More of Me

by Samantha Chase

  “I was going to say you looked great, but that face you’re making tells me you don’t think so. What’s going on?” Julie was leaning in the doorway to Casey’s office watching her friend get ready. “This is a routine thing for you. Why the frown?”

  Casey had already shared her history with Ryder, so it didn’t take long for Julie to figure out why Casey looked so ill at ease. “I’m being crazy, right?”

  Julie shook her head. “No, you’re not being crazy. There isn’t a woman alive who doesn’t want to make an ex eat his heart out.”

  “I suppose.” Fidgeting with her earrings and then with her hair, Casey finally gave up and turned away from the mirror. “I’ve done this what seems like a thousand times with clients, and yet the thought of doing it tonight with Ryder has me feeling like a nervous wreck.”

  “Look, if you’re that uncomfortable, I’ll go in your place. Tom is home with Savannah, and he would more than understand if I told him what was going on. Just say the word and I’m there for you.”

  As tempting as it sounded, Casey felt guilty at the thought of taking Julie away from her husband and baby just so that she wouldn’t have to deal with a situation of her own making. “You are a great friend and I love you, but I can’t avoid Ryder forever. We still have tomorrow night’s event, and who knows if I’ll have to work with him more before Gina Micelli is back in town. And then, naturally, I’ll have to see him at his cousin’s wedding. I better get used to being around him now.”

  “If it’s any consolation, at least you won’t really be alone with him. Granted, I would have made sure that I drove myself to and from the wedding tonight, but other than that, Martin is going to keep the two of you in the thick of things, so you won’t have a whole lot of time to think about the fact that you’re out with him.”

  “I guess so.” Casey wasn’t a hundred percent convinced, but she had run out of time to think about it because at that moment Ryder appeared behind Julie.

  “Ready to go?” he said casually, and she nodded, smiling brightly.

  “Sure, all set.”

  “Good luck tonight,” Julie said to them both. “And tell Martin I said hello and that I’ll see him next weekend.” And then she was gone.

  * * *

  Ryder could only stare. Casey had blossomed into a beautiful woman since they had dated, and the sight of her dressed up took his breath away. His first instinct was to compliment her and then kiss her, but then a flash of color on her desk caught his eye.

  A baby rattle.

  Dammit.

  Jealousy raged within him. Casey hadn’t shared one bit of personal information with him, and yet after he’d seen her with Savannah the previous day, he thought for sure that she’d talk about her life. Her husband. But nothing. What did her husband think of her going out tonight and again tomorrow night with a former boyfriend? Had she told him about Ryder?

  Were they even still together? Casey wasn’t wearing a wedding band, so maybe the guy wasn’t in the picture anymore. But maybe he was, and there was some other reason she didn’t wear a ring. The baby was pretty little—maybe her fingers had swelled? He’d heard about that happening to the wife of one of his colleagues. She’d had to take off her rings for almost a year.

  “Ryder?” Casey asked when he continued to just stand and stare. “Are you okay?”

  He shook his head to clear it. “Sure, fine. Sorry, my mind wandered for a second.” He looked nervously around the office and couldn’t bring himself to meet her eyes. “Shall we?”

  Grabbing her purse, she motioned for him to lead the way as she locked her office door.

  They walked in silence out to his luxury sedan, and Ryder played the part of the perfect gentleman as he held the door open for her. Once they were both inside and on their way, Casey asked “So, how is your family?”

  Ryder felt himself relax. His family was a safe subject, and he was relieved that Casey had found something for them to talk about. For the life of him he didn’t know why this was so difficult. Over the years he had run into former girlfriends all the time without giving it a second thought. Why was it that seeing Casey was wreaking such havoc on him? Forcing all thoughts of their romantic past aside, he smiled and did his best to answer her question.

  “Well, let’s see…my brother Zach is up in Oregon now. He’s a total outdoorsman, and although he’s a big part of Montgomerys’ West Coast operations, you’re more likely to find him climbing a mountain than sitting at a desk.”

  Casey laughed softly. “I remember he was always involved in every kind of outdoor activity going on here in the summer. I used to feel exhausted just talking to him about the things he was doing.”

  “Zach’s great, but sometimes I wish he would just…I don’t know…cut back on the thrill chasing. It’s not necessary for him to always be on the hunt for the next dangerous experience.”

  “Is he married?”

  The question bothered Ryder. Why would she want to know? Was she interested in Zach? Had she had a crush on him years ago and she just happened to get stuck with his brother?

  “Ry?” she asked gently.

  “What? Oh, sorry. Um, no; Zach’s not married. That would mean that he was willing to sit still for longer than a minute.”

  Casey merely nodded. “Okay, so Zach’s still a risk taker. What about James?”

  Ryder couldn’t help the smirk that spread across his features at the mention of his youngest sibling. “Well, since he’s always had issues with not wanting to blend in with the rest of us, he never did join the family business. Remember how he dropped out of high school and went to work for a landscaper?”

  Casey arched a dark brow at him and nodded in approval. “There is nothing wrong with going against the grain. I’ll bet he’s very happy.”

  “Well, I don’t know about happy. Did I mention that he then went to the police academy and became a detective?”

  She spun in her seat and faced Ryder. “Wait a minute, I thought he was going to be a landscape architect.” Ryder nodded. “Then how can he be a detective?”

  “Funny story,” Ryder began as he turned the car down the long and winding lane to tonight’s venue. “He decided he was bored, started out at the police academy, and moved up the ranks fairly quickly. He’s still interested in horticulture, and so he does the landscaping gig in his spare time.”

  “Sounds exhausting. I’m guessing that he certainly isn’t married.”

  Ryder shook his head. “Nope. I think that something happened a long time ago that made James wary about getting involved with anyone. He doesn’t talk about it and we don’t ask, but it’s pretty much a given that he’s single and that’s exactly what he wants to be.”

  “Wow,” she said with a sigh. “I wonder what could have happened to make him just give up on love?”

  “Maybe someone broke his heart,” Ryder said quietly, forcing himself to keep his eyes steady on the road ahead and not turn to look at Casey. They were quiet for a long time when he finally mentioned his sister. “Summer is doing great.”

  “Oh my goodness,” Casey said, and Ryder could hear the smile in her voice. “She was so young when I last saw her; she was barely a teenager.”

  “Well, she’s all grown up now, and if my brothers and I had our way, we’d have her locked up in an ivory tower.”

  “Like a princess?”

  “Exactly. She’s scary smart and beautiful, and yet she seems to always go out with the wrong kind of guy.”

  “Maybe you just think they’re wrong because no one is good enough for your baby sister.”

  Ryder merely shrugged. “Could be. Either way, Summer thinks she can take on the world, and she wants to do everything.”

  “What does she do for a living?”

  “This week?” Ryder asked with a chuckle. “Let’s see, I think she’s a preschool teacher.”

/>   “This week?” Casey asked with real curiosity.

  “Summer is an amazing woman, and like I said, she’s scary smart, but she’s also got a short attention span. She didn’t want to come to work at Montgomerys, but then sometimes she complains that we won’t find her a position. She’s taken photography and even had a couple of successful shows out in California for her work. Then there was the summer that she toured with the Broadway musical Rock of Ages.” At Casey’s look of complete shock, he added, “She has an amazing singing voice.”

  “That’s quite a résumé,” Casey said and relaxed back in her seat. “I don’t have that kind of talent. I always loved weddings and party planning, and when Julie and I met in college, we joined forces and came up with the idea of starting our own business. It hasn’t been easy, but we’re good at what we do, and we’re pretty successful.”

  “Good for you, Case,” he said and sincerely meant it.

  “If anything were to happen to the business, I don’t know what I’d do. Unlike Summer, I have no other talents to fall back on.”

  “Then you’ll have to make sure that nothing happens to the business,” he said with a wink.

  * * *

  That one simple gesture had butterflies taking flight in Casey’s belly, and she knew that her resolve was weakening where he was concerned. She had to keep him talking, had to keep the conversation on somewhat safe and neutral topics, so that they weren’t sharing anything personal. “How about your parents? How are they?”

  “Dad puts all of us to shame,” he said. “The man works full-time, goes to the gym several times a week, and still manages to spoil my mom and make time just for the two of them. They’re getting ready to head to Italy for a couple of weeks, and to prepare for it, he arranged for both of them to take Italian lessons.” He snorted in disbelief. “I mean, I work a sixty-hour week and barely manage to microwave my dinner before falling asleep on the couch, and the man is out there like someone half his age and having it all.”

  “It must run in the family, because after meeting your uncle William, I was damn-near ashamed of myself. The man had boundless energy and didn’t seem fazed by any of the chaos going on around him.”

  “That sounds exactly right.” They pulled up to the luxury home and Ryder parked a fair distance away so as not to interfere with the guests and the valet service. Stepping around to the passenger side, he held out a hand to help Casey out of the car, not letting go as they made their way to the party.

  * * *

  The weather was perfect.

  The ceremony was beautiful.

  The food was fit for royalty.

  And Ryder was miserable.

  Martin had arranged for them to have a tasting of everything that was being served at both the cocktail hour and the reception, and had set them up in a private dining room to sample it all. Unfortunately, he was sitting alone with twenty plates filled with every kind of food known to man while Casey was out in the hall talking to potential clients. He knew he shouldn’t be annoyed, and yet he was. Honestly, Casey didn’t need to sample the food, and really, neither did he. Mac and Gina had done all of that, and he should just flip a damn coin and be done with it.

  Only Ryder knew that he never walked away from a job.

  Or a challenge.

  And if he had the chance to do it all over again, he would never have walked away from Casey.

  Her laughter rang out in the hallway, and he was half-tempted to get up and ask the couple she was speaking with to call her on Monday and go and enjoy the wedding for themselves. But that would be a little high-handed, and while he couldn’t be one hundred percent certain, he had a pretty good idea that Casey would not appreciate his interfering with her job.

  He hated her job right now.

  They were supposed to be quietly ensconced in this private dining area, with its soft lighting and wonderful food, having intimate conversation.

  At least that’s the way Ryder had pictured it in his mind all day.

  Too much free time and now he was having romantic daydreams.

  He really needed to work.

  He was just about to serve himself from a plate of assorted hors d’oeuvres when Casey came back into the room and carefully shut the door.

  “Have you eaten yet?” she asked as she pulled up a chair opposite him at the table. Ryder shook his head and simply made her a plate and handed it to her before he made one for himself. “I am so sorry about that. I didn’t think they’d ask so many questions. I was almost praying that you’d come out there and interrupt.”

  So much for that pretty good feeling…

  “I didn’t want to overstep my bounds,” he said honestly as he placed a crisp linen napkin in his lap. “Your business is very important to you, and I figured that you’ve already tasted this stuff and you’d come in when you were done.”

  “I really am sorry, Ryder,” she said as she reached across the table and placed her hand over his. “Tonight you’re the client. I should have simply given them my business card and asked them to call and make an appointment. It was unprofessional of me to walk away from you. I’m sorry.”

  Her eyes implored him to accept her apology, and Ryder knew that he would. There was never a doubt about it. He gave her a smile and relaxed a bit in his seat. “Apology accepted. Now, tell me what’s good here.”

  * * *

  After tasting all of the offerings, they went and stood in the back of the grand ballroom and watched as people danced and ate and laughed. “The room is beautiful,” Ryder said as he stood behind her. Because of the music and not wanting to intrude on the festivities, he said the words carefully in her ear, resisting the urge to wrap his arms around her and pull her close. “I think this would make a great venue for Mac and Gina.”

  Casey had to crane her neck and turn around to answer him. She was on sensory overload at their proximity and the smell of his cologne. She wanted to simply wrap herself around him and forget all about wedding planning for just a little while. Her conservative nature won out, and she sighed and said, “Don’t get swept up in it. You still need to see the second place, or you will forever wonder if you made the right choice.”

  She pulled back to resume her original position watching the crowd, when Ryder’s hand gently cupped her shoulders and held her in front of him. He knew her words were targeted for what they were doing, but he couldn’t help but feel that they also had everything to do with their past. Back then he had gotten swept up in the idea of making it big in the business world and had walked away with a single-minded purpose; he had never taken the time to consider how much more he could have had if he had simply slowed down and explored a future with Casey.

  “I’m sorry,” he said quietly, and it took Casey a moment to realize that he had said anything. He had opened this particular can of worms, and he was tired of avoiding the elephant in the room. Reaching down, Ryder took her by the hand and led her out of the noisy room, down the hall, and out onto the beach, where he repeated his apology.

  Casey wasn’t sure what was going on and decided that her best course of action was to play dumb. “Sorry? For what? Do you want to go? We have no time limit on how long we have to stay.”

  Unable to help himself, Ryder cupped her face, forcing her to look up and him and stop rambling. “This has nothing to do with the wedding, Casey, and you know it. I’m apologizing to you. I should have apologized more than ten years ago. Hell, I never should have left the way that I did.”

  “Ryder…” she began, not wanting to have this particular conversation.

  “No, let me finish this,” he said firmly. “I was wrong back then. I had been groomed my whole life to work for my father’s company, and even though I knew I was going to end up there, I wanted to do it on my own terms. I was so focused on that goal that I didn’t realize all I was giving up. You meant everything to me back then, and I
treated you poorly. I was so determined to be a success in the business world that I lost focus on what I could have had in my personal life.”

  “Ryder—”

  “I know it’s been a long time, probably too long, but I just want you to know that I am truly sorry. I hate knowing that I hurt you. Seeing you again and facing you after all these years has been harder for me than any business negotiations I’ve ever done.”

  “What is it that you want from me, Ryder?” she asked quietly.

  He wanted everything that he had no right to ask for. “I want a chance to get to know you again, Case. I want to talk to you about your life. I don’t want to be just a client to you and a stand-in for my wayward cousin. I know I’m asking a lot, and I have no right to ask for you to be even remotely nice to me, but…well…I’ve missed you.”

  His honest admission was her undoing. Keeping a professional distance with Ryder seemed like the right thing to do, especially when she thought that she was simply dealing with the selfish Ryder Montgomery she had known all those years ago. But the man standing before her, with the wind blowing his hair and his eyes imploring her to have a little faith in him, made it impossible to say no.

  In light of his own honesty, Casey felt that she owed him the truth too. “I don’t know if I can trust you again, Ryder. You broke my heart back then, and it took me a very long time to get over you.”

  “I know and I’m sorry…”

  “We have no choice but to work together for the time being, but I promise to try and not be so focused on my job that I don’t stop to have a conversation with a friend. Is that okay?”

  He wanted to say that he didn’t want to just be her friend, that he wanted the opportunity to prove to her that he was trustworthy, someone who knew now how to appreciate what he had right in front of him. Ryder wasn’t sure if now was the time for him to push. Looking down into her face, he saw hope and purity and honesty.