SALLY Thinking.
WALTER Think about me last night?
SALLY You?
WALTER This offer to share your room, I might consider it.
Pause.
I bet you’re thinking about me now.
Pause.
SALLY Why should I be?
WALTER I’m thinking about you. Pause. I don’t know why I made such a fuss about this room. It’s just an ordinary room, there’s nothing to it. I mean if you weren’t here. If you weren’t in it, there’d be nothing to it.
Pause.
Why don’t you stay in it? It’s not true that I’m married. I just said that. I’m not attached. To tell you the truth … to tell you the truth, I’m still looking for Miss Right
SALLY I think I should move away from here.
WALTER Where would you go?
Pause.
SALLY Anywhere.
WALTER Would you go to the seaside? I could come with you. We could do a bit of fishing … on the pier. Yes, we could go together. Or, on the other hand, we could stay here. We could stay where we are.
SALLY Could we?
WALTER Sit down.
SALLY What?
WALTER Sit down.
Pause.
Cross your legs.
SALLY Mmmmm?
WALTER Cross your legs.
Pause.
Uncross them.
Pause.
Stand up.
Pause.
Turn round.
Pause.
Stop.
Pause.
Sit down.
Pause.
Cross your legs.
Pause.
Uncross your legs.
Silence.
Night-club music.
TULLY No, I tell you, it must be … wait a minute, must be round about ten years. The last time was when I was down at Richmond.
SOLTO Yes, the Donkey Club.
TULLY The Donkey, sure. I left there three years ago.
SOLTO How long you been here, then? I haven’t been down here for about three years.
TULLY You must have missed me. I come here three years ago, that’s exacdy when I come here. (Calls.) Charlie!
TULLY clicks his fingers for the WAITER,
SOLTO It was a real dive before then, I can tell you.
WAITER.
Same again, Mr Tully?
TULLY Same again. Dive – course it was a dive. They asked me to come here and give it – you know – a bit of class, about three years ago. I gave the boot to about a dozen lowlives from the start, you know, I made my position clear.
SOLTO Didn’t they give you no trouble?
TULLY With me? Listen, they know if they want to start making trouble they picked the right customer. Don’t you remember me at Blackheath.
SOLTO You’re going back a bit.
TULLY I’m going back a few years before the war.
SOLTO You’re going back to when the game was good.
TULLY What about you at Blackheath?
SOLTO Blackheath. It’s another story when you start talking about Blackheath.
TULLY Thanks, Charlie. Here you are, Ambrose. Cheers.
Pause.
No, you can see it’s not a dive no more. I got the place moving, I mean, we got a band up there – well, I say a band – a piano and a double bass, but they’re very good boys, they’re good boys. We got a very nice clientele come in here. You know, you get a lot of musicians … er … musicians coming down here. They make up a very nice clientele. Of course, you get a certain amount of business executives. I mean, high-class people. I was talking to a few of them only the other night. They come over from Hampton Court, they come, from Twickenham, from Datchet.
SOLTO All the way from Datchet?
TULLY Sure, they get in the car, how long’s it taken them? They come here for a bit of relaxation. I mean, we got a two-o’clock licence. We got three resident birds. What made you come down here all of a sudden?
SOLTO Ah, just one of them funny things, Cyril. I heard of a little bird.
TULLY What, one of the birds here?
SOLTO Still sharp, eh, Cyril?
TULLY You heard about the quality we got here, eh? We got some high-class dolls down here, don’t worry. They come all the way from finishing school. Fade out.
Fade in: girls’ dressing-room.
BARBARA What did he say then?
SALLY Come over with me one Sunday, he says, come over and have Sunday dinner, meet the wife. Why, I said, what are you going to introduce me as, your sister? No, he says; she’s very broad-minded, my wife; she’ll be delighted to meet you.
MAVIS Oh yes, I’ve heard of that kind of thing before.
SALLY Yes, that’s what I said. Oh yes, I said, I’ve heard of that kind of thing before. Go on, get off out of it, I said, buzz off before I call a copper.
BARBARA Which was he, the one with the big nose?
SALLY Yes.
MANAGER Come on, girls, move yourselves, we’re ready for the off.
BARBARA Who asked you to come into the ladies’ room?
MANAGER Don’t give me no lip. Get your skates on. (To SALLY.) Cyril wants you at his table right away.
SALLY I’ll kick him in the middle of his paraphernalia one of these days.
BARBARA Go on, what happened then?
SALLY Why don’t you come on the river with me one of these days? he says. I’ll take you for a ride in a punt.
MAVIS In a what?
BARBARA A punt.
MAVIS What’s a punt?
SALLY I said to him, In a punt, with you? You must be mad. You won’t get me in no punt.
BARBARA I thought you said he attracted you.
SALLY Oh, he did to start off, that’s all. I thought he wasn’t bad. But, you know, he came from Australia. He’d got a lot of Australian habits, they didn’t go down very well with me.
MANAGER Come on, come on, I don’t want to tell you again. Where do you think you are, on Brighton front? (To SALLY.) Cyril wants you at his table.
SALLY I’ll cut his ears off one of these days.
She goes into the dub.
SOLTO So I thought to myself Tully, Big Johnny Bolsom. She must be all right.
TULLY Sure she’s all right.
SOLTO So I thought I’d follow it up.
TULLY You couldn’t have done better. Here she is, here she is, come on, darling. This is an old friend of mine, Ambrose Solto.
SOLTO How do you do?
SALLY How do you do?
TULLY Sit down, Ambrose. I want you to meet this girl, Ambrose. This is the cleverest girl we got here. She speaks three languages.
SOLTO What languages?
TULLY Tell him.
SALLY Well, English for a start.
SOLTO She’s witty, too eh?
TULLY Witty? She’s my favourite girl.
SALLY Oh, I’m not.
SOLTO Aren’t you going to tell me your name?
SALLY Katina.
SOLTO Katina. What a coincidence! My childhood sweetheart was called Katina.
TULLY No. Go on!
SALLY Really, Mr Solto?
SOLTO Yes, when I was a little boy, when I was a little boy in Athens. That’s when it was.
Fade out.
Fade in.
WALTER I just took the train down to Southend, that’s all.
ANNIE Southend? What for?
WALTER I felt like having a look at the seaside. It wasn’t bad down there. I rolled around, that’s all. Smelt the old sea, that’s all.
Pause.
ANNIE You’ve got a secret.
WALTER Have I?
ANNIE Oh, come on, Wally, what do you think of her? She’s nice, isn’t she?
WALTER Who, the girl upstairs? Yes, she’s a very nice girl.
ANNIE You like her, eh?
WALTER Who?
ANNIE Don’t you?
WALTER What, the one that lives upstairs, eh?
ANNIE All larking aside.
WALTER Well … all larking aside … without any larking … I’d say she was all right.
ANNIE You didn’t like her, though, the first going off, did you?
WALTER Ah well, the first going off … ain’t anything like … the second going off, is it? What I mean to say … is that the second going off … often turns out to be very different … from what you thought it was going to be … on the first going off. If you see what I’m saying.
ANNIE Hasn’t she made the room lovely, eh?
WALTER Very snazzy.
ANNIE She’s made it really feminine, hasn’t she?
WALTER Oh … without a shadow of doubt.
ANNIE She should be in soon. She should be due home from night school in about half an hour.
Fade out and in: night club.
SOLTO What do you think of that?
SALLY No, you’ve got real rhythm. Mr Solto, it’s a pleasure.
SOLTO I’ve always had rhythm. Take it from me. I was born with rhythm. My big toe can dance a polka by himself. My word of honour. My sweetheart and me, we used to dance by the sea at night, with the waves coming in. You ever done that?
SALLY No. Never. Let’s have a drink.
TULLY How you getting on, you two?
SOLTO Marvellous.
SALLY Lovely.
SOLTO See us on the floor?
TULLY What were you doing on the floor?
SALLY Dancing!
SOLTO You should have seen him at Blackheath. Go on, off you go, Cyril, we’re talking about philosophy here.
TULLY Mind how you go.
He goes.
SOLTO and SALLY go to the table and sit.
SOLTO I was going to say something to you.
SALLY What?
SOLTO I own a private beach. On the South Coast. It’s all my own. A little beach hut. Well, not so little. It’s big. It’s not a hut either. It’s a bit bigger than a hut. It’s got Indian carpets, it’s got the front side full of windows looking out to the sea, it’s got central heating, and the waves … the waves come right up to the front step. You can lie on a divan and watch them come closer and closer. How would you like to he there in the moonlight, eh, and watch the waves come closer and closer?
SALLY Sounds … very nice.
SOLTO Next week-end we’ll go down, eh.
SALLY Well, I …
SOLTO No excuses! I’ll barbecue a boar on the beach, my word of honour.
SALLY Where you going to get the boar?
SOLTO Specially from France – where else? Listen. You want to know a little secret? I came down here specifically to look for you.
SALLY What do you mean?
SOLTO I got hold of this photo of you, see? So I got hold of the photographer. He told me what club it was, and here I am.
SALLY Where’d you get the photo?
SOLTO That I’m not supposed to tell you. You see, what I was doing, I was looking for you for a pal of mine.
SALLY A pal? … Who?
SOLTO Don’t worry about it. I’m not going to tell him where he can find you. No. I wouldn’t let a man like that get hold of a lovely girl like you.
SALLY What’s his name?
SOLTO He’s a man called Wally. Wally Street. He’s always in and out of the nick. He’s a forger, a petty thief, does post-office books. You know him?
SALLY No.
SOLTO Funny … I don’t know what he … anyway, forget all about it. But I’ll give him his due. If it wasn’t for him showing me this photo, where would I be, eh. And where would you be.
SALLY Yes. Where would I be?
Fade out and in.
A knock at the front door.
WALTER goes through the hall door.
SOLTO Hullo, Wally, I’ll come in a minute. I’ve got a cab outside.
They go into the room.
WALTER What’s up? Have you found the girl?
SOLTO The girl? What girl?
WALTER The girl. That photo I gave you. You know.
SOLTO Oh, the girl! You mean the girl I was trying to …
WALTER Yes, I thought that might be why you’ve come round.
SOLTO You’re dead right. That’s exacdy why I’ve come round.
WALTER That’s what I thought.
SOLTO And you weren’t wrong.
Pause.
WALTER Well. Where is she?
SOLTO That’s what I wanted to tell you. I can’t find her.
WALTER You can’t find her?
SOLTO Not a smell. That’s exactly what I came round to tell you.
WALTER Not a smell, eh.
SOLTO Not a whiff.
WALTER I thought you were on her track.
SOLTO There’s no track. I been everywhere. The Madrigal. The Whip Room. The Gamut. Pedro’s. Nobody knew the face. Wait a minute – Pedro said he might have seen her once round a few back doubles in Madrid. She been to Madrid?
WALTER How would I know? I’ve never met her.
SOLTO I thought you had.
WALTER Didn’t you locate that club?
SOLTO What club?
WALTER In the photo.
SOLTO No. What I thought, the best thing to do would be to get hold of the photographer, you see. So I paid him a call.
WALTER What did he say?
SOLTO He wasn’t there. He’d gone to Canada for a conference.
WALTER What kind of conference?
SOLTO A dental conference. He’s going to be a dentist.
WALTER Why’d he give up photography?
SOLTO He had a change of heart. You know how it is. He gave me a cup of coffee, told me his life story.
WALTER Who did?
SOLTO His brother. The chiropodist. He’s in dead trouble that boy, he can’t meet his overheads.
WALTER Look here, Mr Solto, if I were you, I’d give up the whole thing.
SOLTO You want my opinion? I think the photo’s a fake. There’s no such club. There’s no girl. They don’t exist.
WALTER That’s exactly what I think.
Pause.
SOLTO You do?
WALTER Exactly.
SOLTO Who knows? You might be right.
WALTER That photo. It’s a fake. You’ll never find her.
SOLTO How can it be a fake? I thought you knew her.
WALTER I never said I knew her. I’ve never met her.
SOLTO But that’s what I’m saying. There’s no one to know. You’ve never seen her. I’ve never seen her. There’s no one to see.
WALTER She doesn’t exist.
Pause.
SOLTO All the same look, the girl’s there. That’s the photo of someone.
WALTER No one I know.
Pause.
SOLTO Take my tip, Wally, wipe the whole business from your head, wipe it clean out of your mind.
WALTER That’s what I think you’d better do, Mr Solto.
Front door. Footsteps.
SOLTO What’s that?
WALTER That’s the school teacher.
SOLTO That’s your mark. Someone with an education. She keeps nice hours for a school teacher. Where’s she been, night school?
Fade out and in to footsteps on stairs.
Knock on the door.
WALTER Are you there?
He tries the door. It is locked.
Are you in there? I want to speak to you. Let me in a minute. Will you let me in a minute? What’s up with you? What the hell’s up with you? Let me in. I want to speak to you.
Silence.
ANNIE She’s gone.
MILLY Gone?
ANNIE Here’s a note.
MILLY Where’s she gone?
ANNIE She left a note.
MILLY What does it say?
ANNIE ‘Dear Misses Billet. I’m very sorry, but an urgent matter has called me away suddenly. I don’t know when I’ll be back, so I thought I better take everything. I didn’t want to wake you up. Thank you. Good-bye.’ I’m going to tell Wally.
ANNIE’s footsteps into the front
room.
Wally. Wake up.
Pause.
She’s gone away.
WALTER Who?
ANNIE She left a note. Look.
Pause while he reads.
WALTER Yes, well … she … obviously had to go away.
Pause.
ANNIE You didn’t have any arguments with her, did you, Wally?
WALTER No.
ANNIE You didn’t see her last night after she came back from night school?
WALTER No.
MILLY enters.
MILLY I just found this photo in her room.
ANNIE Ah. Doesn’t she look lovely holding that netball?
MILLY With all the schoolgirls.
ANNIE I never knew she was the games mistress. She never told us.
Pause.
MILLY It looks as though she’s gone for good.
Pause.
WALTER Yes.
Pause.
That’s what it looks like.
Fade.
THE DWARFS
The Dwarfs first published by
Methuen & Co. 1961, corrected 1968
© FPinter Limited, 1961, 1968
The Dwarfs was first performed on the BBC Third Programme on 2 December 1960 with the following cast:-
LEN Richard Pasco
PETE Jon Rollason
MARK Alex Scott
Produced by Barbara Bray
The play was first presented in a new version for the stage by Michael Codron and David Hall at the New Arts Theatre, London, on 18 September, 1963 with the following cast:
LEN John Hurt
PETE Philip Bond
MARK Michael Forrest
Directed by Harold Pinter assisted by Guy Vaesen
Characters
LEN
PETE
MARK
all are in their late twenties
The two main areas are:
The Short Plays of Harold Pinter Page 15