Mid-Life Crisis
Page 1
T Jessop
First published in Great Britain in 2017 by
The Book Guild Ltd
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Copyright © 2017 T Jessop
The right of T Jessop to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by her in accordance with the Copyright, Design and Patents Act 1988.
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, transmitted, or stored in a retrieval system, in any form or by any means, without permission in writing from the publisher, nor be otherwise circulated in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser.
ISBN 9781912362615
British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data.
A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.
It is what it is
I am who I am
You are who you are
Fubar
I love you all
Contents
Tuesday 27th December 2013
Wednesday 28th December 2013
Thursday 29th December 2013
Friday 30th December 2013
Saturday 31st December 2013
Sunday 1st January 2014
Monday 2nd January 2014
Tuesday 3rd January 2014
Wednesday 4th January 2014
Thursday 5th January 2014
Friday 6th January 2014
Saturday 7th January 2014
Sunday 8th January 2014
Monday 9th January 2014
Tuesday 10th January 2014
Wednesday 11th January 2014
Thursday 12th January 2014
Friday 13th January 2014
Saturday 14th January 2014
Sunday 15th January 2014
Monday 16th January 2014
Tuesday 17th January 2014
Wednesday 18th January 2014
Thursday 19th January 2014
Friday 20th January 2014
Saturday 21st January 2014
Sunday 22nd January 2014
Monday 23rd January 2014
Tuesday 24th January 2014
Wednesday 25th January 2014
Thursday 26th January 2014
Friday 27th January 2014
Saturday 28th January 2014
Sunday 29th January 2014
Monday 30th January 2014
Tuesday 31st January 2014
Wednesday 1st February 2014
Thursday 2nd February 2014
Friday 3rd February 2014
Saturday 4th February 2014
Sunday 5th February 2014
Monday 6th February 2014
Tuesday 7th February 2014
Wednesday 8th February 2014
Thursday 9th February 2014
Friday 10th February 2014
Sunday 12th February 2014
Monday 13th February 2014
Wednesday 15th February 2014
Thursday 16th February 2014
Saturday 18th February 2014
Sunday 19th February 2014
Monday 20th February 2014
Tuesday 21st February 2014
Wednesday 22nd February 2014
Thursday 23rd February 2014
Saturday 25th February 2014
Sunday 26th February 2014
Monday 27th February 2014
Tuesday 28th February 2014
Wednesday 29th February 2014
Thursday 1st March 2014
Saturday 3rd March 2014
Monday 5th March 2014
Tuesday 6th March 2014
Wednesday 7th March 2014
Sunday 11th March 2014
Monday 12th March 2014
Wednesday 14th March 2014
Thursday 15th March 2014
Sunday 18th March 2014
Monday 19th March 2014
Tuesday 20th March 2014
Thursday 22nd March 2014
Saturday 24th March 2014
Monday 26th March 2014
Tuesday 27th March 2014
Wednesday 28th March 2014
Thursday 29th March 2014
Saturday 31st March 2014
Sunday 1st April 2014
Tuesday 3rd April 2014
Friday 6th April 2014
Saturday 7th April 2014
Sunday 8th April 2014
Monday 9th April 2014
Tuesday 10th April 2014
Wednesday 11th April 2014
Friday 13th April 2014
Saturday 14th April 2014
Monday 16th April 2014
Tuesday 17th April 2014
Wednesday 18th April 2014
Thursday 19th April 2014
Saturday 21st April 2014
Monday 23rd April 2014
Tuesday 24th April 2014
Wednesday 25th April 2014
Thursday 26th April 2014
Saturday 28th April 2014
Monday 30th April 2014
Tuesday 1st May 2014
Wednesday 2nd May 2014
Thursday 3rd May 2014
Friday 4th May 2014
Saturday 5th May 2014
Sunday 6th May 2014
Tuesday 8th May 2014
Wednesday 9th May 2014
Thursday 10th May 2014
Friday 11th May 2014
Sunday 13th May 2014
Monday 14th May 2014
Tuesday 15th May 2014
Wednesday 16th May 2014
Friday the 18th May 2014
Saturday 19th May 2014
Monday 21st May 2014
Wednesday 23rd May 2014
Thursday 24th May 2014
Friday 25th May 2014
Saturday 26th May 2014
Monday 28th May 2014
Tuesday 29th May 2014
Wednesday 30th May 2014
Thursday 31st May 2014
Saturday 2nd June 2014
Tuesday 5th June 2014
Wednesday 6th June 2014
Thursday 7th June 2014
Saturday 9th June 2014
Sunday 10th June 2014
Monday 11th June 2014
Tuesday 12th June 2014
Wednesday 13th June 2014
Thursday 14th June 2014
Friday 15th June 2014
Sunday 17th June 2014
Monday 18th June 2014
Tuesday 19th June 2014
Wednesday 20th June 2014
Saturday 23rd June 2014
Sunday 24th June 2014
Monday 25th June 2014
Tuesday 26th June 2014
Wednesday 27th June 2014
Thursday 28th June 2014
Friday 29th June 2014
Saturday 30th June 2014
Monday 2nd July 2014
Tuesday 3rd July 2014
Wednesday 4th July 2014
Thursday 5th July 2014
Saturday 7th July 2014
Sunday 8th July 2014
Monday 9th July 2014
Wednesday 11th July 2014
Thursday 12th July 2014
Saturday 14th July 2014
Sunday 15th July 2014
Monday 16th July 2014
Tuesday 17th July 2014
Thursday 19th July 2014
Saturday 21st July 2014
Sunday 22nd July 2014
Thursday 26th July 2014
Sunday 29th July 2014
Monday 30th July 2014
Wednesday 1st August 2014
Thursday 2nd August 2014
Saturday 4th August 2014
Sunday 5th August 2014
Monday 6th August 2014
Tuesday 7th August 2014
Wednesday 8th August 2014
Thursday 9th August 2014
Friday 10th August 2014
Saturday 11th August 2014
Monday 13th August 2014
Wednesday 15th August 2014
Thursday 16th August 2014
Friday 17th August 2014
Saturday 18th August 2014
Sunday 19th August 2014
Tuesday 21st August 2014
Wednesday 22nd August 2014
Thursday 23rd August 2014
Saturday 25th August 2014
Sunday 26th August 2014
Wednesday 29th August 2014
Thursday 30th August 2014
Sunday 2nd September 2014
Monday 3rd September 2014
Tuesday 4th September 2014
Wednesday 5th September 2014
Thursday 6th September 2014
Saturday 8th September 2014
Monday 10th September 2014
Tuesday 11th September 2014
Thursday 13th September 2014
Friday 14th September 2014
Sunday 16th September 2014
Monday 17th September 2014
Tuesday 18th September 2014
Thursday 20th September 2014
Saturday 22nd September 2014
Sunday 23rd September 2014
Monday 24th September 2014
Tuesday 25th September 2014
Wednesday 26th September 2014
Thursday 27th September 2014
Friday 28th September 2014
Saturday 29th September 2014
Monday 1st October 2014
Tuesday 2nd October 2014
Thursday 4th October 2014
Saturday 6th October 2014
Monday 8th October 2014
Wednesday 10th October 2014
Thursday 11th October 2014
Friday 12th October 2014
Sunday 14th October 2014
Monday 15th October 2014
Tuesday 16th October 2014
Wednesday 17th October 2014
Thursday 18th October 2014
Sunday 21st October 2014
Monday 22nd 0ctober 2014
Wednesday 24th October 2014
Thursday 25th October 2014
Saturday 27th October 2014
Sunday 28th October 2014
Wednesday 31st October 2014
Sunday 4th November 2014
Tuesday 6th November 2014
Wednesday 7th November 2014
Saturday 10th November 2014
Monday 12th November 2014
Thursday 15th November 2014
Saturday 17th November 2014
Monday 19th November 2014
Thursday 22nd November 2014
Friday 23rd November 2014
Saturday 24th November 2014
Sunday 25th November 2014
Monday 26th November 2014
Tuesday 27th November 2014
Wednesday 28th November 2014
Thursday 29th November 2014
Saturday 1st December 2014
Sunday 2nd December 2014
Monday 3rd December 2014
Tuesday 4th December 2014
Wednesday 5th December 2014
Thursday 6th December 2014
Saturday 8th December 2014
Sunday 9th December 2014
Tuesday 11th December 2014
Wednesday 12th December 2014
Thursday 13th December 2014
Saturday 15th December 2014
Tuesday 18th December 2014
Thursday 20th December 2014
Friday 21st December 2014
Saturday 22nd December 2014
Sunday 23rd December 2014
Tuesday 25th December 2014
Wednesday 26th December 2014
Saturday 29th December 2014
Monday 31st December 2014
Tuesday 27th December 2013
The day began after being woken by the ever-annoying sound of the alarm clock. Once showered and dressed I was sat at the kitchen table drinking my second cup of tea, pondering the events of last night, a dark mood hanging over me as the morning brought the realisation of losing my best friend: today is the day that Chloe and Paul left for Scotland to begin their new life.
She spent her last night here with me and the girls having a goodbye drink. I was pretty much holding it together until she proceeded to have a meltdown about whether or not they’re doing the right thing. Fighting back the urge to scream ‘Don’t go! ‘we all dutifully reminded her that Scotland is not the other side of the world, it’s just a bit further to visit. With plenty of tears and equal amounts of snot we all reassured her that it’ll change nothing about our friendship.
Chloe is a born and bred Walthamstow girl; what the hell is she doing moving away? Far far away, I might add. My best friend: damn, it seems like only yesterday when we were sat next to each other on our first day at infants’ school, an unbreakable bond that carried us through to the juniors, then onto middle school, where we then formed the trio as Julie joined our clique. High school introduced us to Elizabeth who became the fourth musketeer; still never worked out how that happened.
Paul being best mates with my Joe, it seemed inevitable that Chloe and Paul ended up as a couple. We have all been bridesmaids at each other’s weddings, stood endless hours at Maternity waiting for the arrival of each other’s babies. Thick or thin, rain or shine… a pinky shake between two six-year-olds to be by the other’s side till the end. Look at us all now: Elizabeth, married to Arthur, a successful lawyer and living in New York; Julie, a senior partner in a law firm; we own our own building company; and Paul is the most sought-after roofer within 50 miles. So who’d have thought they’d end up sheep farming, in bloody Scotland.
I’m not surprised she panicked last night: investing everything they have would shit anyone up; if it doesn’t work, they’re screwed. Julie repeated her offer that in the event of bankruptcy they can both go live with her, on the one condition that Paul has to sleep in Julie’s bed, with her ‒ hussy. This quickly served as a reminder as to why Chloe wanted to move so far away in the first place. At least Julie’s consistent, she’s been like that since we first met her; maybe we should all get away from Julie’s slutty advances towards our husbands. I have no doubt Chloe and Paul will be fine. There was the same panic fit with Elizabeth when Arthur got promoted overseas to the New York office; she found it a wrench at first but settled in fine. We’ve all been friends for so long it’s going to be weird not having her round the corner. I know I’m being silly. What’s distance between great mates? xx
Having got sick of drinking tea and wallowing in self-pity I took a stroll down to the nightclub. Ah, Mickey’s, where memories are made and hearts have been broken. I’d never noticed before that the outside of the building is blue. Entering the lobby in daylight was odd, and even weirder was to be one of only three people milling about inside. The silence was deafening; what a difference the bass
and the metal detectors make in the evenings when it comes to life. Emblazoned on a poster:‘80s Night 25th February 8.00pm’. Time once again to dust off the white boots and ra ra’s, woo hoo! I purchased half a dozen tickets, thanked the girl in the kiosk and left.
80s + Chloe = lol. She’ll be travelling back to the heather hills with alcohol poisoning Elizabeth will probably fly in on the 24th and go straight to the hotel. I called Julie who said she has an appointment on that day to pick up her custom-made suits from Kensington, reckons she’ll be home by 5pm, thus giving her plenty of time to get ready by eight. Yeah, right, the amount of slap that girl puts on must take a minimum of four hours. Meow… jealousy is a terrible thing. xx
Dinner done, washing up in the dishwasher, and I’ve finished putting the final touches to our beautiful daughter’s birthday cake. Just called out to Joe to whip down the corner shop and get me some cigarettes, to which he responded, ‘Get stuffed, it’s as cold as a witch’s tit out there.’ I’ll take that as a ‘No’, then. Looking out the window I’d say it’s definitely going to snow again; that reminds me, must get some more dandruff shampoo for the dog. Envying Julie’s sister right now as Penny, Mark and the kids have spent Christmas in Malta with his parents and are not coming back until the New Year.
Positives: Hair cut and Mickey’s booked.
Negatives: Chloe has moved to the other side of the world.
Wednesday 28th December 2013
Haven’t seen much of Leigh today, no sooner had she opened her presents she was gone. Daughters! Who’d have them? Unbelievably I was blown out for the company of her mates, pizza and some movie called Divergent with some geezer called Theo James, who is as ‘fit as hell’ ‒ I wouldn’t know, I weren’t invited.
It’s bothered me more than I’m letting on. Don’t know what bit is worse, that I’ve been pushed aside or that my daughter is now seventeen. Shit, where have the years gone? Seems like only yesterday when we brought home the tiny bundle of pink, now she looks similar to my daughter but with less clothing and more make-up.
Having nothing better to do than sulk I rang Chloe. It seems she had a restless first night on the farm. Insomnia brought on by the lack of sirens and turfed out of the pub sing-songs. Apart from the tiredness she was in an excited mood and I didn’t want to rain on her parade with my ever-growing foul mood; instead I told her I’d leave her in peace and would catch up in a few days. I put some washing on and phoned my mum, not wanting but needing to have a rant about Leigh’s heartless rejection. Mum laughed and mumbled something about ‘what goes around’ followed by, ‘If you think you feel a bit miffed now, wait till they leave home and you get empty nest syndrome’. Yeah, good talk, cheers, Mum. Don’t know why I bothered. I’m now sitting in the conservatory watching yet more snow settling on the lawn and I just told the dog not to bother going out as it’s freezing; it may look pretty but it’s cold. Christ now I sound like a pensioner. Oh well, this won’t do, I now have another cake to make as its Tony’s birthday tomorrow, and unlike his sister I know my youngest won’t let me down.