by Nashoda Rose
I kissed Ream on the cheek, keeping my contact as brief and quick as possible. It wasn’t unusual for me, so he didn’t notice. “Hey.”
“You doing okay?” Ream asked. “You still like it here? Living with these assholes?”
Ream had checked the penthouse and security out twice before he was okay with me living here. Well, he still wasn’t okay with it, but he somewhat conceded. “Yeah. It’s been good and close to school.”
Kat grinned at me then called Ream over to the balcony. “Come here and see this view.”
“I’ve seen the view before,” he said.
“Not with me, baby.”
I breathed a sigh of relief as Ream went outside. I rested my forehead against the cool fridge. “Never again.” The smell of bacon had my stomach reeling again and I swallowed several times.
“Here.” Crisis passed me a coffee. “Helps the head. Not much I can do about your smell.”
I gasped. “Oh, my God, you can smell me, too?”
He chuckled. “No, bab . . .” He stopped. “No, but I heard Kat tell you.”
I swear he was about to call me baby. Why did he catch himself? He’d always called me baby, even in our texts. I liked it.
I took out the egg carton from the fridge and Crisis held out his hand. “I’ll do it. You’re liable to throw up all over the stove and set off a ricochet of events none of us want this morning. Set the table.”
I smiled. “Thanks.”
“Yep.”
I stared at him a minute as he reached up and grabbed a frying pan from the hook above the island. He was tense and . . . different. I didn’t like it. Was this what he meant by backing off?
I set the table while Ream and Kat came back inside and talked about the chick Matt was eyeing at Avalanche last night. She was a dancer in one of the plays in town for a few months. A number of the cast members had been there and had sat with the band.
“The band?” I asked.
Kat nodded. “Crisis and Kite showed up late.”
God, right. They told me they were going to Avalanche. I had a vague memory of standing against the wall, Crisis in close and I’d been thinking he was going to kiss me, but Lac showed up. Or maybe he hadn’t been thinking about that at all.
My breath caught in my throat. I told him I liked him calling me “baby.” I asked him if he was going to kiss me.
Ream laughed. “And the chick . . . what was her name, Crisis? The one who did a private dance for you on the table and ended up knocking over all the drinks? And there was a brunette . . . she was quiet, but she had her eyes on you, too.” My gaze darted to Crisis, whose back was turned, and I heard the scrape of spatula on the pan. “You bring her home last night? Lena. That’s her name. She still here?”
Crisis turned around, eyes murderous. “Fuck you, man.”
Ream’s brows rose. “What? Why are you bitching?”
I dropped the cutlery on the table causing a loud clang. I didn’t need time for clarity . . . I wanted him for myself but giving him parts of me I’d shared with no one . . . that was where I faltered. I felt the heat in my cheeks and my stomach heaved as the smell of bacon and eggs hit me all at once. I put my hand over my mouth and ran for my bathroom.
But I had nothing to throw up. Kat found me sitting on the floor cradling my head. She held out her hand. “Come on. I moved everything out onto the patio. We’ll eat out there in the fresh air.” I took her hand and she pulled me to my feet. “You like him.” It was a statement.
I deflated, sighing. “Yeah, but we’re just friends.”
She laughed. “Ream and I tried that, too. Didn’t last. Better not to fight it, makes life a lot easier.”
I shook my head. “Another guy kissed me last night and I didn’t like it. All I thought about was Crisis.” Vincent—he told me last night his real name was Vincent.
“I hope Crisis saw it.” She shrugged when my eyes widened. “Sweetie, he’s been a dog for years. He deserves to have to work for a woman instead of having them fall at his feet with their legs open.” Kat smoothed back my hair.
“I have so much inside me that is bad. I don’t want to put that on anyone.”
“Haven, I know what happened to Ream as a kid and I also witnessed what Alexa did to him. I know what she was capable of, and I’m suspecting Olaf was like that, too. So whatever you’re harboring, it’s horrific.” I’d brought Kat water when she’d been held captive in Alexa’s basement. “When Ream and I were in a bad place, I saw a part of Crisis many don’t get to see. He looked after me, protected me . . . Crisis may have girl issues, but behind all the crap he shoots off, I guarantee he’s something special.” Her voice softened, matching the look in her eyes. “He came to love your brother regardless of his demons. You can trust him with yours.”
“Girls, let’s eat,” Ream said knocking on the door.
Kat yanked it open, took a couple steps toward him then leapt. Her legs curled around his waist and her arms around his neck. His hands came under her ass as he staggered, caught off-balance.
“Fuck, Kitkat.”
She kissed him hard on the mouth then leaned back so all her weight was on Ream as she looked at me upside down. “Give him a chance to prove himself.”
“He already has,” I whispered more to myself.
“Who?” Ream asked.
“Nothing. Feed me. I’m starved, pumpkin.” Ream carried her away and I quickly washed my face and brushed my teeth then joined them out on the terrace.
I managed to eat a couple pieces of dry toast and nibbled on the scrambled eggs. Crisis sat beside me, and even though there was a good foot between us, I felt as if he was against me. I kept glancing between us with the sense that he’d moved closer, but he hadn’t.
“Sis?”
I jerked my gaze to my brother. “Yeah?”
“What did you do last night? I tried calling to see if you wanted to join us at Avalanche.”
I pushed my plate forward and sat back in my chair. “Went to a karaoke bar with friends.”
“Really?” he replied, his brows lowering. “The same karaoke bar you guys went to?” Ream looked from Crisis and Kite.
I jumped in even though the question was pointed at Crisis and Kite. “Yeah. Crisis came to my school at lunch and my friends convinced him to come along.”
“You went to her school?” Ream asked Crisis, but he wasn’t paying attention. He was looking at his phone scowling.
“Well, Kite, too.” I added. “We were going for lunch.” He was still looking at Crisis, who completely ignored the entire conversation as he scrolled on his cell. “Ream, what’s the big deal? We live together, remember. Crisis is right. You’re like the Terminator.”
Kite choked on his coffee and Kat winced.
God, this was ridiculous. He had this thing about Crisis. I didn’t get it. “And then after the bar we came back here and the three of us fucked all night. We woke up when you texted me, still on the floor naked, not even knowing whose legs were whose because we were still shit-faced.”
Kat coughed, hiding her smile behind her hand, and put her other one on Ream’s, which was curled into a fist next to his plate.
“Do you hear how ridiculous that is? If I want to fuck Crisis, I will, and if I choose not to, I’m capable of telling him to keep his hands off.” Shit, I carried a gun with me and at night slept with it in the drawer of my nightstand. I picked up my plate and stood. “And by the way, I drank until I could barely stand, sang twice, and I don’t remember how I got home. I also woke up on the bathroom floor.”
Ream’s jaw clenched and he didn’t say anything, but what surprised me the most was that Crisis hadn’t said anything and was still on his phone. I shoved away from the table and Crisis raised his head—finally.
“Where you going?”
I grabbed my plate and walked inside. I put the dishes in the sink and leaned my palms on the counter, hanging my head and closing my eyes.
“I’m sorry.” Ream’s voice was s
oft as he came and leaned against the counter beside me. “This isn’t easy for me. I lost you, Haven. Christ, I thought you were dead and then I get you back and I feel like . . . you’re not really here.”
I raised my head and looked at him. His eyes were filled with pain, expression drawn and haggard. “I’m here.” But he was right. I wasn’t here. Not who he expected anyway.
Ream sighed. “No. You’re not. Not my angel. Not the sister I grew up with. She’s gone. I miss her and I’m fighting to find her, but you won’t let me. You push me away and I’m trying to find a way back in, and my only way is to protect you. To make sure no one hurts you again.” He shifted and crossed his arms. “I want my sister.”
I didn’t want to hurt him. God, I’d do anything not to, but if he kept searching for that girl, it would be forever, because she didn’t exist. I became someone else and he’d have to learn to let go of who I once was.
“That sister, the one you loved, she’s dead, Ream. I can’t give you her. You can love me for who I am now or . . . not.”
“Jesus, I do love you. I always will,” he said quietly. “But, I have no idea who you are anymore.”
No, he didn’t. I didn’t. And telling him that I danced naked with men’s hands all over me, about Charlie, about the backrooms, it wouldn’t make him understand me. All it would do was hurt him. I realized I was slowly running my finger back and forth over the brand on my wrist and he noticed.
The tension sprung from him and I even heard the slight sharp inhale. He put his hand over the brand. “We can get a tattoo artist to—”
I yanked away. “No. I want to be reminded that I survived. I survived and so did you, Ream. We both had horrible, disgusting things done to us. But I’m not the girl you sang to at night. The girl who Gerard raped and fed drugs to.” He flinched and paled. “Do you get that? Because if you don’t, then we’ll never repair. We’ll always be broken.”
“Fuck, Haven.” Ream grabbed me and pulled me into a hug. “I’m sorry. It’s not easy to stop protecting you. I finally have you back and it would destroy me to see you hurt again. And Crisis . . . I love him, but I know what he’s like and it worries me that you guys spend so much time together. Shit, he has some chick obsessed with him. It’s just bad news.”
“You’re wrong.” He tensed, drawing back. “He’s better than that and if you step back, I think you’ll see it.”
Ream had been my protector all my life. It was his role and I knew this was hard for him to let go of. “Nothing will stop me from loving you.” He stroked my hair and pulled back, bending a bit so our eyes were level. “I’ll always love you, Haven.”
It was enough—for now. We were both a little lost in how to find our way back to one another as brother and sister.
Kat and Ream left after we cleaned up and I went back to bed. It was my phone buzzing on my mattress that woke me hours later and I pried my eyes open and searched under the duvet for the phone where I’d tossed it this morning.
I looked at the screen—Dana.
How are you feeling?
Better . . . now. Rough morning.
LOL. You were wasted. So, meet in an hour?
What? I wanted to talk to Crisis. Well, want was the wrong word because I did, but didn’t. It was important, though. I was confused, but one thing was clear—I wanted him, too.
For what?
Dinner then we’re watching a movie at your place. You said last night.
I had a faded recollection of saying something like that.
I don’t know if that’s a good idea.
Come on, you promised. It’s Saturday night.
My fingers hovered over the phone as I thought about it.
Fine, but just something to eat.
Cool. I’ll tell the guys.
What? What guys?
LOL, you really don’t remember anything. I crashed at Dillon’s last night. Seven at Joe’s. Meet you there.
Shit. I wanted normality and I was getting it.
It took me an hour to get ready moving in slow motion. The head throbbing was now a dull ache, but I suspected once I ate, I’d feel better. I grabbed my purse and came out of my room at the same time as Crisis emerged from the room across the hall—the gym.
I stopped and stared. I couldn’t help myself. He was in loose workout shorts which were hanging off his hips, no shirt and a towel slung over his left shoulder.
And his skin . . . it was glistening with sweat. Every muscle accentuated the ink molding over his arms and shoulders vibrant and dark. His abdomen was an eight pack . . . an eight pack of hard delectable muscle.
“You going out?”
My eyes darted to his. Shit, I had been staring at his abdomen and was breathing hard. His brows rose and I realized I hadn’t responded yet.
“Yeah.”
“Haven?” Kite shouted from downstairs. “Lac’s here. I buzzed him up.”
Lac? Why was Lac here? I was meeting them at Joe’s.
“You need Roman with you.”
I frowned. “Why?”
“Because I said so.” Whoa, what the hell? Crisis took the towel from his shoulder and wiped his face, then down his chest. “I’ll call and tell him.” He continued down the hall and disappeared into his bedroom.
I stared after him, unable to move even after I heard his door click closed. No teasing. No baby. No sexy smirk. It bothered me—a lot.
I straightened my shoulders and avoided looking at Crisis’ door, although my step faltered as I passed it. I walked down the stairs and when I saw Lac, I was a little pissed off at him for showing up.
He was talking to Kite in the living room, where tennis was on the TV. They stood side by side, Kite a bit taller than him, but they had a similar build, lean and agile. That was where the similarities ended. Kite was tatted and pierced wearing ripped jeans, although he had a dress shirt on. Lac, wore straight off-the-shelf pressed jeans and a preppy-collared, long-sleeved, pale blue shirt.
When he noticed me, he looked nervous as he offered a half-crooked smiled. “Hey, Dana and Dillon are downstairs. It’s not just me. I wanted to apologize to Crisis so I came up.”
“Oh. Why?” Was I forgetting something that happened last night?
Kite crossed his arms, a subtle twitch at the corner of his mouth as he listened.
“Kind of a guy thing.” He looked at Kite and he shrugged. “So, is he here?”
“Yeah, but in the shower.” And really in a bad mood. “Maybe another time. We should go.”
Kite chin-lifted to me. “You look better. Have fun, kids.” I knew he was referring to my look this morning, skin green, eyes red with black circles underneath. He slapped Lac on the back of the shoulder. “Expect an early night.”
He was teasing and it was rare coming from Kite. Lac didn’t know that though and nodded. “Yeah, of course.”
“He’s teasing.”
“Oh.”
“Crisis and I are going to Avalanche later. He owes me after last night,” Kite said. “Probably be late.”
“Okay.”
Lac walked over to me and put his hand at the small of my back, guiding me to the elevator. Just before the doors closed, I looked up and saw Crisis standing at the top of the stairs, hands curled around the railing, his skin still glistening with sweat and a towel wrapped around his waist.
Our eyes locked. Then the doors closed and broke us apart.
ROMAN STAYED CLOSE, walked behind us all the way to the pub then came inside and sat at the bar, always watching. Didn’t know what he was watching for, but for some reason, Crisis insisted on it. Roman was cool like Luke, though. He didn’t say anything and was inconspicuous, except he drew attention with his tatted neck that peeked out from under his dress shirt and the fact that he was tall and seriously built.
After wings and fries at the pub, which I decided was a great hangover food, I told everyone I was going to go home to bed. Dana pouted but she didn’t push it. Going out two nights in a row was a record for me
and she knew it.
Roman walked me back, beside me though, instead of behind, and never said a word until we were safely inside the condo building. “You going out again?”
“No.” He had a rough voice, almost as if his vocal cords had at one time been damaged.
“You do, you call me.” I had Luke’s number programed in my phone; that was Ream’s doing before they went on tour. “It’s on your phone.”
It was?
Roman strode away and I went up to the penthouse. I didn’t go to bed, though; no way could I sleep when I was still thinking about what Crisis had said to me that morning. I wanted to see him. I wanted to talk to him. Somewhere along the way, he’d become my best friend and I’d never had a best friend. I’d never had friends for most of my life. But Crisis, Vincent, had also raised something in me, an awareness of my body. A body I’d numbed out to feeling anything for years. But now I felt, and I liked what I felt.
He wanted me to give him something of me, but I was dirty. My past was dirty and Charlie . . . Oh, God . . . I swallowed back the memory.
I curled up on the couch with a blanket and watched The Fast and Furious. My past whirled around in my head as I tried to find something I could tell Crisis. Give him a piece of me. I knew that was what he wanted. For me to trust him with my bad parts. But I shut down when Charlie kept surfacing and I started to shake.
Instead, I focused on the movie, burying the memory again. I was completely engrossed in the ending when the elevator dinged. I sat up looking over the back of the couch, my heart pounding as I thought of seeing Crisis.
A girl with bright red shoulder-length hair with tats down her arms came prancing out of the elevator. She swung around as Crisis walked out and threw her arms around his neck and whispered something to him. He kept walking, his hands on her forearms as if trying to peel her away, but she was like cling wrap and refused to budge. Kite came out of the elevator, holding the hand of a short brunette, who was stunning with stark bold features, large breasts and a tiny waist. Miss Cling Wrap finally let Crisis go with his persistent urging and she strutted into the kitchen like she owned the place.
I uncurled from the couch and stood.