Convenient Proposal to the Lady

by Julia Justiss

  ‘While the grooms are envying me a wife with such a gluttonous appetite. Who, I’m afraid, my wicked angel, will have to wait until this evening.’ Giving her a pat on the bottom that was both affection and promise, he helped her to her feet.

  ‘How many days do you expect it will take us to return to London?’

  ‘We can make it comfortably in three, although I might want to spare one more. Which leads me to a question.’

  ‘What’s that?’ she asked as she tossed a bonnet over her carelessly braided curls.

  ‘We’ll be passing through Hampshire. I’d thought to visit longer another time, but it seems a shame not to take an afternoon, since we’ll be so close. Would you be amenable to stopping in Andover, while I go visit my mother in Whitchurch?’

  ‘Of course. You will to take me to meet her, I hope.’

  ‘I...wasn’t sure how you’d feel about it.’ Their travelling route had been well known from the start, but Ben had put off talking to Alyssa about this particular possibility until the last moment. He knew many of her views differed from those typical of her sex and class. But she’d been more or less compelled to wed him and, though she’d protested that it was his reputation she wanted to protect, he hadn’t quite managed to banish the niggling fear that secretly she regretted having stooped to marry a bastard.

  Conventional views about the treatment deserved by ‘fallen women’ were even harsher, and inculcated from childhood. Though he would like his mother to meet Alyssa, he’d been ferociously protective of her his whole life and didn’t want to risk even the possibility that she might feel snubbed or disdained by his wife.

  ‘She’s the classic example all young females are warned against. And as you may remember, she’s not received by anyone in society. Of course, I would love her to meet you, but...’

  ‘But you want to know she’d be treated properly, with respect and courtesy, not condescension or thinly veiled distaste,’ Alyssa said.

  ‘Well—yes,’ he admitted.

  ‘Did you fear I might look down on her because I’m an earl’s daughter and she a disgraced governess? Oh, Ben, I would be insulted at your lack of faith in me, if your concern didn’t also reinforce how fiercely you protect your mother—and how could I resent that? I told you once I admired her courage. I expect she’s far more virtuous than many “respectable” society matrons, who take lovers on a whim. How could I not wish to meet a woman who gave up so much to raise so honourable, principled and courageous a son?’

  After enduring a lifetime of taunts—some from Alyssa’s own brother and most recently from Denbry—her affirmation was like soothing rain soaking into the parched ground of the boy who’d been mocked, teased and rejected. An outsider all his life, until he found a place first with the army, then with the Hellions at Oxford.

  Gratitude, relief and some deep emotion he couldn’t put a name to welled up, closing his throat so he couldn’t speak.

  Reading the feelings that must be playing across his face, Alyssa cupped his chin in her hands, her gaze tender. ‘How could you not think yourself a thousand times more worthy than men like Denbry and Harleton, men blessed with titles and wealth, but empty of any virtue? After my experiences with my father and brother, I have even more reason than you to know that it isn’t birth that matters, but character. That’s the truth you want to incorporate into the governing of England. Surely you believe it yourself! Or is that another something one knows with the head, but which must gradually be learned by the heart?’

  He smiled wryly. ‘When some of the lads found out I was base-born, my old sergeant major told them the army preferred bastards. They fight harder, he said, because they always have something to prove. I suppose he was right.’

  ‘You proved your character to me the day you travelled all the way to Dornton to protect the sister of a man you despise—a woman you’d never even met. Your friends, your fellow Parliamentarians and your constituents all recognise that character. I’d be honoured to meet the woman who helped shape it.’

  His heart still full, Ben rose and gave her a hug. Releasing her at last, he said, ‘I’ll be honoured to introduce the special lady I was lucky enough to marry. Let’s get on the road.’

  * * *

  Three days later, the maid-of-all-work answered the door of his mother’s small cottage. Poignant memories had begun to well up the moment their carriage turned into the long drive, but now, as the girl ushered them to the parlour, they submerged him.

  How many times had he sat with Mama in that parlour while she read to him? When she’d held the little boy in her arms as he sobbed at another child’s cruelty, or patched up his cuts and scrapes? Calmed the adolescent who stormed in, furious and longing to pay back the village boys for their taunts?

  Welcomed back from India the defiant young man who’d rejected his father’s offer of support and run off to take the King’s shilling, counselling him to accept the Viscount’s help now, so he might finish his education and establish the career she’d sacrificed so much to give him.

  Always surrounding him with her unfailing love, nurturing, protecting, and guiding him towards the better life she’d wanted for him.

  He’d written to his mother explaining his hasty marriage, so his arrival with wife in hand wouldn’t be a shock. She hadn’t been expecting this visit, though, as he’d not decided to make it until so late, a note would have arrived about the same time they did.

  And then she was at the parlour door. ‘My darling son!’ she cried, embracing him, love and pride and welcome in her face, as there was every time he came home. No matter how long it had been since he’d last visited.

  ‘Mama, how good it is to see you!’

  ‘And you, too, my son. But you mustn’t stand there! Alice,’ she called to the goggle-eyed maid, ‘would you bring tea? Now, Ben, you must introduce this lovely young woman.’

  Alyssa, who’d been standing back as they embraced, predictably didn’t wait upon protocol. Dropping a curtsy, she said, ‘I’m Lyssa, Mrs Tawny. And I’m so pleased to meet you. What a wonderful son you raised!’

  One arm still around his mother, Ben turned towards her with a grin. ‘Yes, this is Lady Alyssa Lambornne, now Mrs Ben Tawny.’

  ‘You could say nothing that would delight a mother more,’ his mother told her. ‘Welcome, my dear! Please come in.’

  They took seats in the neat front parlour, the maid returning soon after with the tea. As they drank it, his mother asked about their wedding trip, his work in Parliament, Alyssa’s drawings, all the while, he could tell, watching and assessing his wife.

  As Alyssa had informed him, he needn’t have worried. The meeting between the two women closest to his heart went splendidly, Alyssa answering questions about her work, but then going on to admire his mother’s needlework, asking about her garden and remarking on the book she’d left lying on the table beside her chair, which led to a discussion of what sort of literature they preferred.

  * * *

  After several hours, having acquiesced to his mother’s urging that they remain for an early dinner before returning to their rooms at the coaching inn in Andover, the maid bore Alyssa off to wash and rest.

  Giving Ben and his mother time for the tête-à-tête he knew she wanted.

  Once his wife had left the room, his mother turned to Ben. ‘I like your Alyssa very much.’

  Ben smiled. ‘So do I, Mama.’

  ‘Which is fortunate, given that circumstances virtually forced you to marry her.’

  ‘Well, I did have some notion of her character. If she weren’t the confident and independent woman she is, she probably would have fainted dead away when I revealed the threat to her and, upon reviving, rushed home in hysterics, so there never would have been that unfortunate confrontation at the inn. But in any event, I couldn’t have abandoned her to face ruin and scandal.
’ Like my father did to you, he left unspoken, anger over that fact still smouldering.

  As if she knew what he was thinking, his mother said quietly, ‘Now you know first-hand what it is to marry out of honour rather than free choice. It has always grieved me that you are so bitter towards your father.’

  ‘What, did his father lock him in his room? Beat him? Starve him into accepting the fortune and title?’ Ben spat out.

  ‘There are other sorts of coercion beyond beating and imprisonment.’

  ‘I know you’ve always loved him, even after what he did to you. And I admire you for forgiving him. I... I just can’t.’

  ‘As a child, you wouldn’t have understood and as a young man, you were too angry to listen. Even after you returned from India, you refused to let me speak of it. Perhaps now, after your own experience, you will let me tell you what really happened between us.’

  ‘I know he gave in to his family’s pressure and repudiated you, left you pregnant and disgraced. What else is there to know?’

  She sighed. ‘A very great deal. Family is so very important, Ben. I should know, after having to live without it for so many years. I would like to heal the breach between you, while there is still time for the two of you to become closer.’

  Ben had expected his mother to beg him to tell her everything about Alyssa—not rehash the old scandal. But from the imploring expression on her face, revealing what she wished to relate meant a great deal to her—and he wasn’t any longer that angry, impatient young man who’d refused to listen.

  Well, not impatient, anyway. He didn’t expect that anything she disclosed would alter his opinion, but if it would bring her peace to tell him, he wouldn’t deny her the chance.

  ‘Very well, Mama. Say what you wish.’

  ‘You like to claim Robert abandoned us for wealth and a title, but that’s not true. His parents never approved of their younger son’s love for a governess, not because of my birth, for my family was gentry—only because I had no money. But we had determined we would run away to marry, if necessary, and I think eventually they would have accepted me. All that changed when Robert’s older brother was killed. There was no wealth to inherit, you see. The estate had been virtually bankrupt for years, his father borrowing against the expectation of his eldest son marrying an heiress. And Julien was supposed to—Cecily Daubennet was one of the wealthiest young women of her debut year. She was only a baronet’s daughter, their fortune derived from a grandfather in trade, so her family prized above all her chance to become a viscountess. After Julien died, when Robert’s father discovered that her family would be amenable to her wedding the new heir, enormous pressure was put on Robert to acquiesce.’

  Touching his impassive face with a finger, she shook her head. ‘It wasn’t just his immediate family that would have suffered if he’d refused. The Deane’s Hill estate encompasses hundreds of acres, a neighbouring village, dozens of tenant farmers, a huge household of servants, grooms, cooks, maids and retainers. If he did not marry Miss Daubennet, loans would be due that would require dismissing the staff, closing the house, selling off most of the land and throwing a whole community into economic distress.’ She paused. ‘How could we be selfish enough to claim our happiness at the expense of so many people? Could you have done so?’

  Ben wasn’t sure what to answer. He’d been willing to risk his life to defend his country’s interests in India. Would he give up his love to prevent the distress of so many innocents?

  ‘Maybe not that,’ he allowed. ‘But I would never have abandoned the woman who carried my child.’

  ‘But he didn’t. I knew I had to let him go—as a curate’s daughter, I knew what it was to be poor, how if the estate failed, so many unfortunates would have had no recourse but the workhouse. But...but I was selfish, too. I wanted one night with the man I loved, before I had to give him up for ever. And I wanted to belong to him completely.’

  She smiled sadly. ‘He didn’t put up much resistance. And despite what happened later, I have never regretted stealing that night. Robert married Cecily two months later—just as I discovered I was with child. I didn’t tell him. So you see, all you have suffered, all you have missed out on by not having your father live with you, is my fault. Not his. I’ve carried that guilt since the day you were born.’

  Astounded, Ben shook his head. ‘You never told him? Then how...why?’

  ‘I intended to go away quietly, live somewhere far away where I wouldn’t be tempted to see him. But the pregnancy was...difficult. While going to bid my family farewell, I became too sick to travel. I don’t know what might have become of me had not my old governess taken me in, for my family disowned me. But after he threw me out, my father sent an angry letter to Robert, castigating him for having ruined his daughter. Had he not, you might now be a congressman of the United States, for I intended to take passage after you were born.’

  ‘But my father asked you to stay in England?’

  ‘Yes. Knowing what it meant for me, he was horrified when he learned I was with child. But he begged me not to go away, for although you could not be born in wedlock, you were his son, child of the woman he loved, and in England he could provide for you. Perhaps I could have begun a new life somewhere else and spared you growing up with the stigma of being a bastard. But then your father would never have known you, or been able to help you, or have taken any part in your life. It was selfish of me, but I wanted the man I loved to know his son.’

  Too shocked to take it all in, Ben said, ‘What did Miss Daubennet think of this?’

  ‘There was never any illusion of love between them. Robert honoured her wishes that you not be brought to live at Deane’s Hill, for which I was grateful. If she had been amenable to it, I would have had to send you and losing you, too, would have broken what was left of my heart. In exchange, Cecily promised to make no objection about Robert supporting us, seeing to your schooling and establishing a relationship with you. It was easier for her to bear, you see, because what was between us happened before she even met Robert. Although I imagine she believed that once she gave him a son, he would lose interest in the one that could never inherit his title or estate.’

  ‘Except she didn’t,’ Ben said. His father’s marriage had produced three daughters, half-sisters he had never met, but no sons.

  ‘No. Although I don’t believe having a legitimate son would have ended his interest in you, there never was another. The money Cecily brought rescued the estate, but it was Robert’s hard work that has restored it to the prosperity it enjoys today. As his means increased, Robert tried to provide more for us, as much as I would allow him. Once, when you were older, you asked why I never seemed to mind the disgrace. Do you remember what I replied?’

  The moment was graven on his memory. ‘You said there was so much love for me in you, there was no room to feel disgrace.’

  ‘Yes. What I did not tell you is that, having chosen to remain here, knowing the disgrace it would bring, I had no right to mind it. I do regret that my choice caused you so much pain, much more than I ever anticipated. Knowing what I do now, I’m not so sure I would make that choice again. It’s far too late to undo the past, of course. But the blame for the taunts and abuse and loneliness you suffered, blame you have always laid upon your father, should more fairly be directed at me.’

  Ben stared at her, his mind reeling. To him, his mother had always been the wounded innocent, left by his callous father to face the consequences of a passion that should never have been indulged. It would take some time to get his mind around the fact that she had chosen to risk conceiving him, knowing that she and his father could never marry. That she had chosen to remain in England, with all the stigma that would mean for her—and him—rather than starting over again elsewhere.

  ‘I...don’t know what to say.’

  She patted his hand. ‘It’s a great deal to take in. Yo
u’ll need to think about it. After you have, I hope you’ll be able to forgive me...and give your father another chance. Fortunately, you’ve been luckier than we were. Doing the honourable thing allowed you to rescue, rather than ruin, the woman you love.’

  ‘The woman I love?’ Ben echoed.

  ‘You do love her, don’t you?’

  ‘I...well, I’m very fond of her, but...’

  His mother laughed. ‘Oh, my dear, love isn’t always the coup de foudre—the lightning strike. Sometimes it happens quietly, so quietly you may not even notice. Something else for you to think about, yes?’

  Before he could reply, she turned towards the door. ‘Ah, Alyssa, my dear. I hope you’ve had time to rest? Alice will have dinner ready soon. If you’ll excuse me, I’ll go check on that.’

  Giving Ben a kiss on the cheek before she walked out, she left Ben with his mind in turmoil.

  His father had known only that he was giving up the woman he loved. He’d not abandoned Ben. He’d begged Ben’s mother to let him have a place in his life.

  ‘Did you and your mother have a comfortable coze?’ Alyssa asked, her question cutting through his turbulent thoughts. As she studied his face her smile faded. ‘Oh, dear! She doesn’t approve of me, does she?’

  That was so far off what really troubled him, Ben couldn’t help laughing. ‘Of course she does. But after expressing her delight with you, she explained some circumstances from my childhood that were...rather disconcerting. Shocking, almost.’

  ‘Shocking—good or shocking—bad?’

  He shook his head. ‘I’m not sure. When you discover that something you’ve believed your whole life is in error, it takes some...readjustment to put it all in perspective.’