Billy Sure Kid Entrepreneur and the Attack of the Mysterious Lunch Meat

by Luke Sharpe

  I roll up the blueprints and rush downstairs, to where Mom and Emily are. Mom explains that Dad is meeting with a famous art curator this morning, so she didn’t want to bother him. It looks like neither Mom nor Emily got any sleep last night. Mom’s eyes make her look almost like a zombie too!

  Zombie Emily is making a mess. She’s going through the fridge, the pantry, and all the cabinets, pulling out anything that is green. A jar of pickles, a green cup, an avocado, some old food that Dad made last week, and a package of split peas are piled onto the kitchen table.

  Mom tries to keep up with her, grabbing the stuff from the table and putting it away. But every time Mom takes something from the table, Emily puts down something else.

  “Mom, I got it!” I shout.

  “Got what?” she asks.

  Shoving aside a lime, a green plate, and a bowl of mint chocolate chip ice cream, I unroll my blueprint on the kitchen table.

  “The permanent antidote!” I say. “I sleep-invented it last night.”

  “Oh, honey,” Mom says. She really does sound exhausted. “That is great news. We’ve got to get you to the Sure Things, Inc. Headquarters so you can make some right away. And we’ll need to take Emily to cure her. Emily?”

  Zombie Emily looks up.

  “Do you want to see some green lights on the drive over to Manny’s?”

  Glop.

  A big splatter of drool drops down from Emily’s mouth. I think that’s excitement—for zombie Emily, anyway.

  Mom takes Emily by the hand and leads her to the front door.

  “Come on, boy!” I shout to Philo. “Let’s go help Manny!”

  Emily, Philo, and I pile into Mom’s car. We speed off toward the office. Emily sits in the front passenger seat, next to Mom. She opens the glove compartment and starts rummaging around. She pulls out a green emergency flashlight and a pair of green driving gloves. She also points excitedly at every green light.

  Mom just shakes her head and speeds up.

  A few minutes later we arrive at Manny’s.

  “I have to tell Manny that I sleep-invented the cure,” I say as we get out of the car. “Or at least tell Mr. and Dr. Reyes. We’ll need their permission to use it on Manny since it’s still technically in the prototype stages.”

  We head over to the house, Philo at my side, Mom leading zombie Emily. Inside we find Manny and his parents.

  “We couldn’t let him go to school like this,” says Mr. Reyes. “He’s been doing this all morning.”

  Manny stumbles around the house, opening drawers, cabinets, the refrigerator, anything he can open, the whole time moaning “LUUUNCH MEEEAT!” Like Emily, he seems to have piled an assortment of green things on the counter. I see more creamed spinach than I’d know what to do with.

  “Well, I have good news,” I tell them. “I have the blueprints for a permanent cure right here.”

  “Then I’d say you better get busy!” says a voice from the front door. Hey, wait a second. I know that voice! I could recognize it anywhere!

  “Jada!” I cry. “What are you doing here?”

  A Surely-Definite Victory!

  JADA AND HER BUSINESS PARTNER, Nat Definite, stand in the doorway.

  Nat turns to me. “You really need to learn to use your inside voice, Billy,” she says. “We could hear you from a mile away.”

  Hey, it’s not my fault I get loud when I’m excited. Still, I’m so glad to see them. Jada pulls me into a hug, and that same chill goes up my spine.

  Everyone walks into the garage and takes a seat. Manny’s parents help him out to his desk, and Mom trails after Emily. After a few minutes, I’ve completed the revisions to the Zombie Zap formula. I load this new prototype into a spray bottle.

  “Okay, this is it,” I say nervously. “Who should I spray first?”

  “Urghhh,” Manny grunts.

  “Looks like we have a volunteer,” Nat smiles.

  Mr. and Dr. Reyes look nervously at each other, then nod to me. “If anyone can do this, you can,” they say. Their words are very encouraging.

  I try not to think about how much is really at stake here. This is THE MOST IMPORTANT INVENTION I’VE MADE YET!

  Zurp!

  I spray some of what I hope will be the permanent version of Zombie Zap on Manny. The green string covers his body. This time, the string glows!

  “Come on, partner, I miss the real you!” I say.

  Everyone stares at Manny. Nothing happens. I start to pace back and forth. What if this formula is also a dud? What will I do then?

  After a few minutes I notice the glowing stop. The crazy string vanishes, and Manny looks a little less green.

  “Manny?” I whisper.

  “Gurrugg,” he groans.

  I feel my heart sink. The Zombie Zap didn’t work.

  Manny continues to moan. “Luuunch meeat,” he says.

  Mr. and Dr. Reyes sigh. This must be really upsetting to them.

  Manny looks at me.

  “Billy—lunch meat,” he says, this time very clearly.

  Billy? He said my name? He said my name! Now that sounds like the REAL Manny!

  “Hey, does anybody have a turkey sandwich? Really, any sandwich will do. I’m starving!” Manny smiles.

  “Manny!” I cry. “You’re back!” I turn around and see that the green in Manny’s skin is completely gone.

  Everyone in the room claps. Mr. and Dr. Reyes get up and scoop Manny up into a big hug.

  “Where have I been?” Manny asks. “I feel like I’ve been away. But I don’t really understand. And why am I craving a turkey sandwich?”

  I quickly remind Manny of all that’s happened.

  “I remember it now,” Manny says. “This is why we tested the lunch meat on me and not you. I knew you could do it, partner!”

  In the midst of all of this, Mom grabs the bottle of Zombie Zap and sprays Emily down. Emily looks dazed for a few minutes. Then her eyes open wide and her skin returns to its normal color!

  “Emily?” Mom says.

  Emily doesn’t say anything at first. She doesn’t look confused. She looks . . . almost mad.

  Before saying anything, Emily reaches behind her ear and feels that nothing is there.

  “WHAT HAPPENED TO MY PENCIL?!” Emily screeches.

  Yep. That’s my sister, all right. I laugh, and that’s when it hits her.

  “Billy, you did it! You found the antidote!”

  “We have to go cure everyone else now—the whole school and Agent Paul,” says Mom. “Billy, how fast can you make a big batch of this?”

  And that’s when my happy mood is suddenly shattered.

  “I’m not sure, Mom,” I say. “It took a long time to get the formula just right and make a small sample. Mass producing it? That’s a whole other thing. Usually Manny plans that for weeks, but I bet he hasn’t been doing much work lately.”

  Manny smiles nervously.

  “Good bet,” he says, through gritted teeth. I wonder if it feels weird to have control of your body again.

  “Well, that’s where we come in,” Jada says, smiling. She turns to Nat, who nods. “If you give Nat the formula, Billy, Definite Devices can handle the mass production—I promise.”

  “And I promise that there’ll be no funny business,” Nat adds. “Those days are long gone.”

  “I’m afraid we’re not much help anymore,” Dr. Reyes says, looking at her husband and all of us. “Unless, of course, you need something with feet! We’ll be back inside. Manny, we are so proud of you for volunteering to save the school, but please don’t do that again without consulting us first.” She smiles at her son. “Good luck, Team Sure Things, Inc.! May the ZAP be with you.”

  Manny’s parents walk back into their house.

  I hand my blueprints and Zombie Zap sample over to Jada and Nat. They hurry off to the Definite Devices office to begin production. While they’re gone, I bring Manny and Emily up to speed on everything that has happened. It also helps explain why Emily
doesn’t have her phone, because Kathy’s got it.

  “I can’t believe that Kathy Jenkins is basing her story on my recording,” Emily says, as if that’s the most important thing here.

  About an hour later, Nat and Jada return.

  “We’re all set,” Jada says calmly. “Mission SAVE FILLMORE MIDDLE SCHOOL—let’s go!”

  Mom, Emily, Manny, Nat, Jada, and I head to the school. “See ya later, boy,” I tell Philo. He barely stirs from his doggy bed—it’s been an exhausting few days for him, too.

  As Mom drives us to school, I realize that I don’t see anything that looks like large amounts of Zombie Zap, or a way to get it to everyone that needs it. Jada is empty-handed, and Nat is wearing a normal-looking backpack.

  Jada sees my worried look. It feels kind of nice to know she can pick up what I’m feeling.

  “Don’t worry,” she says. “Wait until you see what Nat invented!”

  We arrive at Fillmore Middle School. I’m stunned by what I see. It’s really like something out of a science-fiction movie!

  Agent Paul has grown to gigantic size. He’s sitting on top of the school with his huge tentacles wrapped around the whole building! This must be some weird side effect of the lunch meat that only affects sea creatures. Or octopuses. As far as I know, Agent Paul’s the only nonhuman that has been infected.

  “Agent Paul!” Mom shouts.

  I can tell she is horrified by what she sees. This is her partner. Like Manny is mine.

  Although it’s not funny, the thought of Manny with a bunch of tentacles, blown up to the size of a small spacecraft and sitting menacingly atop Fillmore Middle School makes me laugh.

  Mom turns to me. “Agent Paul’s so big, we’re going to need a lot of Zombie Zap for him—and for the rest of the school!”

  She’s right. But even if we somehow magically have enough Zombie Zap, I have no idea how we can get it all the way up to Agent Paul!

  “I’ve got it!” Jada shouts. She opens Nat’s backpack and pulls out a small metal contraption that looks like a canister vacuum cleaner. It has a long hose attached to it.

  “Nat just invented a bunch of these—they’re called ZOMBIE ZAPPERS. They’re ready and loaded with tons and tons of your Zombie Zap. And the small canisters are pressurized so the streams will reach a long way.”

  I look at Nat. She smiles.

  “When you need a zap, who are you going to call?” she laughs. “Definite Devices.”

  After all the trouble Nat has caused Manny, Sure Things, Inc., and me in the past, I guess this time she really is on our side.

  “Since your Zombie Zap helped Manny, it’s time to help everyone else, too,” Nat says. She has a Zombie Zapper strapped across her back, reaches into her bag, and hands others to us.

  “Aim the hose directly at Agent Paul,” Nat instructs. “He’ll be the first zombie we take down, since he’s the biggest. Okay? Ready . . . set . . . go!”

  ZURP!

  I squeeze a button on the hose. Instantly, a stream of green crazy string comes shooting out! It races through the air, reaching all the way to the top of the school. When it gets to Agent Paul, it wraps itself around him and all eight of his zombie tentacles.

  Will it work? I don’t know. It worked on Emily and Manny. Here’s to hoping it works on a giant octopus, too!

  Agent Paul is still HUGE, but he looks a little less green. Which I guess isn’t saying much, since, as an octopus, Agent Paul is always changing color.

  Suddenly, Agent Paul’s eyes widen. His eyes dart to his tentacles, each one still thrashing against the school!

  “What—?” Agent Paul bellows. “WHAT IN ATLANTIS AM I DOING?!”

  “Quick, Nat!” Jada yells. Nat doesn’t need to be told twice. Agent Paul’s mind might be back, but his body is still ZOMBIFIED! Nat switches her Zombie Zapper to FULL BLAST.

  Nat tosses lots more Zombie Zap up to Agent Paul.

  It’s amazing how much Zombie Zap fits into her backpack. I’ll have to remember to ask her if she’s invented a special backpack with unlimited room inside. That would be a pretty cool invention!

  Nat’s extra Zombie Zap seems to do the trick!

  Agent Paul starts shrinking.

  “Paul!” Mom shouts. It almost looks like there are tears in her eyes. I bet she feels a little less alone—Agent Paul and Mom are the only real spies here, as far as I know.

  Agent Paul climbs down the building and scoots next to Mom. Maybe not all of the zombieism has worn off, though, because he doesn’t need his tank. Well, we’ll work on that later.

  “Onward!” Jada shouts.

  With Nat leading the way, we all charge into the school. It feels kind of like we’re in an action movie.

  Everywhere we turn, we spray students and teachers with Zombie Zap. Agent Paul grabs eight canisters at once with his tentacles and creates an unstoppable antizombie fountain.

  The hall fills with green glowing string crisscrossing in every direction. In a few minutes, almost everyone at Fillmore Middle School is back to normal. Jada finishes up the rest.

  “WE DID IT!” I shout.

  Everyone cheers. Though some of the recently zombified students are a little slow to move, they do their best to dance and cheer along.

  But our celebration is short lived.

  “You did WHAT?” comes a shrill voice.

  I spin around and see Johanna Brown. She comes RIGHT TOWARD ME!

  “What is this? You can’t take away my legion of zombies! Put that spray away. You can’t do this in my school! I am the director of Cafeteria Services!” She waves a spatula in the air at us.

  At that exact moment, Jada finishes spraying Principal Gilamon. Principal Gilamon’s Mohawk turns back from being green to being bright purple. He blinks rapidly, looks at me, then salutes. He strides up to Johanna.

  “You mean, you were the director of Cafeteria Services,” Principal Gilamon says. “Johanna Brown, on behalf of the school board, it is my duty to expel you from the Fillmore Middle School grounds—again!

  “We tried to give you a second chance—we really did. And I might even be able to look past this zombie nonsense . . .” Principal Gilamon pauses. “But now that I think about it, this all started when my hair turned purple, and I think you did that as well!”

  Principal Gilamon points to his purple Mohawk.

  “I remember eating a purple muffin from the school cafeteria on your first day here,” he continues. “I thought it was whimsical, but now I see that you were just testing your revenge scheme on me!”

  Johanna looks shocked, like she can’t believe she’s been found out. Remember when I felt kinda bad for her? Yeah, I don’t feel bad anymore . . . AT ALL!

  “And so,” Principal Gilamon says, “it is my GREAT PLEASURE to appoint the new director of Cafeteria Services at Fillmore Middle School—Zohra Azeem!”

  Principal Gilamon turns. He smiles at the only woman in the entire building who looks green. It’s the same woman from the cafeteria, the one who saved us! She’s still wearing her green makeup.

  “Thank you so much, Principal Gilamon,” Zohra says, smiling. “I’ll do my best to make you—and this school—proud.”

  Petula makes her way over to us. Now that she’s no longer a zombie and back to being regular swim captain and Drama Club President Petula, she moves pretty fast.

  “Nice to see you back to normal,” I say.

  Petula smiles at me but doesn’t say anything else. She walks right up to her dear ol’ Aunt Johanna.

  “I can’t believe you would do this,” she says to her. “I TRUSTED you! I told my friends to trust you! I was so happy you got this job. Now I’m going to have to tell Grandma all about it.”

  I can see Johanna’s expression change. She looks really upset.

  I guess no matter how old you are, you’re always gonna be afraid of getting told on to your parents!

  The crowd makes its way over. Some kids stick their tongues out at Johanna. Some kids thank me, Nat, Ja
da, Emily, Mom, Manny, and Agent Paul. A few of them remark on Agent Paul’s . . . well, octopus-ness.

  “Is that a side effect of the Zombie Zap?” Peter asks. “Are we all going to turn into octopuses?!”

  Man, I would love to prank Peter.

  “Whoops,” I say, shrugging. “Guess we’ll all be octopuses soon!”

  My face is deadpan. Then I can’t help myself. I break out into a smile and start laughing.

  “I’m onto you, Sure,” Peter laughs. Then he gives me a high five and joins Allison Arnolds.

  In the midst of all of this, Kathy and Samantha Jenkins walk up to us. Kathy turns her tablet around so we can all see it.

  “This is a draft of my latest article for Right Next Door,” she says. “I wanted to run it by you all first.”

  WHAT?!

  Listen, my middle school was just freed from a zombie epidemic, my mom’s secret spy partner and octopus is speaking to us, and my older sister briefly drooled all over herself, but Kathy Jenkins asking to run an article by us before publishing it . . . that may just be the most unbelievable thing that’s transpired so far.

  I pinch myself. Nope. Definitely not dreaming. I glance at the headline.

  SURE THINGS, INC. AND DEFINITE DEVICES SAVE FILLMORE MIDDLE SCHOOL FROM EVIL, MYSTERIOUS LUNCH MEAT

  by Kathy Jenkins and Emily Sure

  Emily’s mouth drops open.

  “You gave me credit?” she squeals.

  “Of course,” Kathy says. “You got the audio recording that solved the mystery and captured the facts. You did the investigative journalism. You deserve the credit. You did some excellent work, Emily. I know it’s only the first week of school, but if you keep this up, I can see you becoming EDITOR-IN-CHIEF of the school paper someday. And maybe even a guest reporter for Right Next Door!”

  Emily beams with pride. Mom does too. Even I’m feeling a little happy for Emily.

  At that moment Jada taps me on the shoulder.

  “Can we take a walk outside?” she asks.

  I nod. I don’t know why, especially after everything, but I feel kind of nervous. Jada and I step outside.

  “You know, you really are an amazing inventor, Billy,” Jada says. “None of this rescue would have been possible without you. I’m impressed.”