Harlequin Superromance November 2013 - Bundle 1 of 2

by Mary Brady

  Even so, she was shivering by the time she climbed the steps to the apartment. Instead of adjusting the thermostat, though, she simply dropped everything and climbed into bed, huddling in a ball until her body could create a cocoon of warmth beneath the heap of covers.

  She felt so much hurt, so much confusion. Grief even.

  I made a fool of myself, she thought, but then pictured his face when he’d claimed she’d misunderstood. He’d tried to hide guilt, but it was there.

  He wanted, maybe even loved Maddie Dubeau. And Nell knew that, even if she recovered every last memory, she would never be Maddie again. She didn’t want to be! After being born again, she’d defined herself. She was Nell.

  And she wished, more than she’d wished anything in her life, that Colin loved her.

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  SLUGGISH AND HEAVY-EYED, Nell dragged herself out of bed late in the morning. It was nearly eleven before she checked her phone and discovered she had a couple of messages.

  The first was from Colin. “Nell, we need to talk. I think you misunderstood last night—but I admit to moments of confusion,” he said gruffly. “I wish we could have that talk right now. Bystrom has just resigned, though, and I’ve been appointed acting police chief. I need to meet with the mayor and city attorney, then bring myself up to speed with whatever was sitting on Bystrom’s desk. Will you stay home? Or at least, if you’re going anywhere, call and let me know your plans? Whatever you do, don’t let yourself be alone with anyone but maybe your mother. And Hailey or Emily, of course.” There was a pause. “Damn. I want to see you, not be leaving a message.” His voice was suddenly explosive, frustrated. “I don’t know if I’ll always be able to answer the phone today. Text me if it’s important.”

  Beep.

  “Maddie, this is your mother. I’m hoping you will come to dinner tonight. Whatever you may believe, we are happy beyond words to have you home.” There was the tiniest of pauses in the stilted speech. “I regret giving you any other impression. Please let me know if you can make it.”

  End of messages.

  Nell listened to both again. To Colin’s just to hear his voice, to realize he sounded as ragged as she felt. To her mother’s in disbelief.

  Acting police chief. Despite her turmoil, she was glad for him. She knew he was smart, kind, fair and ethical, capable of the necessary dispassion as well as being stern and even hard, but he’d have to be, wouldn’t he?

  He wasn’t dispassionate where she was concerned, and she was glad of that. We need to talk.

  Apparently her parents wanted to talk, too, which surprised her. As wretched as Nell felt, another uncomfortable get-together with them was the last thing she wanted to do, but of course she had to go. Spending time with them was part of her quest to remember. Besides, while she was obviously never going to have an ideal relationship with them, they were her parents. The family she’d envied her friends having. And surely dining with her parents would be on Colin’s list of approved activities.

  What was more, it might get her out of having that talk with him tonight. She didn’t think she was ready.

  After having a stiff little conversation with her mother, Nell texted Colin to let him know her plans. An hour later, she got one in return, demanding details. Rolling her eyes, she told him what time she was expected and that she planned to drive herself. All right, he responded. Don’t know how late I’ll be tied up.

  Midafternoon, Felix texted to let her know he was back in Salem. He suggested she come over to visit him for a few days. The idea sounded extraordinarily appealing except for the fact that she’d lose some of her limited remaining time with Colin.

  Assuming they were going to be spending time together.

  She was even more embarrassed today. She could see why he’d slipped; he might have even called her Maddie over dinner, because the other two were, and she hadn’t even noticed. She had trouble sometimes distinguishing between Maddie thoughts and Nell thoughts. And yet...she did need to know why he was attracted to her. Whether it was mostly Maddie he felt compelled to protect. What he meant about being confused.

  Tomorrow, she thought, but knew better. When she got home tonight, his porch light would be on, and he would step out, waiting for her to cross the yard to him. And she wouldn’t be able to resist going. She didn’t even want to resist him.

  She spent half an hour browsing job openings in Angel Butte and neighboring towns. Just out of curiosity, she told herself. Salary ranges in the libraries tended to be lower than in Seattle, but not by much. She looked wistfully at an opening for a librarian—master’s degree required—but then spotted one for Deschutes Public Library for a supervisor in a branch library that didn’t require the degree but was essentially the same work. She had the qualifications they were asking for, and the commute wasn’t impossible from Angel Butte....

  And you are crazy, she told herself flatly as she closed the website, to even let yourself think you might have a reason to stay in Angel Butte.

  She showered and changed into decent pants and a sweater, and used a couple of clips to pull her hair back in wings to each side. A touch of makeup, and she decided she looked respectable enough for her mother.

  Nell hated the fact that it was already dark. Even at home she didn’t like leaving work in the dark. The world felt a lot scarier at night.

  Because whatever bad thing happened had been in the dark.

  That made sense—but human instinct in general was to be more cautious after nightfall, and for good reason.

  She locked the house carefully. Just as she got to her car, headlights turned into the driveway. Colin, she thought with hope and relief. Until that moment, she hadn’t realized how alone she’d felt today.

  The headlights blinded her. She squinted, trying to make out the shape of the vehicle. It didn’t seem quite right. On a niggle of apprehension, she turned and tried to get the key in the lock of her car, but she was still seeing stars and kept stabbing metal. If she could just get in, lock the doors, then she could roll the window down a little to greet whoever this was....

  It was a car, she saw as it pulled in, blocking hers from backing out. She got the key in just as the driver’s side door of the sedan opened and someone stepped out. “Maddie? Good, I caught you.”

  That sounded friendly. She hesitated, recognizing the man who came toward her. “Uncle Duane?”

  “I thought I could drive you to your parents instead of both of us going separately.”

  The motion-activated light lit his face harshly. Her apprehension deepened into something stronger: fear that wanted to become panic.

  “I’m meeting Colin after dinner,” she said. “Why don’t I follow you?”

  “I’d rather you come with me,” he said, closing on her fast.

  She wrenched open her car door, then felt shattering pain.

  * * *

  SUNDAY OR NOT, he’d been trapped in meetings for hours. Now Colin sat at Bystrom’s desk trying to get a handle on the urgent issues. He’d long since lost the ability to concentrate, though.

  Nell would be at her parents’ by now, he told himself. Rushing home wouldn’t do him any good.

  This state of distraction wasn’t normal for him. If a month ago he’d had the right to take over this desk, he’d have been immersed until midnight and been up at 6:00 a.m. and ready to go again tomorrow. He was capable of sustained, intense focus—usually.

  Instead, here he was staring without any understanding at the coming week’s calendar presumably maintained by the assistant to the police chief. His intention was to cancel anything unnecessary; he’d need to start the week by making the rounds internally. Brian Cooper first thing tomorrow morning, then lieutenants, sergeants, heads of support departments. So decide what can be put off.

  A split second later, his mind had jumped sid
eways. Damn it, I should have cut out soon enough to drive Nell to her parents’.

  She should be safe enough. Hardly anyone knew she was staying with him.

  Duane did.

  He was staring blankly at the monitor again. Colin groaned, squeezed the bridge of his nose until the cartilage protested, then closed the calendar and logged off the computer. Enough, damn it! There was nothing he could accomplish now that couldn’t wait until morning.

  He’d phone Nell and insist she not start home until he was there to follow her.

  He tried to call during his walk down to the parking lot. Again as he drove through downtown, clogged with tourists trying to find parking. Voice mail each time. She’d probably put her purse with her phone somewhere she couldn’t hear it.

  But then his rang. Was that the Dubeaus’ number? He pulled to the curb and answered.

  “McAllister?” It was Marc. “We expected Maddie for dinner and are concerned because she hasn’t showed up. She’s not that late, but... Do you know where she is?”

  His blood ran cold. His gaze flicked to the dashboard clock—6:11 p.m. Late enough that she should have called.

  “No,” he said. “I’ll find out and call you. Let me know if you hear from her in the meantime.”

  He ended the call without waiting for protest or comment. Except for the few blocks closest to her old home, he was driving the same route Nell would have. If her car had broken down...

  Why wouldn’t she have called either her parents or him?

  Don’t think that way.

  He’d spotted no small red car before he reached his own driveway. He turned, wound through the trees—and there her car was, in its usual spot. He wanted to be relieved, would have been if lights had been on in her apartment or his house. But both were dark.

  Something on the pavement beside her car glinted in his headlights. Colin slammed on his brakes and leaped out. The motion-activated light came on, and he was already swearing viciously when he crouched to pick up Nell’s keys.

  * * *

  NELL MIGHT ALREADY be dead. If she weren’t, she would be soon if he didn’t find her quickly.

  Colin shoved his fear down deep and capped it. She needed him to think calmly and logically, not to let his emotions make him act stupidly.

  His first call was to Duane.

  “Where am I?” Duane sounded surprised. “Portland. I left this morning, plan to come back tomorrow night. Do you need me? What’s up?”

  “Maddie’s missing.”

  “Jesus. How? When?”

  Colin explained.

  “It won’t take me ten minutes to throw everything in the car,” Duane said, sounding stricken. “I’ll start out right now.”

  “Thanks,” Colin said, hating the sickening certainty that sat on his shoulders like some grotesque horror with razor-sharp teeth.

  The first thing he was going to do was have Nell’s cell phone traced—and Duane’s.

  It took almost no time for Nell’s phone to be traced to River Park.

  The location filled Colin with dread. It wasn’t chance. She was supposed to have died there. He mobilized a search team. Officers with flashlights fanned out, each in a carefully laid out section of a grid, all of them knowing it was quite possibly her body they were looking for.

  It didn’t take any special intuition to know where he was going to look first. Colin set out down the same path he’d followed that night twelve years ago. Tonight was bitterly cold, and the park nowhere near as quiet as it was then. The thrashing to each side and an occasional call gave away the clumsy presence of the searchers. Flashlight beams glanced off tree trunks and crisscrossed.

  With each step, he swept his light in a careful arc, determined to miss nothing. He couldn’t let himself think about what it might illuminate. They’d gotten here fast. She might still be alive.

  He hadn’t gone ten feet when he saw something. A heap of cloth. Sick with apprehension, he pushed aside stiff branches of snowberry and saw the cloth amidst low-growing ceanothus, just as Maddie’s small, whisker-faced coin wallet had been. But this—

  Colin crouched. It was her handbag. Swearing, he swung his flashlight beam in increasingly frantic circles. He yelled for help. Picked up her bag and groped in it, his fingers closing on her phone.

  He stood and stared back toward the road. Somebody could have pulled over, maybe gotten out, maybe not, and given the handbag a good heave. Sent a message, and eliminated the threat her phone represented all at the same time.

  His knees almost buckled. And yet, he didn’t recognize relief in the stinging pain. She wasn’t here, thank God. Thank God.

  But she could be anywhere in the vast empty country comprising forests and high mountain desert that stretched in every direction from Angel Butte. They might never even find her body.

  * * *

  SHE AWAKENED TO darkness, pain and nausea.

  One of her recurrent nightmares always began the same way. But this didn’t feel right. Nell struggled to understand why, and finally did. In dreams, the physical sensations were never so real. The sharp edge of metal beneath her hip, that roiling nausea with the taste of bile.

  And, oh, her head hurt.

  Panic welled up, momentarily paralyzing her as she panted for breath. This had to be her greatest terror, to be trapped in the trunk of a car, knowing when it was opened she’d be facing her death personified.

  Breathe, she ordered herself. Slowly. In. Out.

  Somehow she kept the nausea at bay as she tried to think. Why would she feel so awful?

  The surface beneath her was vibrating and her heart clenched with fear. This was real. She had to be in the trunk of a car again. She groped above her and found the angular metal lid she’d expected. And beneath her was slick plastic, but when she pulled it toward her, her hand found—yes, there was a semistiff, carpeted surface. Underneath that was the rounding of a spare tire. Also underneath it was whatever sharp thing was poking her. A tire iron? Maybe.

  Using touch seemed to clear the mists from her mind. Duane.

  I’d rather you come with me. Nasty, sneering, revealing anger and even hate.

  He had called her angel. As if a door had opened, she did remember. Her beloved uncle, whom she’d loved as a child, but who didn’t seem to recognize she was growing up when she reached puberty. He kept taking her for overnights to his house, insisting she get in her nightgown and cuddle with him while they watched a movie. Then he’d give her a massage, and ask her to give him one. Tickle her, his hand sliding to places that made her painfully self-conscious.

  She’d tried talking to her parents.

  “Don’t be ridiculous,” her father snapped before telling her he was busy.

  Mom froze her with one look instead. “Do you know how lucky you are to have family, including an uncle who loves you so much? How can you possibly imply there’s anything wrong with that?”

  She was never allowed to make excuses when he offered to take her. His touches, his kisses, grew more and more sexual. She had pretended none of it was happening. He didn’t just press my hand to him there.... Rubbing it up and down, as if absentmindedly, except it wasn’t, because he was swollen and hard. She worked hard at turning her mind to something else. Recite poetry, or think about the last time she’d spent the night at Hailey’s and how silly they’d been. Yes, that was when she’d learned to go away in her head.

  Curled into a ball in the trunk of the car, her body flushed with horror at the memory.

  And Beck. She remembered him, too, a friend until the end. He’d treated her almost like a little sister. He’d known something was wrong, and teased and begged and waited patiently until she told him. His face had darkened, his hands knotting into fists.

  “Run away,” he told her. “I’ll help you. You can come and l
ive here, at the Hales’.”

  She had been so tempted.

  But he scared her, too, when he said, “We could get married when you’re a little older. I’d keep you safe. Kissing and all that stuff can be nice, Maddie. I promise. It’s not like what he’s doing to you.”

  And he’d coaxed her, saying, “Let me kiss you. I’ll show you.”

  Stiff with apprehension, she had wanted to say no, but she liked Beck so much. He was the only person she could really talk to. And he was cute. So...maybe it wouldn’t be the same.

  It wasn’t. She’d liked it.

  But...that was when the terrible something happened.

  The first terrible something.

  * * *

  HIS PHONE RANG. Marc Dubeau again. Colin didn’t let him speak.

  “We found Maddie’s purse. It was thrown into the park, not far from where she was attacked the night she disappeared.”

  “But she’s not there?” Her father’s voice was stark with fear, enough that Colin felt sure the man did love his daughter even if it were in a limited way.

  “No.” Another call was coming in. “I’ve got to go, Marc—”

  “No, listen,” her father said, his voice threaded with urgency. “I keep thinking about something Maddie said back then.”

  Standing beside his SUV, unaware of the cold, Colin stared into the greater darkness of the park. “What was it?”

  “I didn’t take her seriously. After she disappeared... But, damn it, he was so upset, I couldn’t believe—”

  Colin had to unclench his jaw. “Tell me.”

  “It was Duane. She’d always loved him, but something changed. She quit wanting to go with him. She said—” His voice broke.

  Colin felt as if his skin had been peeled away, leaving his nerve endings raw. How could he not have guessed sooner? Duane had tried so damn hard not to encounter Nell. The way she’d withdrawn even at the idea of him. More when he actually arrived.