by Ava Danielle
I haven’t been intimate with Noah, there’s no way I can ever be. I know I chose him and promised to love him in return, but the pain sits too deep to pursue anything with him. There’s only one man I love and one man I’ll continue to love till my dying breath.
Cuddled up next to me Noah sits on the couch watching television. My thoughts are otherwise preoccupied and I’m not paying attention to the love scene happening on the screen before me. I feel Noah’s hand graze my body, but his touch revolts me.
“I’m going to bed,” I utter as I slide out of his hold.
“I’ll come with you.” I ignore his words just like I’ve ignored him every day since the day I promised to be with him.
BENNETT
Battling with my own thoughts I’ve been going around trying to figure out what I had done wrong to lose Jenna. One day I run errands like many days, something bad happens, and I lose the one thing that has meant more to me than anything since High school. She’s been my everything this past year and I can’t come to the senses that she would throw it all away without a word. I keep questioning her love for me, but nothing ever showed me she didn’t love me as she said she did. I feel a sense of punishment for something I did, something I’m unsure I did. I want her back. Before that though, I need to figure out how I lost her in the first place.
“Hospital,” I tell my buddies at work as I wait for a call to come in to distract my mind.
“That’s all she said?”
“Yeah, I’m not sure what to make of it,” I ponder.
“Maybe go to the hospital and ask them?” John throws in his two cents.
“’Cause that’s not going to make me look crazy? My ex told me to come here for some answers I’m not even sure I’m looking for,” I roll my eyes.
But maybe that’s just it. Maybe I’m supposed to go to the hospital and ask what happened during the robbery. There might be answers I hadn’t even thought of.
The alarm sounds as I’m being reminded I’m at work. Tossing on my gear I jump into the fire truck as we make our way to the incoming emergency. My mind is still reeling wondering how to get my girlfriend back. At this point, I’m willing to do anything. Struggling to concentrate on work I nearly got myself in a whirl of trouble as chief pulls me aside and tore me one. I’m listening to him remind me to focus but my entire mind seems to only focus on Jenna.
“Get your ass in the truck,” Chief demands of me.
And there I sit.
I sit and come up with a billion different reasons why I’m no longer with the love of my life. I’m thinking of a million reasons to win her heart back. Pulling my phone out I text her that I must see her. I’m not sure if she’ll see it, I’m not sure if she’ll respond, but I have to try. I won’t be able to concentrate on anything if I don’t keep trying to get her back.
After my shift I decide to show up at Jenna’s office and notice she’s not anywhere in sight,
“I’d like to see Cassie,” I ask the receptionist at the front desk.
She calls for Cassie and I wait by a window in the hall remembering all the good times I’d shared with Jenna at her office. All the kisses we shared, the ideas of different stories we shared, the good times.
“Hey Bennett,” Cassie greets me and waves me to come into her office.
“What’s going on?” I’m blunt and straight to the point.
“What do you mean?” she seems clueless.
“Jenna is with Noah,” I throw my hands in the air unsure why she’s even with him and no one seems to have the answers, “I’m not even sure why. Everything between us was great, we had no problems, yet suddenly she chooses him, Cassie, tell me you know why.” I pace the space.
“She didn’t give me any details, either,” she sighs.
“I went to see her yesterday,” I finally sit in the chair across from the desk.
“And?” she’s curious.
“And the only thing she gave up, never looking at me, was hospital,” I shrug.
“Hospital?” she seems confused.
“I don’t fucking know. That’s all she said, and I don’t think I was even supposed to hear that.”
“I don’t know what that could mean,” you can see Cassie’s brain moving to figure it out with me.
It took Cassie and I only a few minutes before we decided to head down to the hospital and ask any and all questions to receive the answer we’re hoping to find. The nurses look at us as if we’re crazy as we’re being passed down from one nurse to the next and we continue to ask the same questions over and over again until finally someone digs out my file and notices one minor detail putting a little more sense to it all. No name was written but the doctor performing the surgery had mentioned that a close friend was the one to save my life. The only one close to me is Jenna and she wasn’t anywhere near a hospital bed besides the one’s she was standing next to.
“You don’t think it was Noah?” I’m stunned at Cassie’s words.
“Noah?”
“Yeah, you don’t think he could’ve pressured Jenna into dumping you to be with him in return for a kidney?” It would make sense what she’s saying but it’s too obvious.
“No,” I shake my head, “she despised Noah, I don’t think she would do that.”
“Exactly, she would do it for you no matter how much she hates him. She still put you first,” Cassie’s words hit me hard.
“I don’t know if she would do something like that. To give up our relationship for,” she interrupts me.
“For love for you. So, you can live. She did it for you,” Cassie’s pretty sure she’s right.
Leaving the hospital with Cassie I’m a quiet passenger staring out of the car window wondering if any of this theory rings true. Possibilities stir my mind.
I love her.
I love her until my last breath and I would’ve died for her, but for her to give us up so I wouldn’t have to die takes on a new meaning for love. She loves me just as much in return. She’s willing to give up everything for us. That’s true love - to sacrifice your happiness for someone else.
This is the time I decide to fight for her. To win her heart back completely, to make him suffer for making her choose life or death.
JENNA
Days go by and I think about only Bennett.
Days go by and I wish I was in his arms, in his embrace, feeling his lips and hugging him whenever my heart desires.
Days go by and I question my decision.
“There’s mail for you,” Noah mutters as I stand in the kitchen staring out the window ignoring him almost daily.
“Thanks,” I don’t budge.
“You could at least look at me,” he wraps his arms around me from behind and I wish those arms were Bennett’s.
“Sorry,” I turn and fake a smile.
As I sift through the mail an envelope with no return address captures my eye. Opening the envelope looking around to see if Noah has left the room, I pull out a single sheet of paper with a handwritten note stating to come to the place that meant the most to our relationship signed by Bennett. Confused I read the words over and over again.
“Is he trying to win me back?” I whisper under my breath.
Hiding the note in my back pocket I search for Noah in the house and find him on the back deck reading a magazine.
“I’m going out shopping,” I lean in for a kiss.
“I’ll go with you,” he starts to get up and I push him back down,
“No, you relax. I have plans with Cassie. Girl time,” I lie.
After a long kiss he finally lets me go and I can’t help but wipe my lips as I leave the house.
Arriving at the Sinema Restaurant, I’m greeted by a waitress who had been expecting me.
“Follow me,” we make it through sections I didn’t see last time Bennett brought me here, she’s leading me downstairs into a private area where pictures of Bennett and I are placed on the walls.
“What the..?” I question as I continue to follo
w her.
Entering a room, I stare at a big screen of moving images of Bennett and I. Videos showcasing our love flash on a screen as our favorite song plays in the background.
“Please sit,” she asks as she hands me my favorite cocktail.
Watching the screen before me in the corner of my eye I see Bennett enter the room and my heart skips a beat. I didn’t realize how much I actually missed him until I had him right across from me. I try to get up to hug him but hesitant and unsure I sit back. He sits next to me and places his hand on my leg, “I’m glad you made it,” he mumbles never taking his eyes off mine.
“Hi,” I whisper and a small smile crosses my lips.
The setting is perfect. The somber music, images of us flashing before me, it’s romantic in all ways possible.
“I know things have been difficult, I know you chose him, but I also know why you chose him,” he inches closer to me, “I know I mean more to you than anyone ever has. I know I’ve loved you since high school and if anything, I’m never going to stop fighting for you.”
Leaning into him to feel him close to me, I whisper, “it’s always been you,” and wait for his lips to crash against mine. But they don’t.
“We need to talk first,” he bites his lip.
Sighing, I take a deep breath and silently agree with him.
“I love you, Bennett. I know I’ve made a big mistake but I had no choice,” I start by saying when he interrupts.
“You had a choice, you always have a choice, Jenna,” he seems distant.
“I know,” I huff, “I had to choose between your life and you. Of course, you were more important to me alive, I knew what I was giving up, it wasn’t easy, Bennett. I was going to do everything I could for you to be able to live.”
“Did you think a life without you was worth living?”
His words hit me hard and I never thought about it.
“Well?” he utters, “I don’t want to be with anyone but you. You’re what matters to me. You’re who I want to be with. I would’ve died for you,” tears start to stream down my face.
“I didn’t want you to die. I didn’t want to lose you,” I cry.
“You lost me when you chose him for my life in return.”
“What am I supposed to do now?” I feel his hand hold mine.
“You choose me,” he leans in nearly kissing me, “You choose me for life. You choose to be with me. You choose to love me forever.”
His hands are placed on each of my cheeks. “You spend the rest of your life with me.”
“Is that a proposal?” I try to lighten the conversation.
“It’s a promise for forever, a proposal is something far more special.”
“What about Noah?”
He pulls back and I feel the distance fall between us, “What about him?”
“What do I tell him?”
“You tell him it’s over. I thank him for his selfish act. We live our lives and put him in the past.”
His words seem simple. Yet, I feel the repercussion of Noah creep into my brain imagining the worst. I want to be with Bennett, with none other than Bennett, but I don’t know how easy it will be to escape Noah.
“You’ll have to go with me,” I lean in for a hug as I feel his kiss against my forehead.
“I would never let him close to you after this kind of conversation. Jenna, you’re mine. I fight for you. And it’s time you’re mine without Noah ever being a part of it.”
“Let’s do it,” I declare.
Our night at the Sinema was coming close to an end, as I feared leaving. “You’re coming home with me,” he demands as we leave the restaurant.
Shaking my head in disagreement, I attempt to get into my car as he pulls me away. “You’re not going back to him,” he pulls me into his arms.
“But I shouldn’t give him reason to worry or be upset,” I try to defend the situation.
“Tomorrow morning we will go see him and end all of this,” before I had a chance to argue, his lips were against mine, our tongues danced, and all the worry washed away.
BENNETT
Sometimes the two people who are truly best for each other will have to face greater obstacles in order to be with each other. You have to fight the greater fight. You have to continue to show just how much your love is worth fighting for. And currently, that’s exactly what I’m doing with Jenna. I want her to know. No, I need her to know that no one but her matters to me and I’m not willing to give her up. I’m almost certain she finally chose me last night, but it’s a new day and I worry she might have changed her mind and think it’s best to just leave me behind. It’s something I can’t handle. I won’t handle. I refuse to handle.
With a cup of coffee in hand I sneak into the bedroom to check on Jenna. Last night we were closer than we’ve ever been. I didn’t want to let her out of my arms for anything. She fit perfectly and I was scared to lose her.
Brushing the hair out of her face with my fingertips I see her eyes flutter open as she smiles at me. “Morning,” I whisper as I lean in to kiss her forehead.
“Good morning, sexy,” she mumbles making my heart flutter just a little.
As I wait for her to finish her coffee I’m nervous to ask if she’s still willing to talk to Noah about us. Instead she surprises me with her own words.
“I’m ready,” she utters, “I’m ready to put it all behind me and move forward with you,” she smiles.
“Are you sure?” I’m trying to not get my hopes up.
“Never been more ready. I’m ready to start my life with you, Bennett,” she leans into me, “I’m ready to put all this shit behind me and forget he ever existed.”
Arriving at Noah’s house I see the panic in her eyes. She hasn’t moved from the seat and I worry everything she’s planned on saying and repeating, she’ll forget once she lays her eyes on him. I see her chewing her fingernails, shaking her legs, and concentrating on her breathing. I want to take the pain away but only she can. She’s strong enough though, stronger than she’d like to admit.
“You ready?” I steadily approach her.
“Yeah,” she sighs, her hands opening the handle swinging the door open and leaving me behind in the car. Chasing after her so she’s not one second alone with him, we arrive at the door. Unlocking the door, she takes hold of my hand as we enter the house.
“Noah?” she shouts waiting for an answer.
“He’s not home?” I look around.
“I guess not,” she walks through the house.
Its white walls seem bland. The furniture highlighted more as if we’re in a furniture store. There are hardly any pictures hanging on the wall. No sight of love is in the air. It feels sad and lonely standing in the living room of Jenna’s home. Coming from her amazing bedroom at Cassie’s and all the design ideas she has, this place doesn’t seem to have anything resembling Jenna’s personality.
“Oh well,” she goes into the kitchen to pour us each a glass of water.
Leaning up behind her I kiss her neck and graze her body with my finger.
Purring into her ear knowing it gets her turned on, she giggles in return.
Nibbling on her ear, my finger slowly caressing her nipples under her shirt and bra, I can hear the desire in her moans. I want her but I don’t want her here, yet I can’t keep my hands off her.
“What the fuck?” Noah enters the kitchen.
“Oh, you made it home,” she stutters.
“Hey,” I pull away from Jenna to give her space out of respect for Noah.
“What the fuck is he doing here? And why were your hands all over her?” he inches closer to my face with a fist.
“Don’t,” Jenna steps in between us yelling at Noah.
Silence fills the air as we all just stare at each other waiting for someone to say the first thing that comes to mind or throw the first punch. Surprising us both, Jenna’s words fall and she catches us both off guard.
“I’m moving back in with Cassie,” I had hop
ed she would choose me.
“No, you’re not, we had a deal,” Noah huffs.
“That’s kind of over since Bennett found out the truth,” I raise my eyebrows at him.
“What do you mean?” Noah leans against the kitchen counter.
“It’s not that hard to figure out, Noah. You blackmailed her in return for a kidney for me,” I help her out by saying.
“I don’t love you, Noah. Not as much as I thought I did. Our love was based on a lie most of our relationship. You’ve always viewed it as a win against Bennett. You didn’t even give me a chance. You forced him to stay away from me,” tears start to form in her eyes.
“Bullshit, I never made him do anything he didn’t willingly do,” Noah argues.
“I cared about our friendship,” I admit to Noah.
“What the fuck ever. What did you do the minute you found out I had died? You ran right to her, never missing a beat. You were glad I had died,” Noah shouts.
“I cared for her, I always cared for her, so yeah I told her exactly how I felt back then and I tried to make something work, I would’ve regretted it if I hadn’t.”
“It’s best if you don’t contact me,” Jenna places the cup on the counter and gives me a look of - I’m ready to go.
“I don’t give up that easy, Jenna,” Noah grabs her by the hand.
“Nothing you will say or do will change how I feel and always felt about Bennett. I’m sorry this hurts you, but it’s something I should’ve done sooner.”
“Not only did I just give him one of my kidneys’ to save his life, you decide to just walk away with him leaving me behind. Am I not worth anything to you?”
“You’ve done nothing but lie and pressure me, Noah. It’s not a healthy relationship. I’ve cried myself to sleep every night,” she admits, “I hadn’t meant anything to you. Nothing. At least Bennett has always made me feel like a woman and like it mattered what I thought, how I felt, what I needed. I can’t say the same about you,” Jenna surprises me with her strength, “I’ll have someone come to get the few things I have here. I’d like you to never contact me and move on with your life. Thanks for the kidney, but it’s the noble thing to do, not to blackmail someone to be with you.”