by Schulte, Liz
“The desert.”
“That is where I always was before you pulled me out. I can’t really explain it, but I am not there anymore and the beast no longer calls to me. When I first met you, it wanted me to kill you. It would become restless if I was not following orders or doing my job. I had to manage it always to keep it happy, but not anymore. It’s gone and I am free to do what I want.”
She nodded. “But what does this have to do with them? You’re different, Holden. You aren’t like the rest of them—you never were.”
“I am exactly like the rest of them. A little more controlled perhaps, but they have all the same urges and cravings I did. There is no reason to think they couldn’t handle being free, especially if they have a leader and an occupation. Will all of them be perfect? No, but I don’t think the jinn were meant to be enslaved to demons. Maybe this is what you are supposed to do. Correct the imbalance that was created so long ago.”
She shook her head. “The risk is too great. I have met other jinn, touched other jinn. They aren’t like you.”
“If we free them, Hell loses an earthly hold. I’m not saying it would solve all the problems, but it would be a big win for Heaven. Not all of them can be saved, but saving a handful of jinn is better than having the thousands of them working for the other side.”
“Heaven won’t see it that way. It would put a bigger target on our backs. I know it seems like the best choice right now, but it isn’t. There has to be another way.”
“The target is nothing new. It’s never scared us before.”
“Okay, let’s pretend for a second we free the jinn. What will Hell come up with next? Right now, we know what to expect from the jinn. If we take them away, who knows how they will adapt. Isn’t there a saying about the enemy you know…”
Better the devil you know than the devil you don’t. She looked at me, calm and serene, all traces of the agitation she’d had when she came in gone. The angel was sticking pretty close to the surface of her mind. Olivia was easier to reason with, but right now I was going to have to win them both over.
She ran her fingers through her hair. “Let me ask this. Why do you want to do this? You have shown no interest in the jinn for the past year. And now, all of a sudden, you want to free them all. Why?”
“Other than saving our lives?”
“And damning countless humans to do so. For all we know, they will expose the Abyss with their carelessness.”
“You’re the one always telling me I need to make connections.”
She thought for a moment. “You wanted to free them before we needed them to deflect Hell?”
It was more than Phoenix’s offer. Part of me wanted to do this, had for some time, but I couldn’t say why. I hadn’t thought about it. My instincts said it was the only way we could survive. They had saved me more than once. It was the best way for us to survive, and that was more important to me than anyone else’s life or comfort. Was part of me looking for an occupation? Perhaps the part that had taken to leading the jinn the last time had latched on to this new opportunity. Or maybe I was just keeping us alive. Either way, it didn’t really matter why I wanted to do it. All that mattered was doing it.
She shook her head. “I’m not freeing the jinn. Right now, I cannot imagine letting them loose on the world. You have chosen your path. Even as a jinni, you fought against your nature. I have seen too many who don’t, who relish in killing and causing pain. I will not be responsible for that going ungoverned.”
“It doesn’t have to go ungoverned.”
“Who will hold them responsible?”
I took a deep breath. “We will.”
She stared into my eyes. “You want to lead the jinn?” For a moment I thought I had her, but she shook her head again.
“We can’t win without them,” I said.
“We can’t sacrifice everyone else just to save ourselves. We’ll find another way or we will die trying, but I won’t damn the human race to do it.”
There was no point in arguing further. She wasn’t going to budge. She was going to toe the Heaven line on this. That was fine. I had wondered many times why, if angels had always possessed the power to free us, did they allow the demons to keep us hostage. Perhaps it was punishment for our sins. For playing fast and loose with the souls we had been granted and they had denied. I didn’t have to talk her into anything tonight. I’d introduced the idea and planted the seeds. Olivia would come around or she wouldn’t. Either way, I wasn’t prepared to die, and no matter what she said, neither was she. Worst-case scenario, I would just string along the jinn, making them think Olivia was on board, and keep her away from them until she changed her mind. If she didn’t change her mind, we could deal with those issues when they came up.
“How did you find out they were looking for a weapon to kill angels?” I asked.
She smiled. “I talked Baker into being a distraction and sneaked one of his burner phones into the back room of the church they are soiling. I listened from my phone. Speaking of that, I need a new phone. If Mom tries to call, she won’t be able to get me.”
I had to hand it to her—she was resourceful. “I’ll get you one. Did you get Baker to talk to you? What was going on with him?”
Her eyes widened and she shrugged. Always a terrible liar. “I think he was just tired and irritable. What should we do about Mom? The guardian is watching her, but maybe staying in the house isn’t a good idea.”
“We should probably move her at least.”
Olivia nodded. “Where?”
I wasn’t sure there was a place out of Hell’s reach if they really wanted her. “Do you think she would agree to become a nun?”
Olivia laughed. “Somehow I doubt it.” Her face went serious and her tongue darted out, wetting her lips. “Do you think we should have the guardians move her? Somewhere neither of us knows about?”
That idea wasn’t my favorite, but I followed her logic. If we were captured at some point, we could give up her location, but I didn’t trust the guardians. Sure, things had been fine for a while now, but it wasn’t that long ago they were in shambles and one of them was betraying the others. “I think she is safest with us, but if you don’t want to bring her here then we should definitely be the only ones who have contact with her. I don’t trust anyone else. I don’t want that guardian watching her to ever leave her side.”
She took my hand. “He won’t. No matter how much I complain, I love it that you take care of both of us.” Her lips brushed my cheek. “Let’s go.”
She transported and I followed her to St. Louis. She traveled faster than I did, so she made it to her mother a good five minutes before me. The guardian was stationed outside of her house. He nodded to me and I nodded back. Most of the guardians knew who I was now. They may not have liked me, but they respected Olivia.
Marge was in the kitchen, no doubt making her something to eat because she was wasting away, even though food made no difference to her outward appearance. It was just a motherly thing to do. It was hard to remember my mom most of the time, but being around Marge brought back pieces of her every now and then. I would get a flash of a memory. They were so distant, so foreign, that it almost felt like they were coming from someone else’s life. Marge also reminded me of Olivia in a lot of ways.
“Holden,” she said brightly. “Olivia informs me I have to leave again. I am sure you can’t imagine bossing your mother around in such a manner.”
A smile ticked at my lips. “I’m afraid she’s right. It would be for the best, if you don’t mind.”
She huffed out her breath as she set two sandwiches on the counter in front of us. “And are either of you going to tell me why?”
“It’s dangerous here, Mom.”
“Well if it is dangerous, honey, don’t you think you should come too?” she asked.
Olivia rolled her eyes. “You know it’s not the same.”
“Then I’m not going either. I really don’t have time. I have bridge and the
Red Hats. Really, I can’t just drop everything.”
Olivia made a face at me and I smiled wider. Yes, Marge was quite a bit like dealing with Olivia. It was good for her to experience this. “The two of you are really so much alike,” I volunteered.
“You aren’t helping,” Olivia said.
“I wasn’t trying to.” I looked down at the church bulletin lying on her counter. My eyes scanned it as I listened to them talk.
“Honestly, dear, you always send me away and nothing ever happens. I think I would be fine staying here or I could come visit you.”
“Nothing happens because we send you away. Please stop arguing and just go.”
“Where would you have me go?”
Olivia threw her hands up. “Wherever you want. Just not here.” She thought about it for a moment. “Preferably somewhere religious.”
“How about somewhere like this?” I picked up the bulletin and point to an advertisement.
“Perfect,” Olivia said. “A Catholic retreat, Mom. Doesn’t that sound fun?”
Marge gave her a dubious look. “No.”
“Come on, it will be. You can get three of your friends to go with you, and I am sure you guys will have a great time. By the time you come back, everything will be back to normal here.”
“They probably all have plans.”
“I’ll make sure they go,” Olivia tried.
“They can’t see you, dear. You know the rules.”
Olivia laughed. “No one will see me. We’ll just do a little nudge.”
Marge frowned, and Olivia gave me a pleading look.
“It really is important, Marge. If we have to worry about your safety, it will be harder to guard ourselves. Neither of us would ask if we thought there was another way.”
She finally nodded. “I guess. When do I need to leave?”
Olivia made a face at both of us. “Seriously? Holden says one thing and you agree? I would have had to talk to you all night.”
“Don’t exaggerate, dear.”
I chuckled. “Tomorrow morning would be great. I’ll call the retreat for you guys to let them know to expect you. Who else is going?”
“I supposed Sheila Forest, Peggy Grindstaff, and Georgia Clemmons.”
I punched the number into my phone and went to the living room to book her stay. Next I called the airline and booked all three of them on an early morning flight. When I went back into the kitchen, Olivia was doing her trick and getting each of them to drop whatever plans they had to go. Once everything was arranged, I glanced at my watch. I needed to get back to Chicago. I put my hand on the small of Olivia’s back. “You ready?”
She shook her head. “I’m going to stay here tonight, just to make sure Mom gets on the plane okay,” Olivia said.
“Okay.” I ran the back of my hand down her cheek. “See you in the morning.”
I went home and called Baker. He needed to be brought up to speed, but just as I was about to hang up, the damn guardian showed up.
“Quintus.”
“Holden.” He nodded. “Olivia is not here?”
“No. What do you want?”
“I can’t find the human girl.”
I raised my eyebrows. “What human girl?”
“Maggie.”
I froze. “I thought Olivia asked you not to watch her.”
“She did. Then she called me back today and said she changed her mind.” He looked confused. “Did she not tell you?”
“Must have slipped her mind.” I knew she had been hiding something when she came back, but why would she change her mind about that? What had she found out? I pushed the questions from my mind. “What do you mean you can’t find her? How hard is it to find a human girl?”
“I have been to her house, her office, and she isn’t anywhere. I wanted to see if Olivia could track her.”
I nodded. “She can’t tonight. She’s with her mom. I’ll help you. We can pick up Baker on the way.”
Quintus gave a half smile, looking entirely too pleased. “You want me to come with the two of you?”
“For fuck’s sake, you’re as bad as a woman. Do you want to come or not?”
Those dimples only got deeper on his face. “I’d love to come.”
I locked the door behind us. Quintus stayed quiet for a total of four seconds before he started talking.
“What happened to Baker?”
“The jinn beat him up to get my attention.”
Quintus shook his head. “What do they want from you guys?”
I gave him a hard look. “My attention.”
“Olivia was worried this morning…”
Not worried enough to take the deal with the jinn, but worried enough to have Maggie watched behind my back. I had apparently been asking her the wrong questions. I was tempted to go back to her mother’s house and talk to her, but I knew the time with her mom was important to her.
“I know she doesn’t think guardians can fight, but if you guys need me for anything, I’ll help.”
I nodded. “Thank you.” Quintus might not have been quite the pious asshole he used to be. The events last year had changed us all. He’d had to make some hard decisions, but in the end, he’d come through for Olivia and for me. “What would you think about freeing the jinn?”
“In exchange for what?”
“For their allegiance.”
He thought for a moment before shrugging. “It might not be a bad idea.”
I stopped. That wasn’t at all what I’d expected. “Olivia doesn’t see it that way.”
“That’s not really surprising. We work every day to combat what the jinn do. It’s hard to see past that.”
“You did.”
“She’s an angel. I’m a guardian. I see and experience them differently than she does.”
Yet she was the one who’d taken a chance on me.
Quintus smiled. “Last year at the trial, you changed a lot of guardians’ opinions of jinn.”
I didn’t say anything for the rest of the trip to Baker’s house. Quintus kept talking until I could feel a vein twitching in my forehead. I had never been so happy to see Baker in my life than when his house finally came into view. Baker sat on the porch drinking a beer. He nodded to us but didn’t say anything. There was a wary look in his eye as he watched us approach.
“How are you doing, Baker?” Quintus asked.
“Peachy.” Baker watched me.
What was wrong with him? I frowned at him.
His mouth twitched down and his jaw tightened. “I know. But it’s over now,” he said.
“What’s over?”
His mouth snapped shut. “Why did you want to see me?”
“To talk about the jinn originally, but now Quintus can’t find Maggie, so we are going to help him track her down. Liv is with her mother. What were you talking about?”
“Oh. Nothing. Where have you looked for her?”
Quintus rattled off all the usual places. “Who is she? How do you guys know her? What does she have to do with any of this?”
“She’s just a girl Olivia knows,” I said. I might have been willing to share some things with him, but under no stretch of the imagination did he need to know that she was my family.
“WHERE’D HOLDEN GO?” Mom asked.
“Home.”
“Oh. I wanted to see if he would re-caulk my bathtub while he was here.”
I could feel my forehead wrinkle together and my lip curl. What on earth made her think Holden would caulk anything, I had no idea. He never did anything remotely handy at home. I used my angel magic or Holden would just move or buy something new. He didn’t waste his time with domestic. “Holden doesn’t do home repairs.”
“Of course he does. He’s very useful.”
I laughed. My mother was strange, but at least she had taken to Holden. Half the time I thought she might be willing to trade me in for him. “I’ll fix it.”
I headed toward her bathroom with her behind me. “Don’t trouble your
self, dear. You aren’t handy at all. Never have been.”
I ignored her and closed the door before she could follow me in—it weirded me out to go all angel in front of my mother. Moments later, her bathroom looked good as new. I opened the door and she stuck her head in. “You changed the wall color.”
Some people were never happy. “You’re welcome.” I flopped down on her bed. “What are your plans tonight?”
“I guess I’m packing.”
I rested my head against the pillow as she went to get her suitcase. I closed my eyes and concentrated on each breath I took. It was nice to be home.
Olivia. The voice was back. Baker was obviously suspicious of the voice, and I understood that. I pretended like I hadn’t heard it. Maybe I needed to call Uriel down for a talk. He might have some idea about what was happening or who was talking to me. Mom came back in the room and opened her suitcase. She disappeared into her closet and came back with a few items.
“Are you happy?” she asked me.
I opened my eyes and moved so I could see her. “Yeah. Why?
“You seem happy.”
“I’m always happy.” Where was she going with all of this? My mother never started down a path without knowing where she wanted it to end up.
She fingered the edge of a blue silk shirt. “This life suits you better, doesn’t it?”
I shrugged. “I was happy here too.” I couldn’t really say whether my human life, the angelic existence, or my current life was better. They were all necessary parts of me now and shaped who I was.
“I know, but this is the real you.” She gave me a wobbly smile, and her voice cracked as she spoke. “You’ve finally come out of your shell. You’ve outgrown your old mom.”
I got up and hugged her tight. Powerful angel or introverted photographer, no one ever outgrew their mother. “I’ll always need you. I wouldn’t be here or the person I am without you.”
She hugged me back with a soft sniffle.
I gave her one more squeeze. “This is no way to pack a suitcase. I’ll get us glasses of wine. You keep packing.”
“Olivia?” I paused. “I’m proud of you.”
My eyes filled with tears again. “I love you, Mom.”