I sit up. I shrug. I go back down. I don’t want to tell Yolanda anything until I talk to my friends.
“But you don’t even like him,” Yolanda says, raising her voice a little.
Up again. “It’s not . . . I just . . .” I look at Yolanda and shrug at her crown of braids. She gives my feet a hard squeeze. I go back down.
“I don’t get why a boy would like a girl who’s mean to him,” she says.
“Haven’t you noticed me being nicer?” I feel like I have a big shovel in my hand and am just digging myself into a deeper and deeper hole.
“No,” Yolanda says, letting go of my feet even though I’ve only done forty sit-ups.
I have no clue why she seems mad at me. She was the one who wanted me to be nice to Tyler.
41
Later
In English, Ms. Jacobs reminds us again to keep up with our eyeball journals. “There’s a lot going on right now,” she says. “Quite a lot to observe and think about. Remember, make your own minds up.”
She’s staring right at me.
Then she claps her hands and starts talking about prepositional phrases.
After class, I run into Isabella in the hallway, which is weird because her fourth period isn’t on this floor.
But here she is, right in the middle of the swarm of people, with her hands on her hips, letting everyone bump into us.
“Why were you avoiding me and Julia all winter break? Are you mad at us? Are you mad at me?”
I squish us out of the middle of the hall, off to the side. Someone’s backpack whacks me in the shoulder. For the first time, I’m glad there’s so many people because it takes a minute to wade through everyone, which is good because I need a minute to figure out what I want to say.
I really want Jace to like me. And I really, really want him to not like Isabella. But I also want my friends back. I think about Coach West’s story. I press against the wall of lockers and catch my breath. “We’re good.” I smile to try and show her how good we are. “I wasn’t avoiding you guys. I was grounded. I don’t have my phone.” I feel like I’m playing that game Two Truths and a Lie. I bet Isabella can figure out which part of what I said isn’t true.
“But you’ve been talking to Tyler?” Her voice sounds raspy.
“No! Well, yeah, he called me, but we haven’t been talking.” I know I sound ridiculous. “What have people been saying?”
“I’ll tell you when you tell me what’s really going on,” Isabella says. I can tell she’s frustrated with me, because her eyebrows are so close together, it’s almost like her unibrow is back.
I feel frustrated too. It is totally unfair that I’m stuck with two boys liking me who I don’t like at all, while she gets the one I do like. And explaining about Tyler is too complicated. I really need to know what people are saying. “Come on, Is, please,” I beg. “Just tell me.”
Isabella puts her hands on her hips. “No,” she says. “You first.”
My eyes open really wide at that. I don’t know if I’ve ever heard Isabella say no like that. I’m so shocked, I almost tell her right there, but I still don’t know exactly what to say. “I’ll tell you later, okay? Let’s go eat lunch.”
“Fine,” Isabella says, and we walk to the overhang area without saying anything else.
Before Isabella and I can sit down, Julia walks up . . . with Tyler.
“Hey, Shayla, look who I bumped into,” Julia says. “He was looking for you.” She says it like this is fine and totally normal.
It’s not fine, and no way is it normal. Why can’t Tyler leave me alone? And why did Julia have to bring him to our lunch table?
“Hey, Shayla,” Tyler says softly.
We all just stand there for a second; I feel like my friends are waiting to see what I’m going to do. I hate how it feels between us now, like we are china plates trying not to get cracked.
I sit down and open my lunch. “I’m starved,” I say, just as if there isn’t some sweaty boy staring at me. I don’t know what else to do.
Isabella and Julia sit too, but Tyler just stands there.
“Um, go ahead and sit down, Tyler,” Isabella says.
Tyler sits down right away, and of course he sits right next to me.
Isabella watches me like I’m a science experiment, and Julia looks back and forth between me and Tyler like she’s at the movies. I bet she wishes she had some popcorn.
I manage to get through the whole lunch period without ever speaking to Tyler directly. It isn’t even that hard.
When the bell rings, some of Tyler’s friends walk by and see him sitting next to me. They start smiling and laughing and throwing punches at each other. Sometimes I really hate boys. He gets up and runs off with them. Well, first he puts his hand on my shoulder, and then he runs off. His hand is hot and sweaty, and I feel like he has left a big Tyler print on me.
As we’re throwing our trash away, Isabella says, “Is it later yet?”
“I have to get to class,” I say.
42
As If
Tyler shows all of his little teeth at me in shop. “Hey,” he says.
“Hey,” I say back.
“You, uh, want me to, like, help you, you know, get started on your birdhouse?” He looks hopefully at the pieces of wood I have in my hand.
“Thanks, I got it,” I say.
Yolanda smiles at Tyler like he is one of her little brothers or something. “You can help me, Ty.”
“Yeah, okay then,” he says.
After class he puts his hand on my arm and leans forward like he is—oh no! I jerk away. He might’ve tricked me into one kiss, but there is no way he is getting another one!
“See you later,” I say.
I can’t get out of class fast enough.
But it’s like I can’t escape Tyler even when he’s not around.
At practice, Angie and Natalie break away from relay team practice and come up to me. Angie says, “You and Ty need to hang with us at lunch sometimes.”
I gulp down the thoughts that are super close to spilling out of my mouth. Like, why is Angie asking me to sit with her at lunch now? She doesn’t think I’m suddenly cool just because of Tyler, does she? “That’d be fun,” I say, meaning me hanging with them would be fun. Not me and Ty.
“I’ll save you a spot,” Angie says.
I will not be sitting at the basketball courts anytime soon. I’m trying to figure out how to lose sweaty boy, not be more connected to him. “Um,” I say, digging the toe of my shoe into the track.
“You better be careful, though. Steph said if you break Tyler’s heart, she’s coming after you,” Natalie says, frowning at me. Natalie has never been nice to me, and it doesn’t look like she’s about to start.
“Steph?”
“Tyler’s cousin? Stephanie?”
I didn’t even know Tyler had a cousin at Emerson.
“Yeah, you take care of Ty,” Angie warns.
“Tyler’s nice, um,” I start. “I don’t really . . .” I start again. What am I going to say? What am I going to do?
Oh my god! Everyone thinks me and Tyler are talking!! AS IF!!!!!!!
I have a bad feeling about this whole thing, and it is Julia’s fault! I wasn’t even playing Command—this is so totally unfair!
Why did I ever let him kiss me???????
43
Blocks
For some track events you use blocks. They’re these foot brace things that sit on the track and let you be in a ready position to start charging down your lane. Using blocks looks like it should be easy. You just put your feet on, wait for the starting pistol, and push off, right? Not right. You’re hunched over with your butt sticking up, your feet pressed hard against the pedals, your itchy palms raised, with just the tips of your fingers on the gritty track, waiting. And when the starting pistol sounds, you push off and go! Except. It’s not easy to push yourself out hard enough to get you going, but not so hard that you fall flat on your face. And some
times you just get stuck in the blocks. You aren’t really “stuck,” but it sure feels as if there are hands gripping your feet, and not letting you go.
I was hoping Tyler hanging around was just a one-day thing, but he shows up again before my friends and I can get to our spot behind the portables, and the four of us stand there awkwardly. It sure feels like I am stuck in the blocks. I work so hard to get my voice to say something. But I don’t actually know what to say. Julia and Isabella start talking to each other, and I watch them as if I don’t know who they are. Isabella throws a few rabbity looks my way, but then it’s like she gives up. She makes Julia crack up over a story about her little brother eating doughnuts, but I feel like I can’t laugh. She wasn’t really talking to me. Tyler is talking to me. And talking and talking.
When the bell rings, Tyler walks me to PE just like he did yesterday, but this time we don’t see Yolanda, and when I do see her in class with her mass of curls on either side of her head, she acts super sour and I don’t know at all what to do about it.
And then lunch rolls around.
I grab my lunch from my locker but can’t muster up my standard slam, and then I make my way outside. Isabella and Julia are both waiting for me. They each grab one of my arms and start running. It’s like a kidnapping! I don’t know where we’re going, but I know what’s going on. We are ditching Tyler.
We giggle all the way to our spot behind the portables. It’s almost empty here at lunch. There’s no tables or anything, so it’s harder to eat, but it’s private.
As soon as we get settled, though, all the giggling stops, and Isabella has a coughing fit. She points at Julia, like, You go first.
“Okay, so, yo, why are you acting so awful?” Julia asks. Her lips are tight and she has one eyebrow raised.
“Yeah,” Isabella says, and her voice sounds really hoarse now.
I look back and forth between my friends. “What? I’m not.”
Julia says, “You didn’t talk to us all winter break, and there is a thing called a landline, you know.”
“We were calling you and you never would come to the phone,” Isabella says, and folds her arms tight across her chest. I don’t know if it’s because she’s mad or if she’s trying to hold her coughs back.
“Yeah,” Julia says, getting loud. “Obviously, there’s something going on with you and Tyler, and we don’t know what it is.” She clenches her hands on her hips, waiting for me to say something.
I hate that Julia and Isabella made me feel like we were having a fun secret adventure, when really they just wanted to yell at me. “Well, you two weren’t being good friends to me,” I say. “You set me up, Julia, and then you told Isabella she should go for Jace!”
They both just stare at me for a second, and then Julia explodes. “You read our texts?” She sounds shocked, and like I’m the one who did the worse thing.
I don’t bother denying it. “That’s not the point. You shouldn’t have told her that.”
Julia says, “If Jace likes Isabella, you should let her have him. A good friend wouldn’t stand in the way.”
“But—” Isabella starts.
“I don’t know how you can say what a good friend would do, Julia. It’s not like you’re such a good friend anymore!” I yell.
“Just because of a dumb command?” Julia asks. “I said I was sorry. And I don’t think you should be mad at us that Jace isn’t into you. We should be mad at you for being a Snoopy McSnoop-face.”
“Fine!” I shout, not even caring that people are around. “I shouldn’t have read the messages. But you’re always with your squad, like Isabella and I don’t even count.”
“High key, much?” Julia says to me. “Jeez! So sometimes I sit with my squad and sometimes with you. You don’t have to be all salty about it. I’ve been friends with most of them for a long time too.”
“And you talk like Stacy now,” I say.
“Yo, are you for real?” Julia sounds shocked, like she doesn’t know what I’m talking about. “You have zero chill, Shayla.” She blows her hair out of her eyes in a big exasperated puff.
Before I can show Julia just how little chill I have, Isabella says, “It has been weird, Jules.” Her voice isn’t angry like mine would’ve been; she just sounds serious. “It used to be just us. You know, the United Nations. And you didn’t talk like that before.”
“Things change,” Julia says, and sighs really loud. “And everybody talks like that.”
“No, everyone doesn’t,” I say. “And we haven’t changed. Just you have,” I say, not even trying at all to keep the anger out of my voice. Julia can act like she hasn’t done anything wrong, but Isabella and I know the truth.
“We’re in junior high now! Did you really think we were never going to change?” Julia is close to shouting.
Yes, I want to shout back at her. Is it really that awful to want friendships to stay the same? And to want your friends to back off from the boy you’re crushing on? “Stop shouting,” I say. “And fine. No, I didn’t think that. Of course we’re going to change, but not like this.”
“Can you guys chill out?” Isabella asks. “This isn’t—” Whatever she was going to say gets buried in a batch of coughing.
Julia’s face gets pinchier. “If it was such a problem with me hanging out with my other friends, why didn’t you just say something?” Before Is or I can answer, Julia keeps going. “And, second, we’re older now. You can’t be a baby about stuff.” Julia’s lips are so tight, they almost disappear. Her voice is super tight too. “If Jace likes Isabella, you should be happy for her.”
“But, I don’t—” Isabella starts.
“I’m not being a baby!” I shout, not letting Isabella finish. “How am I supposed to be happy about the boy I like liking one of my best friends? It’s not fair.” I’m breathing hard and starting to sweat. I want to grab Julia’s shoulders and shake her.
“Well, it’s not Isabella’s fault,” Julia yells.
The few people around are staring at us. “Stop shouting at me!” I feel like crying and throwing something at the same time.
“Could you two stop talking like I’m not even here?” Isabella shouts.
Her voice is so loud, it makes me jump. I’ve never heard her sound so mad. “What’s the matter with you?” I ask.
Isabella clenches her hands into fists. “You’re both acting like my feelings don’t matter. Don’t speak for me.” Talking that loud must hurt, because she grips her throat and her eyes water.
“You know what?” Julia says. “This convo is totally ratchet.”
“That’s not even how you use the word,” I say before I can stop myself.
“I’m out,” Julia says. My eyes go extra wide because I can’t believe she is just going to walk away and leave this big pot of bad feelings behind. “Jules!” I try to grab her arm, but she moves out of reach.
“Late,” she says.
“Fine,” I say. I want to ask her who’s acting like a baby now.
Isabella and I watch Julia walk away.
Isabella blows hair out of her face, and then she turns to me. “What’s the matter with you two?”
“Nothing’s wrong with me,” I say.
“That whole thing was dumb,” she says. “I don’t even like Jace. He’s cute but he’s not very nice. If I was going to like somebody, it wouldn’t be him.”
I don’t like the sound of that. It’s almost like Isabella is saying it’s dumb to like Jace. “Thanks,” I say.
“But I don’t even want a boyfriend or to be talking to anyone. And that’s not even the point,” Isabella goes on in her croaky voice. “Even if I did like him, I wouldn’t have talked to him. That would’ve been messed up. But you and Julia wouldn’t even let me say anything.” Her voice gets a little louder with each sentence, and it makes her cough more.
I frown. I don’t want one of my friends liking the same boy I like. Why can’t I have dibs on a guy I like, whether he likes me or not? But I’m not sure what
a friendship manual would say about that. Maybe Julia is right. A good friend wouldn’t stand in her friend’s way. “I shouldn’t have acted so weird,” I finally say. “Guess it’s not your fault you’re scorching.”
“No, you shouldn’t have,” Isabella says, ignoring the compliment. “Because you know what’s really messed up? That you didn’t already know I wouldn’t do that to you. You should’ve known better.” With her looking so sick, she looks really sorrowful, but her voice sounds strong.
I’ve never heard her sound so forceful. And even though she’s spilling her new force all over me, she sounds good. Raspy, but good. “You’re right.”
She gets a napkin out of her lunch bag and blows her nose. “So don’t do that again, okay?”
“Okay. Check. Got it. One hundred.”
We fist-bump that business. Then Isabella says, “She was right, you know. We should’ve said something. Told Julia we missed it being the three of us.”
“I guess,” I say. I’m not sure if I agree. It seems like Julia should’ve known without us having to say anything.
Isabella sighs, then pulls her hair to the side and starts braiding it. “I’m so hot,” she says, but she shivers and pulls her sweater tight around her. Then she gives me a stern look. “Okay, so tell me. Why have you been letting Tyler hang around?”
I stare at the tiny pearl buttons on Isabella’s sweater. “It started at the dance, because Bernard was . . . acting like maybe he liked me? I thought he’d leave me alone if he thought I was interested in someone else.” It feels good to finally talk about it.
Isabella wipes sweat off her forehead. “You could’ve just told him you weren’t interested. Like, thanks, but no thanks?”
“I was scared. Bernard still freaks me out. He can be okay sometimes, but if he doesn’t get what he wants, he gets all shouty and mad. I didn’t want him to yell at me.”
Isabella starts coughing, so it takes a few seconds before she can talk, but then she says, “I guess I can understand why you sort of pretended so that Bernard would back off, but you can’t have everyone at school thinking you and Tyler are, like, talking.”
A Good Kind of Trouble Page 13