On Becoming His - Lessons Learned

by Dayne, Cassandre

  Sighing, he turned on the desk lamp and smiled. God, it was good to be home. Time together was precious for him and the past few months had meant more than he could express to her. Jessie was truly a woman of means, yet her very submissive side was a powerful aphrodisiac. He hungered for her every day, his needs growing past the insatiable point. He’d realized on this trip he couldn’t live without her easily. Fucking her like a wild animal wasn’t his normal calm and collected method, but the moment he came in and witnessed her finger fucking herself, he’d become desperately hungry and shocking to him, jealous. How ridiculous. But he felt the ugly green-eyed monster creeping up as if he couldn’t satisfy her. The very cold shower hadn’t helped his raging libido or his dark mood.

  He wanted to talk devotion. Jessie needed a spanking for breaking the rules. And somewhere in between he longed to just throw her over the table, the bed, the couch and pretty much everywhere else in the house and fuck her hard. Shuddering, Luke chastised his carnal thoughts. What in the hell was going on with him? Sadly, he had a feeling he knew why. No, he definitely knew in his heart exactly why. As he glanced down at his desk, he could see his small calendar nestled right on the edge. Flipping pages until he found today’s date, he fingered the page. The memories were bittersweet. Suzzana. Merely thinking her name was difficult. This he couldn’t do. Not tonight.

  Tossing his briefcase onto the floor, he studied the latest acquisitions of books filling the mahogany bookcase. The newest titles were varied and the majority Jessie had purchased. She seemed to have a voracious appetite in learning everything about being in in a D/s relationship. Fingering title after title, he shook his head, allowing a few thoughts regarding his past. Shivering, he pushed the memories away. Right now his life was about Jezebel, the woman who so stilled his heart. Easing out a book on becoming a slave, he pressed his hand on the ornate cover. Luke wasn’t certain he’d ever want Jezebel as a slave. What they were sharing was difficult enough for both of them. “Day at a time,” he whispered.

  He was no novice to the world of Domination and submission, but he was having difficulty accepting the simple fact he needed to be much more of a disciplinarian with his beloved Jessie. A strong hand wasn’t just something she craved. Jezebel needed a masterful Dom, one who knew her needs before she did. Unfortunately he’d been questioning everything from his prowess to his ability to control her as of late. There were various reasons, the majority of which he simply didn’t want to think about. He had told her they were talking devotion tonight and he had to wonder whether his devotion should be in question, not hers. The thought disgusted him.

  Groaning, he stood still, chastising his thoughts as well as his behavior. There was too much at stake to fall over his personal edge of sanity. A balance had to be found.

  Luke glanced at his watch, tapping the crystal. Just how much time should he give her before his next entrance? Chuckling, he rolled up his sleeves. They were going to have a very frank and uninhibited talk tonight and she was going to be disciplined. Jessie deserved no less. She’d been pushing every button, breaking several rules and of course she was doing so on purpose. Tonight was going to be about lessons learned.

  Chapter Two

  Suzzana’s memory crept into Luke’s mind again and as he stood staring out his office window, he realized he was going to have to tell Jessie about her soon. Why he thought he could simply push that part of his life into some ugly Pandora’s Box was ridiculous at best. Jezebel, the woman of his dreams and the only one he wanted in his life forever, deserved so much more. She was entitled to his full attention, as well as his undying love and his complete devotion to her as she was giving to him. Neither should accept less and it was time for him to exercise ghosts. If he could.

  He heard an odd rustle and turned to face the door. Seeing nothing, his sixth sense kicked in. Jessie was near. Smiling to himself, he could almost smell her perfume wafting under the door. What surprises did the luscious woman have in store for him? Something caught his eye in the dim lighting. Luke walked forward until he was able to see a folded piece of paper. As he leaned over and picked it up, the very fragrance of her perfume, one he’d never forget, wafted across his nose. ‘Red’ was very much an appropriate scent for Jezebel, sultry with a tinge of rebellion.

  He held the paper to his nose, drinking in her sweet essence, and his cock twitched, his hunger growing. Luke couldn’t help but laugh. The woman knew how to get to him. Easing back into the light, Luke unfolded the note and while he wasn’t surprised, he was taken aback by the vehemence of her words.

  I needed you to know my Luke… My Sir

  I will be truthful at all times with my Sir as well as with myself

  I will strive every day to be a better and more loving person

  I will honor my Sir in every act and every word, realizing the reflection of our life I share

  I will understand I will falter in my behavior and learn to forgive my misguided ways

  I will never fault my Sir for punishment given

  I will ask for what I want, knowing I may not be allowed

  I will learn how to please him in my continual journey into devotion

  I will willingly take any punishment Sir requires without complaining, allowing my inner self to learn

  I will educate myself every day with regard to our journey in order to completely embrace the lifestyle and my place

  I will realize my Sir will falter in his methodology and help him understand more about my inner being and our combined desires

  I will never deny him sex for any reason, as the shared intimacy is a special connection and one that must grow stronger

  I will never disrespect my Sir in public

  I will strive to become more spiritual in my thoughts and needs about our lifestyle

  I will allow him control in every aspect of my life, knowing he only wants the very best for me

  I will promise to love and cherish his needs above my own

  I will honor his requests and relish as my own

  I will forever give him reasons to want more

  I will…love

  I promise

  Jessie

  The very words were stilling and for a few minutes he read and re-read the passage. She was longing to become everything he wanted, but he so hoped everything the beauty was truly understanding of the requirements as well. Holding the paper to his head, he more than cherished Jessie. She was the most incredible woman he’d ever met. Now if he could only do their journey justice. Luke walked back toward his desk, placing his hand on top of the written promise and closed his eyes, his heart aching.

  Waiting for a few more minutes, Luke opened the door and eased out into the living room. He wasn’t able to sense her presence, but a light wafting of her favorite scent of candles drew him toward the dining room. Luke could see a warm glow coming from the cozy space, a soft flicker of what had to be several candles adorning one of her favorite spaces in the house. The very table nestled inside was the one she wrote her sensual poems, meant for him alone, and the same room where she added passages in her intimately personal journal. The very one he’d asked her to begin the very first month they’d considered sharing a life together.

  He could hear a combination of jazz music mixing with the incredible sound of her lilting voice and for a few seconds he stood still, drinking in the revered slice of peace. For all he was as a Dom, he was a man in love first and foremost. Inhaling deeply, the fragrance of night blooming jasmine and the exotic scent of her perfume was enough to drive his cock hard against the tight confines of his pants. Jessie was a woman like no other he’d ever known before. For every prowess she possessed in her career and the sass she showed around her friends and family, Jezebel belonged to him and the realization was more than amazing. Her choice to give him alone this gift was an honor and one he refused to ever betray.

  Clenching his fists, Luke took a few steps, moving inside the dining room. Instantly tension eased from his aching muscles. The v
ision of Jezebel gazing out the window, her back to him, was perhaps one of the most incredible sights he’d had in a long time. There was something so enticing about the length of her slender back, the slip of her waist and her full hips. Even in the shadowed light reflected by the candles, he could make out every intricate detail of the crimson teddy she wore. From the deep ‘V’ hitting just above the crack of her ass to the delicate lace edging every surface, and the tiny silk straps seductively holding the exquisite piece on her voluptuous body, the look was one of pure femininity. Luke was breathless.

  As if sensing his presence, Jezebel turned to face him, a smile curling across her mouth. “My Sir made me wait.”

  “Yes and you are breathtaking. Perfection.” His voice was husky, desire causing his heart to race. The woman had such an intense effect on him.

  Nibbling on her bottom lip, she eased forward. “And you’re very forgiven.”

  Luke growled, allowing the throaty sounds to float across the table. This moment wasn’t about him being her Dom or the woman standing in front of him being completely submissive. Right now this was about a reconnection of their souls. He’d been gone more than he’d been home the last two months. “And you’re stepping out of line.” He couldn’t help but smile. Glancing around the perimeter of the room, he marveled at her sense of detail, the way she could make any occurrence sensational.

  “Would you like some wine?” Jessie asked, giving him a heated look.

  He noticed her voice was quivering and wondered why. Of course. The text. Smiling, he nodded. “I’d love some.” Moving closer, Luke placed the tips of his fingers on top of the table, dragging them as he moved closer to her, his eyes never leaving her face. The light sheen covering her skin was sexy, inviting. Suddenly he was just about as hungry as he’d ever been. As she poured the ruby colored wine, he reflected on the moment he met her almost a year ago. The overcrowded club had been full of people dancing the night away. Jessie was with friends. He’d noticed her from afar and the moment they’d locked eyes, he knew then he wanted her and had to own her.

  His entire body trembling in exasperation, he continued brushing his fingers back and forth across the table as he inched closer, lightly digging his nails into the blond wood. The closer he came toward her the more easily he could see just how nervous she was.

  Jessie licked her lips and gave him a darted glance. “I made your favorite dinner.”

  “Mmm… And what’s for dessert?” Luke flanked her side, not touching but simply crowding her space.

  “I don’t know. That’s for my Sir to decide.” Wrapping her hand around a single crystal stem, she lifted the glass toward him, her eyes remaining unblinking.

  Taking the wineglass, Luke cocked his head slightly before taking a sip. “Perfect. Have some with me.”

  Jessie didn’t move, as if waiting for his distinct approval.

  Bringing the glass to his lips, he took a larger sip and lowered his head as he cupped her face, tilting her chin upwards. Luke captured her mouth, instantly allowing the warm tangy liquid to be passed from his mouth to hers. After she’d swallowed, he pressed his tongue inside until their tongues entwined. There was nothing like the taste of her sweet mouth.

  She moaned and gripped his forearm, her fingers digging into his skin.

  Luke broke the kiss and licked around her lips. When he eased back he nipped her nose. “Come and sit down. Let’s talk a little before dinner.”

  Nodding, she reached for her wine, her hand shaking. She eased into the closest chair, folding her legs under her.

  The mere sight of her full breasts pushing past the lacy material was so powerful he wanted nothing more than to drag her over the table, thrusting his cock deep inside of her. But tonight wasn’t about indulging in his needs, but those belonging to Jessie. And she needed affirmation from him. Pulling out a chair, he sat down slowly and continued to study her eyes, the very entrance to such a complicated soul. “Tell me about your week.” The question seemed to surprise her.

  “My week?” Jessie breathed.

  “Yes, I enjoy hearing about what you’ve been doing and what writing you’ve accomplished.”

  “Okay. Work has been a pain in the ass in truth.” Slapping her hand over her mouth she giggled. “I’m sorry, Sir.”

  “Jessie, you’re allowed to tell me any day is a pain in the ass. You’re allowed to tell me I’m a pain in the ass. Granted, then you’re going to have a pain in your ass and one that will remind you for days you aren’t allowed to talk to me that way but…” The teasing seemed to break the ice. As Jessie began to tell him about her week, sometimes detailing a few events, sometimes glazing over others, Luke realized he loved simply hearing about anything she wanted to discuss.

  “What? You’re looking at me like I’m nuts.” Jessie laughed.

  Leaning over the table Luke chuckled. “You’re many things, my sexy sub, but certainly not nuts.”

  Jessie seemed to calm down and she tossed her head back, a subtle smile remaining. “What did you want talk about? I mean I know devotion but…”

  Luke could hear the angst in her voice. Swirling the wine in his glass, he took a sip and waited, trying to give her what seemed to me much needed space. “You don’t have to be formal with me, Jezebel. I’m not angry with you.”

  Darting her eyes in his direction, she nodded several times. “Okay. I guess I’m just nervous. I don’t know why.”

  “I know you’re having trouble with certain aspects of our life together.”

  “Devotion.” Her word was breathless.

  “Yes, but I have a feeling there’s more. I think you’re holding back something. I’m just not certain if your obvious reservation is about your worries or about something with me.”

  “I…I don’t know. I really don’t,” Jessie whispered.

  Luke tried to gauge her emotions. “You need more from me. Don’t you?” The question wasn’t meant to push her into a corner, but over the last two months they hadn’t really talked, not since he’s collared her. Seeing her frustration was troubling but Jezebel had to talk to him. In truth, she had to open up with her concerns. He studied the way she fingered her collar, the obvious reverence innate without a doubt.

  “More?”

  “Yes, more. Tell me what you need, Jezebel,” Luke challenged. He inched forward in the chair, not trying to crowd her, simply give her support.

  Jessie shot him a look for a few seconds, one full of defiance. “I…” When she hesitated she looked away, brushing one hand down the length of her neck. As she fingered the collar again, a subtle sigh escaping her lips, she swirled the tip of her finger around the rim of her glass.

  “Talk to me. The one very clear aspect about being in this type of relationship is that we have to talk. I need to know what you’re thinking.” Her defiance in this regard surprised him.

  “And I need to know what you’re thinking.”

  Luke could hear a slight edge in her voice. Reaching across the table, he wrapped his hand around hers, fingering her almost translucent skin with this thumb. “I’m thinking you don’t really know if I’ll be the Dom you need.”

  “What?” The statement seemed to bewilder her. “Why do you say that?”

  “Because you continue to push buttons, try my patience, and you and I know a significant part of the reason you’re doing so is to test me.”

  Jessie’s lower lips quivered just once. Then she shifted in her seat, leaning forward and opening her legs wide. Shifting the glass between her hands, she exhaled slowly. “I don’t know why I continue to do that, but you’re right, Sir. I do. Maybe you need to spank me with your belt.”

  “My belt?” Where in the world had the suggestion come from? He rubbed his jaw, trying to figure out if she was serious. When he could tell she was, he sighed. Using a belt he refused to do. She was no doubt challenging his very authority. For a few seconds he was riled until he could see such consternation riding her face. His inability to give her the level of dis
cipline she obviously thought she needed was creating a serious rift between them. “Jessie, I don’t need to use a belt. You know how I feel about that. There may come a time when you need something that severe, but not without serious consideration.”

  “I just thought I…well, I…”

  “Discipline isn’t something to be taken lightly. I certainly don’t and using something like a belt isn’t what I’m about. Do you understand?”

  Jessie tilted her head. “Yes, Sir.”

  “Do you really?” He was surprised at the look in her eyes, as if she truly wanted a severe belting. Looking away, he bit back words, an admission of why he was so hesitant she needed to hear, but he wasn’t ready to divulge such fears, worries that sometimes consumed him.

  “Yes. I just want to be…I want to be the best I can be with you and with us.”

  “And you are.” Luke studied the way her face contorted, and a complexity of thoughts raced in the back of his mind. “I think your frustration and difficulty moving completely into a total devotion is about your conflicts with being disciplined. Having conflicting emotions I can understand, but I don’t need to beat you. Nor will I ever do that. You need to know why you are feeling such extreme conflicts. I can’t do it for you.”

  “I’ve thought about the reason or reasons why, Sir. I need to say something to you and I don’t want you to be angry with me.” She flitted her eyes toward him, a haunting look crossing her face.

  “Talk to me, Jezebel.”

  “Well…”

  Giving her a look, he inched closer. “Don’t hold back from me. You know I don’t like when you do.