Retreat To Me (The Retreat Series Book 1)

by Christina Benjamin

  Cassidy didn’t move, didn’t breathe. She knew if she let herself, she’d fall for Thomas. And that would mean she’d have to stay and fight for this crazy man that wanted her. Wanted her so bad that he’d been willing to die rather than lose her.

  “Thomas, I’m not worth it.”

  “Why? Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t stand here and freeze to death rather than let you walk away from me.”

  “Because I’m not worth saving!”

  “Why?”

  “Because I’m broken! I don’t know how to love anymore. The only man I ever loved is dead and I think I died in the war along with him. If you try to love me you’ll just end up hurt and I don’t want to hurt you, Thomas.”

  She pulled away from him and started for the house.

  But Thomas pulled her back. “You loved him, Cassidy! I get that. But Jacob is gone. And it will get better. I promise you. But you have to let him go.”

  “I can’t!”

  “I know,” he soothed, his face crumbling with understanding. “I know it’s hard. But look at yourself. This isn’t love! You’re destroying yourself. He wouldn’t want that.”

  “You don’t know anything about him!” she screamed.

  “He was your first love! And that’s powerful. Your first love is supposed to open your heart, ignite a fire, teach you how to love, not end your life!”

  “He was my life!”

  “How can you not see that there is so much love in you still?”

  “You don’t understand.”

  “Don’t tell me I don’t understand. I understand perfectly. Because I love you, Cassidy. I love you. You’re my first love and I’m standing here fighting for you because I want you to be my last!”

  The snow had disintegrated into rain and it pounded the space between them. Cassidy stared at Thomas, her tears disguised by the rain. “Thomas . . .”

  “Choose me, Cassidy. Stay with me,” he begged as he moved closer, dissolving their distance. His thumb traced her quivering lips. “We could be happy. You just have to want it.”

  Cassidy swallowed hard. Her heart pounded, warring with the darkness in her mind. She reached a shaking hand to his face. It was ice. She had done that to him. Drove him to the brink of death with her selfish desires. She didn’t deserve him.

  As if he sensed her withdrawal he pulled her to him, pressing his lips to hers and kissed her with fierce, unrestrained passion. He kissed her harder and harder until he awoke the secret place inside of her and she kissed him back. Tentatively at first, but then with fury. Their tongues a frenzy of desire—desire to try, desire to live.

  Thomas pulled away, both of them panting and shivering. But despite the devastating temperature, he grinned like a lunatic. “I knew it. I knew you felt something. Just once admit that there’s something real between us.”

  “I don’t know what’s between us, Thomas. But if we don’t get inside we’ll never find out because we’ll be too busy freezing to death.”

  “I’m not going anywhere until you admit you felt something real just now,” he proclaimed through chattering teeth.

  “Fine you fool. This is real. I care about you. I probably love you! Now can we go inside before love kills us both?”

  “You love me?”

  “I said, probably.”

  His crazed grin was back. “That’s good enough for me.”

  And he picked her up, kissing her in the rain as if he couldn’t feel it and as their kiss deepened neither could she. She didn’t feel the cold or the rain or the broken despair that had taken up residence in her heart. She felt blinding passion. She felt love. And it swept her away.

  Chapter 32

  Thomas

  Thomas couldn’t get them back to the house fast enough. They stumbled through the back door still attached to each other—kissing and tearing their clothes off as they moved blindly through the house. Disrupted furniture, icy puddles and discarded clothing were left in their wake.

  Cassidy’s soaked blue dress peeled away revealing her near blue skin beneath. Thomas was instantly hard as he drank in her nakedness. He stroked his hands over her milky skin, shivering and burning all at once.

  His own clothes were long gone as he pulled Cassidy tightly to him, his tongue sweeping hers with torturous promise of pleasure to come. He backed her into the door to his bedroom. She moaned as he pushed her against it. He slid his hands down her sides and gripped her tight ass, hoisting her onto him. Her legs wrapped around his waist and he nearly stumbled when her wetness slid against his rigid length.

  Thomas kicked open the door to his room, but Cassidy stiffened.

  “Not in there,” she whispered.

  Thomas followed her eyes to the recording reel. “Right.”

  He stalked across the hall to the other guest room, their bodies never separating. Not even when Cassidy pulled him on top of her on the bed. The mattress groaned beneath their weight as they shivered against each other. Thomas grappled with the blankets until they were cocooned around them. His arms continued to stroke Cassidy, loving the way she pressed into him and sighed in response to his touch.

  Her fingers roamed down his muscled chest . . . further . . . further. Thomas fisted the sheets as Cassidy locked her fingers around his considerable length. She brushed her thumb over his broad tip teasingly. Thomas groaned his arousal. His hands pinned her hips, his legs sliding between hers, spreading her wide. Cassidy’s eyes met his, they glowed with desire. She bit her lip and slid herself onto him. A shuddering exhale ripped through her as Thomas sheathed himself deep inside her.

  “Cassidy?” he questioned.

  “Don’t stop,” she said, breathless.

  “Look at me,” he demanded, pulling out and plunging back in. “Stay with me, Cassidy.”

  With each deepening thrust he spoke to her, until her blue eyes burned into his. They burned away the darkness and glowed anew. And in that moment he knew. They were made for each other. Two broken souls, full of scars—bared and buried—had found each other. And maybe they had to shred each other apart before they could build themselves again. But from two broken beings, one whole could be forged. There was hope. Of that he was sure.

  “I love you,” he moaned as he buried himself in her, over and over.

  “I love you,” Cassidy cried out finding her release.

  She burned every glorious inch of him—faster, harder. Thomas slammed deep, letting himself shatter apart as he spilled into her.

  When Thomas finally found the energy to drag himself from the comfort of Cassidy’s warm embrace it was only to start a roaring fire in the hearth and grab half the food from the icebox.

  Cassidy laughed. “What is all this?”

  “I’m famished, woman. You’ve exhausted me. I need replenishments.”

  She swatted him playfully but pulled back the covers to invite him in.

  Cassidy nestled herself against Thomas’s chest while he laid out his snacks, feeding her bits of cheese, bread and grapes.

  “Can we stay like this forever?” she whispered, clinging to Thomas as he ran his fingers through her damp hair.

  “We can do anything you want.”

  She frowned.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing. It’s just . . . I don’t think anyone’s ever asked me what I want.”

  Thomas’s heart wrenched. He took her face in his large hands and spoke softly. “Cassidy, I love you. I’m going to show you how different and beautiful the world can be. We’re in this together and you’ll have equal say in all our decisions.”

  She stared at him in awe, tears welling in her eyes. “What did I do to deserve you?” she whispered.

  Thomas pulled her face to meet his. “You fought and you survived.”

  Cassidy’s tears sprang free. “I love you,” she breathed onto Thomas’s lips in a tender kiss. Their bodies found each other, the food rolling off the bed, quickly forgotten in the throes of their passion.

  Chapter 33
/>   Cassidy

  Cassidy awoke to the sound of piano music. She surveyed herself—naked among tangled sheets with a pleasant ache between her legs. But she found she was grateful for it. If only for the fact that it reminded her last night hadn’t been a dream.

  She blushed at the memories of the many ways Thomas had made love to her. How they had made love to each other. The sudden realization that she did love him nearly took her breath away. Cassidy let the memories of last night crash over her building with the rapid crescendo of the piano music sweeping into her room. It was enough to make her wet all over again.

  Pulling a blanket tightly around herself, Cassidy followed the source of the beautiful music. She paused at the door to the recording room across the hall. Thomas sat naked on the piano bench, his back muscles under his scarred skin flexing as he played the most beautiful song she’d ever heard.

  Déjà vu ran an icy finger down Cassidy’s spine as she remembered the last time she stood here listening to him play. It was nearly a month ago. And then, his songs had been sad and she had been broken. But now—in the three weeks they’d spent together—they’d torn away the years of hurt and built something strong . . . something beautiful.

  Cassidy found she could no longer stand on the outside just listening. She wanted to be a part of the music . . . a part of him. She slowly approached, letting her hand lightly graze his shoulder so as not to startle him. Thomas nuzzled her hand with his cheek, kissing it, but he didn’t stop playing. Good. She didn’t want him to stop—ever. This was where he belonged, pouring his heart out on the ivory keys. And there was nowhere else she wanted to be but right here beside him.

  She ran her fingers through his thick dark hair and watched gooseflesh explode across his skin. Thomas closed his eyes and leaned into her touch. She stepped closer, letting him rest his back and head against her while he continued to play. She ran her hands over his shoulders, splaying them across his chest so she could feel the music and his heart beat through them. The heat from his bare skin warmed her and she let go of her blanket. She wrapped herself around him letting herself soar with the music. And when the song finally ended she was breathless.

  Thomas pulled her into his lap and kissed her passionately. He stopped when he noticed her tears. “What’s wrong?”

  “That song . . . it’s the most beautiful thing you’ve ever played.”

  “You liked it?”

  “I loved it.”

  Blood colored Thomas’s cheeks making the white of his scars whiter. “It’s you. I mean I wrote it for you.”

  “It’s both of us,” she whispered kissing him again. “Will you play it again?”

  He gave her one of his infectious grins. How she loved that smile. It curled her toes and Cassidy found herself wondering how she had ever managed to resist him at all. But perhaps this Thomas wasn’t the one she’d first met. She knew she was no longer the husk of a woman he’d found trespassing on his radio retreat.

  That thought sent her spiraling back to earth. Radio! They were in the recording room. The radio studio was hearing every sound. She went rigid. “Thomas! The radio!”

  “Relax,” he whispered kissing a trail of tender kisses down her neck. “They won’t be hearing anything from us for a while.”

  “What do you mean?”

  He shrugged. “I cut the wires.”

  “What wires?”

  “All of them,” he crooned, his hand snaking down to Cassidy’s breasts.

  Her thoughts eddied as he trailed his thumbs lazily around her nipples. But she made herself focus, searching the wall of dials and switches to her right. She gaped at what she saw—every wire snipped, every dial torn off.

  “Thomas . . .”

  “We’re safe, Cassidy. I’m going to keep you safe.”

  “But the station . . . they’ll come here. They’ll—”

  A soft chuckle escaped him. “Were you too distracted by my dashing good looks to gander outside?”

  Her eyes swiveled from his to the glow coming from the windows.

  “It’s been snowing since yesterday. No one will be able to get up here for another day, maybe two.”

  She looked back at Thomas. The warm firelight painted him gold. And the way he was looking at her made her insides tremble. His calm confidence washed over her as he kissed away her fears, his hands teasing all the right places.

  “Let go, Cassidy. We deserve this. We deserve some time together . . . to be happy. The world will wait.”

  She gave in, unable to resist the fire building within her. Thomas settled her between his legs, her back pressed against his hardness. He stroked her breast with one hand, pulling and teasing at the ache she felt for him there while his other hand found the ivory and he began to play.

  Cassidy let her head fall back onto his shoulder while his music filled the room. She writhed slowly against his throbbing length pressing into her backside. His groan made her insides clench. Thomas’s fingers traveled lower, curving in when he found her wetness. She moaned as he trailed his fingers in a teasing circle, brushing her pooling entry. Cassidy bucked, moving against them, wanting him deep inside her. But he continued to tease, continued to play, until she was panting.

  “Please,” she begged, guiding him in with her own hand.

  A single stroke set her on fire.

  The music stopped. Thomas grabbed Cassidy’s hips, steadying her as he stood behind her. She braced her hands on the piano as he plunged into her with one powerful thrust. She cried out, savoring each glorious inch as he filled her again and again. The world stopped as they unleashed their passion until it pushed them over the edge, where a quiet, endless bliss waited in each other’s trembling arms.

  Chapter 34

  Thomas

  Thomas couldn’t stop smiling. He feared his dopey grin would be the first thing Cassidy saw when she opened her eyes, but it seemed he couldn’t rid himself of the joy that gripped his heart when he gazed at her. She’d been sleeping soundly in his arms for the past hour. He was so warm and comfortable in the bed they’d made on the floor in front of the fireplace he couldn’t bring himself to wake her—even if his body was already itching for another roll in the sheets.

  He gazed past Cassidy to the glowing windows. Snowdrifts gathered on the panes. Thomas hoped the snow would never stop and they could stay entombed in the cottage like this forever. He knew soon they would have to face reality and figure out what to do with the radio network breathing down their necks. But for now Thomas didn’t want to do anything other than be where he was and stare at the sleeping angel in his arms.

  When necessity woke them, they found their way to the kitchen making a hearty meal of sandwiches and stew. When they were finished, Cassidy moved to the sink to do the dishes and Thomas took up the spot next to her to dry.

  Again his grin plagued his face.

  “What?” Cassidy asked the fifth time she’d caught him staring at her.

  “Nothing.”

  “If you say nothing one more time . . .”

  “I’ve just never seen you so . . . domestic,” Thomas admitted.

  “I can cook!”

  He raised his eyebrows.

  “I just choose not to.”

  He laughed. “I see. So you’re just using me for sex and food.”

  Cassidy blushed. “And other things.”

  “Other things? Do tell,” he purred moving behind her and wrapping her in his arms.

  She shrugged. “You’ll just have to stick around to find out.”

  “I’m not going anywhere.” He trailed kisses down her neck. “I do have a question for you though.”

  She stilled. “Oh?”

  Thomas turned Cassidy in his arms. “We have a decision to make.”

  Her eyes fell.

  “Hey.” He gently tilted her chin so he could catch her gaze again. “No matter what we do it’ll be all right. Because we’ll do it together.”

  She nodded, but shadows flooded the light in her stun
ning eyes once more.

  “Thomas, before we make any decisions that will change our futures I want to make sure you’re absolutely sure about us . . . about me.”

  “Cassidy, I am—”

  “Please, Thomas. I need . . . I need you to know everything.” She shrugged out of his grasp and moved toward the back door.

  “Where are you going?”

  “Wait here. I’ll be back in a moment,” she promised as she slipped on his coat and boots and disappeared out the door.

  Thomas’s heart flipped in his chest. He didn’t like not being able to see her. The last time she’d vanished into the snow he’d nearly lost her forever. She’d asked him to wait but . . . His hand was on the doorknob when he felt it turn from the other side and Cassidy came scurrying in. Thomas dusted the snow off her head and kissed her.

  “I told you I was coming back,” she whispered sensing his ebbing panic.

  “Sorry,” he breathed. “It’s just the people I love have a habit of being taken from me.”

  “I know,” she crooned stroking his cheek. “I promise you I’ll always come back, Thomas. As long as you want me to.”

  “I’ll always want you to.”

  Her eyes dropped to the stack of papers cradled in her arms. “I’d feel better with your answer after you read this.”

  “What is it?”

  “My life. All of it. The good, bad and ugly. I want you to know me, Thomas. I’m not good at letting people in. But for you . . . I just want to make sure that you see all of me. Not just the bits I let you see.”

  “Cassidy . . .”

  “Please read it. Then I’ll trust any decision you make.”

  Thomas settled in at the desk in the attic. Cassidy had insisted he have some privacy to read her manuscript—her memoir as she called it. With sudden fright, he realized that it would have been all that was left of her if he hadn’t stopped her from going through with her plans.