On Becoming His - Lessons Learned

by Dayne, Cassandre

  “Weren’t you?”

  “No. Marla and I have never been lovers. I promise you that.”

  She whipped her head around, disbelief in her eyes. “Really? Could have fooled me. You were certainly able to whip her when you can’t discipline me.”

  While her words were biting, Luke didn’t bristle. She was very right. The notion of using a whip on Jessie right now was too much for him to bear. “Marla and I have a past for several reasons including the fact I introduced her to Bart almost eight years ago. She worked in my office for a little while. She’s moved on, but at the time she looked to me as her mentor.”

  “Mentor. Uh-huh. And let me guess. She has a crush on you. Notice I say has. Wait a minute. I can see there’s more than that.”

  “Jessie, I realize I should have told you before we went to the part that I have friends from a past life. I was very wrong in not telling you. You’re absolutely correct that I also need an outlet with men I can converse with, Dom’s who understand my angst and worries and my...”

  “You mean your frustrations with me.” Jessie interrupted.

  “Okay, yes. I need to find out things from a man’s point of view just like you need to with other women who are also submissives. You know I don’t have any male friends to speak of. These men are from my past and ones I trust. I just haven’t wanted to go back to that place until now.”

  “That place? You make this sound like a past you’d rather not revisit.” Jessie’s hand floated across her mouth.

  “In a way I didn’t. Tonight was difficult for me on several levels.”

  “But you want what you how from the past back into your life? Do you want to be a part of the big BDSM scene?”

  “Not without you.”

  Jessie shook her head. “I just don’t know what to think at times. I gathered such an odd vibe from the men, as if you were all hiding something.”

  “Aren’t we all?”

  “Talk to me, Luke. Please. Tell me about this past you continue to allude to, but act as if I won’t be able to handle the knowledge. I know you had other relationships. I realize you had women in your past and that you owned one who you cared about tremendously. I now see you need more in our life than just you and I. I’m okay with that, but I can’t seem to get past the fact you’re hiding something and it’s killing me. Don’t you see that? Can’t you tell my pushing hard against total devotion might have to do with the fact I’m not entirely trusting of your past?”

  The words hit him hard, but the frankness was on target. Dear God, he needed the strength to be able to open up completely to the woman he loved more than life itself.

  “Luke, please. I won’t run away from you. I promise.”

  Luke took her hand and was almost surprised she didn’t try and pull away. Brushing his thumb across her palm, he exhaled slowly and lowered his head. “Yes, all of the men are or were my friends, close friends for a long time. In fact, we were business partners as well as being buddies, going to clubs and chasing after women. Let me tell you we thought we were hot.” He laughed and could see a small sense of relief in her eyes, the look encouraging him to continue.

  “How long have you known them?”

  “I went to college with Jackson and he introduced me to Bart and Wally. We all hit it off right away, enjoying being young and single and yet we had an appetite for the finer things in life.”

  Jessie tilted her head, her eyes darting back and forth. “I can understand that.”

  “Yeah, we had fun together, maybe too much fun. They’re all very intelligent and Bart is incredible with business plans, plus he has some contacts that are well funded and their connections are worldwide. We had an idea about the entertainment business and got into a little business venture together.”

  “Porn?”

  Luke burst into laughter. “No, definitely not porn. But we began getting involved in creative methods of marketing the erotic arena, from magazines to art galleries. Nothing too risqué. We simply allowed and promoted BDSM to be shown in very sensuous manners. The magazine took off and somehow we became known for our work. In turn parties such as the one we went to tonight began happening on a regular basis. The odd aspect is that none of us were into BDSM or domination in any way before the magazine became such a big hit.”

  “And you found you enjoyed, craving more.”

  “Yes.” He thought about the years they’d gone to parties and events, much like the one from tonight. His appetite had indeed grown.

  “Is that when you had your first D/s relationship?”

  “Yes, the moment seemed to come along naturally. Suddenly we all found ourselves living the lifestyle. We worked together and played together and yes, we shared women at times.” He could see a flash of pain in her eyes. “Jezebel, Bart and I never shared Marla. I’ve never touched any of the women you met tonight. By the time I introduced Bart to Marla, I was already becoming disillusioned in several different ways and my own company was taking off at the same time, forcing me to take long trips. I found it difficult to be involved in the kink business when I was trying to promote athletes. The dichotomy wasn’t going to work with the American people. I had to make a choice. So I walked away.”

  “Walked away totally?” Jessie took his hand, pressing his palm against her heart.

  The gesture was so stilling for him, so beguiling. She was trying so hard to be supportive and to understand his complexities. “Yes. I did. One day I just walked away.”

  Jessie caressed his hand. “Well, then I hope you can enjoy your friends and I’ll…I’ll try and get closer to the women for you and for us.”

  “This isn’t an order or some rule. I only want you to have an outlet. Okay?” Luke leaned over and gathered her into his arms, pulling her against his chest. He could tell how rapidly her heart was beating, the ragged thumps matching his own. As she nuzzled into him, he brushed his hand down through her long strands of hair, drinking in her sultry essence. He needed to finish the story, tell her every last detail, but right now he knew he was far too drained. The last part would have to wait until tomorrow.

  She was moaning softly as she wrapped her arm around his neck. “I…love you.”

  “Oh sweet Jezebel, I love you so much.” Luke lifted her and eased onto the couch. Cradling her body, he kissed the top of her head, every part of his body alive and on fire. He loved this woman so much he had no idea how to express his blatant desire for her and while he wanted nothing more than to ravage her body, tonight was more about closeness. No, tonight was all about his devotion for her.

  Jessie tilted her head, the look in her eyes full of respect and passion. Very slowly she traced a circle around his mouth as a tiny whimper escaped hers. Smiling, she repeated the move several times. “You’re so handsome.”

  Luke exhaled and took her hand into his. Lowering his head, he captured her mouth, instantly pressing his tongue past her lips. The taste of her was so sweet, so delicious and for a few minutes he indulged in the quiet peace of their love, their unrequited passion. This woman brought him joy, dragging him out of the darkness. As he broke the kiss he nipped her bottom lip and pushed her back gently. “Question. Do you still have your plug inside?”

  Giving him a playful look, she nodded before shifting, lifting the edge of her dress. “I can obey sometimes.”

  He leaned over and sighed. Seeing the tip of the plug that was buried in her ass gave him a huge smile. “I see that. Very good. I’ll be right back.” Easing out from under her, he kissed the top of her head before taking a step away.

  Cocking her head, she sighed and moved back against the couch. “I’ll be right here. I’ll never leave.”

  The simple words tugged at his heart. Luke moved toward their bedroom. Once inside he turned on the small light by the bedside and stood quietly, his thoughts all over the place. From where he stood he could see her collar, the beautiful jewel somehow sparkling in the dim lighting. He’d been so very wrong to take away her collar. There were few infract
ions ever that would warrant such a harsh punishment. His feet were heavy as he walked around the bed and retrieved the necklace. Holding the weighted piece in the palm of his hands, he marveled at how perfect the collar was for Jezebel, dazzling just like the woman.

  When he walked back into the living room, the space now only lit by several candles, he grinned. “So I’m forgiven?”

  “Only if I am.”

  Luke walked toward her, his eyes never leaving hers. She knew what was in his hand and the instant she recognized the collar, tears sprung to her eyes.

  “Sir…I…”

  “Ssshh… Come here, Jezebel.”

  She stood and walked toward him, her entire body trembling. Tears slipped past her eyelashes, trickling down her cheeks.

  “I should have never taken this off of you.”

  “And I should be punished.”

  “And you will be,” Luke whispered. But he would do so when he was ready.

  “Yes, Sir.” Lifting her hair, she turned around and the moment he placed the collar around her neck she moaned softly, tears slipping from her eyes.

  Luke patted her shoulders and wrapped her arms around her waist, holding her back against his chest. His cock ached, longing to be inside of her.

  Jessie slid her arms up and around his neck, arching her back. “Thank you.”

  At that very moment he was as happy as he’d ever been. As a single tear fell, he could hear a sigh of relief and it wasn’t his own.

  ****

  Jessie stood on the deck, fingering the collar, her mind reeling once again over the information he’d told her last night. They’d spent the morning lounging in bed before he suddenly had to drive to his office for pick up some work. She had a sinking suspicion he needed to be alone for a little while. While his admission about the group of men and his fears had certainly been revealing, she honestly believed there was more to the story. And much more he was hiding. Maybe he just needed time in order to tell her. Sadly, her patience levels seemed less than normal. Her gut had been active, providing a series of suggestions about the woman he was continuing to keep private. Snooping and finding a single piece of paper with a first name only had proven to be painful, but needed. Information was powerful. What she did with the knowledge was something else.

  She’d busied herself cleaning house and writing in her journal and now as the clock ticked four in the afternoon, she wondered what time he might be coming home. He’d told her she was going to be punished and since he was leaving again in the morning, she had a feeling tonight was the night. He wouldn’t make her wait for several days to torture her. Would he? No, Luke was many things but never cruel.

  Taking a sip of her wine she eased into the deck chair, enjoying the unusually warm spring weather. The day was cloudless, the bright sky allowing the sun to give a shimmer to everything in the back yard. She loved her home, now their home. The backyard was her haven, allowing her to think and meditate. This was her favorite place to write in her journal. She thought about what Luke had said. Maybe talking with other submissives would help.

  Jessie certainly didn’t need to be challenged anymore than she’d already been. Hiding the fact she was living this lifestyle from pretty much everyone who knew her was trying, often difficult and she’d slipped up more than once. She had to wonder what certain people thought about some of her comments. Giggling, she knew she’d raised more than a single eyebrow these last few months.

  She curled her legs under her and swirled her wine, longing for Luke to be sharing a quiet afternoon with her. Maybe on his return they could take a few days together, go somewhere special. Hmmm… Maybe she’d plan something special. Yes, that was a wonderful idea. Settling into the chair, she closed her eyes and savored the warmth of the sun. What a glorious day.

  For a few minutes she remained in her dream like state until a subtle noise drew her attention. What was she hearing? Tilting her head, she craned her neck. There was definitely some odd music coming from inside the house. She rose from her chair and eased toward the door, highly doubting Luke was home yet. The closer she walked to the door the easier it was to tell the music was Hawaiian in nature and very corny. Now she giggled. Luke was many things, but never a comedian.

  When she walked inside she laughed. The kitchen table was adorned with pineapples and leis and the music was the worst rendition of Don Ho type music she’d ever heard. In the middle of the fluffy flowers was a card, the envelope a bright pink. Hmmm…

  Jessie scanned the room. There was no sign Luke had gotten home, but she knew. The exotic scent of his cologne lingered in every corner. Licking her lips, she fumbled as she opened the envelope. “What?” Seeing the glossy brochure wasn’t shocking, but noticing the date of departure on the plane tickets was. “Two weeks?”

  “That should give you enough time to go shopping, pack and get time off from work, don’t you think?”

  Hearing his voice alone was enough to send a chill down her back. She loved his playful tone. As she lifted her head she grinned. Luke couldn’t have looked more gorgeous in his stunning charcoal grey pants and cobalt knit shirt, the thin material showing off every muscle. God, she was horny. “How can you do this?”

  “How?” Luke asked as he walked closer.

  “You said you had to work.”

  “True and I am.”

  “But?” She glanced through the brochure. The resort wasn’t just an exclusive club. The location catered to couples, engaging in teaching tantric sex as well as aspects of BDSM. The pictures alone were startling “Wow.”

  “I thought this might be a wonderful way for us, not just you, to learn and enjoy together. And as far as work, I realized I own the company. About time I managed to take the perks afforded to an owner. Don’t you think?” Luke gathered her into his arms, swinging her around in a full circle.

  “Now that you put it that way… I love it. I can’t wait.”

  “Good.” Lowering his head Luke kissed her as he wrapped his arm around her, patting her on the ass.

  There was something so comforting about being in his powerful arms and as he drew her body tightly against his, she shivered from the feeling of his throbbing cock. When he broke the kiss she shuddered. “Thank you, Sir.”

  “Mmm…” He took a step back and glanced down the length of her.

  She could see he was tense. “Is something wrong?”

  “Not at all. It’s time for your punishment.”

  While he was saying the very words she’d been longing to hear, she was surprised the instant he said them she shivered. “Yes, Sir.”

  Luke hesitated as he rubbed her arms. “I honestly don’t want to have to discipline you in such a harsh manner and I realize that removing your collar wasn’t justified. You’ve had your own personal reasons to challenge me, some of which I understand. But right now, right here we’re going to make a pact with each other. Truth in all things. Deal?” Lifting her chin with a single finger, he remained unblinking.

  These words were so defining, so honest and right now she wanted to cry from happiness. “Yes, Sir.”

  “Excellent. Now go into the bedroom and remove your clothes. Lie down on the bed. I’ll be there in a few minutes. Understood?”

  “Yes, Sir.”

  For all the times they’d talked about the various levels of D/s relationships, from domestic discipline to the harsher aspects of bondage and Sadomasochism, this exact moment in time was much more defining. She was apprehensive, realizing she was going to be punished like a bad child, and yet that’s what her behavior had been akin to. Her challenge of his authority was undermining their relationship. She owed Luke the respect of obedience.

  As Jessie walked into the bedroom, she fought back tears. She wasn’t afraid of the pain. No, she would relish wearing stripes of her dishonor. Maybe then she could forgive herself. Removing her clothes seemed to take forever and if she plumped the pillows one more time she was going to scream.

  Jessie stood looking at the open door, list
ening for his approach. Of course he would make her wait for a little while. He was her Dom after all. Sighing, she grew resigned to the punishment that was finally going to come. Finally. God, why had she been so persistent? Grousing to herself wasn’t going to do any good.

  When the two pillows were under her stomach, pushing her naked ass into the air, she closed her eyes and tried to calm down. You can do this. You need this and you know you do. The little pep talk didn’t seem to be doing any good. After several agonizing minutes she realized she was sweating like a pig. And she couldn’t breathe. Wow. This was nuts. Just when she was about ready to lose her patience and bolt up off the bed, she heard his footsteps.

  “Jezebel. Good girl.”

  “Yes, Sir.” God, oh God, oh…

  “Do you understand why I’m going to punish you?” Luke asked as he walked to the side of the bed.

  She blinked several times before looking up at him. “Yes, Sir. Complete disrespect.” The words seemed to startle him.

  “Yes. I think you understand. I appreciate your honestly. Let’s get this over with so we can continue on our journey. I hope I won’t have to use my belt again.”

  Nodding, Jessie clenched her eyes shut. She could hear such trepidation in his voice. Why had she pushed him this far? This had nothing to do with being punished. This push back had to do with her insecurity. What an idiot she was. As the sounds of him removing his belt, pulling the leather from his belt loops seemed to be magnified, she shivered to the core of her being. Nothing had prepared her for the nerves encasing every inch of her body. Nothing.

  “Ten lashes and no more. Do you understand?”

  “Yes, Sir.” Jessie gritted her teeth and kept her eyes closed.

  Crack!

  “Ooohhh…” The pain was intense, enough so she jerked up from the bed. Panting, she griped the comforter to keep from moving. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!

  Luke exhaled slowly.

  Pop!

  “Aaahhh…” She could hear his strangled sounds mixing with hers. Dear God she was in agony. The pain was almost unbearable. But you wanted this. You begged for this. You…