The Legend of Green Snake and White Snake

by Adam Tervort

  Miss Green sighed and said "Wouldn't it be wonderful if he left! If only we had a way to help you."

  "Oh Miss, if you can think of a way to get rid of old Fahtty we'll help you any way we can."

  "We will try our best to help you, we really will. Will you come back to eat with us tomorrow?" Both of the boys promised to return the next day, and Miss Green grinned at Xu. Stage two of the plan was proceeding nicely.

  Miss Green felt that nearly everything was in place. She and Xu set May 4 of the lunar calendar as the date of their attack, the night before the Duanwu festival. For Xu it was a full circle, losing his love and the regaining her on the same day. For Miss Green there wasn't much significance to the date, she just hoped it would be the day she could end this mess and go home to the Banbudao for a while. Dealing with humans and sorcerers was just too complicated.

  8

  On the morning of May 4 she went out to find their two apprentices and told them that this was the night they would rid themselves of Fahai if they still wanted to help. They became so excited she had to stop them from whooping and cheering there in the street. (It is very undignified for monks, even young monks, to cheer and whoop on the street.) She told them they must volunteer to watch the tower that night and she would meet them there. The boys set off and promised to meet her at dusk by the tower. Miss Green and Xu then went out to the tower to prepare.

  As the afternoon wore on Miss Green became a bit agitated. The frogs in the moat wouldn't listen to her. By this time the moat was fairly teeming with amphibians, so many that there wasn't much water left, just a writhing mass of green legs and bulging eyes. Apparently the frogs had decided they needed a democracy and had elected a big bullfrog as their leader, and he brought a set of demands to Miss Green when she started to explain their part in the plan that evening.

  "Hold on a moment Miss," the bullfrog croaked out. "We have some requests before we agree to help you."

  "Excuse me?" Miss Green had never had a frog talk back to her before and she wasn't sure exactly what to say.

  "We have a number of requests that we'd like met before we agree to work with you. I am the democratically elected leader of the frogs of tower moat, and the fellows would like me to tell you what demands we have before we start any work."

  Green fire seemed to burn in her eyes, but Miss Green just nodded slowly and said in a quiet, dangerous voice, "Go on then."

  "First off, we want three weeks paid vacation each year. I know that sounds like a lot, but I think you'll find a huge jump in worker efficiency if we know we have adequate time off each year. Second, the south-east corner of the moat is to be set aside as a school for the polliwogs. We want free education for the little ones and discounts on their school lunches. Third.."

  "There are no corners in a moat, it's round."

  "Ah, well, no need to quibble over details. The south-east quadrant then. Third, we want life insurance. I'm sure the job you have for us is quite dangerous, and we want to make sure our poor widows and children will be provided for in the event of our untimely demise."

  "Life insurance won't be invented for at least 800 years, frog."

  "That, my lady, is your problem, not ours. Our demands are inflexible, they are all to be met or you will have no frogs fighting the good fight with you tonight, right boys?" The moat exploded in a chorus of croaky cheers. Miss Green lost it at this point and grabbed for the leader. He hopped out of the way and began to croak "I knew the management would try to abuse the labor! Flee lads!" The frogs headed towards the far side of the moat as fast as they could. Miss Green changed into her green snake form and started to chase the frogs, snapping at them as they swam and eating quite a few of them before she came to her senses and returned to her human form.

  Xu had watched the whole exchange in fascination. He didn't understand a word they said, but it was obvious that Miss Green had been talking with the frogs and that the frogs had been negotiating. Xu thought to himself that frogs really were more intelligent than they were given credit for. Perhaps when this whole ordeal was over he could start to study up on them.

  Miss Green splashed her way back to the shore of the moat and finished chewing the frog leg in her mouth. "Those stupid frogs! They'll ruin everything with their demands. What am I going to do now? They won't even be willing to talk to me!"

  Xu thought for a moment and then said "Perhaps you could change into another form that they will trust more. Do frogs happen to have a religion?"

  "Oh yes, they believe in the great purple carp. It is supposed to lead them to freedom when it returns or some such lunacy."

  "Can you turn into a purple carp?"

  "Well, I suppose I could." She swirled down slowly until she was a brilliant purple carp flopping on the dirt. Xu gently placed her in the water where she swam off to try and negotiate with the fish. An hour later she returned with a grin on her face. "Xu, that was a brilliant idea. They'll help us tonight."

  "What did you tell them?"

  "I said that the celestial carp abhors unions and that the only way they will be forgiven their sin of unionizing will be to follow the beautiful woman's instructions and fight with her against the evil sorcerer. They were so excited they forgot all about life insurance and paid vacation. With their help I really think we can win this fight.

  The sun slowly receded and the forest began to darken. The two apprentices arrived and met with Miss Green and Xu next to the moat, still buzzing with excitement.

  "Are you ready?" Miss Green asked.

  "You have no idea how ready we are. With that fat slob gone we'll be able to run the monastery ourselves and actually see some good happen. Just tell us what to do and we'll do it. Anything."

  Miss Green told them they must run back to the monastery and tell Fahai about the frog invasion of the moat and make it sound like a serious problem. No matter what, they must find a way to make him come to the moat to look at the frogs. The boys ran off as fast as they could, chattering excitedly.

  Miss Green then called for some ranks of frogs to come out of the moat and climb the trees near the shore. There ended up being so many frogs in the trees that it looked like they wouldn't be able to hold up under the strain. Miss Green smiled and explained what the frogs were to do when Fahai approached the moat. "Remember not to attack until you see the whites of his eyes!" she called out.

  She and Xu hid themselves in the trees not far away and waited. Just as the forest became truly dark they saw the glow of torches coming through the trees towards them. Miss Green told Xu to stay put and not reveal himself under any circumstances. He nodded and turned pale. "Is this going to be dangerous?" he asked.

  "The fun stuff usually is," she said.

  Fahai approached perched on a divan chair. The eight boys holding up the chair looked on the verge of hernias, but Fahai didn't seem to notice. He was sipping wine from a gigantic bowl and complaining to the two apprentices. "Why did you insist I come here to see frogs? Haven't I trained you well enough that you can't get rid of a few frogs?" At these words the frogs in the moat burst into chorus, startling Fahai with their volume and nearly toppling him from the divan. "Holy Mazu, what is that?" he cried. The teeming masses of frogs continued to call out and make surface of the moat boil with their movement. Fahai struggled down from the divan, stepping on two of the chair carriers who collapsed under his weight, and went towards the shore. "What evil has come over the moat?"

  He looked towards the sky as if directing his question straight at the gods. The frogs in the trees hesitate a moment, then attacked. They hadn't actually seen the whites of Fahai's eyes since his poor liver had started to give out and turned him jaundiced, but they decided he was close enough. Wave upon wave of frogs leaped from the trees onto his robes, his bald head, and into his pathetic beard. The largest frogs went for the amulets around his neck. With the amulet clutched in their jaws, the frogs hopped as hard as they could, trying to break the amulets off of the strings that held them. Pop, pop, pop! One by
one the amulets around his neck disappeared, leaving Fahai with nothing but strings to protect him. As the last frog broke away with the amulet and disappeared back into the moat, the hordes of frogs in the trees broke off and went for the water as well. Fahai was furious. He was scratched and bloodied and covered in frog spawn. He clutched at his staff and began sending bolts of light and energy after the retreating frogs. Bolt after bolt sailed over the moat and into the wall of the tower, but Fahai was too enraged at the frogs to notice the holes he was making in the stone.

  "Come here, worthless boys and help me!" he said. The boys looked at each other and the two who had lead Fahai to the moat turned their backs and walked away. The divan carriers were shocked to see they fellows do this, but after a moment they turned as well and left their master wildly slinging bolts of harmless light at the frogs.

  After 10 minutes Fahai tired himself out. Clutching his robes and wheezing, he muttered to himself about the beating he would give the boys when he returned to the monastery. Miss Green bolted out from the brush and changed herself into a small bird. She flew straight for one of the holes in the tower and was able to pass through. Fahai was so winded he didn't even see her. Fahai had broken his own spell by sending the bolts crashing into the tower, making a way for Miss Green to enter.

  The tower was freezing inside. Long icicles hung down from the high ceiling and frost covered the walls. Down in the very bottom of the tower, huddled against the wall was Miss White. She seemed to be sleeping. Miss Green landed next to her and transformed, then tried to shake her awake. "White, I'm here! Wake up you ninny, this is your chance to escape!"

  Miss White mumbled to herself and slowly opened her eyes. As she focused on Miss Green her eyes widened. "Green, is that really you?"

  "Yes, of course it's me. Is there anyone else in the cosmos this beautiful?" Miss White leaped to her feet and embraced Miss Green.

  "You came for me, I knew you would." Miss Green told her quickly of Fahai and said that this was their chance to be rid of the sorcerer once and for all. Miss White's eyes narrowed as she listened and then began to glow.

  "I think a visit from the original dragon will do nicely," she said.

  Fahai was wheezing and leaning against a tree to catch his breath when he realized his amulets were gone. He pawed through the mess of strings on his neck and found that every one of the amulets that had been there was taken. "The frogs!" he screamed. By this point he was really becoming demented. He took up his staff and started to rush back to the edge of the moat when the side of the tower exploded. He clutched his hands over his head as rocks rained down around him. He heard a terrible screech and peeked out from between his fat fingers to see a terrible white dragon flying out from the tower shooting black flames from its mouth. (Really just modified squid ink, but Fahai didn't know that.) He raised his staff to defend himself, but all he could produce were weak beams of light. With his amulets gone he had no way to channel power through his staff.

  Miss Green looked out through the huge hole in the wall where Miss White had burst out and smiled at the sight of Fahai ready to soil himself. Miss White screeched as she dove through the air, making Fahai tremble. She hovered over him and screeched again, parting the hair of his beard with the force of the sound. He dropped to his knees and began to beg. "Please, no! Don't eat me!"

  Miss White landed in front of him and changed back to her human form. "For years I have been trapped in your tower, sorcerer, and now I will take my revenge!"

  "No, you must not hurt me demon, I was only doing heaven's will when I put you in the tower! You cannot hurt a poor man for doing heaven's will!"

  Miss White paused at this, not sure what to think of his words. "Explain yourself before I eat you," she said.

  Trembling, with tears running down his face, Fahai said "The law of heaven declares that demons and humans must not be together! I knew that Xu had left the village with you, and when I saw him in the store I knew you were still together. It is against heaven's will! If I had not separated you the whole city would have come under a plague. It wasn't anything personal, snake demon; I was just doing my job! Spare me!"

  Miss White looked at him, and suddenly felt very annoyed. "I dreamed of eating you for years while I was trapped in there and now I find out that you were working on heaven's orders. I can't believe it. What am I going to do with you now?"

  Miss Green could see Miss White's indecision. She summoned a small crab from the moat and told it to scuttle out towards Fahai. As it approached Miss White smiled and said, "Sorcerer, since you are so good at spells, I'll give you one chance to live. On the count of five I'll eat you unless you can hide inside that crab."

  Fahai whimpered. He had never been able to change a person's form before, but he knew he had to try now. As Miss White began to count he bonked his head with his staff, mumbled some words and began to shrink. The crab looked on in amazement, then rushed forward and grabbed Fahai in its pincers and flung him into its mouth. He was gone by the time Miss White got to one.

  "You've done it!" cried Miss Green. She flew out of the tower and joined Miss White on the shore. "What shall we do with him now?"

  "Since we can't destroy him outright, we'll just have to make sure he stays in the crab forever." She pointed at the crab and zapped it with a spell. It scuttled away back into the moat. "That should take care of him. From now on whenever someone eats a crab they will see the remnants of Fahai inside it, the orange of his dirty robes will live on forever."

  The two demons laughed together then turned and walked off to find Xu.

  9

  The law of heaven decrees that demons and humans couldn't be together. There was only one way for Miss White and Xu to be together; either she became mortal or he became a demon. Miss White enjoyed the whole animal transformation thing a lot, so she told Xu he'd need to become a demon. It worked out pretty well. She took him back into the Banbudao and ate everything but his head. (She'd been wanting to do that to him anyways, and this way she killed two birds with one stone.) When he was nothing but floating cranium, she rushed with him to the demon council. They asked her why she was there and she said "I'm happy to be back and have a special request of the council that failed to notice I was imprisoned in a tower for nearly a decade."

  "We really were busy all that time, sorry for the oversight, really we are," said the head of the council.

  "No matter, demon council, all will be forgiven if you grant me my one wish."

  "What, would your wish be?"

  "Make him into a demon!" And with a flourish she yanked Xu's head out of the sack at her side and he began to recite poetry at the top of his voice.

  Spring slumber is hard to awake from,

  One hears the birds chirping everywhere.

  The wind and rain come in the night

  And knock down innumerable blossoms.

  "Oh, that's terrible poetry! Alright, we'll do it, just make him stop already!"

  Miss White hugged Xu's dismembered head to her bosom and said "Now we will be together forever, my love!"

  Xu just looked confused and said "What was wrong with the poem? It's one of my favorites!"

  So they live on, a happy demon pair. Xu has his poetry and Miss White an eternal buffet. They visited his mother often and even though she noticed that his clothing had no seams, she just thought he’d found a great tailor in Xi’an. She died a happy woman.

  And Fahai lives on as well, ‘faht’ to the end. The next time you eat a crab look for him, he’s right there in the orange ‘fahtty’ parts.

  THE END

  About the Author

  Adam Tervort was born in northern Utah and grew up in the Kansas City, Missouri area. Since 2005 he has lived and worked in Taiwan as a writer and English teacher. His wife, Mei-yun, and three children, Emerson, Langston, and Adriana consider him to be a bit wacky but mostly harmless and lovable. He welcomes readers to contact him as long as they have less than eight legs, if you happen to be a spider then keep
to yourself.

  He can be reached through Adam Tervort.com, Kung Pao Stories, or by Twitter.

  About Kung Pao Stories

  The world of publishing and books is changing fast. The ‘Big 6’ publishers aren’t the only way to get a book in front of the public, and the prices we used to pay for books are a thing of the past. Digital is the future, and digital stuff should be free.

  I grew up with the Internet, and like many of the people in my generation I think digital things should be free. Kung Pao Stories is my attempt to give away as much of my work as I can with the goal of reaching 1,000,000 readers. Go there, read the full text of all of my books for free, and tell me what you think. If you like it, you can support me by telling others about it, by buying a digital copy from Amazon or Smashwords, or by buying a paper copy. I would love for you to buy one, but I don’t think money should stand in between you and a good story, especially when digital means you can find it for free somewhere online. Share this with anyone you like, and let me know what you think! (adam @ adamtervort.com)