KEDGE John Rye
BARMAN AT THE COFFEE STALL
Walter Hall
OLD MAN Norman Wynne
MR KING David Bird
MR RYAN Norman Wynne
GIDNEY Nicholas Selby
JOYCE Jane Jordan Rogers
EILEEN Auriol Smith
BETTY Margaret Hotine
HORNE Hugh Dickson
BARROW David Spenser
THE GIRL Vivien Merchant
Produced by Donald McWhinnie
The play was subsequently gransmitted by ABC Armchair Theatre on 24 April 1960, with the following cast:
ALBERT STOKES Tom Bell
MRS STOKES Madge Ryan
SEELEY Harold Pinter
KEDGE Philip Locke
BARMAN AT THE COFFEE STALL
Edmond Bennett
OLD MAN Gordon Phillott
MR KING Arthur Lowe
MR RYAN Edward Malin
GIDNEY Stanley Meadows
JOYCE José Read
EILEEN Maria Lennard
BETTY Mary Duddy
HORNE Stanley Segal
BARROW Walter Hall
THE GIRL Vivien Merchant
Produced by Philip Saville
Characters
ALBERT STOKES
MRS STOKES
his mother
SEELEY
KEDGE
BARMAN AT THE COFFEE STALL
OLD MAN
MR KING
MR RYAN
GIDNEY
JOYCE
EILEEN
BETTY
HORNE
BARROW
THE GIRL
Act One
SCENE ONE
The kitchen of MRS. STOKES’ small house in the south of London. Clean and tidy.
ALBERT, a young man of twenty-eight, is standing in his shirt and trousers, combing his hair in the kitchen mirror over the mantelpiece. A woman’s voice calls his name from upstairs. He ignores it, picks up a brush from the mantelpiece and brushes his hair. The voice calls again. He slips the comb in his pocket, bends down, reaches under the sink and takes out a shoe duster. He begins to polish his shoes. MRS STOKES descends the stairs, passes through the hall and enters the kitchen.
MOTHER Albert, I’ve been calling you. (She watches him.) What are you doing?
ALBERT Nothing.
MOTHER Didn’t you hear me call you, Albert? I’ve been calling you from upstairs.
ALBERT You seen my tie?
MOTHER Oh, I say, I’ll have to put the flag out.
ALBERT What do you mean?
MOTHER Cleaning your shoes, Albert? I’ll have to put the flag out, won’t I?
ALBERT puts the brush back under the sink and begins to search the sideboard and cupboard.
What are you looking for?
ALBERT My tie. The striped one, the blue one.
MOTHER The bulb’s gone in Grandma’s room.
ALBERT Has it?
MOTHER That’s what I was calling you about. I went in and switched on the light and the bulb had gone.
She watches him open the kitchen cabinet and look into it.
Aren’t those your best trousers, Albert? What have you put on your best trousers for?
ALBERT Look, Mum, where’s my tie? The blue one, the blue tie, where is it? You know the one I mean, the blue striped one, I gave it to you this morning.
MOTHER What do you want your tie for?
ALBERT I want to put it on. I asked you to press it for me this morning. I gave it to you this morning before I went to work, didn’t I?
She goes to the gas stove, examines the vegetables, opens the oven and looks into it.
MOTHER (gently) Well, your dinner’ll be ready soon. You can look for it afterwards. Lay the table, there’s a good boy.
ALBERT Why should I look for it afterwards? You know where it is now.
MOTHER You’ve got five minutes. Go down to the cellar, Albert, get a bulb and put it in Grandma’s room, go on.
ALBERT (irritably) I don’t know why you keep calling that room Grandma’s room, she’s been dead ten years.
MOTHER Albert!
ALBERT I mean, it’s just a junk room, that’s all it is.
MOTHER Albert, that’s no way to speak about your Grandma, you know that as well as I do.
ALBERT I’m not saying a word against Grandma –
MOTHER You’ll upset me in a minute, you go on like that.
ALBERT I’m not going on about anything.
MOTHER Yes, you are. Now why don’t you go and put a bulb in Grandma’s room and by the time you come down I’ll have your dinner on the table.
ALBERT I can’t go down to the cellar, I’ve got my best trousers on, I’ve got a white shirt on.
MOTHER You’re dressing up tonight, aren’t you? Dressing up, cleaning your shoes, anyone would think you were going to the Ritz.
ALBERT I’m not going to the Ritz.
MOTHER (suspiciously) What do you mean, you’re not going to the Ritz?
ALBERT What do you mean?
MOTHER The way you said you’re not going to the Ritz, it sounded like you were going somewhere else.
ALBERT (wearily) I am.
MOTHER (shocked surprise) You’re going out?
ALBERT You know I’m going out. I told you I was going out. I told you last week. I told you this morning. Look, where’s my tie? I’ve got to have my tie. I’m late already. Come on, Mum, where’d you put it?
MOTHER What about your dinner?
ALBERT (searching) Look … I told you … I haven’t got the … wait a minute … ah, here it is.
MOTHER You can’t wear that tie. I haven’t pressed it.
ALBERT You have. Look at it. Of course you have. It’s beautifully pressed. It’s fine.
He ties the tie.
MOTHER Where are you going?
ALBERT Mum, I’ve told you, honestly, three times. Honestly, I’ve told you three times I had to go out tonight.
MOTHER No, you didn’t.
ALBERT exclaims and knots the tie.
I thought you were joking.
ALBERT I’m not going … I’m just going to Mr King’s. I’ve told you. You don’t believe me.
MOTHER You’re going to Mr King’s?
ALBERT Mr Ryan’s leaving. You know Ryan. He’s leaving the firm. He’s been there years. So Mr King’s giving a sort of party for him at his house … well, not exactly a party, not a party, just a few … you know … anyway, we’re all invited. I’ve got to go. Everyone else is going. I’ve got to go. I don’t want to go, but I’ve got to.
MOTHER (bewildered, sitting) Well, I don’t know …
ALBERT (with his arm round her) I won’t be late. I don’t want to go. I’d much rather stay with you.
MOTHER Would you?
ALBERT You know I would. Who wants to go to Mr King’s party?
MOTHER We were going to have our game of cards.
ALBERT Well, we can’t have our game of cards.
Pause.
MOTHER Put the bulb in Grandma’s room, Albert.
ALBERT I’ve told you I’m not going down to the cellar in my white shirt. There’s no light in the cellar either. I’ll be pitch black in five minutes, looking for those bulbs.
MOTHER I told you to put a light in the cellar. I told you yesterday.
ALBERT Well, I can’t do it now.
MOTHER If we had a light in the cellar you’d be able to see where those bulbs were. You don’t expect me to go down to the cellar?
ALBERT I don’t know why we keep bulbs in the cellar!
Pause.
MOTHER Your father would turn in his grave if he heard you raise your voice to me. You’re all I’ve got, Albert. I want you to remember that. I haven’t got anyone else. I want you … I want you to bear that in mind.
ALBERT I’m sorry … I raised my voice.
He goes to the door.
(Mumbling.) I’ve got to go.
MOTHER (following) Albert!
AL
BERT What?
MOTHER I want to ask you a question.
ALBERT What?
MOTHER Are you leading a clean life?
ALBERT A clean life?
MOTHER You’re not leading an unclean life, are you?
ALBERT What are you talking about?
MOTHER You’re not messing about with girls, are you? You’re not going to go messing about with girls tonight?
ALBERT Don’t be so ridiculous.
MOTHER Answer me, Albert. I’m your mother.
ALBERT I don’t know any girls.
MOTHER If you’re going to the firm’s party, there’ll be girls there, won’t there? Girls from the office?
ALBERT I don’t like them, any of them.
MOTHER You promise?
ALBERT Promise what?
MOTHER That … that you won’t upset your father.
ALBERT My father? How can I upset my father? You’re always talking about upsetting people who are dead!
MOTHER Oh, Albert, you don’t know how you hurt me, you don’t know the hurtful way you’ve got, speaking of your poor father like that.
ALBERT But he is dead.
MOTHER He’s not! He’s living! (Touching her breast.) In here! And this is his house!
Pause.
ALBERT Look, Mum, I won’t be late … and I won’t …
MOTHER But what about your dinner? It’s nearly ready.
ALBERT Seeley and Kedge are waiting for me. I told you not to cook dinner this morning. (He goes to the stairs.) Just because you never listen …
He runs up the stairs and disappears. She calls after him from the hall.
MOTHER Well, what am I going to do while you’re out? I can’t go into Grandma’s room because there’s no light. I can’t go down to the cellar in the dark, we were going to have a game of cards, it’s Friday night, what about our game of rummy?
SCENE TWO
A coffee stall by a railway arch. A wooden bench is situated a short distance from it. SEELEY and KEDGE, both about ALBERT’s age, are at the counter, talking to the BARMAN. An OLD MAN leans at the corner of the counter.
SEELEY Give us a cheese roll as well, will you?
KEDGE Make it two.
SEELEY Make it two.
BARMAN Two cheese rolls.
SEELEY What are these, sausages?
BARMAN Best pork sausages
SEELEY (to KEDGE) You want a sausage?
KEDGE (shuddering) No, thanks.
SEELEY Yes, you’re right.
BARMAN Two cheese rolls. What about these sausages, you want them or don’t you?
SEELEY Just the rolls, mate.
BARMAN Two tea, two rolls, makes one and eightpence.
SEELEY gives him half a crown.
KEDGE There’ll be plenty to eat at the party.
SEELEY I’ll bet.
OLD MAN Eh! (They turn to him.) Your mate was by here not long ago.
SEELEY Which mate?
OLD MAN He had a cup of tea, didn’t he, Fred? Sitting over there he was, on the bench. He said he was going home to change but to tell you he’d be back.
KEDGE Uh-uh.
OLD MAN Not gone more than above forty-five minutes.
BARMAN One and eight from half a dollar leaves you ten pennies.
OLD MAN Anyway, he told me to tell you when I see you he was coming back.
KEDGE Thanks very much.
SEELEY Well, I hope he won’t be long. I don’t want to miss the booze.
KEDGE You think there’ll be much there, do you?
OLD MAN Yes, he was sitting over there.
KEDGE Who was?
OLD MAN Your mate.
SEELEY Oh yes.
OLD MAN Yes, sitting over there he was. Took his cup of tea and went and sat down, didn’t he, Fred? He sat there looking very compressed with himself.
KEDGE Very what?
OLD MAN Compressed. I thought he was looking compressed, didn’t you, Fred?
BARMAN Depressed. He means depressed.
SEELEY No wonder. What about that game on Saturday, eh?
KEDGE You were going to tell me. You haven’t told me yet.
BARMAN What game? Fulham?
SEELEY No, the firm. Firm’s got a team, see? Play on Saturdays.
BARMAN Who’d you play?
SEELEY Other firms.
BARMAN You boys in the team, are you?
KEDGE Yes. I’ve been off sick though. I didn’t play last week.
BARMAN Sick, eh? You want to try one of my sausages, don’t he, Henry?
OLD MAN Oh, ay, yes.
KEDGE What happened with the game, then?
They move to the bench.
SEELEY Well, when you couldn’t play, Gidney moved Albert to left back.
KEDGE He’s a left half.
SEELEY I know he’s a left half. I said to Gidney myself, I said to him, look, why don’t you go left back, Gidney? He said, no, I’m too valuable at centre half.
KEDGE He didn’t, did he?
SEELEY Yes. Well, you know who was on the right wing, don’t you? Connor.
KEDGE Who? Tony Connor?
SEELEY No. You know Connor. What’s the matter with you? You’ve played against Connor yourself.
KEDGE Oh – whatsisname – Micky Connor.
SEELEY Yes.
KEDGE I thought he’d given up the game.
SEELEY No, what are you talking about? He plays for the printing works, plays outside right for the printing works.
KEDGE He’s a good ballplayer, that Connor, isn’t he?
SEELEY Look. I said to Albert before the kick off, Connor’s on the right wing, I said, play your normal game. I told him six times before the kick off.
KEDGE What’s the good of him playing his normal game? He’s a left half, he’s not a left back.
SEELEY Yes, but he’s a defensive left half, isn’t he? That’s why I told him to play his normal game. You don’t want to worry about Connor, I said, he’s a good ballplayer but he’s not all that good.
KEDGE Oh, he’s good, though.
SEELEY No one’s denying he’s good. But he’s not all that good. I mean, he’s not tip-top. You know what I mean?
KEDGE He’s fast.
SEELEY He’s fast, but he’s not all that fast, is he?
KEDGE (doubtfully) Well, not all that fast …
SEELEY What about Levy? Was Levy fast?
KEDGE Well, Levy was a sprinter.
SEELEY He was a dasher, Levy. All he knew was run.
KEDGE He could move.
SEELEY Yes, but look how Albert played him! He cut him off, he played him out the game. And Levy’s faster than Connor.
KEDGE Yes, but he wasn’t so clever, though.
SEELEY Well, what about Foxall?
KEDGE Who? Lou Foxall?
SEELEY No, you’re talking about Lou Fox, I’m talking about Sandy Foxall.
KEDGE Oh, the winger.
SEELEY Sure. He was a very smart ballplayer, Foxall. But what did Albert do? He played his normal game. He let him come. He waited for him. And Connor’s not as clever as Foxall.
KEDGE He’s clever though.
SEELEY Gawd blimey, I know he’s clever, but he’s not as clever as Foxall, is he?
KEDGE The trouble is, with Connor, he’s fast too, isn’t he?
SEELEY But if Albert would have played his normal game! He played a game foreign to him.
KEDGE How many’d Connor get?
SEELEY He made three and scored two.
Pause. They eat.
KEDGE No wonder he’s depressed, old Albert.
SEELEY Oh, he was very depressed after the game, I can tell you. And of course Gidney was after him, of course. You know Gidney.
KEDGE That birk.
Pause.
OLD MAN Yes, he was sitting over where you are now, wasn’t he, Fred? Looking very compressed with himself. Light-haired bloke, ain’t he?
SEELEY Yes, light-haired.
SCENE THREE
The hou
se.
ALBERT is coming down the stairs. He is wearing his jacket. He goes towards the door. His MOTHER calls from the kitchen and goes into the hall.
MOTHER Albert! Where are you going?
ALBERT Out.
MOTHER Your dinner’s ready.
ALBERT I’m sorry. I haven’t got time to have it.
MOTHER Look at your suit. You’re not going out with your suit in that state, are you?
ALBERT What’s the matter with it?
MOTHER It needs a good brush, that’s what’s the matter with it. You can’t go out like that. Come on, come in here and I’ll give it a brush.
ALBERT It’s all right …
MOTHER Come on.
They go into the kitchen. She gets the brush.
Turn round. No, stand still. You can’t go out and disgrace me, Albert. If you’ve got to go out you’ve got to look nice. There, that’s better.
She dusts his jacket with her hands and straightens his tie.
I didn’t tell you what I made for you, did I? I made it specially. I made Shepherd’s Pie tonight.
ALBERT (taking her hand from his tie) The tie’s all right.
He goes to the door.
Well, ta-ta.
MOTHER Albert! Wait a minute. Where’s your handkerchief?
ALBERT What handkerchief?
MOTHER You haven’t got a handkerchief in your breast pocket.
ALBERT That doesn’t matter, does it?
MOTHER Doesn’t matter? I should say it does matter. Just a minute. (She takes a handkerchief from a drawer.) Here you are. A nice clean one. (She arranges it in his pocket.) You mustn’t let me down, you know. You’ve got to be properly dressed. Your father was always properly dressed. You’d never see him out without a handkerchief in his breast pocket. He always looked like a gentleman.
SCENE FOUR
The coffee stall.
KEDGE is returning from the counter zvith two teas.
KEDGE Time we were there.
SEELEY We’ll give him five minutes.
KEDGE I bet his mum’s combing his hair for him, eh?
The Short Plays of Harold Pinter Page 9