The Holy Woman

by Shahraz, Qaisra

  ‘Mother, this is my life you are talking about. It was Zarri Bano I wanted to marry, not Ruby. How can I suddenly think of Ruby as my wife? Also, she would always remind me of her sister.’

  ‘Zarri Bano is the past, my son,’ Bilkis repeated firmly.

  ‘I know, Mother – so you keep reminding me. I have tried to remove her from my mind and heart, I really have. But linking myself to Ruby will bring it all back again. I will never be able to get away from her or her family. Don’t you see?’

  ‘No, my son, I do not see. You need to adjust yourself to the idea, that is clear, but Zarri Bano is the past while Ruby is the present and the future. She is a person in her own right. She also has the qualities and looks that you found so attractive in Zarri Bano. She is not Zarri Bano, we know that, but she is a wonderful woman. Give her a chance, my son, please. She is an intelligent, beautiful, graceful woman and has a warm sunny personality.’

  ‘But with no sparkle,’ Sikander added mentally to himself, recalling that one vivid quality in Zarri Bano. He knew he would not find it easily in another woman. The new Zarri Bano, the Holy Woman, had lost it too. It was buried with the old Zarri Bano, behind the burqa.

  ‘Mother, have you ever thought of what Ruby might have to say, or how she would feel on this subject? After all, I was her sister’s fiancé once. I find it an abhorrent idea. I am sure that she will find it even more so, especially as it is her sister I should have married in the first place. If you want the truth, Mother, I hate the idea. As a matter of fact, I hate that family.’

  ‘Forget about Zarri Bano and her father! Do you hate Ruby?’

  ‘No, of course not.’

  ‘Then why don’t you marry her?’ Bilkis persisted doggedly.

  ‘Mother! Please stop!’

  ‘I am not going to stop until you agree to at least think rationally about it and allow me to get in touch with Ruby’s parents, rather than dismiss it rashly because of your prejudice.’

  ‘All right, Mother, I’ll think seriously about it. Now can we change the subject?’

  Bilkis stopped and triumphantly lowered her gaze, hiding her pleasure from him. She had partially reached her goal.

  Sikander did think about it. He thought about it as he lay in his bed at night-time and as he walked in the orange orchard. In fact, he thought of nothing else. A few days later he announced to Bilkis that he had capitulated.

  ‘Mother, you may go ahead and approach Zar—Ruby’s parents,’ he said a week later. He had decided that it was time to bury the past and make a fresh start. Zarri Bano had, hadn’t she? Now he was entitled to do the same. She had forgotten him. It was time for him to forget her.

  ‘I will, my handsome son,’ said Bilkis, hugging him, her cheeks warm with pleasure. ‘You don’t know how happy you have made me. You’ll not regret it, I assure you. Ruby is a wonderful girl, my darling.’

  ‘That is to be seen, Mother. She’ll never be Zarri Bano, will she? I won’t kid myself, but I am a fool for wanting to get involved with that family again and for listening to you.’

  Bilkis wasted no time in setting the wheels in motion and two weeks later Sikander was formally engaged to Ruby. Bilkis had telephoned Ruby’s parents that very evening, when Sikander had given her the go-ahead. Shahzada and Habib were very surprised by Bilkis requesting Ruby’s hand for her son in marriage. Since Zarri Bano’s ceremony it had been an awkward affair for both the parties. Wanting to make amends for having broken their ties over Zarri Bano’s engagement, Habib agreed in theory – even before approaching Ruby.

  When Shahzada gently broached the subject with her daughter, Ruby’s face went scarlet in embarrassment. She was expecting to marry soon, but not her sister’s ex-fiancé, and she recoiled inwardly. Of course she was very flattered by the proposal, but there was something not quite right. Sikander was very wealthy, educated, good-looking and of a high social standing, she told herself – but he was to have been her sister’s husband. How could she marry him? He was the only man her sister had ever wanted to marry, and he was the one her sister had been prevented from marrying. How could she ever face Zarri Bano if she were to marry Sikander? She would be betraying her in the worst possible way. She felt like a traitor for even harbouring the thought in her mind. Luckily Zarri Bano was not around. She was now in India, at Ajmeir Sharif, visiting the famous Indian Darbar. How would Zarri Bano react? What would she say?

  And what about her own feelings? Ruby mused. Twinges of awareness had already alerted her to the fact that she did find Sikander attractive. And yes, she would like to marry him; after all, which woman would not? She argued the pros and cons with herself. The only obstacle and problem was Zarri Bano and her reaction when she found out.

  After two days of wrestling with her conscience, Ruby accepted the proposal. As yet Sikander and Ruby had not come in direct contact with each other. Sikander didn’t drive over immediately to meet his fiancée. ‘I already know her. I have seen her,’ he told his parents, dismissively and gave them permission to act as his go-betweens.

  The engagement was formalised by Sikander’s parents a fortnight later. They brought presents for her, including a very expensive engagement ring. Sikander accompanied them to Ruby’s home, only agreeing to it after finding out that Zarri Bano was not in Pakistan. Otherwise he would have preferred the engagement party to take place at his home.

  After a short, formal meeting in the lounge, with everyone taking refreshments, Ruby and Sikander were left alone to get to know one another better – prompting Sikander to bitterly recall another time, when he and Zarri Bano had been left alone to take a walk in the fields.

  Both Sikander and Ruby felt uneasy in the other’s presence. The last time Ruby had seen him, he had been a prospective brother-in-law and now she had to view him as her own fiancé.

  Sikander’s eyes swept over Ruby. Undeniably, she was an attractive woman. In terms of looks he couldn’t fault her, apart from the colour of her eyes. He accepted, however, that she was no match for Zarri Bano and never would be. She would never kindle the fire in him like Zarri Bano had.

  Sikander gave himself a mental shake. He must stop comparing Ruby to Zarri Bano. ‘She means nothing to me any more!’ he told himself angrily. Then why did his heart always trip over when he heard her name mentioned, or when an image of her face came startling fresh before his eyes?

  It was an awkward repartee with Ruby constantly dropping her gaze before his.

  ‘Are you happy with this match, Ruby Sahiba?’ he asked.

  ‘Yes,’ she answered, finally meeting his eyes, a blush suffusing her cheeks. ‘And you? Are you happy to go ahead with it?’ There was a solemn expression on her face, replacing the earlier shyness.

  ‘Yes,’ came his firm answer. He had seen and felt her reserve and that, in turn, had melted his own. His attractive mouth now curved into a spontaneous warm smile.

  Ruby blossomed under it – caught. She forgot her sister but instead welcomed the union with this good-looking man with all her heart.

  As she stood up to return her tea plate to the table, Sikander’s eyes followed. ‘She is Ruby, not Zarri Bano,’ he told himself. Zarri Bano had to be exorcised from his heart, and he now felt happy and confident in the belief that Ruby would certainly help him to do that. The sisters were so alike and yet so different. As he smiled into her brown eyes, Sikander vowed that he would never compare the two in his mind again.

  Ruby returned with a cup in her hand, a tremulous smile still playing on her lips. Feeling his eyes sweep over her, her woman’s intuition signalled to her that this was the first time Sikander was seeing her as a woman in her own right and not as Zarri Bano’s sister. A triumphant glow lit up inside her and she exulted in it.

  They talked for a long time. There was not the electric awareness, the powerful desire that he had harboured for Zarri Bano on his first encounter, Sikander mused, but he had begun to enjoy Ruby’s company and felt happier for it.

  When the parents returned they fou
nd the couple relaxed and laughing. Both sets of parents exchanged glances and smiles, knowing that a marriage between Ruby and Sikander would indeed be imminent.

  That same evening, a date was set for the wedding – a month later. By that time Zarri Bano would be back from India. If anybody felt any tension in the room when Shahzada mentioned Zarri Bano’s name, nobody gave any indication of it.

  Sikander and his parents declined to stay overnight as Sikander was flying off to Malaysia on a business trip early the following morning. They left late that same night.

  Shahzada joined her husband in their bedroom, after they had seen Sikander and his parents off. She sat on the sofa facing Habib, who was sitting on his bed.

  ‘Do you know, it is going to be my Ruby’s wedding, but I do not feel at all happy about it, Habib,’ she began solemnly.

  ‘As parents of a daughter we are not culturally meant to feel happy, my dear. We will be losing a daughter. Well, at least we shall still have Zarri Bano, once Ruby leaves us …’ He stopped, noting the expression on his wife’s face.

  ‘That is just it, Habib – Zarri Bano.’ Shahzada hoped that she wouldn’t have to digress further.

  ‘What about her?’ he asked, not meeting her gaze.

  ‘We should never have agreed to this match with Sikander. Have you considered Zarri Bano’s feelings on the subject?’

  ‘She is a Holy Woman now, Shahzada. What does it matter to her who Ruby marries?’ came his sharp reply. Habib was annoyed with his wife for referring to that matter and spoiling it all.

  ‘Sikander was the man Zarri Bano was supposed to have married, Habib! Surely you remember that? Don’t you think that you’ve done enough damage as it is, without hurting her more? Can’t you be sensitive enough to see it from her point of view?’

  ‘Shahzada, you are delving too much into Zarri Bano’s feelings. We have no idea what she’ll think. As she is not marrying anybody, what will it matter to her who Sikander marries? She is too busy with her new life to give any of us much thought. Anyway, I feel happier that I have been able to make amends to Sikander and his family. What is the difference between Ruby and Zarri Bano, anyway? To me they are both the same.’

  ‘Are they though, my dear Habib?’ Shahzada asked curtly. ‘Would you like to be the one to tell Zarri Bano when she returns that the man you stopped her from marrying is to become her brother-in-law?’

  Disquieted by her words, Habib said nothing. Put like that, he definitely didn’t want to be the one to break the news to Zarri Bano, or even to face her. He had suddenly recalled, all too clearly, his eldest daughter’s passionate words: ‘I want to marry Sikander.’

  Chapter 32

  THE PREPARATIONS FOR Ruby’s trousseau were in full swing. The jewellery had been chosen and commissioned from their family jewellers. Three master tailors in their exclusive boutiques had received orders to prepare an array of outfits in various designs, styles and fabrics. Ruby, Shahzada and Fatima made daily excursions to the shopping plazas and bazaars to buy items for Ruby’s dowry. Ruby chose while Shahzada and Fatima ordered. Almost like a ritual, every day they left home early in the morning and returned late in the afternoon, exhausted and carrying numerous bags of goods.

  Sikander telephoned Ruby often in the evenings following their engagement. With a light spring to her heels, Ruby would sprint to the telephone, when Fatima informed her who it was. Her face often split into a full smile as she chatted to Sikander. Fatima watched her with mixed feelings. On one occasion, Ruby caught the expression on their housekeeper’s face as she turned away from the telephone.

  ‘Fatima, are you all right?’ Ruby asked, the smile slipping from her face.

  ‘Yes, my dear. Why do you ask?’

  ‘Nothing. I … Fatima, you do not approve of me marrying Sikander, do you?’

  Fatima stopped in her tracks. A long silence followed, while the older woman debated with herself as to what to say.

  ‘Ruby, of course I approve! I am very pleased for you. Sikander will make a fine husband.’ She tried not to pay heed to the inner voice saying, ‘He would have made a finer husband to Zarri Bano.’ Her heart wept for her princess, Zarri Bano. She would never say anything to anybody, not even to Shahzada, who confided almost everything in her. She would mourn for her beloved Zarri Bano alone. The inner voice said so loudly she was almost afraid that Ruby would hear: ‘Sikander should have been Zarri Bano’s husband, not yours!’

  It was a weird twist of fate, Sikander marrying the other sister. What sort of a father was Habib? she thought disgustedly. He could have rejected the marriage proposal if he had wanted to. Preventing one daughter from marrying Sikander, then encouraging another to do so. It wasn’t right in Fatima’s way of thinking – it was immoral!

  Sikander telephoned Ruby on the afternoon when Zarri Bano was expected back from India. A momentary pause and tension ensued on the line when Ruby told him that her sister was returning home that night.

  ‘I see,’ was all he said. In normal circumstances he would have received and welcomed Zarri Bano at the airport, as her future brother-in-law. Because of their past relationship, he wasn’t quite ready to meet her yet. Therefore, he said nothing. Instead he asked what Ruby had brought from the bazaar that day.

  ‘It is such a foolish thing to do, to buy all these items, Ruby.’ He laughed, a lighter note entering his voice on hearing that she had acquired a silver cutlery set.

  ‘I know,’ she responded, warming to his laughter. ‘I am well aware that you have everything in your household, and yet it has become a custom for parents to give presents to their daughter, from a fridge down to a toothbrush. What about Zarri Bano? She had a trousseau and she wasn’t going anywhere.’ Ruby stopped, her cheeks smarting with heat, regretting the words as soon as they were out. Once again she felt the tension at the other end of the line. Was she forever to suffer the pangs of guilt on behalf of Zarri Bano? ‘It isn’t fair!’ she cried to herself.

  ‘I have to go now, Ruby. My manager, Ali, has come in. Khudah Hafiz.’ And Sikander abruptly rang off without telling her whether he was going to call the next day.

  In his office, Sikander flicked through the accounts of the computer parts he had received from Singapore. His mind, however, was with Zarri Bano. She was due to arrive that afternoon at Karachi Airport. He hadn’t seen her since the ceremony, nor did he harbour any desire to see her. He had had his fill of Zarri Bano. He could never forgive her for what she had done to him. He could not help wondering, however, what her reaction would be to the news of Ruby’s forthcoming marriage. His lips twisted. ‘This is my revenge, Zarri Bano!’ he said bitterly, wishing he could be there when she found out that he was to become her brother-in-law …

  Habib and Shahzada went to meet Zarri Bano with their chauffeur at the international airport in Karachi. They saw her coming through the customs in her long black burqa, accompanied by Sakina and two other women. The latter were dressed less severely than the two Holy Women.

  ‘How was Ajmeir Sharif, my daughter?’ Habib began as soon as they settled in their car. Sakina and the other two women had left with their respective families.

  ‘It was great, Father. There were so many people to see. We actually spent our time in a house next to the darbar. The people we lived with were so hospitable. Every day, at that darbar, it was like a festival. There were recitations from the Holy Quran, lasting for hours, and offerings of food made in the afternoon and into the night. A lot of people came flocking to the holy premises seeking advice, moral and religious guidance. I was on the floor for almost eighteen hours a day, only getting up to offer prayers. I was so busy, I just couldn’t get away from there. Women clamoured to get near me. My limbs ache all over.’

  ‘My poor daughter. You can relax now that you are at home. You can take walks around our village fields and get lots of fresh air. You’ve been on a long journey, and away from home for so many months. We have missed you!’ Shahzada squeezed her daughter’s arm in affection.
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br />   ‘Do you know, Mother, women came with different desires and hopes, seeking my audience. They had heard that I was a Holy Woman, and therefore they treated me with great reverence. I offered prayers for them all as well as for myself.

  ‘I tell you, sometimes I cried with them in their need. That in turn made them cry more. I think they appreciated me empathising with their pain and their inner hopes. Many of the women came begging to me to pray to God to provide them with children. Others wanted me to offer prayers for their physical health. They desperately required medical help. I knew that what most of them probably needed was to see their doctors. But it was their belief in their faith, and in us as “go-betweens” between Allah and themselves that made them come to us. Doctors apparently gave them no incentives. Another woman or another man, could have taken advantage of their vulnerability, as I am sure they do and have done. It is so easy for all of this to go to one’s head, to one’s ego – but I was upset by it all.’ She looked at her parents and tried hard to explain.

  ‘At times I felt as if I was a fraud. For I had no cures or miracles for them, only prayers and my faith. My reputation was built up to such an extent that they felt I merited special attention and worship. There were some women who kissed, not only my hands but also reached for my feet, Mother. Horrified by their action, I drew my feet away and wanted to shout out to them: “Look, I am a mere woman like you,” but my lips remained sealed; I found I was reluctant to disillusion them and turn them away from their inner belief that my prayers could help them. I also had Hindu and Sikh women coming to see me for the same purpose, as well as the Muslim women.’

  ‘You are not just a mere woman, my beloved daughter,’ Habib replied sharply. ‘You are a Shahzadi Ibadat! That is why they come to you. Not just to seek miracles but also knowledge and guidance. You are an educated and now quite a learned woman in religious matters. With time you’ll become the most knowledgeable woman on religious matters in our community. Therefore you must not denigrate yourself or ever think of yourself as a fraud. What a word, my dear. You should have faith in your own ability. Never doubt yourself, Zarri Bano!’ he told her proudly.