You must have seen me in the garden. You can see through this window.
EDWARD Only part of the garden.
FLORA Yes.
EDWARD Only a corner of the garden. A very small corner.
FLORA What are you doing in here?
EDWARD Nothing. I was digging out some notes, that’s all.
FLORA Notes?
EDWARD For my essay.
FLORA Which essay?
EDWARD My essay on space and time.
FLORA But … I’ve never … I don’t know that one.
EDWARD You don’t know it?
FLORA I thought you were writing one about the Belgian Congo.
EDWARD I’ve been engaged on the dimensionality and continuity of space … and time … for years.
FLORA And the Belgian Congo?
EDWARD (shortly) Never mind about the Belgian Congo.
The Short Plays of Harold Pinter Page 6