“Peter wait. You know I love you. I just don’t love you the way you want me to. But I think that I just might be ready to give you that chance now Peter. Maybe I could grow to love you the way you want if I only tried.”
“That would please me so much Alex but I think that right now you’re a little raw with hurt. Let’s give it some time, and then come see me again. I don’t even want to know what the bastard did this time.” He kissed her gently on the forehead and walked out.
Chapter 3
Alex awoke and stretched as the sun bore through her bedroom window. Damn, why hadn’t she remembered to close those blinds before she had laid down for a nap? She rose and closed the blinds then quickly returned to the comfort of her warm bed. She curled up into the fetal position and sighed. How good and safe she felt when she laid like this in her bed. The usual tears started to flow. Two months. It had been two months without a single word from Ian. They’d gone two months before without talking to each other but this was different. Alex had always known they would see each other again eventually but this time she wasn’t so sure. This time it seemed as though the break was permanent. She needed to pull herself together and get out of this bed. Her days had been like this ever since what Alex called ‘that night’. The night she realized she loved Ian, the night that he had made her feel as though he loved her too. Any time not spent at work was spent curled up in the comfort of her bed sulking and feeling miserable. It was all she could do to get herself out of bed in the mornings. Her work was suffering which Peter was constantly pointing out to her. If only she could take a vacation and lay on a sunny beach and drink fruity umbrella drinks for awhile to help bring herself out of this funk. But her upcoming trial schedule wouldn’t allow for any time away now. Three o’clock on a Saturday afternoon. She had to get up. She had to do something today! As she was struggling with herself as to whether or not to get up her doorbell rang. “Oh, god no,” she thought as she raised the covers over her head. “I can’t see any one. Go away!” The bell was ringing incessantly now. “Please stop. Go away,” Alex willed.
“Alex dear I know you are in there. I see your car out front. Now open this door. Now!” the voice cried.
Alex quickly popped out of bed. “Oh dear god. Grandmother!” She hurriedly scurried about the apartment picking up the dirty clothes and dishes scattered about. “What on earth is she doing here?” Alex lamented.
“Coming Grandmother. Just give me a second.” Alex ran a brush hurriedly through her hair and clumsily pulled a battered terry cloth robe over her rumpled clothes. She took a big breath, plastered a smile on her face, braced herself for what was to come, and opened the door.
“Grandmother! How nice to see you. What brings you here?” She said as she gave her grandmother a huge, overly enthusiastic hug. Julia broke the hug and stormed into the apartment. “God I just want to go back to bed,” thought Alex.
“I’ll tell you what brings me here young lady and you’re not going to like it. Look at this pig sty! What is going on with you? Your grandfather and I are sick with worry over you. We haven’t seen you in over two months. You don’t return our calls or accept our invitations to dinner. When Peter finally phoned and expressed his concern for you too I said to myself, that’s it! I’m going to find out what’s going on with that girl. My god child haven’t you been eating? You are dreadfully thin. Are you ill?”
“Peter phoned you? He has a lot of nerve interfering in my life. What did he say to get you so upset?”
“Peter said nothing to upset me. I was already very upset with your behavior. He just confirmed that I had reason to be worried about you because he’s worried too. What is going on with you dear? Why do you insist on holing up here in your filthy apartment and refusing to see anyone? I can see you’ve been crying. Please, tell your grandmother what’s bothering you so I can help.”
Alex hugged her grandmother and held on. She had always found such comfort in her grandmother’s strong arms.
“Grandmother I love you and believe me if I felt I needed help you would be the first person I talked to. I’m just feeling overworked and in need of a long vacation that’s all. As soon as my next two trials are over I’ll be able to relax and take some time off. That’s all I’ll need to start feeling better. Truly. Please don’t worry.”
Julia eased away from Alexandra’s embrace to take another look at her granddaughter. He face was pale and gaunt and her eyes blood shot and glassy from the tears there begging to fall.
“Peter says your work has been subpar and you refuse to let anyone help you. He’s worried about the poor work you’re producing and if it weren’t for the fact that you are so important to these upcoming trials he would order you to take a vacation himself. Though he suspects you would waste away your vacation pining over your ended affair.”
“Peter had no right discussing my work or my affairs with you Grandmother and he’ll hear about it from me. If I want to ‘pine away’ as you put it that’s my business. I appreciate your concern Grandmother but I’m fine. I really am. I’m just tired. So...tired.” Alex's body went limp and she fell to the floor and collapsed in tears. Julia joined her on the floor and hugged her close. Julia said nothing, just simply held Alex rocking her like she had done years ago when Alexandra was a small child. Julia let Alex sob until she was exhausted and couldn’t squeeze out any more tears. Alex finally lifted her head from Julia’s shoulder and blew her nose on a tissue from her robe pocket.
“For so long Grandmother I swore I didn’t even like Ian. Then when I finally figure out I’ve really loved him all these years he doesn’t even want to see me anymore. I love him so much Grandmother. I can’t live like this. I need him but he doesn’t need me. I am so lost without him.”
“I know dear. I know. Would you believe your Grandmother lived through a similar experience when she was your age? I loved someone so completely, just as you do Ian. I truly thought he felt the same about me and when I had to face the fact that he didn’t love me the way I did him I acted just like you’re acting now. It was just so painful to get through every day that I didn’t want to even get out of bed.”
“Tell me how you got over it Grandmother. Tell me how you managed. I just don’t think I can.”
“Of course you can child. You’re a much stronger person than I was then. You have too much love to waste it all on one man who has no clue what he’s giving up. Child do you realize how beautiful you are? Do you realize what a wonderful person you are and how much those who know you love and admire you?”
“Really Grandmother?” Alex asked with wide-open eyes.
“You really are a foolish child. Everyone who knows you knows what a loving, beautiful person you are. Why, I bet half of the Creighton County bar wishes they had a chance with you dear. You need to start paying attention. The only reason they don’t approach you for a date is because that devil Foster has so cleverly put out vibes that you were ‘hands off’ to anyone but him.”
“Oh, Grandmother please. I can blame Ian for a lot of things but I doubt that’s true.”
“So you’re saying that what your Grandfather has heard from the other attorneys at the courthouse is not true? Believe me it is. Just see what happens when your Grandfather spreads the word that you and Foster are over for good. Honey, you will be amazed at the dates you’ll have!”
Alex smiled and got up from the floor and helped her Grandmother to her feet. “Grandmother you’re silly. Besides, the last thing I want right now is to think about dating anyone.”
“Not even Peter? Alex that man loves you so. I could hear it in his voice when he phoned and I’ve noticed the way he looks at you and dotes on you. Why not give him a chance?”
“I know you mean well Grandmother but Peter is more like a brother to me. I love him but in a much different way from the way I love Ian. And I do love Ian Grandmother. I always will. I just simply don’t know how I’ll ever accept that he doesn’t want me and try to make a life for myself without him. But
I know I want children and a man who loves me. I need those things in my life and I pray I can find a man who can give them to me and make me forget about Ian Foster. I’ve discussed this with Peter. I’m just not ready to go looking right now. Do you understand?”
“I do understand Alexandra. I do. But it’s been two months Alexandra. It’s time to get off your duff and quit feeling sorry for yourself. It’s time to show Ian Foster what you can be without him. Show him that you can be happy and successful in your work and your life without him. You wanted to know how I survived my heartbreak darling? That’s how. I told myself that I was going to prove to Foster that even though he’d broken my heart I was not going to crumble. At first, I set out to make him jealous and hoped that he would change his mind and decide he loved me. But in the process of trying to make Foster jealous I found your Grandfather and realized that being dumped by Jason Foster was the best thing that ever happened to me.”
Jason Foster? What was Grandmother talking about? Ian’s grandfather? Alex wondered.
“You’ll discover that yourself someday too dear. I know right now you can’t imagine ever loving someone as much as you do Ian but it will happen Alexandra. It will happen.”
“Grandmother you’ve never told me about any of this before. Are you talking about Ian’s grandfather? Jason Foster?”
“Yes, Alexandra I am. I don’t talk about it to anyone out of consideration for your Grandfather but Jason treated me much the way Ian has treated you. And it was your Grandfather who showed me what it is to truly be loved and appreciated. Once you find that man who really treasures you Alex you’ll understand. Trust me. Now, how about some coffee and a bite to eat? Your time of mourning has ended and your salvation begins now. Go hop in the shower while I make us a little something to eat. When you’re dressed and ready to start the day we are going to tidy up this place and go shopping. There is no better way to begin a period of recuperation than by shopping for new clothes. Go on now, get going!”
Alex smiled and hugged her Grandmother tightly and placed a kiss on her cheek.
“You’re right Grandmother. I don’t want to be miserable the rest of my life. I want to give you great-grandchildren some day. Thank you. Thank you so much for coming by today.”
Julia smiled and laughed.
“Thank god I got through to you child. The next step was to call your parents in Australia and get them here on a plane pronto. And I don’t think your father would appreciate having his business trip cut short.”
Chapter 4
It had been two weeks since her grandmother’s visit and Alex was rapidly becoming her old self. She had been working long, hard hours to catch up on the preparation for this morning’s trial. She had forgotten her pride and asked Peter for his help and together they were as prepared as they would ever be.
Alex entered the courthouse full of confidence in one of the new sassy suits her grandmother had bought her on their shopping jaunt. She wore a light gray pin striped suit that was accented with a lacy, bright white, tank style blouse beneath. She had gained back a few of the pounds she had lost during her bout of depression. Her soft blond hair was shiny and full of bounce once again. Thanks to her grandmother, Alex believed she looked good which added to her newfound confidence. She would survive without Ian in her life and she would kick some serious butt in the courtroom today.
As she strolled across the courthouse heads turned to admire her just as her grandmother had said. She had never noticed it before. Had it happened before or was it happening now because of the confidence she exuded? Or was it happening now because everyone knew Ian Foster had dumped her for good? Whatever the answer she knew she liked it.
“Good morning Alexandra,” said Judge Albertson as he emerged from his chambers. Judge Albertson had been on the bench for over 40 years now. He was an elderly, frail man who was widely respected and admired by the members of the bar. Alex had always been grateful to Judge Albertson for helping her to get through her early bumbling years as an attorney by showing such patience and giving her the guidance she needed.
“You’re looking lovely. Mrs. Albertson and I were beginning to worry about you. You were looking so thin. But you seemed to have bounced back.”
“Thank you Judge. I was ill for awhile but you’re correct. I’ve bounced back and am feeling better than ever. As soon as I wind up the Miller and Jacobs murder trials I am off to a sunny location for some much needed relaxation. How is Mrs. Albertson? I haven’t had a chance to really talk to her since the Governor’s Ball.”
“She’s doing wonderful. She often asks about you so I’m glad I can go back and tell her you’re just fine. Good luck today dear. I have to say I’m glad I’m not sitting on those trials of yours. They aren’t going to be easy.”
“Well, thank you Judge and you’re right. They aren’t going to be easy. Take care.” Alex turned to make her way towards the courtroom and she saw him. He was staring right at her looking irritated and fidgety. He was a handsome sight. She loved him. But she would not let him ruin what had already begun to be a wonderful day. She found her feet taking her straight over to greet him.
Alex was right when she thought Ian looked irritated. He was irritated. He wanted to poke the eyes back into the heads of half the bar the way they were drooling over Alex. Did they have to be so obvious? Couldn’t they be a little more respectful? They were acting as if she were a prime piece of meat at the local meat market. They acted like they’d never seen her in the courthouse before. He understood what was going on. They knew. Word had finally gotten around that Alex was no longer connected to Ian; that their long-standing affair was over. He knew many of them were doing more than simply admiring her. They were considering their chances and wondering how to approach her. He was having a hard time suppressing his anger and jealousy and lo and behold she was walking right towards him! Damn!
“Good morning Ian. You’re looking great. How’ve you been?” That was good, Alex thought. She sounded just as though they’d never even shared a kiss let alone ten glorious years of wild passion.
“I’ve been just fine Alex. You’re looking wonderful yourself.” She was actually glowing. She was absolutely beautiful. Her suit hugged every gorgeous curve. I am such a fool, Ian thought. How could I ever let this wonderful woman get away from me? If only...
“You must be ready to sink your teeth into my colleague which would explain how you look. I advised Jensen it wouldn’t be wise to underestimate you in the courtroom.” Tom Jensen was Ian’s best friend and a fellow deputy prosecutor who was going to have his hands full with Alex during this trial.
Alex could feel the eyes on them. “They are all probably waiting for me to fall at his feet and beg him to be my lover again,” she thought.
“Thank you Ian. I am feeling pretty confident today but please don’t tell me you’re here as co-counsel or something. That might put a little chink in my confidence.”
“Not to worry Alex. I just stopped by to give Tom some moral support and wish him luck. The same goes to you although I think you’ve got your work cut out for you Alex. By all appearances Miller is guilty and you are going to have a hell of a time proving otherwise.”
“Well, Ian. If you may ever be interested in switching sides you might want to sit in on this trial and learn a little something from me. I need to get going. See you around.”
Alex smiled and turned to leave offering a little wave to Peter who was standing across the rotunda in conversation with his partner, Don Anderson. And that was that. She had gotten through her first conversation with Ian in two and a half months and had managed well. Sure her stomach was churning and her palms were sweaty but she had not shown an ounce of nervousness for all those eyes who had been observing. She had noticed the concern on Peter’s face as she talked with Ian and was grateful for the smile of encouragement he had given her when she waved.
The upcoming trial was important to the firm of Anderson & Grainger. William Miller was a quiet, kind, elderly man
who had watched his wife suffer with cancer and took it upon himself to end her misery with an overdose. It was up to Alex to make the jury see that what Mr. Miller had done was not murder. It was time to take this case to trial and she was ready. She pushed Ian Foster out of her thoughts and entered the courtroom.
Chapter 5
After day three of the Miller trial Alex felt things were going their way. She felt the jury was very sympathetic towards Mr. Miller and she hoped they would see that Mr. Miller had suffered enough by watching his wife suffer and living with the knowledge of what he had been forced to do to end her pain. Alex was in her office revising her closing statement when Peter knocked at her door and entered.
“Hey, beautiful. What are you working on?”
Alex looked up from her desk and smiled.
“God how her smile lights up my day,” Peter thought.
“Hi. Just putting some finishing touches on my closing statement for tomorrow. You’ve been watching the trial all week Peter. How do you think it’s going? Do you think the jury wants to acquit Mr. Miller?”
“I’m not sure Alex. But I’m sure that you’ve done the absolute best for Mr. Miller. You’ve been great. You just have to hope that the right twelve people are sitting on that jury.”
“You’re right Peter. How this trial ends will be in large part based on how well we did at picking that jury. I’m very nervous about tomorrow. Are you going to wait out the jury verdict with me?”
“You bet hon. Let’s plan on dinner tomorrow night at Georgie’s across the street from the courthouse so we’re close by if the verdict comes in quickly. I’ll ask Don what his plans are. Maybe he’ll wait this one out with us.”
“Sounds good to me. Peter I want to thank you again for all you did to help me get caught up so this case could go to trial on time. I’m aware of all the extra work that you were burdened with because of my idiocy. I must admit I was furious with you at first for speaking to my grandmother but I’m very glad you did. Thank you.”
The Ten Year Affair Page 4