I went out and got that cake the minute we got your letter.
WALTER (sighing) Ah, you know, I’ve been thinking for months … you know that? … months … I’ll come back here … I’ll lie on my bed … I’ll see the curtains blowing by the window … I’ll have a good rest, eh?
ANNIE There she is, she’s moving herself. You got a bit of the sun.
WALTER I’m going to take it easy for a few weeks.
ANNIE You should. It’s silly. You should have a rest for a few weeks. Pause.
WALTER How’s Mr Solto?
ANNIE He’s still the best landlord in the district. You wouldn’t get a better landlord in any district.
WALTER You’re good tenants to him.
ANNIE He’s so kind. He’s almost one of the family. Except he doesn’t live here. As a matter of fact, he hasn’t been to tea for months.
WALTER I’m going to ask him to lend me some money.
ANNIE She’s coming down.
WALTER What’s a couple of hundred to him? Nothing.
ANNIE (whispering) Don’t say a word about the curtains.
WALTER Eh?
ANNIE Don’t mention about the curtains. About the hanging. About what I told you about what she said about the way I hung the curtains. Don’t say a word. Here she comes.
Milly enters.
WALTER (kissing her) Aunty Milly.
MILLY Did she give you a bit of cake?
WALTER Marvellous cake.
MILLY I told her to go and get it.
WALTER I haven’t had a bit of cake like that for nine solid months.
MILLY It comes from down the road.
WALTER Here you are, Aunty, here’s some chocolates.
MILLY He didn’t forget that I like chocolates.
ANNIE He didn’t forget that I don’t like chocolates.
MILLY Nutty? Are they nutty?
WALTER I picked them specially for the nuts. They were the nuttiest ones they had there.
ANNIE Sit down,
MILLY Don’t stand up.
MILLY I’ve been sitting down, I’ve been lying down. I got to stand up now and again.
WALTER You haven’t been so well, eh?
MILLY Middling. Only middling.
ANNIE I’m only middling as well.
MILLY Yes, Annie’s only been middling.
WALTER Well, I’m back now, eh?
MILLY How did they treat you this time?
WALTER Very well. Very well.
MILLY When you going back?
WALTER I’m not going back.
MILLY You ought to be ashamed of yourself, Walter, spending half your life in prison. Where do you think that’s going to get you?
WALTER Half my life? What do you mean? Twice, that’s all.
ANNIE What about Borstal?
WALTER That doesn’t count.
MILLY I wouldn’t mind if you ever had a bit of luck, but what happens? Every time you move yourself they take you inside.
WALTER I’ve finished with all that, anyway.
MILLY Listen, I’ve told you before, if you’re not clever in that way you should try something else, you should open up a little business – you could get the capital from Solto, he’ll lend you some money. I mean, every time you put a foot outside the door they pick you up, they put you inside. What’s the good of it?
ANNIE You going to have a jam tart, Wally?
WALTER Sure.
MILLY (eats) Where’d you get the jam tarts?
ANNIE Round the corner.
MILLY Round the corner? I thought I told you to get them down the road.
ANNIE He didn’t have any down the road.
MILLY Why, he’d run out?
ANNIE I don’t know if he’d made any today.
MILLY What are they like?
WALTER Lovely.
He takes another. Eats. Pause.
MILLY I’ve had to lay off tarts, haven’t I, Annie?
ANNIE They was giving her heartburn.
MILLY I had to lay off. I had to lay right off tarts, since just after Easter.
ANNIE I bet you never had a tart in prison, Wally.
WALTER No, I couldn’t lay my hands on one.
Pause.
MILLY Well? Have you told him?
ANNIE Told him what?
MILLY You haven’t told him?
WALTER Told me what?
MILLY Eh?
ANNIE No, I haven’t.
MILLY Why not?
ANNIE I wasn’t going to tell him.
WALTER Tell me what?
MILLY You said you was going to tell him.
ANNIE I didn’t have the pluck.
WALTER What’s going on here? What’s all this?
Pause.
ANNIE Have a rock cake, Wally.
WALTER No, thanks. I’m full up.
ANNIE Go on, have a rock cake.
WALTER No, I’ve had enough. Honest.
MILLY Have a rock cake, come on.
WALTER I can’t, I’m full up!
ANNIE I’ll go and fill the pot.
MILLY I’ll go.
ANNIE You can’t go, come on, give me the pot. You can’t go, you’re not well.
MILLY I’ll go, come on, give me the pot.
ANNIE I made the tea, why shouldn’t I fill the pot?
MILLY Can’t I fill the pot for my own nephew!
WALTER Now listen, what have you got to tell me – what’s the matter? I come home from prison, I been away nine months, I come home for a bit of peace and quiet to recuperate. What’s going on here?
MILLY Well … we’ve let your room.
WALTER You’ve what?
ANNIE We’ve let your room.
Pause.
MILLY Look, Wally, don’t start making faces. How could we help ourselves?
Pause.
WALTER You’ve done what?
ANNIE We missed you.
MILLY It gave us a bit of company.
ANNIE Of course it did …
MILLY It gave us a helping hand …
ANNIE You spend half your time inside, we don’t know when you’re coming out …
MILLY We only get the pension.
ANNIE That’s all we got, we only got the pension.
MILLY She pays good money, she pays thirty-five and six a week …
ANNIE She’s down here every Friday morning with the rent.
MILLY And she looks after her room, she’s always dusting her room.
ANNIE She helps me give a bit of a dust round the house.
MILLY On the weekends …
ANNIE She leaves the bath as good as new …
MILLY And you should see what she’s done to her room.
ANNIE Oh, you should see how she’s made the room.
MILLY She’s made it beautiful, she’s made it really pretty …
ANNIE She’s fitted up a bedside table lamp in there, hasn’t she?
MILLY She’s always studying books …
ANNIE She goes out to night school three nights a week.
MILLY She’s a young girl.
ANNIE She’s a very clean girl.
MILLY She’s quiet …
ANNIE She’s a homely girl …
Pause.
WALTER What’s her name?
ANNIE Sally …
WALTER Sally what?
MILLY Sally Gibbs.
WALTER How long has she been here?
MILLY She’s been here about – when did she come?
ANNIE She came about …
MILLY Four months about … she’s been here …
WALTER What does she do, for a living?
MILLY She teaches at a school.
WALTER A school teacher!
MILLY Yes.
WALTER A school teacher! In my room.
Pause.
ANNIE Wally, you’ll like her.
WALTER She’s sleeping in my room!
MILLY What’s the matter with the put-u-up? You can have the put-u-up in here.
WALTER The put-u-up? She’s sleeping in my bed.
ANNIE She’s bought a lovely coverlet, she’s put it on.
WALTER A coverlet? I could go out now, I could pick up a coverlet as good as hers. What are you talking about coverlets for?
MILLY Walter, don’t shout at your aunt, she’s deaf.
WALTER I can’t believe it. I come home after nine months in a dungeon.
ANNIE The money’s been a great help.
WALTER Have I ever left you short of money?
MILLY Yes!
WALTER Well … not through my own fault. I’ve always done my best.
MILLY And where’s it got you?
WALTER What’s this, you reproaching me?
ANNIE Your aunt’s not one to go around reproaching people, Walter.
MILLY Live and let live, that’s my motto.
ANNIE And mine.
MILLY It’s always been my motto, you ask anyone.
WALTER Listen, you don’t understand. This is my home. I live here. I’ve lived in that room for years –
ANNIE On and off.
WALTER You’re asking me to sleep on that put-u-up? The only person who ever slept on that put-u-up was Aunty Gracy. That’s why she went to America.
MILLY She slept in it for five years with Uncle Alf, Grace did. They never had a word of complaint.
WALTER Uncle Alf! Honest, this has knocked me for … for six. I can’t believe it. But I’ll tell you one thing about that bed she’s sleeping in.
ANNIE What’s the matter with it?
WALTER There’s nothing the matter with it. It’s mine, that’s all – I bought it.
ANNIE So he did, milly
MILLY You? I thought I bought it.
ANNIE That’s right. You did. I remember.
WALTER You bought it, you went out and chose it, but who gave you the money to buy it?
ANNIE Yes, he’s right. He did.
WALTER I mean … what’s happened to my damn things? What’s happened to my case? The one I left here?
ANNIE Well, she didn’t mind us leaving your things in the cupboard, did she, Milly?
WALTER Things? That’s my life’s work!
Pause.
She’ll have to go, that’s all.
MILLY She’s not going.
WALTER Why not?
ANNIE She’s not going to go.
MILLY I should say not. She’s staying.
Pause.
WALTER (with fatigue) Why can’t she sleep on the put-u-up?
ANNIE Put a lovely girl like that on the put-u-up? In the dining room?
WALTER She’s lovely, is she?
MILLY You should see the beauty cream on her dressing table.
WALTER My dressing table.
MILLY I like a girl who looks after herself.
ANNIE She gives herself a good going over every night.
MILLY She’s never out of the bath. Morning and night. On the nights she goes to night school, she has one before she goes out; other nights she has it just before she goes to bed.
WALTER Well, she couldn’t have it after she’s gone to bed, could she?
Pause.
Night school? What kind of night school?
MILLY She’s studying foreign languages there. She’s learning to speak two more languages.
ANNIE Yes, you can smell her up and down the house.
WALTER Smell her?
ANNIE Lovely perfumes she puts on.
MILLY Yes, I’ll say that, it’s a pleasure to smell her.
WALTER Is it?
ANNIE There’s nothing wrong with a bit of perfume.
MILLY We’re not narrow-minded over a bit of perfume.
ANNIE She’s up to date, that’s all.
MILLY Up to the latest fashion.
ANNIE I was, when I was a girl.
MILLY What about me?
ANNIE So were you. But you weren’t as up to date as I was.
MILLY I was. I didn’t have anything coming over me.
Pause.
WALTER Does she know where I’ve been?
ANNIE Oh, yes.
WALTER You told her I’ve been in the nick?
ANNIE Oh, we told her, yes.
WALTER Did you tell her why?
MILLY Oh, no. Oh no, we didn’t tell her why.
ANNIE Oh, no, we didn’t discuss that … But I mean it didn’t worry her, did it, Milly? I mean she was very interested. Oh, she was terribly interested.
WALTER (slowly) She was, was she?
ANNIE Yes.
Walter stands abruptly, slamming the table.
WALTER Where am I going to put my case?
ANNIE You can put it in the hall.
WALTER The hall? That means I’ll have to keep running out to the hall whenever I want anything.
Pause.
I can’t live in these conditions for long. I’m used to something better. I’m used to privacy. I could have her walking in here any time of the day or night. This is the living room. I don’t want to share my meals with a stranger.
ANNIE She only has bed and breakfast. I take it up to her room.
WALTER What does she have?
ANNIE She has a nice piece of bacon with a poached egg, and she enjoys every minute of it.
WALTER For thirty-five and six a week? They’re charging three pounds ten everywhere up and down the country. She’s doing you. She’s got hot and cold running water, every comfort, breakfast in a first-class bed. She’s taking you for a ride.
ANNIE No, she’s not.
Pause.
WALTER I left something in my room. I’m going to get it.
He goes out and up the stairs. The bathroom door opens and SALLY comes out. She descends the stairs half-way down. They meet.
SALLY Mr Street?
WALTER Yes.
SALLY I’m so pleased to meet you. I’ve heard so much about you.
WALTER Oh yes.
Pause.
I … er …
SALLY Your aunts are charming people.
WALTER Mmmm.
Pause.
SALLY Are you glad to be back?
WALTER I’ve left something in my room. I’ve got to get it.
SALLY Oh, well, we’ll meet again. Bye-bye.
She goes to her room. He follows.
The footsteps stop.
WALTER Could I just …?
SALLY What?
WALTER Come in.
SALLY Come in? But … well, yes … do … if you want to.
They go in. WALTER shuts the door, follows her.
I’m sorry. Everything’s all over the place. I’m at school all day. I don’t have much time to tidy up.
Pause.
I believe I’m teaching at the school you went to. In the infants.
WALTER Round the corner? Yes, I went there.
SALLY You wouldn’t believe all the things I’ve heard about you. You’re the apple of your aunts’ eyes.
WALTER So are you.
Pause.
SALLY I’m happy here. I get on very well with them.
WALTER Look … I’ve got to get something in here …
SALLY In here? I thought you said you’d left something in your room.
WALTER This is my room.
Pause.
SALLY This?
WALTER You’ve taken my room.
SALLY Have I? I never … realised that. Nobody ever told me that. I’m terribly sorry. Do you want it back?
WALTER I wouldn’t mind.
SALLY Oh dear … this is very awkward … I must say I’m very comfortable here … I mean, where else could I sleep?
WALTER There’s a put-u-up downstairs.
SALLY Oh, I don’t trust those things, do you? I mean, this is such a lovely bed.
WALTER I know it is. It’s mine.
SALLY You mean I’m sleeping in your bed?
WALTER Yes.
SALLY Oh.
Pause.
WALTER I’ve got something in here I want to get
.
SALLY Well … carry on.
WALTER It’s in a rather private place.
SALLY Do you want me to go out?
WALTER Yes, if you don’t mind.
SALLY Go out of the room, you mean?
WALTER It won’t take me a minute.
SALLY What are you looking for?
WALTER It’s a private matter.
SALLY Is it a gun?
Pause.
Can’t I turn my back?
WALTER Two minutes. That’s all I want.
SALLY All right. Two minutes.
She leaves the room and stands on the landing outside the door. WALTER grunts and mutters to himself.
WALTER Look at those frills. Frills … all over the place. Bloody dolls’ house. My damn room.
SALLY’s voice is heard from the landing.
SALLY Are you finished?
WALTER Just a minute.
He opens the cupboard and rummages.
(Muttering.) Where’s that damn case? Wait a minute … what’s this?
Sound of large envelope tearing.
(Softly.) Gaw … huuhh!
SALLY All right?
WALTER Yes. Thank you.
SALLY enters the room.
SALLY Find it?
WALTER Yes, thank you.
He goes to the door.
What do you teach – ballet?
SALLY Ballet? No. What a funny question.
WALTER Not funny. Lots of women teach ballet.
SALLY I don’t dance.
Pause.
WALTER I’m sorry I disturbed your … evening.
SALLY That’s all right.
WALTER Good night.
SALLY Good night.
Fade out.
Fade in.
ANNIE Have another piece of lemon meringue, Mr Solto.
SOLTO With pleasure.
ANNIE You’ll like it.
SOLTO They wanted three hundred and fifty pounds income tax off me the other day. My word of honour. I said to them, you must be mad! What are you trying to do, bring me to an early death? Buy me a cheap spade I’ll get up first thing in the morning before breakfast and dig my own grave. Three hundred and fifty-five nicker, eh? I said to them, I said, show me it, I said show me it down in black and white, show me where I’ve earned – must be round about a thousand pound, you ask me for all that. It’s an estimate, they said, we’ve estimated your earnings. An estimate? Who did your estimate? A blind man with double vision? I’m an old-age pensioner. I’m in receipt of three pound a week, find me something to estimate! What do you say, Walter?
The Short Plays of Harold Pinter Page 13