“Why not? He doesn’t really bug me all that much. I just ignore him. He seems happy,” I say.
“But it’s mean,” she says sternly.
“Mean?” I have no clue what she is talking about.
“Yes!” Isabella smashes her lunch bag into a clump. “How would you feel if a guy was letting you hang around like a puppy dog?”
I hadn’t thought about it that way. “I think it would be meaner if I told him I didn’t like him.”
“Don’t tell him that! But figure something out,” Isabella says, using her new forceful voice.
“Ugh,” I say, because I know she’s right but I sure don’t want to have to deal with Tyler.
Isabella laughs but then starts coughing so hard, I’m ready to catch one of her lungs.
I offer her some water but she waves it away. Once she catches her breath, I ask her, “So what are we going to do about Julia?”
Isabella shrugs. She looks sad, and I bet I look the same way. “I don’t know. But walking off like that sure doesn’t solve anything.” She sniffs loudly. “Ugh, this cold is killing me.”
Then the bell rings and we head to fifth period.
All through math I wonder if the United Nations is permanently divided.
I wonder how Julia could just walk away.
I wonder how I’m going to break up with someone who’s not really my boyfriend.
I haven’t figured anything out by the time I get to shop, so I just stay bent over my birdhouse and ignore Tyler. He gets close to me a few times, but maybe he can feel me thinking Go away at him because he backs off. I can hear him and Yolanda joking around, and I’m glad she doesn’t try to pull me into their conversation. I’ve never been so happy for shop to be over, and I zoom out of class without even telling Yolanda goodbye.
Maybe I’ll be able to figure out this Tyler mess at track practice.
Today we’re practicing our starts out of the blocks.
“Try focusing on the first hurdle,” Coach West says. “Don’t think so much about getting out of the blocks.”
I bend lower and keep my fingers pressed against the track. I can hear my breathing. It sounds shaky. All the hurdles stretch in front of me like a big row of problems.
The first hurdle is figuring out what to say to Tyler. The second is deciding when to tell him. The third is wondering if I should call Julia when I get home.
Coach West puts her hand on my back. “Calm down, Shayla. You just need to be patient and focus. Block everything out and just wait for the starter pistol.”
“I’m trying,” I say.
Bernard walks by, tossing his shot up and down, and shouts, “Looking good, Shay!” at me.
I almost fall right on my face. He really needs to work on his volume control.
Coach West backs away a little. “Concentrate, Shayla.”
The relay girls are standing on the side of the track, having a water break. They’re nudging each other, looking at me, and laughing. If I were them, I’d be laughing too. Despite what Bernard said, I know I look ridiculous with my bottom stuck up in the air.
When Coach West notices me staring at them, she claps her hands at me. “You’re focusing on the wrong thing.”
I nod and stare down the track at the hurdle. My stomach hurts and I feel like the blocks are yanking on my feet, holding me back.
44
The Breaks
The next day, when I go outside for break, I’m looking for Isabella. But instead I see Tyler.
And I’m alone with him.
I hate not having my cell phone. Isabella would’ve texted me to tell me she’d be out sick, and I could’ve been prepared. Or I could’ve texted Julia and begged her to hang out with me even if we’re both still angry. That would have been easy with a text. I don’t think I could’ve said it out loud.
This is why cell phones are so important.
I’ve never been in a fight with one of my best friends before. I’m not even sure if we are in a fight.
Tyler is smiling and stuttering at me and asking me if I know about some video game. (I don’t.) It is the perfect time to tell him he got it all wrong about us, but I can’t figure out how to say it that won’t sound awful. Especially since I’m mad at him. I know I shouldn’t have let this whole talking thing go on, but he shouldn’t have kissed me like that. Everybody knows you don’t put your chapped lips all over somebody without permission. At least they should know.
Tyler starts talking about the trial and how messed up it will be if the jury gets it wrong, and even though I agree with him, I don’t tell him that. I tap my foot impatiently, and instead of saying anything I want to, I do a bunch of nodding. And then the bell rings, so I’m saved from having to say anything.
But lunch is just a couple of hours away.
I don’t even have that long.
Tyler ambushes me in between third and fourth period. He pulls me over to a corner in the hallway, and I’m caught.
“Hey, Tyler, can we talk later? I have to get to class.” I’m not even lying. No way do I want Ms. Jacobs mad at me for being late.
“Yeah, okay, but I need to ask you something first.” He takes a deep breath and then blurts out, “Are you my girl?”
“Tyler.” I clear my throat. “I think you have the wrong idea about us.”
He is quiet for a minute; I watch a small muscle in his cheek bunch up and then he just stares at me.
I sigh loud enough for him to hear. “Tyler, why do you even like me?”
He smiles a real quick shy smile, and then he looks down at his shoes. “’Cause, you know. You’re cute and all.”
“Thanks,” I say. I feel worse. I wasn’t trying to get a compliment out of him. My cheeks feel like they’re steaming, they are so hot. I swallow. “But you can’t like somebody just because of the way they look. Maybe you should, you know, like somebody who’s nice to you and likes you back?”
Hearing myself say that out loud stings. All I’ve cared about with Jace is how he looks. He’s never acted as if he likes me, and I haven’t paid a bit of attention to that.
Tyler smiles at me, but then he stops smiling. I think what I said just hit him. His eyebrows get close together and he leans forward. I take a small step back. I’m never going to let someone kiss me again unless I want them to.
“Uh, okay, it’s all good.” He pauses, and I’m just about to try and walk away, but then he keeps going. “It’s just, like, at the dance—”
“That was a command. And I didn’t even kiss you back.”
“Seemed like it to me.”
“Well, I didn’t! And you should know it’s not cool to just kiss somebody. You can’t be all up on somebody who didn’t say it was okay. Not even if it’s a command!” I don’t think I knew how much it bothered me until I hear myself telling him off. I don’t care anymore who hears us. That kiss was awful, and even if I had been playing Command too, Tyler shouldn’t have done it.
I can tell he knows I’m right by the guilty look on his face. “You need permission and I never said yes.”
“I’m sorry,” he says, and his shoulders slump. “Coach West told me the same thing.”
“Good,” I say. Then I add, “Don’t do it again,” and Tyler nods.
I think we’re done, but Tyler dips his head down a little, clears his throat, and then looks back up, staring me right in the eyes.
“So why you been lettin’ me hang around and all?” He asks so quietly, I almost can’t hear him.
I have no answer. I can’t meet his eyes and stare instead at his chin. I twist the end of my ponytail round and round. When I don’t say anything, he just nods, like he understands.
“I guess I’ll see you around, then,” he says, and turns away, dipping into the crowd filing by on their way to class. I see Natalie, and she frowns at me.
I figure word will get around that Tyler and I “broke up.”
Maybe if Julia hears about it, she’ll sit with me at lunch.
45
Not So Great
She doesn’t. If Julia knows Isabella is out sick today, she knows that means I don’t have anyone to sit with. But she doesn’t come look for me. She isn’t at our table. I don’t even see her at lunch.
I feel totally lost. The great thing about a three-way friendship is if someone is absent, you still have a friend to sit with at lunch. I can’t sit at a table all by myself.
I consider wandering over to the basketball courts, but that would be a bad plan. Tyler would be over there. Besides, it’s probably not the best reason to go over to the courts now just because my other friends aren’t around.
I could go to the library. Some people sit in there for lunch, but it’s sort of where you sit if you don’t have friends.
I end up sitting on a bench by the office. I made the mistake of putting tomatoes on my sandwich, and they made the bread all soggy. Even my sandwich is sad. And then a shadow blocks out the sun.
“What are you doin’ over here by yourself?”
I look up at Jace and my mouth opens, but no words come out.
“You all right?”
I shut my mouth and swallow the soggy lump of sandwich. And then I nod at him.
Jace smiles at me.
Jace smiles at me.
Jace smiles at me.
“So what’s going on?” he asks. He has one of those spinny things and spins it and lets it go round and round on the top of his finger.
“Nothing much,” I say, trying to sound like him talking to me is at the very bottom of things I care about. “Pretty chill, you know. Very low key.” I should totally shut up.
“So where’s your friend?” Jace asks.
I’m so wrapped up in the moment of him actually talking to me that at first I think he’s asking about Julia, because I had wondered the same thing. And then my brain goes, Well, that’s silly—he doesn’t even know Julia, so I think, Oh, he must mean Tyler. But then, it registers. Hard.
“Oh, she’s sick,” I say flatly, feeling a little sick myself.
“Oh, yeah?” he says.
Then he surprises me by sitting down. Right next to me, which makes me feel like I’m going to swallow my tongue or something. I tell myself, Okay, breathe, yeah, he asked about Isabella, but he’s sitting right here next to you. He’s sitting close enough for our arms to touch.
And then he asks, “Is she talking to anybody?”
“Who?” I ask, not quite able to keep myself from staring at him.
“Who we talkin’ about, girl?” Jace asks, like I’m stupid.
“Oh, Is? I mean Isabella?” I laugh. Ha, ha! This is so very, very funny. “She’s not, I mean, she’s sort of . . .” I sound completely stupid. “Uh, I mean, she, um, she uh, is, uh . . .” I want to tell him about Isabella’s mom not allowing her to have a boyfriend or something, but my mouth won’t let me say it. “She isn’t talking to anybody right now,” I admit.
Jace smiles big and leans against the wall. I know that smile. I have seen it on Hana’s face a million times. It is the smile that says, I can have whatever I want, because I am all that. And I know it’s true.
I think he’ll leave then, but he just keeps sitting with me. I actually wish he would leave. He is making my palms itch and my stomach hurt.
He starts talking about hating history and how he has a bad grade and how it’s all Mr. Powell’s fault.
“Do you do your homework?” I ask.
Jace scowls at me. “I do enough. He’s just a punk and he wears those dumb scarves like what my mama would wear.”
“What?” I say. “Mr. Powell’s the best.” I move over so our arms can’t touch anymore.
Jace gives me a what’s-with-you look, but I don’t care. I think about him talking about my forehead. And being mean to Alex. I try to think of one time I saw him being nice, but I can’t think of any.
I sat next to Jace today.
It wasn’t so great.
46
Dog Pile
I’m on my way to fifth period when I realize that the girls behind me, who are talking really loud, are actually talking about me.
“Makes me sick, the way she thinks she’s all that.”
“I guess she’s just too good for your cousin.”
“Somebody needs to teach her a lesson.”
The school handbook has a whole section on harassment and how we aren’t supposed to do it. But I’m almost positive I’m being harassed. I have heard about dog-piling, where a bunch of people jump on you. It sounds horrible. Am I going to get dog-piled? My stomach knots up with fear, and I run into the girls’ bathroom.
This is a pretty stupid decision, because they just follow right behind me.
I whirl around to ask them why are they messing with me, but when I see Angie, my mouth just drops open like I’m in the doctor’s office and he wants me to say ahhhhhhh. I’m not surprised at all to see Natalie. With them is a big girl who I found out recently is Stephanie, Tyler’s cousin.
“Yo, you think you’re too good for Ty?” Stephanie has small mean eyes. She snaps her fingers at me.
“No, I don’t,” I say, taking a small step back. “Why don’t you leave me alone?”
“Leave me alone,” Natalie says in a whiny, fakey voice, as if that’s how I sounded.
I for sure don’t want to get dog-piled or just generally messed with. I look at the door, but I would have to get through them to get to it. I try to remember everything Hana has told me about fighting. She’s really good at it.
“You know what? I think it’s time this Oreo found out she’s not as cute as she thinks she is,” Natalie says.
Oreo? Seriously? I’m not white on the inside, Black on the outside. “What’s your issue?” I ask.
Stephanie is starting to get close to me like she wants to grab at me or something. “You broke my cousin’s heart,” she says.
Uh, dramatic much? “I didn’t,” I say. “I like Tyler.” Obviously I don’t mean like like, but I don’t want Stephanie thinking I was mean to him. Because I wasn’t. Was I?
“Yeah, right,” Natalie says. “Why’d you break up with him, then?”
“We weren’t even talking or, you know, boyfriend and girlfriend. He kissed me because of that stupid Command game. And he knows that wasn’t cool. If he wanted to kiss me, he needed to ask. I don’t know why you all thought we were together.”
“Who’s ‘you all’?” Angie asks, making little quotation marks in the air. I didn’t know Angie could sound so mean. “Are you talking about A-fri-can A-mer-i-cans?” She stretches the words really long, like I have a hard time understanding English or something. “Well, I hate to tell you this, but you all is you too.”
“I know that!” I can’t believe Angie is going there. “‘You all,’ as in everybody!”
“No one can figure you out,” Stephanie says. “You tried to act all down and then you dogged my cousin.”
“I’m sorry if I hurt Tyler’s feelings.” I say. “But it’s not my fault I didn’t like him like that.”
“You don’t like him because he’s Black!” Natalie says like I walked into some kind of trap.
“Oh yeah? Then why do I like Jace?”
Angie’s and Natalie’s eyes both go so wide, it’s like a flash popped in their faces.
47
Wanna Go?
“Jace?” Angie asks, which is how I know I actually said I like Jace right out loud. “You like that pretty boy?”
I want to say that I actually don’t think I like Jace all that much anymore, but this doesn’t seem like the right time.
“Okay,” Angie says, “if you’re so down, how come you don’t hang out with anybody?”
(Translation: anybody = Black kids.) “I just hang with my friends from elementary school. We’ve been friends a long time.”
“Yeah, I heard you didn’t have any Black friends in elementary either,” Stephanie says.
“There weren’t that many of us in the same grade,” I mutter. Which is
totally true. There was me, Berika, Tonja, Alonzo, and Bernard.
“Yeah, and you were too good for them, huh?” Stephanie asked.
Had Berika or Tonja said that about me? Is that what they thought? “I was not!”
“Then why don’t you sit with us at lunch?” Natalie asks.
“Because I sit with my friends,” I say. It sure seems like I’m repeating myself. Why is it so hard for people to understand that I’m not doing anything wrong by hanging out with my best friends?
“I bet you don’t have a single Black friend,” Stephanie says.
I start to say I’m friends with Yolanda, but I’m not sure if I can truly claim her. I’m not sure what she’d say if they asked her. She has been acting weird ever since the Tyler thing.
It seemed like Angie and I were sort of friends, but obviously that’s not true.
“Thinking you’re all that with your big ol’ forehead,” Stephanie says.
That is the wrong thing to say to me.
I tighten my hands into fists. “Fine.” I say. “You wanna go? Come on, then.”
48
Fight!
I will fight all three of them.
All together or one at a time. I sort of wish I had some earrings to take off. Hana told me that’s when you know a girl is seriously ready to fight.
Then Angie does the one thing I sure don’t expect.
She starts giggling.
Stephanie takes a step away from Angie. “What’s wrong with you?”
That makes Angie’s giggles turn to full-on laughter.
“What’s so funny?” Natalie asks.
“Yeah, what?” I ask. I do not see one thing funny in this whole situation.
Angie takes a deep breath and tries to stop laughing. “Well, she did say us, didn’t she, when she was talking about the Black kids at her school?”
I don’t relax my fists; I’m still ready to fight if I have to.
“I do believe she’s ready to throw down, Steph.” For some reason, Angie finds this to be hilarious. “Now that’s a Black girl for you,” she says, laughing so hard, I think she might hyperventilate.
A Good Kind of Trouble Page 14