Falling Deeper (Falling Series)

by Lucia Grace

  “Wait here until I come around and get you. And please don’t turn around. Okay?” I look over to Kayson as he speaks. He seems nervous, and if I’m not mistaken a light blush is staining his cheeks.

  I offer a small smile and his eyes darken as I nod my consent. “I promise. I’ll stay facing this way. No peeking,” I softly reply.

  When Kayson jumps from the cab of the truck I sit here and try my hardest not to let my curiosity get the better of me and turn around. I start to think about how so much has changed in the last couple of months. From the incident, to Kayson’s return, and then to now. On this date. The one I swore I’d never go on with him.

  But the other day he caught me at a weak moment. Literally. But really it was so much more than that.

  I was just leaving The Coffee Press grabbing an afternoon pick-me-up after leaving Momma’s house. I had needed her advice. I told her about girls’s night, leaving out what happened at my apartment afterward, of course, but I knew she could tell something happened. Me blushing furiously probably didn’t help anything.

  We talked for about an hour before I left her with more questions than answers. She always liked Kayson. Even with everything that he put our relationship through. So all she told me was to follow my heart and it would never let me down. I gave her a look as if to say yeah, right, since when it came to Kayson, following my heart seemed to be more a disaster than anything.

  When I started down the street to head back to my apartment, the sound of gunfire exploded through the air. Terror seized me in place as one thought rolled through my mind.

  Oh dear God, not again.

  As the biggest panic attack since the shooting consumed me, Kayson suddenly was there. He held me as I cried. He talked me down as he held me close. He soothed me and saved me from myself.

  The way he handled me and cared for me melted my heart and had me seeing him in a whole new light.

  Gone was the hatred and anger, the bitterness and regret that I felt toward him. Because in him I saw the Kayson I fell in love with. Not the Kayson who shattered my heart.

  So when he asked me on this date, I couldn’t help but say yes. Not only because he was there to help me. But because ever since he’s come back to Pleasant Beach he’s made it his mission to prove to me that he’s a changed man.

  I just hope saying yes wasn’t a giant mistake.

  I’m pulled from my thoughts when my passenger side door is opened.

  He holds out his hand before addressing me. “I need you to close your eyes, give me your hand, then let me guide you.”

  I take in a deep breath then do as he says. I close my eyes as he pulls me from the truck, and then he walks me around to the back.

  Just like last time.

  When we reach the end I open my eyes and gasp in awe and surprise.

  Just. Like. Last. Time.

  Everything.

  The music, the setup, the lanterns, the picnic basket. He remembered. Every detail. My eyes fill with unshed tears and my heart fills with warmth. He did all of this for me.

  “I know it may be a little cliché. But I thought that maybe bringing you back here and reminding you of a good memory may be a good start in showing you that I’m a changed man.”

  There’s that light blush again, tinting his cheeks.

  It pulls a smile from my face. A real one. Teeth and all.

  His lips part and his eyes take me in.

  “I’ve missed that look on you.”

  My brows furrow as I question what he means.

  “That smile shining bright on your face. Lighting up your eyes. I’ve missed it. And knowing I was the one to put it there makes me so goddamn happy, Em. So goddamn happy.”

  Now it’s my turn to blush.

  As I feel the heat spread over my face, Kayson leans in and kisses my cheek.

  I gasp.

  “Just had to feel that warmth against my lips, baby.”

  Butterflies start to stir in my belly.

  He smirks, revealing his dimple, and those butterflies take flight.

  As I take another deep breath, what seems to be the millionth one tonight, Kayson grabs my hips and hoists me into the bed of his truck.

  He jumps in after me as I tuck my maxi dress under me, before sitting back against the pillows. When I’m settled he kneels down and begins removing the items out of the picnic basket.

  I shouldn’t be surprised, but a thrill runs through me nonetheless when I see the same dinner from that date unloaded and laid out in front of me.

  Another sheepish grin takes over Kayson’s face. “I’m assuming the chicken pesto panini from Sophie’s is still your favorite? At least I hope it is.”

  I’m too overcome to reply with words, so I give him a nod of my head until I compose myself. “They are, thank you.”

  Satisfaction crosses his face as he settles next to me and we dig into a delicious dinner.

  We eat in silence that is broken up only occasionally by the crashing of the waves on the shore. Twilight is moving in, lighting the sky in orange and dark blue hues. Making it look like the sky is on fire.

  Once we finish our meal, Kayson picks up all the trash and moves the picnic basket over. He stands and jumps from the bed of the truck.

  Confusion must be written all over my face because he explains as he lifts his hand to me. “It’s a nice night. Come sit on the beach with me?”

  I swallow as nerves take over. Sitting on the beach means it’s time to talk. I know it’s long overdue, but it doesn’t make it any easier.

  With a nod I consent. “Okay.”

  I stand, careful of my dress, then walk slowly to the tailgate. I place my hand into Kayson’s as he lifts his other hand to my hip, helping me down.

  I slip my sandals off then pull my cardigan tighter around me as the late May breeze blows over the water.

  Kayson and I walk side by side down the wooden footpath then descend the few stairs to the sand below that’s still warm from the afternoon sun.

  We only make it a small distance before Kayson stops and turns toward the water then sits down. I follow suit and sit next to him.

  He startles me when he takes my hand. He grasps it lightly and pulls our joined hands into his lap where his other hand joins them.

  “You seem a bit cold, thought I could help warm you up.” He smirks that smirk of his.

  I’d say mission accomplished. I’m almost stifling now.

  Silence surrounds us again. The cawing of a gull above us breaking it up, but the talk I expected from Kayson is nowhere in sight.

  “I came back for you.” Kayson’s voice crashes over me like the waves on the shore.

  My heart stills in my chest as I take in what he just said. Wondering if he means now or…

  “Before, I mean. I came back for you once before.”

  When his words sink in, my heart takes off in a gallop, thrumming through my veins at a rapid speed. “Wh-what?”

  He shakes his head solemnly before adding, “Even Damon doesn’t know I came back.”

  “What do you mean you came back for m-me?” My voice breaking at the end.

  He blows out a deep breath then tips his head back before bringing his eyes back to the water. Never making eye contact with me. “A little over a year ago, not long after I got my first EMT job in Pembrooke. I couldn’t take it anymore, being away from you, living life without you, so I came back for you.”

  My heart pulls so tight my chest actually aches. He came back for me?

  “Why didn’t you ever come back then? To me? Why haven’t I seen you in over four years?” My voice hitches as I fight back tears.

  “I was driving down Main Street, debating on what I would do. I knew you were student teaching at Pleasant Beach Elementary while you were finishing up your degree and you were living in your own place because of previous discussions with Damon. He never would tell me if you had moved on or not, he would only ever tell me the basics.” He shrugs his shoulders as a scowl crosses his face a
t the memory.

  “But since I didn’t tell him I was coming that time, I had no clue where to find you or what I’d find. I figured I could start at your apartment, then if I had no luck I knew I’d be able to find you eventually with Pleasant Beach being so small.”

  He swallows harshly then turns his head to look at me.

  “As I was driving down the road, getting ready to park, I saw you. For the first time in almost three years, there you were. Walking down the sidewalk by yourself, cell phone to your ear, head thrown back in laughter at whatever the person on the other end said. When I pulled over to park along the curb, I couldn’t take my eyes off of you. You were so fucking beautiful, you looked so carefree, that I couldn’t help but smile. But old insecurities started creeping in, along with wondering who could be making you laugh so hard and make you look so damn happy.”

  Kayson closes his eyes, a sad smile playing along his lips, before opening them on a deep sigh.

  “I wouldn’t have been able to survive knowing that you had moved on, that some asshole won your heart and was making you that happy. Making you laugh so fiercely. So I left just as quickly as I came into town, without looking back. I knew if I did I would have demanded you leave whoever was bringing that light back into your life. I know that makes me a coward, admitting that, but it’s the truth.”

  “It doesn’t make you a coward, Kayson. It makes you human. If things were reversed, I know I wouldn’t have been able to cope knowing you had moved on while I hadn’t.”

  I turn my head, looking back out to the darkening sky over the crashing waves. From the corner of my eye I see Kayson watching me. Eyes steady and filled with warmth and…love. “What?” I ask quietly, blushing under his scrutiny.

  The clear, starry night sky is suddenly charged with an intense energy, causing a shiver to run down my spine. Kayson releases my hand then lays his hand on my cheek, running his fingers down to clasp my chin. He softly turns my face toward his.

  “Just taking in your beauty,” he replies softly with a small tilt of his lips. “Wondering how you can look the same yet so different all at once. I find comfort in the familiarity and warmth of your eyes. They’ve always held a mystery I long to solve.”

  When he says things like this I almost forget the pain of him leaving me so abruptly all those years ago. I almost forget the time that separates us. I almost forget the feeling of worthlessness I suffered because of him.

  Almost.

  “I wish you could see what I see in you,” he says as he brushes my hair back from my forehead. Causing goose bumps to raise on my skin from his tenderness. A familiar tenderness I never thought I’d feel from him again. “If you did, you’d realize what I’m fighting so hard to win back, to keep. I will fight for you, baby, just like I should have done from day one,” he whispers.

  Emotion clogging his voice, washing over his face, and melting my heart.

  I don’t know when it happened. Falling in love with him again. Or maybe I never fell out of it. But if I didn’t know I loved him before, I damn well know it now.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO

  KAYSON

  I asked Ember to meet me at Loving Grace Church as I dropped her off after our date on Saturday night.

  The date went better than I had hoped. She seemed shocked to see that I had remembered so much from our last beach date, but she seemed pleasantly surprised as well.

  I don’t know why she was so shocked. Despite all the bad, despite all the bullshit, there was plenty of good between us. And I remembered all of it.

  After we ate and made our way down to the beach, we sat for hours huddled together under the moonlight. I didn’t press my luck, but I never stopped touching her. Holding her hand. My hand on her thigh. Or by the end of the night, my arm wrapped around her shoulders to help keep her warm.

  I never tried to kiss her. I never became inappropriate. But I just couldn’t not touch her with her so close to me. She looked too gorgeous in her long dress, sweater, and sandals. Her dark hair down and flowing down her back. Barely any makeup. She looked fresh-faced and content. And I did that to her. So keeping my hands to myself was impossible.

  As the stars shined bright in the deep midnight sky I suggested it might be time to go when a chill ran through her. So I drove Ember the ten minutes back to her apartment, and the whole ride I contemplated two things—kissing her and asking her to meet me at my addiction meeting.

  She never indicated that a kiss would be the right move, so I held off. But in the silence, as she unlocked her front door, I couldn’t help but blurt out my request. She turned in her doorway and looked up at me in confusion. I repeated my question and waited with bated breath until she agreed. I didn’t explain any further than that. I asked her to be here for 6:45 p.m. on Tuesday.

  Now it’s Tuesday, and I’m a nervous fucking wreck. I know tonight is important. I also know tonight could make or break me in Ember’s eyes.

  I really need it to make me because this distance she keeps between us is fucking killing me. My hope is that what she learns tonight will open her eyes to the years we spent apart and will help change her mind about me.

  I need it to.

  Just as that thought filters through my mind, I catch the headlights of Ember’s car flash off as she pulls into the parking lot then parks a couple spots down from my truck. I take a deep breath as she steps out then release it as she locks up her car and makes her way over to me at the front of the church. She looks breathtaking, as always. Her shapely legs are encased in black leggings and a low-cut, sleeveless, flowing top reveals the perfect amount of cleavage.

  I groan quietly, momentarily forgetting my nerves as my cock stirs to life in my loose-fitting jeans. I shift as discreetly as I can before she stops next to me. Willing my dick to settle down. Now is not the time for a hard-on.

  “Hey,” she says quietly. Unaware of the internal battle I’m having.

  I clear my throat before replying. “Hey, thanks for coming.”

  “I’m still not sure what’s going on and why you’d ask me to meet you at a church. But no problem.” She looks around the lot before looking back to me and continuing. “I only see a few cars here, are there people inside?”

  I place my hand to the small of her back and lead Ember into the open, double doors of the church. “Yeah, you’ll see soon enough.”

  Confusion flickers across her face, just like it did on Saturday night. But she just shrugs and continues to let me guide her.

  As I turn us along the side hall of the church, bypassing the entrance where they hold services, I see the open door into the meeting room.

  Ember and I make it through the doorway as light chatter fills the room. I’ve only been to a couple of meetings since returning to Pleasant Beach, but I recognize the same handful of people from the previous meetings. Along with a few new ones. They must be their guests. I guide us to a set of seats in the circle and wait for Ember to take her seat before I do.

  “What’s going on, Kayson?”

  I look over to Ember and see the questions in her eyes. “This is where I come for my addiction meetings.” Shock replaces her confusion before it turns to understanding.

  “I never knew the church held them,” she utters quietly.

  “Yeah, well, when I rushed back to Pleasant Beach, after seeing you in the hospital, I made sure to find a place that held meetings to stay on track. I’ve only been to a few since I came back a couple of months ago, but when I was here last week, it was mentioned that the next meeting would be an open one.”

  I answer her next question before she can even ask. “An open meeting is when each recovering addict can bring someone with them and the members are free to talk, share their pasts, and recovery stories.”

  She nods her head slowly and looks around as the rest of the group takes their seats.

  The meeting is then started by way of the welcome and prayer. Once the serenity prayer is finished, opening comments and announcements are made.
/>   My anxiety and nerves start to climb as the meeting continues on to the part I’m both dreading and looking forward to.

  “Is there anyone here for the first time or who is recently new to the meetings?” Tim, the group leader, asks as he scans the small group of recovering addicts and their guests.

  When he mentioned at our last meeting that this one would be an open meeting, where we could bring a guest, the only person I could think of was Ember. I need her to know how serious I am. And if this is the only way for me to do it, bare my soul to her and a group of strangers who suffer from similar pasts as mine, then that’s what I’ll do.

  I raise my hand just enough to be acknowledged. Tim looks over, and with a slight nod of his head he gives me the floor. From the corner of my eye I see Ember snap her gaze to me and surprise take over her face.

  “Hi, my name’s Kayson.”

  “Hi, Kayson.” They all reply before I continue.

  “I’ve been clean for two years now. Just celebrated this past February.” I remove the bronze medallion from my pocket. Tossing it around in my hand. I keep my eyes locked to the center of the circle of chairs. But I can feel Ember’s eyes burning into the side of my head.

  I ignore the burn and keep going.

  “Almost five years ago I made one of the hardest decisions I could ever make. And it was fueled by drugs and alcohol.” I swallow thickly before I continue.

  “I lost my way and let my demons feed off of the poison I pumped through my body. I left Pleasant Beach and the only home I’ve ever known to slip deeper and deeper into the darkness that consumed my life. After years of drug and alcohol abuse, never being able to hold down a steady job, moving from one run-down apartment to the next, I found myself waking up in a hospital room two years ago. I had no memory or recollection of how I got there, but the nurse on call filled me in. My landlord found me unresponsive, in a pool of my own vomit on the torn linoleum of my kitchen floor.”

  I hear a soft gasp to my left and then a small hand hits my thigh. I tense up, then release a breath I didn’t realize I was holding, before I continue.