Left (Still Standing, #1)

by Graves, T. R.

  Left

  T. R. Graves

  2012 & 2013 NaNoWriMo Winner

  Copyright 2013 T. R. Graves

  http://thewarriorseries.blogspot.com/

  License Notes: This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this ebook with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person you share it with. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then you should return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

  ISBN 978-1491009451

  This book is a work of fiction. Any mention of historical events, real people, or real locations is discussed fictitiously. All other names, characters, places, and incidents are products of the author's creativity, and any similarities to real events, locations, or persons are a matter of coincidence.

  Ebook formatting by www.ebooklaunch.com

  Table of Contents

  Prologue

  Chapter 1 - Unexpected Meetings

  Chapter 2 - The Buxom Devil

  Chapter 3 - Less Talking And More Doing

  Chapter 4 - Lemons Can't Always Be Made Into Lemonade

  Chapter 5 - Drown All Sorrows

  Chapter 6 - The Morning After

  Chapter 7 - Hair Of The Dog

  Chapter 8 - A Girl's Best Friend

  Chapter 9 - Blindsided

  Chapter 10 - Avenging Angel

  Chapter 11 - The Proposition

  Chapter 12 - Unsalvageable

  Chapter 13 - Another Side

  Chapter 14 - The Bossiest Of Bosses

  Chapter 15 - Friendly Competition

  Chapter 16 - Coffee, Tea, Or Me?

  Chapter 17 - The Heart Grows Fonder

  Chapter 18 - Men And Monsters

  Chapter 19 - Lightening My Load

  Chapter 20 - Addicted

  Chapter 21 - Paying The Piper

  Chapter 22 - One Foot In The Grave

  Chapter 23 - Will To Live

  Chapter 24 - Survival

  A Note From The Author

  Books by T. R. Graves

  Warriors of the Cross (Warrior, #1)

  Guardians of the Cross (Warrior, #2)

  Enemies of the Cross (Warrior, #3)

  Grave Bound (Secrets, #1)

  Coming 2013/2014

  Underground (Secrets, #2)

  Dark Angels of the Cross (Warrior, #4)

  Worth Dying For (Underwater, #1)

  Worth Living For (Underwater, #2)

  Your own two feet are all you have when you've been... LEFT.

  — T. R. Graves

  PROLOGUE

  Ariana

  "Bay, Ms. Demsey has invited you over this afternoon for cookies and an art lesson," I mutter to my ten-year-old, brown-haired, brown-eyed stick of a daughter who has taken on the role of watching me like a hawk.

  "Momma, I don't feel like going over there," Baylee lies.

  She loves going to her art lessons, but has missed every one for the last three weeks. Ever since I've been home. Of course, she has no idea why I disappeared for two solid days nearly a month ago. She only knows the mother who left her is not the one who came back. I've longed to tell her where I went, why I went, and what happened while I was there, but I can't. I absolutely can't talk about the most traumatic thing I've ever experienced.

  Every time I try, the doctor's words, "Fetal demise," ping through my head, and I have to grab on to something so I don't drop to my knees and curl in on myself with grief. Not only did I lose my beloved son, Jacob Aaron Messenger, while I was gone, I was made to labor, hour after torturous hour, in order to deliver the baby who would never take even one breath.

  For the first time in our married lives, I want my husband, Dr. Aaron Messenger, to put his family before Africa and its AIDS epidemic. I want him to come home and share the weight of this burden with me. Help me survive this. In my heart, I know he would if I told him how I'm feeling, if I told him his son is dead and was buried after a funeral attended by only one. Me.

  Frustrated that I'm so flawed my son couldn't survive in my womb and that I can't be the mother I know I should be to Baylee, I shake my head and yell, "You are going to your lesson, and you can stop arguing with me about everything."

  Baylee flashes her big brown puppy dog eyes at me, and I see the tears swelling until finally they spill over and drip down her cheeks. I want to hug her and promise everything's going to be okay, but I'm not sure it will be.

  I've lost a baby.

  I may never have held him in my arms while he cooed or cried or nursed, but that doesn't change how I feel about my loss. I'm beside myself with grief, which means I can't be the mother Baylee needs. Her days are best spent elsewhere.

  "I mean it. Go take a shower and get dressed. Ms. Demsey's expecting you to be there by one. I'm going to lie down. I'll see you when you get back," I say, turning around and heading toward my room.

  I'm exhausted. I'm always exhausted.

  I hear Baylee's bedroom door when she slams it closed. Our argument may have been brief, but it's taken its toll on both of us.

  Sleep's what I need.

  Just as I'm crawling back in bed, I hear Baylee's bedroom door open and shut right before she slams the bathroom door closed. She may be angry with me, but she's doing as I asked and going to her art lesson.

  That's all that matters.

  I listen as she turns on the water full blast, filling the giant claw-foot tub. It's at that very second—the thought of the tub filled with water—when I realize there is only one way to get the relief I crave and to keep my kind, sweet, loving daughter from having to live with a woman who can't be what she needs her to be.

  Bathtub.

  Razor.

  Something about the possibility of finally being free of the pain lifts the weight of my burden enough to convince me it's the right thing to do.

  Just a few more hours.

  I grin.

  One day... she'll understand.

  I begin by making the necessary arrangements. I pick up the phone and dial Aaron's cell phone. I'm relieved when his voicemail picks up. I don't have the energy to talk to him... haven't had the energy to talk to him for weeks.

  "Aaron, as soon as you get this message, I want you to get on a plane and come home. Bay needs you. I love you and hope the two of you will one day forgive me."

  CHAPTER 1

  UNEXPECTED MEETINGS

  Baylee

  "Shut the fuck up," Sabrina excitedly yells, putting a hand over her mouth so the lettuce from her salad doesn't spray all over the table.

  Nodding my head eagerly, I take a bite of my own vinaigrette-covered Romano. "I swear. I think he's gonna propose this Friday night. We have a date."

  I crunch the leafy green lettuce and smile like I've just won the Powerball.

  In some way, I may have. Wyatt Colton Henderson III, my boyfriend of four years, is one of the most eligible bachelors in Houston. His father, Wyatt Colton Henderson II, is an influential trial lawyer who built his very successful law office from the ground up.

  Wyatt may have started off as a trial lawyer, but his office has a separate division for every type of law there is. His motto, "WCH Attorney at Law has something for everyone!" should be tattooed to his forehead he says it so much.

  While I happen to know Wyatt has more money than God, he works like he's not sure where his next meal is coming from, and he expects his son to do the same.

  As a driven twenty-two year-old woman who graduated from high school with honors, obtained an associate degree, and followed that by graduating from University of Texas with
a bachelor of science in nursing, I appreciate a man who works and works hard. Because of that, Colt and I appear to be a match made in heaven.

  "What makes you think that? I mean... you've been dating for four years. What makes you think he's going to do it now?"

  As the waiter delivers our pan-roasted tilapia covered with sautéed shrimp, mushrooms, and Huanciana sauce, I smile conspiratorially over the porcelain white bowl.

  "Well... I noticed he was acting real nervous around the apartment. Every time we're in the same room and we aren't talking about his work or mine, he'll get real fidgety and break out into a cold sweat," I say, watching as Sabrina raises her brow.

  We may be work-only friends, but she and I are close enough that I can tell she instantly suspects he's cheating... just like I did at first. I've always trusted my instincts, and his behavior set off alarms that I couldn't ignore.

  I was so freaked out that I made the decision to find out for myself what he was up to. I hired a private investigator, which was a life lesson in and of itself. It was obvious the pudgy bulldog of a man, Mr. Moon, expected the worst in everyone. After one meeting, I almost told him to forget it. Then I realized I'd have to start my search over, and I might find someone more suspicious. Refusing to put myself through that, I gave him the green light and found out one month later that Colt was spending every single night at the office, working the long, long hours his father expected of him.

  While Mr. Moon did his part, I still wasn't satisfied. Something was wrong, and I needed to know what it was. I began snooping around the apartment and looking for the slightest hint that he was seeing someone else. Last week, I hit pay dirt.

  I grin with the memory.

  "A week ago, I came home early and found him there. This was odd because he's not normally home before midnight. As soon as I walked into his office, he opened his desk drawer and shoved something to the back of it. I pretended I'd not noticed anything, even though I knew something was up. I decided it was up to me to bridge the gap in our relationship created by our busy work lives."

  Sabrina had begun eating again, slowly chewing and watching me like I'm telling the most fascinating story she's ever heard.

  Slightly embarrassed by what I'm about to share, I giggle. "Right then and there, I seduced my boyfriend."

  Sabrina puts her fork down, brushes her black bangs from her eyes, and waits for the details, ones I'd never actually share with anyone, but remembering what we did makes my cheeks burn.

  I may not share them with Sabrina, but they'll have a place in my heart for the rest of my days, helping me through the lonely nights when he works late and quiet times when he lets his work consume him.

  * * *

  One week ago, I stood at the door of his study and quietly asked, "Do you have to go back to work tonight?"

  He fidgeted around his desk and without looking up at me, said, "Y-yeah. Dad's expecting me back there in about an hour."

  He looked so pained, and I loved him so much that I couldn't stand it.

  "Can you give me just a few minutes before you go?"

  Immediately wary, his stare jerked toward me, and I could tell he'd been crying. The last thing I wanted was for him to know I suspected something was going on with him. I wanted him to confide in me without being prompted.

  He still hadn't answered me. "Well?" I asked.

  "Um... sure, babe. What do you need?"

  His brows were furrowed, and I could tell he was as worried about me as I was about him.

  I put my finger up and said, "Just give me a minute. I'll be right back. Don't move."

  He glanced down at his watch and said, "Okay, but remember I've got to leave in about fifteen minutes."

  I dropped my purse, umbrella, and raincoat near the closet in the hall and ran up the stairs, making sure to take with me the bag filled with the lingerie I'd just bought at the Galleria.

  In our bedroom, I stripped naked and donned the hellaciously red, split-top, sheer baby-doll and thong panty (per the saleswoman's own description). Nothing about it was me. Colt and I had never needed anything to get us going. We slept together within a week of meeting and—despite our problems and schedules—have found time three to four times a week to make love.

  As soon as I saw myself in the mirror, my face burned like it was on fire. It wasn't that I didn't look hot. In fact, I was kind of shocked because I thought if I were brave enough to wear underwear in public, I would probably have been able to give the lingerie store's hottest long-legged brunette model a run for her money.

  My face was burning with shame for my suspicions. Colt was obviously troubled and the first thing I did was distrust him by hiring a private investigator. All I could think was that he deserved so much more than he'd gotten from me.

  He's the man I love, for Christ's sake! Either I trust him unconditionally or I don't.

  I made the conscious decision to trust him... and help him through whatever he was suffering: lack of sleep, too much stress, whatever it was.

  After taking another quick glance in the mirror, I bent over, flipping my long brown hair forward, messing it up, and slinging it back. One more look in the mirror and I confirmed that I absolutely looked the part of a woman trying to seduce a man. I embraced my role by slipping on my highest heel fuck-me Christian Louboutins and headed back toward Colt's study.

  When I got there, he was looking out the window and talking to his secretary. "Tell him I'm leaving now, Cindy."

  Dammit! I took too long.

  My face dropped, and I contemplated running back up the stairs before Colt saw me dressed like a high-priced call girl. Before I had a chance, he spun around, opening his mouth to yell something to me... and saw me.

  Really saw me.

  "Holy hell, Baylee! What's this about?" My heart jumped when I heard how hoarse he was, when I looked up and saw that he wanted me with such fervor his eyes had gone black. I was quickly reminded of our first date, a time before I needed props to get him excited.

  With my hands wringing behind my back, I said, "I-I thought you and I could spend a few minutes reminding each other what it used to be like."

  I cursed myself for my nerves because they made my voice shake and my hands tremble.

  Colt—my Colt—took five steps my way and crushed his lips to mine. A second later, he had me pinned against the wall and he was pulling me into him like he could never get enough, like this was the first time we'd ever kissed. There was not a cell in my body that wasn't aching for him. I wanted him to touch me, stroke me, and massage me. I wanted it like I'd never wanted anything.

  I'm not sure how long we stood there reorienting ourselves with the other before Colt picked me up and carried me to our bedroom. There, he ripped off my brand-new lingerie before unbuttoning and unzipping his dress pants, pulling out his cock, and thrusting it into me. There was no preamble to what he did. We both wanted and needed it raw and unbridled.

  After a few minutes of long, hard strokes, Colt rasped, "Come for me, Bay. Show me how good this feels. Please, babe, come hard."

  The open, honest Colt inside of me, making love to me, was all I needed. As soon as he said the words, I convulsed off the bed and moaned loud enough for the neighbors to hear. Before I spiraled down into completion, he yelled my name, reverently, and came so deep inside me that I could feel his scorching release deep in my core.

  I closed my eyes and basked in the fire overtaking my every limb, weakening me so severely that I wasn't sure I would be able to walk for hours.

  "Damn, babe! Where did that come from?" Colt finally croaked.

  I dared a peek and saw the grin I fell in love with. With it, I knew my Colt was back. The man who convinced me—three months after we met—to follow him to Austin where he went to law school. The man who begged me to move with him to Houston so he could work in his father's law office. The man who could convince anyone to do anything... anytime... any place.

  I reached up and stroked his face, cheek to chin. "I-I just w
ant you to know how much I love you," I whispered. "I always have, and I always will."

  As soon as I said it, he became distant, pulled himself out of me, stood up, and zipped his pants. "I love you too, babe. You know that."

  * * *

  "Earth to Baylee," Sabrina says while waving her fork in front of her face.

  I smile at her and shyly turn my chin to my shoulder and say, "Well, you don't need all the details, but the good part is after he left, I ran downstairs and opened his desk drawer."

  Sabrina anxiously waits for me to fill her in. "And...?" she says, spinning her finger in the air, motioning for me to continue the story.

  My voice is shrill when I squeak, "I found a wedding ring."

  It takes a few minutes for Sabrina to say anything, and when she does it's cautious. "Oh, Bay, congratulations, sweetie."

  I can tell by her unenthusiastic complement that she's still worried there's more to Colt's aloofness. Her pity irritates me and makes me regret confiding in her. Then I remember I haven't told her about the inscription.

  This will make a believer out of her.

  "On the inside of the band, there's an inscription: YSNSFLTYD. It's something Colt told me before I followed him to Austin. He said he didn't want me to follow him if I was just settling. When I asked him what that meant, he said, 'You should never settle for less than you deserve.'"

  I see the minute the meaning registers in Sabrina's eyes. I've finally made her a believer. She gets as excited as me, her voice actually higher, and she's bouncing in her seat when she says, "Holy shit, Bay! You're going to be planning a wedding soon. Do you think you'll keep working?"

  I look at Sabrina like she's just grown a third arm. "Sabrina, I work because I love it. Of course I'll keep working. Besides... what would I do all day? Wander around the house and pine for my husband," I say, laughing, just as the waiter slips the tab near my hand.

  Sabrina reaches for her purse so she can pay her part. I wave her off. "I've got this."

  "Bay, you always pay. Let me buy lunch for once," Sabrina complains, and I think for the millionth time that I would give anything to have her giant blue eyes instead of my boring brown ones.