How to Keep a Secret

by Sarah Morgan

  No matter how hard she concentrated, she always seemed to be half a move behind everyone else. She was only here because she’d promised Greg she’d give it a try, and she enjoyed spending time with her sister.

  As the instructor moved back to the front of the class, Lauren turned her head. “Have you lost weight?”

  Jenna eyed her reflection in the huge mirror. “I have.”

  “Diet?”

  “No. I stopped comfort eating.” She gave a wicked smile. “I’m finding comfort elsewhere.”

  “Shh!” The woman closest to them sent them an incinerating glare and Lauren rose elegantly out of the position she’d been holding.

  “Let’s go.”

  “Go?” Jenna’s untangling was less elegant. “Go where?”

  “We’re breaking out of here.” Lauren gathered up her mat, sent a look of apology to the instructor and strode out of the room.

  Torn between embarrassment and relief, Jenna grabbed her things and slunk out behind her. “I can’t believe you did that. You love yoga.”

  “But you hate it and life is too short to spend it doing something you hate. I couldn’t bear the look on your face. It’s not supposed to be torture.”

  Jenna slung her bag over her shoulder. “For a moment there you actually sounded like my sister. Do you want to go skinny dipping? Or we could help ourselves to strawberries from Mrs. Maxwell’s garden?”

  “Don’t push me. We need to take this a step at a time.” Lauren pulled the band off her ponytail and let her hair flow. “Let’s go for a walk on the beach. You can tell me about your appointment.”

  “Nothing to tell. They’re going to run some simple tests first, so we have a long way to go before we have to start making decisions about anything. But I’m glad we finally went.” It had made her feel less helpless. As if they were doing something. “Greg handled it well.”

  “If Greg can’t handle stuff like this, there’s no hope for the rest of us.”

  “It’s different when you’re dealing with your own problem.” She understood that now. “It’s personal. You can’t be neutral when it’s personal. I promised I’d relax more and go to yoga, but yoga doesn’t help me relax.”

  “But eating ice cream on the beach does, so let’s go do that.” Lauren slipped her arm through Jenna’s and they walked across the parking lot.

  Jenna thought about all the times they’d done this as kids. “Thanks for helping me escape. If you ever get put in prison, I promise to dig a tunnel and get you out.”

  “You’d probably be the reason I was in there in the first place.”

  Jenna tugged at her sister’s arm. “Hey, you’re the ringleader, not me.”

  “If I were to ever find myself in prison, I’m sure it would be because I was covering for you, but don’t worry. No matter what they did to me, I’d never give you up.”

  They were both giggling. “They’d find a way of making you talk. They’d wave a pair of great shoes under your nose and you’d yell, ‘Hell yes, she’s guilty now give me those Jimmy Choos.’”

  “I would not give you up for great shoes. I’m not that cheap.”

  “Lipstick?”

  “No way.”

  “Salted caramel ice cream?”

  “That’s not fair.” Lauren stopped dead. “No one can resist that.”

  “So if I was standing on the edge of a cliff with a tub of salted caramel ice cream and you could only save one of us, it would be the ice cream?”

  “I’d push you off to get to the ice cream.”

  “How did I get stuck with you as a sister?”

  Lauren grinned. “I guess you got lucky. But now you’ve made me think of salted caramel ice cream. Where’s the nearest source?”

  “We’ll pick some up on the way to the beach. But don’t you need to get back to spend time with Mack?”

  “She’s sailing with Scott.”

  “Again?” Jenna unhooked her arm from Lauren’s and stooped to tie the lace on her running shoe. “Is that a regular thing now?”

  “Yes. Turns out she’s pretty good at it. She’s inherited Scott’s feel for the sea. And she’s been helping him in the boatyard, too.”

  “And how about you? Are you seeing him?”

  “He loaned me the money, so naturally I feel an obligation to keep him updated on my business.”

  “When I asked if you were seeing him, that wasn’t what I meant. I meant, are you seeing him? As in, are you having clothes-ripping, breath-stealing sex?”

  “Of course not.” Lauren walked away from her toward the car.

  “Wait!” Jenna sprinted after her. “Why ‘of course not’?”

  “It’s only been six months since I lost Ed.”

  Jenna stopped dead. “Lauren Stewart, what is this crap?”

  “I’m not Ste—”

  “You broke me out of a boring yoga class and threatened to push me off a cliff. You’re definitely a Stewart. So what I want to know is how my ballsy, adventure-seeking sister who has basically been in love with the same guy her whole life, isn’t having sex on every available flat surface. It doesn’t matter that it’s only been six months. Where’s the rule that says you have to be miserable for a certain length of time?” Across the parking lot a couple climbed out of their car and glanced in their direction.

  Lauren rolled her eyes. “If you speak a little louder they’d maybe hear you on Nantucket. It would save me sending out a bulletin. I definitely think you should repeat the part about sex on every available flat surface.”

  “How long are you going to wait? Ed wouldn’t want you to wait, I can tell you that.”

  “It’s not only that I feel guilty about Ed, there’s Mack to think about.”

  Prevaricate: avoid giving a direct answer or firm decision.

  “Mack is doing great. She’s in better shape than you are. So tell me the truth. What’s the real reason you’re holding back? Because I’m sure this is your decision and not Scott’s.”

  They’d reached the car and Lauren stopped.

  “I guess I’m scared.”

  “Scared of what?” For a moment Jenna couldn’t breathe. This was her sister. Her sister who never used to be afraid of anything. “Scared you might lose him the way you lost Ed?”

  “No. Well, maybe a little—” Lauren bit her lip. “It’s more that I’m afraid to let myself fall in love with him again. Or maybe I’ve always been in love with him and I’m afraid that if I admit it, I won’t be able to handle what happens next.”

  Jenna hesitated. “You’re worried he might walk away like he did the first time?”

  She saw the flash of anguish in her sister’s eyes and wondered if she’d been wrong to encourage the relationship. What if Lauren became involved with Scott and he let her down again?

  Lauren gave a wan smile. “I guess that’s part of it. I’ve taken all the emotional battering I can take for a while. Oh—” She broke off as Jenna wrapped her arms around her. “What’s that for?”

  “For love. For protection. For courage.” Jenna held her sister tightly. Love was all about risk, wasn’t it? And some risks were worth taking. “Remember when you used to drag me on all those adventures when we were young? I was terrified! I always tried to stop you doing it, but when that didn’t work, I went along anyway. And I did it because it was my job to look out for you, the same way you looked out for me. No matter what trouble you found yourself in, I was there for you and I still am. I don’t know what’s going to happen in the future. None of us does. But I’ll be there for you the whole way. That hasn’t changed. The only thing that has changed is that this time I’m the one urging you to take the risk. You’re holding back from the one thing that’s going to make you happy, Lauren.” And if Scott hurt Lauren again, she’d kill him with her bare hands.

  “I’ll think about it.”r />
  “You’ll do more than think about it.” Jenna nudged her toward the car. “Go, before that serious-faced yoga instructor with the incredibly annoying voice comes and drags us back. Given my track record behind the wheel, you’d better be the getaway driver.”

  35

  Lauren

  Evolution: a process of gradual development in a

  particular situation or thing over a period of time

  June melted into July, bringing with it crowds of people. The island attracted everyone from artists to presidents. Some came to spend time in the cafés, restaurants and galleries of Edgartown, others came for the landscape and the beaches.

  Lauren slept with the windows open and drifted off to sleep with the sound of the ocean in her head and the cool salt breeze on her face.

  The ache and the sadness came and went like the tide.

  One minute she’d be fine, and the next hardly able to breathe, but somehow she forced herself to keep going.

  During the mornings she focused on Coastal Chic. Thanks to the loan from Scott, she’d been able to take on a couple of clients and so far it was going well.

  She had enough to keep her going into the winter months.

  Work was great. Her mother was happy, and Mack was doing well.

  Lauren was the only one who seemed to be struggling.

  She missed Ed. She missed Scott. Then she felt guilty for thinking about Scott when she was still sad about Ed.

  Her brain felt like a roundabout and she had no idea how to stop it spinning.

  “Mom?”

  Lauren glanced up from her laptop as she heard Mack’s voice. “I’m upstairs.” As her mother no longer used it as a studio, Lauren was using it as an office. She still hoped that her mother might paint canvases again at some point, but right now she seemed to be pouring all her artistic, creative urges into painting houses and designing gardens.

  Lauren glanced at the blue and purple hydrangeas stuffed into the pretty rustic jug she’d found at the Goodwill store when she’d been helping her mother clear out her life.

  She heard Mack’s feet on the stairs and a moment later she appeared in the doorway. Her hair was windblown and streaked from the sun, the pink streaks long gone.

  “Are you busy?” She was out of breath. “Can you come?”

  Lauren was on her feet in an instant. “Is something wrong?”

  “Nothing’s wrong. Scott wants to take us sailing. There is something important he wants to say to us both.”

  Her heart lurched like the deck of a ship in a storm. He was leaving. What else could he possibly want to say to them both? Ever since her mother had told her he no longer wanted to buy The Captain’s House, she’d been waiting for this moment. If he wanted them on the boat to tell them something, then presumably he wanted to remind them both what a sea creature he was. How he needed the ocean to survive.

  Could she be sympathetic to that a second time, especially now that Mack had started to build a relationship with him?

  “He wants to talk to us right now?” He’d taken her at her word and given her space, although whenever they saw each other it was as if the rest of the world disappeared.

  “Yes. We were going out anyway, but he said he wants you there. He drove me here. He’s outside in the pickup.”

  Lauren reached for her keys and her phone, reminding herself that she’d handled everything life had thrown at her up to this point and she’d handle this, too. Whatever “this” was. Please don’t let Scott be leaving. “I’ll send a text to Grams to let her know we’ll both be late tonight.”

  “Where is Grams?”

  “With Alice.”

  “Again?” Mack raised her eyebrows. “How is that going?”

  “She’s seen her a few times. I think it’s going okay. I haven’t asked for the details. Grams will tell me if she wants to.”

  “So they’re BFFs again?”

  “I wouldn’t go that far, but there’s hope.” And hope, Lauren thought, kept life moving. Hope that things would improve, that sadness would pass, that you’d live feeling you’d love and live. Hope that the few fragile threads of this new life won’t be snapped before they can strengthen. She grabbed a sweater and sunscreen. “Let’s go.”

  “What would you have done if you were Grams?”

  “I don’t know.” Lauren locked the door of the Sail Loft. “I don’t suppose any of us really knows what we’d do until we’re actually in that position ourselves. It’s pretty easy to judge from the outside, but not so easy when it’s your life.”

  She knew many people would have judged Scott for not wanting to embrace fatherhood, but she’d understood. She’d understood him. It was one of the reasons she hadn’t wanted to divulge the identity of her baby’s father. She’d wanted to protect him from the judgment and speculation that would surely have followed.

  But what if he walked away now? How would she react this time?

  He’d won his daughter’s heart. Would she be able to forgive him if he broke it?

  Mack waited while Lauren dropped the keys into her purse. “I know she broke the girlfriend code, but I kind of like Alice.”

  “I do, too. And so does your grandmother. That’s why it’s hard.”

  They walked to the road together and Mack sprang into the pickup.

  Lauren followed more slowly, noticing the way Scott tugged at Mack’s hat, teasing her. They argued all the way to the marina, over whether she should be allowed to take the boat out without him, about whether he should get another dog to keep Captain company.

  “A puppy would be good.”

  Scott raised an eyebrow. “Are you going to take responsibility for this puppy?”

  Lauren found herself analyzing everything he said. Would he be making jokes like that if he was thinking of moving on? Mack had been spending plenty of time with him and had even slept over on the boat once or twice.

  It had made Lauren feel a little strange and she hated herself for feeling that way because she knew how much Mack loved the water. And it was obvious she loved Scott, too. And that was good, wasn’t it? She couldn’t blame her daughter for wanting to spend time with him, or Scott for wanting to spend time with his daughter. She was pleased. So why did she also feel slightly sick?

  Was it because part of her was always a little worried Scott might decide he’d had enough and move on again? Or was she turning into one of those mothers who couldn’t bear having their children leave them?

  Scott parked and turned to look at her. “You’re quiet. Is everything okay?”

  “Everything is good.” Except that she was tired of being sad. And anxious. Sad and anxious. It was a toxic combination.

  Still watching her, Scott reached out and stroked Captain’s head. “You’ve been busy lately. I’ve barely seen you. How’s the business?”

  “Good.” She tried not to look at those fingers. She tried not to think about that night in the kitchen of the Sail Loft. “We have more work than we can handle right now, including a client who wants us to take a look at her apartment in Manhattan. It’s all very exciting.” Manhattan. She’d visit for the weekend. Mack was perfectly safe with Nancy, so she could probably visit for longer if necessary.

  For some reason she didn’t understand, the idea didn’t thrill her.

  Mack frowned. “Does Coastal Chic even work in Manhattan? I mean seashells and Central Park? I don’t think so.”

  Lauren smiled. “I think we can broaden our look if we need to. Maybe Coastal Chic could become City Chic for a while.”

  Scott kept his hand on Captain’s head. “So you’re moving to New York? It’s what you wanted when you were a teenager.”

  “Move?” Mack looked horrified. “Mom?”

  “We wouldn’t move anywhere,” Lauren said. “If we take the business in New York then I’d find a way to tra
vel and do it. No way are we moving. We’re here now and we’re staying.” And she loved it. The island. The people. The sea. How could she have lived so long without it?

  “Good.” Mack opened the car door. “Because right now I am done with change. I want to stay here, have tea with Grams, eat too many of Aunt Jenna’s cookies, update your website, program a robot, see my friends, sail with Scott.” She whistled to Captain and jumped out of the car.

  Lauren was about to follow when Scott caught her hand in a tight grip.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing. I’m looking forward to our sail. Where are we going?”

  He gave her a long, searching look and let go of her hand. “You’ll find out.”

  Refusing to say more than that, he loaded the cooler onto the boat and they all clambered aboard, including the dog.

  Mack moved around the boat with confidence, following Scott’s instructions.

  It was obvious from the way they worked together that they’d done this plenty of times.

  “Hey, Mom, did you know you can sail right round Martha’s Vineyard?” Mack secured the rope. “It’s 54.7 nautical miles. Scott says we can do it next summer.”

  “That’s great.”

  So he planned to be here next summer. But what about the long winter in between?

  She tried not to think about it. Right now her daughter seemed happy and that was good.

  Good for her, and good for Scott. He needed this. It would be good for him to feel a sense of responsibility for someone. It wasn’t something he’d had before in his life.

  Sailing round the island gave them views of cliffs, headlands, open water, lighthouses and beach houses, some the size of hotels. Normally Lauren would have loved it, but today her mind was busy with other things.

  Scott guided the boat into an inlet and Lauren immediately recognized the beach.

  Eyes wide, she glanced at him.

  Scott smiled. “Remember this place?”

  Of course she remembered this place. It was their beach.

  The beach they’d treated as their own.

  The house had been uninhabited at the time and they’d sneaked onto the beach and talked, laughed and made love in the moonlight. Everything she’d learned about him, she’d learned right there on that strip of golden sand. And he’d learned everything about her.