Reprise (Ruby Riot #3)

by Lisa Swallow

  18

  RILEY

  Something bangs onto the table next to the bed and I open a bleary eye. A mug. I look up. Nate. He grins down at me. “Look. I made you a tea.”

  “I hope it’s better than the last one.”

  “Everything improves with practice,” he says with a hint of a smile.

  I sit and before I manage to cover myself up, Nate takes an eyeful and throws a smile at me. I peer at the tea. “I like it stronger.”

  “Is that right? Not strong enough for you?”

  “Less milk.”

  Nate bounces onto the bed next to me. “Oh. Didn’t realise we were talking about tea.”

  He lies down, hands laced together behind his head and I push him. “Watch your elbows. And yes, we were talking about tea.”

  “Uh huh.”

  As I sip my drink, Nate continues to stare at the ceiling and I take a surreptitious look at the tattoo emerging from his jeans where his T-shirt has pulled upwards. Okay, at the hard abs I’d like to dig my fingers into again.

  Sex with Nate was different to the usual no strings, for a million different reasons. Two years of frustration came out, our battle waging even in sex. But how would it be any other way? The frustrated passion held back that translated into resentment poured out into the most amazing, no-holds-barred sex of my life.

  What else could I do but challenge him when I heard what he said to Will? I needed to know which was the truth, the words spoken to Will or to me. I told Nate it didn’t matter; and in the heat of the moment, the build up from the kiss earlier, I didn’t care. I wanted sex. With him. Then.

  Today? Despite his strange tenderness this morning, I’m waiting for the triumphant return to the old Nate; for the taunts and hints, he won.

  “What exiting things do we have lined up for today?” I ask. “Brunch at a nice café? A walk in the park?”

  “I can get you some cornflakes and we can hike through the snow. I saw Becca and Jason heading out with sledges.”

  “No, thanks.”

  “What? I can make cornflakes.”

  “The sledging. I’m not going out in the snow again.”

  “Don’t you feel like running down the hill and getting the hell out? I do.”

  Of course he does. Not responding, I sip my tea.

  Nate dives a hand beneath the sheets and runs his fingers across my belly. I tense as his fingers move downwards. “So, uh, Riley,” he begins.

  I take his hand and grasp. “If this was a mistake, tell me now.”

  I brace myself for the rejection.

  “Maybe we can meet up in London?”

  I grip my mug. “What?”

  “Me and you. Y’know. Meet up. We don’t have to let anybody know.”

  I splutter. “Oh, are you asking me to be your fuck buddy? That’s so sweet!”

  “Haha. I want to spend time with you. No strings. More sex like yesterday because that was fucking awesome. What do you think?”

  I place my cup down. “More of this?”

  “And less fighting.”

  “Do we tell people?” I ask, the thrill of the secret we could indulge in edging in.

  “Hell, no. Riley and Nate doing their own thing with nobody involved.” He sits and picks his cup up and switches to nonchalant.

  More explosive sex with a guy, who knows what he’s doing, who also doesn’t want complications, and is that little bit out of bounds to make this illicit? Possible. The last few guys I slept with were hardly worth the effort; with Nate, there’s nothing average, and thoughts of last night tighten my stomach. I want more; he can have my body, and I’ll hang onto my heart. If I continue to pretend he’s a fantasy and not a reality, and Nate does the same, we can get what we both want.

  The problem is the arrangement wouldn’t last long. I’ve hidden Josh before, even when a couple of dates have extended into several weeks. Apart from once three years ago, and the guy ran for the hills.

  “A month,” I say. “I’ll give this a month.”

  Nate smiles. “That’s around my limit anyway.”

  “Sex only. No involvement in each other’s lives. And no sex with anybody else.”

  “Deal.”

  “And don’t tell anybody. Not even your brother.”

  Nate snorts. “No way. He’ll open his big mouth and spoil everything.”

  We seal the deal with a kiss, and I shiver as if I’m making a promise I can’t keep. With this step away from who we pretend we are to other people, into the two people who want to give in to each other, we slip closer to what we have to give. We can both save face by refusing to acknowledge the undercurrents flowing beneath, and the rip in the water dragging us out of our depth.

  I’m already there, sinking harder and faster into Nate than last time, and with more to lose.

  My greatest wish at this point is to leave soon so I won’t be forced into discussing anything else until we’re back into a life we can control.

  19

  RILEY

  Nate bites back a smile and I scowl at him. The large, grey jacket drops to below my knees and the length of the puffed material covers my hands. Val lent me her coat and red wellies, which I struggle to walk in as she’s two sizes bigger than me. Worst of all, on my head sits a bright red beanie. With a pom-pom.

  Nate wolf whistles and my scowl grows. “Looking good, Riley.”

  In his leather jacket and jeans, Nate’s appearance isn’t much different to usual. I’m stuck with Val’s massive waterproof winter jacket as I only have a thin one, which wouldn’t be much use for sledging.

  Sledging.

  Nate grins and holds the long white cord to the kid’s red plastic sledge. “Surprised you’re joining in.”

  “I don’t know where you get this Riley’s no fun idea from,” I say as I approach him.

  “I know you can be fun when you want to be.” Nate curls a hand around my neck and kisses me softly. “I bet you’ve not sat on a sledge for years.”

  Josh has a sledge like this one, but his is blue, and last winter I held onto him as we flew down the hill in the small plastic contraption together. Josh was scared to go alone at first, but soon dispensed with my help. How he had the energy to walk up and down the hill in the park, as many times as he did, I’ve no idea.

  “Where are Becca and Jason?” I ask.

  “Took you so long to get ready they’ve finished. What the hell were you doing?”

  Talking to my son. “Nothing. Changing.”

  “You’ll stay warm in those, that’s for sure.” Nate’s eyes sparkle as he looks at my unsexy outfit, and I’m caught in his childish glee. “Gonna race me?”

  The other sledge rests upside down near one of the snow-covered cars. “Maybe.”

  “You mean you’re not up for a challenge?” Nate mock gasps, then rests his forehead on mine. “Bet you I win.”

  I jab him in the chest with a finger. “Challenge accepted.”

  “Awesome.” He slaps his bare hands together and I struggle to take hold of the rope with my thick gloves. The sun shines today and I heat up, my head sweating beneath my hat.

  “I just want to—” I turn back as Nate’s figure blurs down the hill on his sledge. The speed worries me. I misjudged how steep the hill is. “You have to wait for me before you race!” I call after him.

  He smashes into a snowdrift at the base of the hill and I wince. Unperturbed, Nate stands and brushes snow from his legs before striding back up the hill. I tip my head. “You need to learn to control your vehicles in the snow.”

  “Ha ha. I was waiting for that comment.” He flicks my nose and I grab his hand. “You need to control yourself in the bedroom.”

  I glance around in case anybody stands nearby, thankful my cheeks are already pink from the cold. “As if you’d want me to.”

  “True.” He drops the sledge and squeezes my ass. “Remember we’re not going home until tomorrow.”

  “But we’ve no more condoms.”

  “Meh.�
�� Nate turns his sledge to face downhill again. “I’m very resourceful.”

  How am I having such a frank conversation with Nate about this? “We’ll talk about this later.”

  “Oh? You have some?”

  “No, but—” No, but all I can think about when looking at Nate now is last night, and the effect this is having on me right now. I never, ever get turned on just by looking at somebody, but my hardening nipples are from more than the weather . I can’t go anywhere near Nate again without wanting his hands and mouth on me, and I could have sex with him without a condom, if I trusted him. I’m on heavy-duty contraception, but I don’t know if I can. I look away. A conversation for later.

  “You okay?” he asks.

  “You know I’m picturing you naked now, right?”

  “Tell me something new,” he says with more than a hint of smug.

  I drag my sledge next to his and look down at where he sits in the sledge ready to go. “I like you, Nate Campbell. Just a tiny bit.”

  “Whoa.” Nate’s eyes brighten, and he cups my face in his hand as he brushes a finger across my lips. “Looks like things have changed.”

  Unable to resist, I shove the distracted Nate in the back, and he shouts my name as the sledge slips from its precarious position and careers down the hill, Nate grasping the string to try to manoeuvre. Suppressing a giggle, I watch him slow, as he manages to avoid the low drift this time. He stomps up the hill towards me.

  “Some things have changed anyway,” he says and shakes snow at me from his jacket. “You always want the upper hand, don’t you? You’re wasting your time trying with me.”

  I wrap my arms around his waist, the thick material of my silver jacket a barrier between us. “What happened to the Campbell twin sense of humour?”

  “Don’t worry; you’ll get your own taste of that.”

  “Come on, then, race me.”

  We position ourselves side by side. Nate complains my sledge is ahead of his. By about ten centimetres.

  The cold air batters my face as I shoot down the hill, the thin plastic between me and the compacting snow. The hill is covered in trails from Becca and Jason’s earlier play. The concentration on Nate’s face amuses me, his competitive nature written all over it. What’s he like with his brother nowadays? Do they fight for superiority the way he does with me?

  “Riley!” Nate points from his sledge besides me, voice urgent, and I snap my head around. Too lost in watching Nate, and enjoying the rush of the game, I miss seeing an incoming tree. Desperately I attempt to veer the sledge away, yanking on the rope to slow down, and the sledge tips sideways. I swear as the red plastic flips me over and I’m dumped sideways in the snow.

  I lie back and stare at the clear blue sky and sunshine, thankful I’m wearing the stupid coat and boots now half-filled with snow. Normal Riley would be frustrated and embarrassed, but in the silent countryside around, the only person who sees is Nate. I’d never think lying in the snow would be peaceful, but there’s a sense of serenity and freedom lacking in my life.

  I let go of the remaining tension and laugh, bunching snow in my hands. This is my life, tipped out of control and into the grasp of nature. Everything is different, including the man standing over me with concern in the eyes who once looked at me hard and emotionless.

  “You all right?”

  “Fine.”

  “I love when you laugh,” he says and holds out a hand.

  Nate yanks me to my feet, and I wrap my arms around his neck. Slowly, Nate tips my chin and he’s joined me in my new world of freedom. His mouth touches mine and we stand together, free from all the crap around our normal lives.

  He tastes of mint, his lips cool; and when I bury my cold nose in his neck, I inhale the smell of oranges I’ll always associate with the dichotomy of the Nate I met here. Fierce passion and a gentle, strange understanding from a soul stripped bare.

  “Is this it? All the crap over with?” he asks. He pulls my red hat off and shakes out the snow.

  I wish it were. “It’s a good start,” I say.

  My cheek warms as Nate whispers against my skin. “And I won.”

  “I hope you mean the race.”

  He winks at me. “Maybe.”

  Nate winds a strand of hair around his finger. “What if yesterday isn’t all I want?”

  My chest tightens at his words. “Sex?”

  “Is that all you want from me?”

  “No. I’m worried, that’s all. I couldn’t cope with the fallout from this if you laugh about me behind my back.”

  “Are you worried about your reputation or about us?”

  “Both.”

  “I have a reputation to maintain too.” He pokes me.

  “And that’s one of the reasons I’m worried. The way you treat girls, Nate.”

  “I think you hit the nail on the head last night. I’m not used to somebody challenging me. You certainly did.” He cocks a brow.

  “And I will again.”

  “That’s what I was hoping.” Nate grabs the rope on the sledges, one in each hand. “By the way, did I tell you we could be out this afternoon?”

  “What? And you’ve dragged me into the snow?”

  “I just wanted some more fun with you before we left,” he says as he heads up the hill, dragging the sledges behind him. “Before you get back to London and morph back into boring Riley again.”

  Unable to think of a quick retort, I watch his tall figure stride up the steep slope. Will Nate return to his old self too? What the hell happens next?

  20

  RILEY

  The nearby town bustles with shoppers stocking up after days cut off from the world too. They’re a fraction of the size of the crowds I’d face in London; but after three days of isolation, the sights and sounds assault me. Snow remains on the nearby hills, patches of green breaking through, but the streets and roads are covered with brown slush.

  The taxi we caught from the pub splashes through the street and pulls into a large supermarket car park where Will’s large black Audi waits. The taxi driver chatted on the short trip down, throwing questions at us about our time locked away. Roger, the scruffy guy with a slight body odour problem, is friends with George and Val, and his interest was more curiosity over how George and Val coped. He also had plenty of questions about much freedom we had to eat and drink anything we wanted, and opinions on what he’d do in the situation. I made polite conversation, while Nate stared out of the window.

  The couple of times I attempt to talk to Nate on the journey, I receive one-word answers, and he doesn’t look at me. His unpredictability in mood is a problem. I couldn’t deal with more than a physical relationship with this man. If he swings from open to closed too readily, anybody emotionally attached to him would spend life on a roundabout of confusion unless her self-esteem was high enough to accept him as he is.

  Is this over already? Now we’ve stepped away from the last few days is he retreating like the snow behind us? Suggesting we meet again… was that to soften the blow?

  Will opens his door and leans on the roof of his black car as he watches us. “Welcome back to the world of the living!” he says.

  Will’s hair is brushed down; the opposite of Nate’s, which changes their face shapes slightly. They’re still unmistakably identical twins, although Will’s wearing a loose shirt over his T-shirt and blue denim rather than Nate’s constant attire of black T-shirt and dark jeans. Not that he’s had much wardrobe choice in recent days.

  When I first met them as a pair on the Blue Phoenix tour, they were a double act and their behaviour both irritating and infectious. I don’t like immature guys and the constant quipping annoyed me at first. Then I noticed how they smoothed the tension in the band, and God knows that’s needed with the other two band members’ attitudes.

  As I grew to know them, and met Nate alone a few times, I saw they fitted another cliché, the jokers with hidden sides. Drunk and high, they lived their dream, but when sober, hints of dif
ferences between the pair filtered through. They’re protective of each other and friends; now I’ve seen Will with Fleur, although briefly, there’s an intensity to match Nate’s. Nate’s has been channelled a different way. Would he be open to a relationship if it weren’t for his past?

  Will and Nate give each other brotherly claps on the shoulder, and I shiver against the wind. Nate takes my bag and inelegantly slings it into the Audi’s boot. Without looking at me, he heads to the passenger door.

  “How’s things, Riley?” asks Will.

  “Better now I’m on my way home. Thanks for picking us up.”

  “Never a problem. You okay to sit in the back?”

  “Sure.”

  Nate doesn’t say a word. In fact, he barely speaks past a few muttered sentences to his brother for the four-hour trip. Part of the reason is he dozes, and I’m lulled to sleep too. Dreams of why I’m exhausted follow me, and it’s difficult to forget our intimacy when my body aches.

  Will announces how rude we are and switches on music instead, which he proceeds to sing along to loudly. When awake, I stare out of the window as the speeding car moves along the monotonous road and away from the white world behind. Snow on the ground thins the further south we travel, and my stomach fills with excitement at seeing my son again.

  “Where do you live?” he asks as the buildings lining the motorway thicken into London suburbs.

  “Barnet, but you don’t need to take me all the way home.”

  “It’s cool. I’m happy to.”

  Old style Riley’s panic and problem solving kick in. What if the brothers want inviting in? Nobody knows where I live or who with. “No, really.”

  “We’ll take you home,” says Nate gruffly. “End of.”

  I’m sitting on the left in the back with a view of Will not Nate. Will pulls a face at me to indicate he’s unimpressed by his brother’s rude response, and I return a small smile. Will looks between us and wrinkles his nose.