Conflicted

by Missy Johnson

  Chapter Two

  Lacey

  My fingers clasped behind my head, I wander outside, trying to think and not think at the same time. I’m lost. I don’t know where to go from here, but I can’t deny the excitement that is building inside me. What if I got this? Imagine what it could do for my career. Not only that, imagine learning from Aaron Wilmot. I close my eyes and laugh. This is fucking crazy. My iPad pings and I pull it out, hoping it’s the email from Professor Jameson. It is, and I’m grinning like an idiot as I wander through the courtyard, reading it.

  I park myself under the large oak tree outside the library and wait for Lucas. It’s going on four hours now, but I’m not nearly as annoyed as I should be because I have other things on my mind. I pick up my iPad and navigate to Google, and do something that I’m ashamed to admit I’ve done before: I perform a search on Aaron Wilmot. He’s one of the very few celebrities—for the lack of a better word—who make me blush when I think of them. My heart flutters as I type in his name. His image flashes up on the screen and I sigh. Lord, you’d think I was ogling Chris Hemsworth instead of a middle-aged lawyer.

  In spite of his age, there’s no denying how sexy Aaron is. I've seen him numerous times on the news, talking about one case or another that he was working on, but his ridiculous good looks still make my heart race. I click on an image of him attending a function and bite my lip. Dressed in a black suit, he smiles at the camera, his dark eyes almost penetrating the lens. My heart begins to beat faster as his intense stare pierces through me.

  I close my iPad and sigh, leaning my head against the damp bark of the tree trunk. Okay, so I can't deny that maybe I have a tiny crush on the guy, which I’m sure makes me like every other woman who has laid eyes on him. Does he have a girlfriend? Probably not. He looks like the type of guy who goes from woman to woman. I chuckle, a thought hitting me.

  He’s Lucas, but twenty years older.

  “Yo, I half expected you to have deserted me.”

  Glancing up, I’m both embarrassed and annoyed at being caught out mid-thought—especially that thought. Lucas flops down next to me and sighs, a smirk on his face.

  “Can we go now?” I ask testily. I'm anxious to get home and start my application, and possibly spend time digging up whatever I can find on Aaron.

  “Give me a minute,” he grumbles, rolling his eyes. His dark hair flops over his face. He brushes it out of the way and sits forward, his arms resting on his knees. “What's the rush?”

  “I've been sitting here doing fuck all, waiting for you for the last four hours,” I grumble, gathering my things. I stand up and shuffle from one foot to the other, hoping he gets the hint. “Excuse me if I have other things I need to do.”

  “You're in a mood,” Lucas chuckles. “Oh wait, you're a chick. Mood swings are your thing.”

  I reach over and swat his arm, not in the least bit amused.

  “Come on, Lace,” he groans. “You know I’m sorry about messing up your day. Can I at least buy you a coffee before I take you home?”

  “A double caramel latte?” I frown, biting my lip. He nods and I get to my feet. I could use the energy boost. Crap. He always knows the way to my heart. “Okay, but don't think I'm done being annoyed at you.”

  “If you want to waste your energy, go right ahead. It’s too nice a day for me to give a shit.” He grins, shrugging his shoulders.

  I hate that he’s always so laid back—especially when I stress about everything.

  He steps forward so he’s in line with me and throws his arm around my neck, pulling me against him. I squirm away, but eventually give in to his charm, nuzzling against his neck.

  “A smile!” he exclaims, stroking my cheek. He plants a kiss on my chin as I groan. “You’ve made my day, Lace.”

  “Thought you didn’t care,” I mutter, my eyes narrowing.

  “Yeah, well, maybe I lied about that.”

  I roll my eyes. What else does he lie about? But I know I’m lucky to have a friend like him. Someone who would do anything for me, no matter the cost. And I’d do the same for him.

  We walk to the small coffee shop on the other side of campus, aptly named The Stinky Bean, and get our drinks. I sigh as I finish the last of my coffee, fighting the urge to buy a second one. I could live on this stuff, and during exam times, I often do. I attribute at least half of my success to that damn drink. Maybe I should drop out and become a coffee specialist. Is there even such a thing? I giggle to myself. My father would love that, though I’m sure he would see it as being on par with being a psychologist.

  “So, are you going to tell me how your date went?” I smirk, tossing my empty cup into the trash. I grab a handful of my ponytail and twist it around my fingers as I glance at him, eyebrows raised. I usually hate hearing about Lucas and his women, but Sara makes him uncomfortable for whatever reason, and that makes me happy.

  “It wasn’t a date,” he scoffs, shooting me a look. We walk outside in the direction of the parking lot. “It was extra credit for an assignment.”

  “And having me there would’ve thrown everything off for the poor girl?” I ask, not bothering to hide the amusement in my voice. “She has the biggest crush on you and she was threatened by me being there. Admit it.”

  “It’s not like that at all,” he argues.

  I roll my eyes at how blind he is. Sara couldn’t have been more obvious if she’d tried. The look in her eyes when she saw I’d come with him had said it all. Not that I can blame her. Lucas is a good-looking guy who gets a lot of attention from females. Being his best friend comes at a price, because girls can be brutal when it comes to competing for a guy’s attention. They see me and think I’m a threat.

  I’ve known Lucas since I was nine. We met during scouts when he came over to inform me that girls weren’t “allowed.” I’d punched him in the stomach and demanded he be my friend. God knows why, but my tactic had worked. We became fast friends, and from that moment on we were inseparable. I don’t know what I’d do without him.

  When we were younger, he was there for me when I went through some difficult stuff with my parents. For a long time, I liked him more than a friend should. I worked up the courage to tell him that after our senior formal, only for him to tell me he wasn’t interested in me in that way. I was hurt and embarrassed, but he refused to lose me as his friend.

  Our friendship was the perfect excuse for him not wanting me, especially after his grandmother died. I was the closest thing to a family he had. I could understand not wanting to mess with that. We never spoke of it again but it was still there, buried in the back of my mind, taunting me. I’d moved on a long time ago, but watching him with other girls made me feel something. Jealous? Self-conscious? Upset? I don’t know exactly what.

  “Who cares?” he grumbles, yanking the car door open. “She’s hardly my type of chick.”

  “Right,” I giggle. “Because she’s not falling over herself drunk?” I snort, sliding into his car. I close the door and buckle up my belt. “I forgot. You don’t do relationships—only casual hookups. And you prefer the blond bimbo type with half a brain cell.”

  “Can we get off the topic of my love life?” he growls as I howl with laughter. “Or maybe you’d enjoy a nice walk home?”

  “After I got up early, out of the goodness of my own heart, and trekked over here to help you?” I shake my head in mock horror. “You’re such an asshole.”

  “Only to you,” he says, narrowing his eyes. He turns the key and slips the car into reverse. “But really, I am sorry I fucked up your day.”

  “It wasn’t all bad,” I admit. I haven’t even told him my news yet—partially because I don’t want to swoon over Aaron in front of him. He’d never stop giving me shit for it.

  “Four hours sitting around waiting for me to finish and it wasn’t all bad?” he questions me, eyeing me suspiciously. “You met a dude, didn’t you?”

  “No,” I scoff. My face heats up and he smiles knowingly. I hate how transparent
I am. I’m like an open book. I’d make the worst spy. “Professor Jameson wants me to apply for a special internship.”

  “Really? Who’s it with?” he asks, slowing to make a stop sign.

  “One of the top criminal defence lawyers in the country.” I grin. “Can you believe it? I’m not getting my hopes up, because there are a heap of students applying and I probably won’t get it, but I’ll at least get to meet the guy.”

  “Does this maestro have a name?” he asks, glancing sideways at me.

  I ignore his less-than-impressed tone. “Aaron Wilmot.”

  “Aaron Wilmot? What’s so great about him?” Lucas asks, his voice sullen. “He seems like a giant cockhead if you ask me.”

  “Oh, and you’ve met him?” I ask sweetly, knowing the answer is no.

  “I’ve seen enough of the guy on TV to know he’s a giant cockhead,” he mutters.

  “Cockhead or not, he’s incredible at what he does,” I point out. “Which is why I’m excited about this.”

  “So why is he interested in you?”

  I raise my eyebrows and Lucas’s face flames.

  “That came out wrong. I meant that you’re not studying law. What does he want with a forensic psychology major?”

  “I don’t know yet,” I admit. That bit has me stumped too. I mean, I’m not complaining and I know I’ll learn a lot from him, but why would he bother with someone like me? “Professor Jameson thinks it’s a great opportunity and so do I. Why are you trying to drag me down?” I ask. I’m annoyed and a little bit hurt at his reaction. I thought he was the one person I could count on to be happy for me. Guess I was wrong.

  “I’m not, I just don’t think the guy is all that fucking fantastic. Is that a crime?” he mutters. He holds his hands up defensively and I point at the wheel.

  “You might want to hold onto that,” I say.

  He laughs, but places both hands back on the wheel.

  I decide to change my tactic. “I’m sorry if I’m defensive, but I really want this and I feel like you’re just trying to wind me up.” Like you always do.

  “I’m sorry, you’re right. I’m just in a mood. I know you’ll be great, and if they don’t give it to you, they’re a bunch of idiots.” He pulls up out the front of my house. “Are we still on for tomorrow?”

  “Sure. Twelve o’clock, right?”

  “Yep. I’ll pick you both up. Tell Ariel if she’s not ready, this time I’m not waiting.”

  I roll my eyes and get out of the car. I wave Lucas off and wait until the car has disappeared around the corner before I head inside. Ariel is lounging on the sofa as I walk in, her long, jet-black hair spilling out from over the armrest. She gives me a half-hearted wave, but doesn’t look up from the TV.

  “Hey,” I say, plopping down on the end of the sofa. I lift her feet and rest them in my lap. “Do you have to watch this shit?” I ask, motioning towards the television. Love in Motion is possibly the worst show ever made, and one Ariel insists on watching every episode of.

  “Last time I checked I live here too,” she says, poking her tongue out at me. “You don’t hear me whining about how much news and crap you watch, do you?”

  “It’s hardly the same,” I laugh. Pushing her legs off me, I rummage through my bag for my laptop and set it on my legs, open to my email. I get started on my application right away.

  “What are you doing?” Ariel asks, straining to see.

  “An application for an internship for over the summer break,” I respond, distracted.

  “Why would you want to waste your vacation time by working more?” she snorts, her eyes wide. “Who am I going to go to the beach and shopping with?”

  “Go with Lucas,” I retort. “Some of us actually want to get somewhere in life. If I get this internship, I can pretty much guarantee myself a position at any forensic psych facility in the country.”

  “I still don’t understand why you’d want to spend so much time around creepy criminals,” she says, wrinkling her nose. “Aren’t you scared of ending up dead or the object of some creeper’s obsession?”

  I laugh and close my laptop. “I’m going to my room,” I say. I kiss her on the forehead, my laptop tucked under my arm. “I’ll see you tomorrow, ’kay?”

  There is no point trying to explain it to someone who doesn’t understand. I’ve always been interested in the psychology of crime. My interest in it bordered on creepy when I was young. I’d spend my spare time reading up on old crimes and trying to figure out the motives, and my obsession deepened after my cousin disappeared. When I began to plan my future, there was never any question what I was going to study. Even without the financial support of my father, I was still making it happen.

  Nothing was going to get in the way of my dream.

  Chapter Three

  Lucas

  I slam the door to my apartment and toss the keys on the kitchen counter. A note from Harry sits on the counter, reading “get some more food, dickwad.” I pick it up and screw it into a ball, tossing it in the bin. I don’t give a damn if it’s my turn to shop. Food is the last thing on my mind. Besides, I know if I leave it long enough, he’ll do it like he always does. Sucker.

  My adrenaline still pumping, I pace the living room, raking my hands through my hair. Lazy Sunday, my arse. I thought the only thing I had to think about today was my shitty grades. But Lacey had to ruin that by telling me about this fucking internship. Hearing her say his name today stunned me. Hearing her say it with such admiration fucking killed me. I can’t blame her, though—she has no idea who he is to me, or what he did to my family.

  Shit, this is bad.

  The last time I saw my father was three years ago, after my grandmother’s funeral. If I never saw him again it would be too soon. Maybe it’s a coincidence, but if it is, then it’s a pretty big one. It has to be a coincidence. There’s no way in hell he’d even interview Lacey for the position if he knew she was my best friend. He was the one who made it clear that we had no relationship. All I’ve done is make sure of it.

  Stalking over to the balcony, I yank the door open and walk outside. The cool, fresh air hits me like a punch in the face. I didn’t notice it was this cold when I was outside five minutes ago, but I’m on the twenty-fourth floor. It’s the end of October in Sydney: almost summer, but you wouldn’t know it. That’s Sydney weather for you. Yesterday was forty degrees and tomorrow it’s supposed to hail.

  I reach up above the air conditioning unit and move my fingers along until I find what I’m looking for. Bringing down the half-full packet of Dunhills, I pull one out, along with the small blue plastic lighter. Shoving the cigarette between my lips, I bring the flame of the lighter to the tip and breathe in.

  As soon as the smoke hits my lungs, I feel better. I lean against the brick exterior of my apartment, my heart racing as I kick the top of the railing that surrounds the small outside space. I haven’t smoked in years, and I can taste it in this decade-old pack. Each stale breath I draw in burns my lungs in an oddly satisfying manner.

  I can’t stop thinking about my father, and Lacey. About the way her face lit up when she said his name. Sighing, I think about her meeting him. Is her heart going to race? Is her eyebrow going to twitch the way it does when she gets nervous? Will he say something funny that will make her blush? A surge of anger pulsates through me. She blushes so easily. It’s one of the things I’m forever making fun of her about, and one of the many little things about her that I love.

  The worst thing is, I can’t say or do anything about this whole fucked-up situation. I can’t tell her not to go to this interview or she'll demand to know why—and I’m not ready to feel the pity I know that conversation will bring. No matter how much I convince myself that I’m over what happened, I know I’m not. That’s not something you ever get over—especially when you could’ve done something to avoid it.

  But as much as I blame myself, I blame him more. And as much as I hate him, he's incredible at what he does,and the associat
ion with his name will do wonders for her. She’s the girl I’d do anything for. I’ve proven that over and over again. Every day I regret pushing her away. Lying and telling her I wasn’t into her that way nearly killed me. I couldn’t believe she fell for it. I was sure she’d see right through my lies. I broke her heart, but I did it because she deserves better than anything I could offer her.

  She has no idea how much she means to me.

  And she’ll never find out.

  **

  Getting up is so hard. It always is. I hate mornings, probably because I spend half the night awake. I can’t remember the last time I had a decent sleep, unless you count the nights after my grandmother died when I was doped up to the max on sleeping pills and booze.

  I drag myself out of bed and wander into the living room. The place is quiet, meaning Harry is either out or sleeping. I glance at the clock on the front of the oven and sigh. It’s nearly two on Monday afternoon. Not that I have anywhere to be, but I feel like a slacker sleeping all fucking day. I have one more exam and then I’m on break, so it’s not like I do nothing, but I can’t shake that feeling that if my mum was alive she’d be disappointed in me.

  But she’s not alive. You have nobody, remember?

  Except Lacey. Lace is the only person I have left, and I refuse to lose her because my father wants to waltz in and fuck everything up. My hands clench into tights fists beside me. What the fuck does he want with her? Hasn’t he messed up my life enough?

  All I can do is hope like hell this is a fucking random crazy fluke. It’s just an interview. He’ll meet with her, along with forty-nine other applicants, and he’ll choose one of them. Then this whole mess will just go away.

  It has to, because I’m not ready to deal with this.

  Chapter Four

  Lacey