A Staten Island Love Letter 2

by Jahquel J

  “It’s fucking war!” Zeek barked as he barged out of the front door of our mother’s home.

  I pulled myself together and went to find my mother. She was the heart of our family and knowing that she had to bury her youngest child was something I wouldn’t wish on anyone. I understood what Ghost was doing. He wanted us to feel the hurt that he felt when he had to bury Summer.

  13

  Liberty

  I rolled my eyes as I went into the patient’s room and administered her drugs for the night. She had been hollering for an hour and I was about tired of hearing her scream for the damn medicine. After I put the medicine into her IV, I dipped into the bathroom and pulled out my small vial filled with coke. Leaning on the sink, I put the vial to my nose and held the bridge of my nose and took a sniff. Leaning back, I allowed it to take me to a place that I needed to be. My sisters knew nothing about my habit and I never planned on them finding out. With the life I lived, it was something I did to take the edge off. I was pissed when Staten happened to be there when my dealer dropped it off. I heard another co-worker in the room, so I quickly checked myself in the mirror before heading back into the room.

  “Why are you using the patient’s bathroom?” Lamanda, one of the other night nurses questioned as she checked the charts.

  “Because I couldn’t make it across the damn hospital to piss in the staff bathroom,” I shot back and laughed at myself. I knew when I was high because I would laugh at any and everything I said.

  “Well, you have patients that need their meds,” she smacked her lips and basically dismissed me.

  Lamanda was annoying as fuck and swore she knew the job better than anyone else. Her ass just was transferred her from some hospital in the city and swore she was the best thing since crack. I couldn’t stand her because she acted like she knew my job better than I did. We butted heads a few times and when she saw me standing by her car one morning she realized that she better had stopped fucking with me while at work. It was one thing to be a bitch, but another to try and do shit to get me fired by our supervisor. I needed this job and if I was to lose it, I didn’t mind fucking beating her ass and then smiling in my mug shot. I grabbed the medicine and went to each room. It felt like I was fucking floating the way I was giving them this medicine. This was why I couldn’t stop my little addiction. I wasn’t in denial, I was hooked and couldn’t stop. Still, I was better than your average drug addict. I kept a job, appearance and nobody could say I sucked their dick for anything.

  I twerked my ass as I put some medicine into another patient’s IV. Whenever I was high, I always felt like I could take on the world. It made me want to be a bomb ass woman and twerk in the same sentence. It was one of the reasons that I continued to use them. Eventually, I would go and get help, but today wasn’t that day and tomorrow wasn’t either. I fixed the patient’s blanket when I heard the code blue siren over the loud speaker. Peeking out the room, I saw everyone going into the patient’s room I had just came out of. My heart started beating fast and I was getting sweaty. My legs were wobbly as I made my way to the room. Doctors and nurses were working hard to resuscitate the patient.

  “Who was the last person to administer drugs to this patient? She’s having an allergic reaction!” the doctor yelled as they worked hard to bring her back.

  “Liberty was in here when I got here,” Lamanda made sure to point out. It was no secret that I had fucked up a few times, so I wasn’t the doctors favorite nurse. Hell, I wasn’t even my supervisor’s favorite nurse.

  “I…I came to use the bathroom. Lamanda must have administered the drugs,” I lied. Lamanda came into the room after I had gave her the drugs.

  “You two into my office,” the supervising nurse told us once they were able to get the patient stable.

  I took my time walking there while Lamanda was on the bitch’s heels. When I made it to the office, I sat down and looked at my supervisor. “That patient was given a high dose of Ibuprofen, which she’s highly allergic to. Who is responsible?”

  I was so busy worried about getting a quick high that I didn’t realize that I had given the patient the wrong medicine and a high dose. I couldn’t lose my job tonight or ever. Especially over the need to get high. For years I had managed my addiction and job.

  “I used the bathroom and was about to administer drugs, but Lamanda told me to go tend to my other patients,” I lied.

  The door opened and the doctor handed our supervisor the patient’s charts. “Thank you,” she accepted the files and skimmed through them. “Lamanda, your signature is on here. You signed off on the medicine that was given to her, except, it wasn’t this medicine that was given.”

  “Liberty finish your shift. Oh, and you’re being written up for using the patient’s bathroom,” she told me and dismissed me. I’d take that before getting in trouble for almost killing a patient.

  I finished my shift and tried to hide the paranoid behavior that I felt myself exhibiting. Every time someone called my name, I felt like I was about to get busted. Lamanda left the supervisor’s office crying. I just knew my ass was next, but all she did was tell me that I wasn’t supposed to use the patient’s bathroom. When morning rolled around, I was happy as hell to grab my shit and go home. Although I needed another fix to get me through my shift, I didn’t even think about going into my pocket to get high. I drove the entire way home with my hands on ten and two. I locked my car up and headed up to my apartment drained as fuck. All I needed was my bed and sleep.

  “Wha—” I felt someone pull around my neck when I got to my apartment floor. When the person turned me around, I was staring right into Pook’s menacing eyes.

  “Yeah, thought I wouldn’t find out where the fuck you lay your head at? Nice apartment building, Lib… how you afford this shit?” he held his hands around my neck.

  “Le…let go of me,” I pleaded as I continued to look into the eyes of the man I once loved. Everything about Pook used to light my world up. Now, as I stared into his eyes, I could tell that man I once wanted a future with was no longer there. Prison had hardened him, made him colder than usual and he wasn’t someone I wanted anymore.

  “Where the fuck is my money, Liberty? You thought I forgot? Just because my niggas didn’t get at you, didn’t mean I forgot about my fucking money,” he barked as spit flew from his mouth.

  “Wh—”

  “Bitch, I’ll slit your throat right here if you try and act like you don’t know what the fuck I’m talking about,” he hollered. My neighbors were nosey at the wrong time. When I needed them to be nosey, they wanted to hide out in their apartments or not be home.

  “That money is gone, Pook. You left me out here and thought I was supposed to save that shit for you?” I punched him in the chest. The anger I had been holding onto for years had resurfaced and his appearance no longer frightened to me, it angered me. “You had another bitch rocking the same ring as me and pregnant and thought I was supposed to remain loyal? Fuck you!” I screamed and shoved him again.

  He reached in his back and pulled out a gun and pressed it to my temple. “I know you’re fucking around with that nigga Staten. Me and the Davis brothers have some bad fucking blood and you go out and fuck with them.”

  “Don’t kill me, Pook. You don—”

  “Bitch don’t tell me what the fuck I gotta do,” he hollered. “You’re gonna get all my fucking money back and you’re gonna get it from that Staten nigga, you hear me?”

  “I’m not asking him for money… we’re not even fucking around like that,” I pleaded. “I can take out a loan or something,” I continued to plead with my eyes.

  “Kill all that begging shit, bitch. You wasn’t begging when you took almost a half a million dollars from me! You gonna get that shit and I want it to come from Staten Davis’s fucking pockets. The next visit that I’ll be making will be to your mama’s crib instead of here,” he threatened, and my heart fell to the pit of my shoes. He gently hit the gun across my cheek as he smirked and back u
p. “You still as beautiful as the day I popped your cherry,” he winked and headed down the stairs.

  I stood in the hall for twenty minutes gathering my thoughts before I made it to my front door and into my apartment. Soon as I hit my apartment, I went into the small draw in the living room and grabbed the coke out and sat on the couch. I didn’t give a damn about anything right now, all that mattered was me getting high. Years ago, Pook had trusted me with his money. He never believed in banks and because the feds had seized all of his money, this was all that he had that they had no clue of. When he did that fuck shit in court, I still hadn’t touched the money. I was still a loyal dummy trying to hold it down for my man. He didn’t deserve me or my loyalty, especially when I was struggling hard. I had no job, no money and was living off my mama. Slowly, but surely I started using the money and doing what I needed. I put myself through nursing school with financial aid, helped my mama get ahead of some bills, paid for my aunt to get a bigger apartment upstate.

  Once I finished nursing school, I lived with my mother for some time before I got that place. By that time, money was almost gone. I partied, took vacations and bought me a new jeep. That wasn’t including the designer clothes that I had in my closet. That money was used and used well. Pook hadn’t asked about it in ten years so I wasn’t worried about him. Now that he showed up to my home and threatened my mama, I knew I had to try and get that money back to him. What did I look like asking Staten for that type of money? I didn’t need to add this drama into his life when he had a lot of things going on already. Me and Staten weren’t even that deep for me to ask him for that type of money. Lately, he had been so busy with everything that I barely saw him since he kissed me that day. He called whenever he had the chance, but other than that we hadn’t seen each other. I wasn’t worried about it because I had my own shit going on in my life too. Then, he had his best friend who I knew was on his back to spend time with her. It was a situation that I was hesitant about. Chanel could cause an issue if we decided to pursue anything further. I knew I didn’t want to deal with that shit. The first two times the bitch snubbed me I allowed her, but the next time I couldn’t be too sure I would be so nice when it came to her ass.

  Staten thought Chanel was this princess that was untouched, but the bitch was a hoe. She got down with whatever nigga was up and coming. She probably would have fucked Ghost if she wasn’t best friends with Staten. The bitch wanted to be some hustler’s wife so bad that she would get with anyone. While she fucked around, Staten stood there and allowed that shit to happen while still having her back. Out of all of these years, she didn’t realize that she had a big hustler right there. You could tell she wanted to be with Staten, and he was on the fence about the shit. You couldn’t tell me that those two weren’t fucking around, although he liked to play like they weren’t. I wasn’t a fool and could tell from the way that she floated behind him that he had probably gave her some of the best dick she had ever had. Yawning, I took another snort and then laid back onto the couch to get some sleep. Sitting here snorting all my stash wasn’t going to help me find a solution to my problems.

  “Yo, what the fuck? Liberty, get the fuck up!” I heard Staten’s loud as voice and tried to sit up, but my head felt too damn heavy.

  Instead of trying to sit up, I opened my eyes and squinted because he had turned every light on in my home. I caught a quick glimpse out the balcony door and noticed that it was dark outside. Staten was walking around the apartment with his gun out, checking closets and shit while I laid there completely out of it. What happened today? I couldn’t even remember because I had been knocked out in this couch all day. He put his gun away and went to lock the door before standing in front of me.

  “Why are you here? And what are you yelling for?” I whispered because I had a headache out of this world. “How did you even get in here?”

  “Great question, crackhead Susan,” he replied. “Your fucking door was opened, and I was able to walk right in. You lucky you live in a good ass neighborhood because if this was the hood your ass would have probably got robbed and raped, depending on the nigga that came across your apartment.”

  “I must have thought I closed it behind me.”

  “Nah, you were too busy trying to get fucking high, so you didn’t give a fuck about securing your spot.”

  “First of all, my pops died years ago. You’re not him and I don’t need to hear shit from you about my choices as an adult,” I finally got the strength to lift my head off my couch. From the way I had fell asleep, my neck had a crook in the shit.

  “Yo, what the fuck are you doing to yourself. You got white shit all around your fucking nose and shit. Lib, you serious right now?”

  “You’re acting like you didn’t know what the fuck I was involved in. Staten save the lectures, I don’t need them,” I waved him off and went to grab my stash and it was gone.

  “You looking for that shit, huh? I flushed it down the fucking toilet,” he stared at me like he was daring me to say anything. Staten was testing to see just how addicted I was, and I was addicted like a muthafucka. I wanted to take his own gun and shoot him between the eyes, but I knew that’s what he expected from me.

  “Whatever,” I whimpered because the shit hurt more than ever. All my money went down the toilet and he was staring here like he was some D.A.R.E counselor telling me to say no to drugs.

  He pulled his phone out and put it on speaker. “Yo, you sell to Liberty again, on my mama I’ll beat the fuck out of you myself… you heard?”

  “Yeah, man my bad. I didn’t know that was your shorty. I won’t sell to her. She just been a good customer and shit,” my dealer was on the phone rambling like the bitch that he was.

  “Matter fact put the fucking word out that I don’t want nobody selling to her. If I find out she copped from someone, I’m fucking you up,” he threatened, and I stood there with my arms folded.

  “Bet. I got you Staten,” he said and ended the call.

  Picking myself up from the couch, I shoved passed him and went to the bathroom. When I closed the door, the nigga was right there opening my door back up again. “I got to take a shit. What the fuck you want?”

  “I don’t know if you got some coke stashed behind the damn toilet. This shit got to fucking stop,” he told me.

  “Today isn’t the fucking day for you to want to have an intervention, Staten,” he stood there with his shirt over his nose. You would think his ass would move out the bathroom, but instead he continued to stand there and grill me.

  “Damn, you just sat your ass down. You smell fucking spoiled,” he complained.

  “Then fucking leave,” I rolled my eyes and tried to shoot him out the bathroom by waving the smell.

  “Nah, you need to know that I’m not fucking around when it comes to you.”

  “Today isn’t the day for that. I almost killed a fucking patient and damn near lost my job. I have one more fucking write up before I’m fired, and I have a lot of other shit going on.” The situation with Pook popped into my head.

  “You was high at work?”

  “Not yet,” I admitted.

  “I bet you were rushing to get high or some shit. You don’t see how this shit is fucking with your life? I’m not going to stand here and let this shit happen to you.”

  “You don’t even fucking know me. Why the fuck you want to help so bad? Just leave me alone,” I grabbed some toilet paper and stared at him so he could leave. Instead, he turned his back and allowed me to wipe myself. At this point, there was no shame in anything. He had walked in on me with a bunch of coke around my nose, so why be ashamed to take a shit in front of him?

  “I always fucking liked yo stink ass. Even when you was being a silly hoe behind that stupid dusty nigga Pook. You never saw me because I didn’t have the bread that Pook had at the time. How many times I asked your ass to the movies or out to eat and you turned me down, Liberty? Get the fuck outta here with that I don’t know you, we grew the fuck up,” he turned
around and stared at me. “I admired you because you always held your sisters down. Now, look at you.”

  “Guess you don’t like the coke head now, huh?” I laughed as I flushed the toilet and washed my hands. “On the real, I’m dealing with some shit and don’t want to be dealing with this right now. I didn’t fuck around with you because you always had your little bestie around.”

  “Leave Chanel out of this shit. She didn’t have shit to do with me and you getting together,” he tried to convince me, and I laughed.

  “You really think she would have let that happen? Chanel would have never let you be with me and deep down inside you know it.”

  Staten knew damn well that Chanel would have never let us be together. I was busy with Pook and he had his own issues when it came to Chanel. Us being together was never a thought. Staten had always been Ghost’s younger brother to me. We kicked it from time to time and I knew he was attracted to me, but I never paid his ass any mind. Staten would fuck anything with a pussy, so I wasn’t flattered by him wanting me back then. The nigga was a full hoe and one I didn’t want to be bothered in.

  “I’m not a silly hoe,” I protested. “A hoe, yeah, but not silly,” I bypassed him and walked into the kitchen. I was about to open the fridge when he pinned me to the wall and held me gently around the neck. “What are you doing? I’m kinky like this, but I’m not in the mood.”

  “Stop playing around with me, Liberty. Ain’t nobody gonna walk around calling my girl a damn dope head,” he snarled.

  “When did I become your girl?”

  “The moment I put the word out for no dealer to make a sale based on me. That’s the moment this went from you my home girl to my girl. Lib stop fucking around with me,” he threatened and let me go.

  “You in here telling me shit like it’s sweet, but have you spoke to Chanel about the shit? Nah, you haven’t. I don’t need the fucking drama, Staten,” I grabbed some food from the other night and placed it in the microwave.