Seeking Shapeshifters

by Rebekah L. Purdy

  “I wonder what time it is,” Carsen said with a yawn.

  I pulled my wrist up, clicking the light on my watch. “Oh my gosh!” I said. “It’s eight in the morning! We’re late for school.”

  “Crap.” Carsen jumped to his feet and pulled his shirt and boots on. “How the hell did we sleep through the night?”

  I zipped my coat and tightened my scarf. Our parents were so gonna kill us. At least Dad wouldn’t be home yet, but I missed his call last night, which meant trouble. And poor Keetah was probably crossing his legs about now.

  Carsen and I rushed from the sod house and down to the creek. Carsen flung me up on his back as he sloshed through the water as if it was a puddle. I jumped onto the quad behind him unconcerned with the snow on the seat. At this point, I just wanted to get home and change so I could get to school.

  The landscape flew by as we raced into Point Hope. Carsen pulled up to my house where we found his mom knocking on my front door. I groaned. This wasn’t the impression I wanted to make on her.

  “Carsen Shinew where the hell have you been?” she screamed. “Your dad and I spent all night looking for you. And you.” She turned to me. “You could’ve frozen to death out in these conditions. What would I have told your father?”

  “Mom, we’re fine. We fell asleep at the sod house.”

  Her eyes narrowed as she glared at us. “You spent the night with her? For God’s sakes Carsen, are you ready to be a father?”

  “Nothing happened,” I said, my cheeks hot with embarrassment. “I mean we didn’t, you know.”

  Carsen burst out laughing next to me and I closed my eyes. This so wasn’t the time to joke around.

  “Seriously Mom, chill. Nothing happened between us. We went hiking and I decided to show her grandpa’s old place then we went asleep, end of story.”

  I noticed he didn’t mention the part where I became acclimated to him in his bear form, but decided I didn’t want to stir up any more trouble than there already was.

  “This isn’t funny mister. You’re lucky it’s basketball season or I’d force you to work more hours with your uncle. And as for you, Ima, I’m going to sit down with your father and have a talk.”

  “He’s not home,” I said, envisioning my punishment. I was so dead. And grounded.

  “When’s he get back?”

  My legs trembled beneath me as my brow broke out in a sweat. “Tomorrow night.”

  “I’ll give him a call, now I suggest you two get your butts ready for school.”

  Carsen bent down, giving me a kiss before hopping on his ATV and pulling out.

  “Ima, you really need to be more careful,” Mrs. Shinew said once he’d gone. “There’s a certain amount of danger involved for people like you and I.”

  Mrs. Shinew climbed into her vehicle and drove away. I stood motionless in the driveway contemplating what she’d said. I knew being around them when they shifted might be dangerous, but there was no way I would stay away from Carsen. He proved himself—therefore taking away any threat I might have felt.

  I trudged into the house to get ready for school, dreading tomorrow when Dad found out I’d broke a house rule. I wondered if he’d let me use my “get out of jail free card” since I’d never gotten in trouble before.

  I groaned, so much for wishful thinking!

  Chapter Seventeen

  Broken

  “Is it wrong for me to hope the school day drags?” I glanced at Talon, Ferren, and Carsen as we sat at the lunch table Tuesday afternoon.

  “Hell, yeah! Don’t curse the rest of us,” Ferren said laughing, seemingly back to her old self.

  “Why would you wish that?” Talon said, crossing his arms over his chest.

  “My dad gets home tonight, which means my life is over.” A groan escaped my lips. “He’s not going to deal well with me spending the night with a boy.”

  Talon raised his hooded eyes, his mouth twisted. “You spent the night with Carsen?”

  “We didn’t do anything,” I hurried to say. “I mean, we slept, nothing more.”

  “You didn’t do anything?” he repeated, running a hand through his tousled hair.

  “No.”

  “Geez, don’t sound so surprised.” Carsen chuckled, flinging a fry at Talon. Then he turned to me and flexed his muscles. “If you want, I can stop by and take the brunt of the punishment.”

  “I think the last place you’ll want to be tonight is at my house.” I envisioned my dad tossing him into a snow bank or screaming at him. I so didn’t want to witness World War III.

  “Oh, my mom wanted me to find out what color your dress is. I think she’s trying to color coordinate my shirt and tie or something,” Carsen said before chugging down a can of cola.

  “It’s black.”

  Talon cast me a tortured look and my stomach knotted. I wiggled in my seat, unable to tear my gaze from his. My leg brushed against his beneath the table and I gasped. I folded my hands in my lap, fighting the onslaught of voices bombarding my head. Talon slid back, drawing his leg away from mine and I quickly glanced away. Get a grip. You’re acting stupid. Instead, I focused on the dance.

  It was Saturday night at the Kalgi Center. My first dance—it seemed impossible that I was actually going. The more I thought about it, the more it felt like a dream. Although, Dad’s punishment might interfere with everything.

  “I’ve got practice after school, then I have to work with my uncle, so I’ll probably give you a call when I get home to see how things went with your dad,” Carsen said as we headed to fifth hour.

  “If I’m not grounded from the phone.” I sighed. “Besides I don’t think he’s supposed to get in until closer to nine or ten.”

  Carsen draped his arm across my shoulders. “I could always sneak over and knock on your bedroom window.”

  I started laughing. “You know you’re a bad influence on me. I’ve never gotten into any type of trouble, and now I’m likely to spend my whole junior year locked away in my room.”

  “Hey, I’m a good guy; I just need a more positive influence in my life.” He leaned down to kiss my cheek.

  “Yeah, but the problem is your corrupting me, not the other way around.”

  Our fifth hour teacher didn’t waste any time getting started and to my disappointment, the rest of the day flew by like a breeze, bringing me closer to the dreaded confrontation.

  The first thing I did when I got home was make a list of reasons why I shouldn’t be grounded from the dance, a girl needed to be prepared for these kinds of things. Next, I went into my room and tried my dress on again, just in case Dad decided to destroy my life. I at least wanted the memory of getting to wear the dress, even if it was only to parade around in front of Keetah.

  After I changed into my pajamas for the night, I sat down at the table with a turkey sandwich and about twenty math problems. Maybe Dad would get in late then I could be fast asleep and put off any confrontation until tomorrow. I stared at the clock but it was eight, which meant it was too early to go to bed.

  I sighed, finding it next to impossible to concentrate on my homework. Keetah nestled against my leg with a whine, staring at my sandwich.

  “No, you ate already.”

  He snorted, turning his back on me, before peeking over his shoulder to see if I changed my mind. I shook my head no again.

  “It’s not my fault you don’t like the beefy, gravy stuff Dad got you! Next time make him a list of what you want,” I said with a laugh.

  The dog barked at me then skulked down the hallway and into my room. A moment later, he reappeared carrying a box of my tampons and shook his head spilling them all over the floor.

  “You stop that now.” My chair skidded across the floor as I leapt up to grab them.

  Right then a knock sounded at the door and my face went red.

  “Drop it!” I scurried to pick them up before someone saw them.

  I set them on the table next to my plate. Great, now it looked like I was having a
turkey sandwich with a side of tampons for dinner.

  I rushed to the door and threw it open to find a distraught looking Carsen standing on my porch. His normally bright blue eyes, burned with anger, while his clenched jaw replaced his usual smile. His fisted hands hung at his side.

  “Hey, I thought you had to work late,” I said, peering around behind him. “Um—did you want to come in?”

  Carsen shoved past me then spun around with a glare. His down coat was unzipped, his lips pressed together in a thin line.

  “Wh—what’s wrong?” I stammered.

  Did I miss something? Maybe I said something at the end of the day to tick him off. Or maybe Talon and Ferren were giving him a hard time again.

  “This is what’s wrong.” He tossed a newspaper at me; his eyes burned with rage, his body shook as if he fought to control himself.

  On the front page of the Seward paper was a picture of the Berry S.I. team, and front and center were me and my dad standing by the Jesse Lee home.

  “I can explain,” I said.

  “So when were you going to tell me about your dad?” he said. “I can’t believe you of all people lied to me about this or was that the point?”

  “Carsen, please let me explain.” I choked back the tears, my heart clenched as if a giant hand squeezed the life out of it.

  “Explain? It’s a little late now, don’t you think?” A bitter laugh fell from his lips and chilled my blood. “I told you things, Ima, I—I trusted you, but let me guess. That was part of your plan. To get close to me and expose my people.”

  My body shook as I cried. “I wanted to tell you, you’ve got to believe me,” I said, reaching out a hand to touch his arm but he flinched, jerking away from me.

  Carsen snorted. “I don’t think you had any intentions of telling me. I ditched my friends and family for you. I went against my tribe and defended you when they said you’d be trouble. You made a fool of me, Ima. And after all’s said and done Talon was right about you.”

  I wiped the tears with the back of my hand, attempting to choke out a response. The ache spread, clutching me in a way I never expected. It was like having the air knocked from my lungs.

  “And what would you have done if I’d told you? You know how many times I’ve lost friends because they knew what my dad does for a living? How many times kids were jerked from my house because their parents thought we might be pagans or in some type of cult.”

  Carsen punched the wall. “Damn it! You could’ve said something. But you didn’t. Instead, we became part of your investigation. I guess it’s a good thing I found out now before it was too late.”

  “Carsen.” I pleaded.

  “Stay the hell away from me. I don’t want to see you again. ” He stormed out of the house.

  I rushed after him, but he was already gone. The only thing I found to indicate he’d been to my house was his footprints in the snow. The cold air pierced my body, chasing me back into the living room.

  Tears stung my eyes; pain radiated through my chest like someone had just taken a knife and gouged out my heart. I slid to the floor, cradling my head in my hands. This wasn’t supposed to happen. Carsen and I were supposed to be together. He said he loved me, that I was his future. What would I do without him? He was the first person to welcome me here, the first person willing to take a chance on me. And I’d ruined everything.

  Disbelief washed over me as if I’d fallen into a deep, dark abyss. Carsen was gone and I was broken and incomplete. It was as if a piece of me was missing, a vital organ that could never be replaced.

  I lay crumpled on the floor for a long time before I heard the slamming of a car door, and heavy footsteps on the porch. The front door swung and Dad caught one look of me and dropped his bags.

  “Ima, what’s wrong?” He fell to his knees beside me.

  “Car—Carsen broke up with me,” I wailed.

  Dad wrapped me in his arms, cradling me like an infant, and rocked me back and forth.

  “Oh sweetie, I’m sorry,” he murmured, rubbing my hair back from my face.

  “It hurts.”

  “I know.”

  “I love him Dad, and I let him down.”

  “You could never let anyone down. I’m sure everything will look different in the morning.”

  “But it won’t, Dad.” I sniffled against his coat. “I totally screwed up.”

  Dad gave me a curious look. “How did you screw up?”

  “I should’ve told him what you did for a living, but I didn’t. I just wanted to fit in and have people like me for me.”

  Dad sighed, dropping his head into his hands. “I’m sorry. My job always seems to affect you. We move around too much and you never get to hang out with kids your own age. And when we do end up in one place for a while, people are uneasy around us. I feel like I’ve made a lot of poor choices where you’re concerned,” he said. “I wish your mom was here she’d be better at this than me.”

  I hated to see the pain and worry in Dad’s face. “Dad I love what you do, and it’s cool to see new places. I wouldn’t change a thing.” Well other than the moving around thing, but the last thing I wanted to do was make Dad feel worse.

  He hugged me tight and kissed my hair. “I really would change this if I could. But maybe it’s for the best. We would’ve had to move on sooner or later.”

  I inhaled deeply, knowing I owed him the truth. “Dad, really your job is cool. The problem is there are shifters here in Point Hope.”

  Dad’s eyes went wide as he released me. “What?”

  I broke down crying. “Carsen is a shifter, Dad. I found out right before Halloween. I wanted to tell you.”

  Dad stood and rocked back on his heal as if in shock by my revelation. “So it’s true? But I don’t understand why you didn’t tell me.”

  It was hard to pretend I didn’t see the hurt in his eyes. “I promised not to say anything.”

  “I would’ve understood, Ima. I never would’ve asked you to break your confidences with them. But supernatural research is my life and we’ve never kept secrets from each other. You could’ve said something,” he said again, this time softer.

  “I know. Do you realize how hard it was to keep this from you? Here I had all this proof they existed, proof that’d put your name on the charts and in all the books.”

  Dad slid his coat off then sat down on the couch, staring at me. I felt about two inches tall. I’d let everyone down, including myself. I thought I could juggle a shifter boyfriend and my secret life on Berry S.I.

  “So what happened to all the evidence?” Dad asked.

  “I deleted the video footage on the wildlife cameras,” I said. “I also got rid of the photos on our digital camera.”

  Dad rubbed his chin as if deep in thought. “So I take it you’re the one who took the camera by the creek?”

  “No, I didn’t touch it. I figured maybe Carsen’s people found it and got rid of it,” I said grabbing a Kleenex, and wiping my eyes.

  “Do you think we ought to pack up and move before we’re run out of town by a lynch mob?” Dad asked.

  The thought of leaving Point Hope made me sick to my stomach. I didn’t want to go because if I did it meant I’d never see Carsen again. At least, if I was here I could try to patch things up, make him understand.

  “I don’t want to leave. For once, I want to stick it out.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yeah.”

  Dad spotted the newspaper on the floor and picked it up. He read the article then set it on the coffee table.

  “I don’t think we’ll be welcome here for long after people see this. But we can hang around a little bit longer.”

  “Thanks.” I embraced him.

  “I really am sorry about everything,” Dad said. “How about I make us some tea and we can kick back and relax.”

  I nodded thankful Dad wasn’t too upset with me. He’d always said blood was thicker than water and right now that proved to be the truest statement
I’d ever heard.

  Kicking off his boots, Dad trudged into the kitchen, stopping to eye my turkey sandwich and the pile of tampons.

  “Interesting dinner choice,” he said.

  I half-laughed, half-cried. “Yeah, I heard they’re full of fiber.”

  “If you don’t mind getting them off the table…”

  I scooped them up and brought them to my room, where they got shoved into the top dresser drawer. My gaze shifted to my reflection in the mirror. My face was blotchy, and my eyes were puffy and red. I looked like a disaster.

  Turning to leave my room, I saw my dress hanging in the closet. The one I wouldn’t get the chance to wear. My throat tightened as I fought to keep from crying again.

  “Honey.” Dad came up behind me.

  My shoulders shook as emotion after emotion drowned me. I couldn’t breathe without Carsen, he’d been my world since I moved to Point Hope. I wasn’t ready to say goodbye.

  “You could still go you know.” Dad wrapped his arms around me. “You don’t need a date.”

  “No one would dance with me,” I muttered.

  “You’ll get through this, I promise.”

  “Parents always say stuff like that.”

  Dad chuckled. “It’s in the handbook!”

  I rolled my eyes, not sure if I should laugh or cry. My whole body ached, and I felt like I’d been run over by a semi.

  “How about you crawl into bed, and I’ll bring you some tea,” Dad said after studying my face.

  “Okay.” Once I climbed under the covers, I pulled them up beneath my chin then propped my pillows behind me. Is this what it felt like to be in a daze? Life seemed to stop. How, would I make it through each day without Carsen by my side? I’d grown used to him sitting with me for every class and during lunch.

  Everything was meaningless now. I welcomed Carsen’s jokes and his smiles, even the way he made me blush in the middle of class. But starting tomorrow it wouldn’t be apart of my existence any longer. Sorrow embraced me.

  Dad came back in the room and handed me a steaming cup. “It’s chamomile, it’ll help you sleep tonight.”