How to Ravish a Rake
Page 26
“It doesn’t signify,” she said. “I allowed momentary envy to cloud my judgment. No good ever comes from comparing yourself to others. I know that, but I’m human, and I responded with petty resentment.”
“That night we quarreled, I told you honestly how I felt about you, but it seems that you are unhappy because of the circumstances of our marriage after all. You agreed to show the world that we are happy. And we both promised to remain faithful to each other.”
“Will, I meant all of those things, and I think you know that I was happy and delighted—and then I had that conversation with Georgette and let envy overrule me.”
“Did she say something that overset you?”
Amy was silent a moment. “She did not know that her words would wound me.”
“What did she say?”
Amy’s hands were clutched tightly in her lap. “It was one of those comments that people often toss off that are not insincere, but are mostly meant to buoy the other person. I did not expect my feelings to rise up the way they did. It was a shock to me.”
“What did she say?” he asked once more.
Amy said nothing. He remained silent. While it was his nature to immediately respond to another’s comment, he made himself wait for her to formulate her reply.
She wet her lips. “She said, ‘And really, how could he not love you?’ ” A mirthless little laugh escaped her. “You see, it was nothing at all, and I am so sensitive that I made more out of it than I ought to have done so. I sulked and failed in my vow to bring you comfort and happiness.”
His chest tightened. He didn’t like the feeling. “We both knew this marriage would be a challenge,” he said. “We took vows, and we made our private commitments to our union. I thought we were in accord.”
“When we drove to the park, you noticed my anxiety. I didn’t want our time alone in the cottage to end so quickly. I felt and still feel that our relationship is new and vulnerable. I didn’t want to expose our marriage to society, but it wasn’t so difficult while driving along Rotten Row. Of course, I was thrilled to see Georgette again. I told her that I was truly happy, because you and I were getting to know each other. Then I realized that it did not sound nearly as special when I shared it with Georgette. I wanted her to be more enthusiastic. I didn’t want to hear that she thought the developments in our marriage were encouraging. I wanted to hear that she was thrilled for me. I viewed my happiness from her perspective and realized the reality had fallen short of my girlhood dream.
“She is my dear friend, and I envied her because she had time to have a wedding dress specially made. I envied her because she will have an extended wedding trip. I envied her because I know that Beau is in love with her. I envied her because everything has come easily to her and almost everything, save my fashion designs, has come hard for me.
“Because of that, I have had low expectations for myself all my life. I actually considered marrying Mr. Crawford, even though I thought him too critical, because my parents seemed to like him. I came very close to marrying a man because it was sensible, and I thought it would please my parents. If not for Georgette’s counsel, I might have made that mistake.”
“Instead you made a worse mistake with me,” he said.
“Will, I may have thought that when we were compromised, but my opinion of you has changed a great deal since that time. I expected the worst, and you have abided by our every agreement.
“I am the one who has let doubt creep in. I am the one who insisted you prove yourself, but I have not lived up to my commitment to make this marriage work. You were right that I have trouble trusting you. I know that is a problem, and I will try to overcome my fears. I am likely to fail more than once, but I hope you will be patient with me.”
“I will try, but I cannot promise that I won’t grow exasperated and angry with your mistrust. Turn that around, Amy, and ask yourself how you would feel if I did not trust you.”
She winced. Of course he had no idea that she had deceived him, and once again, she had demonstrated her hypocrisy. She took his large hands in her own. “It occurs to me that if I expect trust from you, I must give it as well.”
“Amy, we cannot stay in the cottage forever. Sooner or later the butterfly must leave the cocoon. I understand your concerns, given the circumstances of our marriage, but hiding will only make it worse. However, if you ever find yourself in company with those who make you uncomfortable for any reason, you must find me, and I will take you away. There is no reason to subject ourselves to cruel and malicious people, and we both know plenty of them exist in the ton.”
Chapter Fourteen
Amy was a bit nervous as Will escorted her into the foyer at Lord and Lady Wallingham’s home. This was the first social function that they would attend as a married couple. She tried to avoid looking directly at anyone, because she feared others were likely staring at them. Scandal of any kind drew the ton like bees to nectar.
Tonight she wore a gauze gown with blue sprigs over a white satin silk slip. The bodice and flounces were trimmed with blond satin leaves. In her hair, she wore a wreath of silk roses. She had worried that the roses would look awful with her red hair, but Will had told her it was the next best thing to seeing her hair flowing and loose. She wanted him to be proud of her tonight. She had always felt lacking because of her plain looks. In the privacy of her bedchamber, Will had made her feel desired. But tonight, she wished very much that she could be beautiful for him.
Unlike her, Will seemed perfectly at ease as he led her up the stairs. He waved at someone and continued on to the receiving line. He looked handsome, of course, in his black coat and trousers. Amy was aware of others whispering. She did not look at them. As they moved down the line, they greeted Lady Wallingham.
“Well, isn’t this sweet? How lucky you are, Miss Hardwick, to have married Mr. Darcett, for he is a handsome young man.”
Amy heard the unspoken words. What a pity he was forced to marry a plain woman.
Will gazed at Amy. “Lady Wallingham, you are mistaken. I am the lucky one, since Miss Hardwick consented to become Mrs. Darcett.”
“Oh, yes. How silly of me to forget. Of course she is Mrs. Darcett now,” Lady Wallingham said. “But now, dear, you must come and say hello to Eugenia.”
When Amy came to Eugenia, her friend squeezed her hand. “I’m so glad you came.”
Just before they stepped into the drawing room, Will slowed his steps. “Amy?”
She looked at him.
He captured her gaze and held it. Her skin prickled. He said nothing, but there was something new in his eyes. She sought the word and realized it was tenderness.
Amy caught her breath, wondering if it could be possible that he was developing more than just a fondness for her. She told herself not to get her hopes up, because she didn’t want to risk heartache.
Not long afterward, Lady Wallingham approached them. “Now, now, Mrs. Darcett, you must not live in your husband’s pockets. It is not the thing at all.” She followed those inane words with inane laughter.
“Ah, but I’m wicked and have never met a rule I didn’t itch to break,” Will said. “So I will keep my wife in my pocket for now.”
When Amy looked at Will, he regarded her with that heated look she knew so well. He set his hand in the curve of her lower back, and she welcomed the possessive gesture. Indeed, he made her feel cherished. He leaned down and said, “You look magnificent tonight.”
Amy’s heart squeezed. His approval meant the world to her.
He leaned down a bit as he spoke. “Dance with me?”
She smiled. “Thank you.”
As they neared the dance floor, the musicians played the opening bars of a waltz. She leaned closer to his ear. “I’ve never danced it.”
“I will lead, and all you need do is follow.” The music started, and he twirled her round and round and round. He never took his gaze off her, and she wondered if he could see the love shining in her eyes. In her head, she heard on
e-two-three, one-two-three, one-two-three.
Amy glanced over her shoulder. “Oh, Will, look. Grandmamma is moving her hand in time to the music.”
“I suppose it’s loud enough that she can hear it,” he said.
“I wish she were a bit steadier so that you could waltz with her,” Amy said.
“I think that can be arranged, Mrs. Darcett.” He took her hand and led her off the dance floor. Amy smiled a little at Will when she noticed others remarking on their early exit. But in a moment, those cynical people would witness something very special, something that would give them pause when referring to him as the devil.
He walked over to his grandmamma and bowed. Then he held out his hand. A sweet smile spread across her face as he helped her to stand. Then he hoisted her small slippered feet on top of his shoes. The voices in the drawing room gradually receded as others gathered round to watch Will dance with his grandmamma. Patience came to stand by Amy and handed her a handkerchief. She blotted the corners of her eyes.
When the music ended, Will escorted Grandmamma slowly back to her chair. In the pause before the musicians struck up the next tune, Grandmamma hollered at Amy, “Are you Scottish, dear?”
Amy and everyone else laughed. She made a point of greeting Will’s sisters and the dowager countess. A few minutes later, Will approached. “I’m walking out in the garden with Bell. Says he wants to discuss something with me. I’ll be back soon.”
“Take your time. You’ve not seen much of your friends lately.”
“The same could be said for you,” he said. Then he leaned closer to her. “We won’t stay long. The dancing has made me hungry for you.”
She felt a little breathless at his words. “Do not delay the gratification too long,” she whispered.
He gave her a wolfish grin, and then he strode out of the ballroom.
The wind was a bit cool out in the back garden. There were lanterns in the trees, but the guests apparently did not want to brave the cool air, with the notable exception of Bell.
Bell took out a cheroot. “Care for one?”
Will shook his head. “No, thanks.”
Bell lit the cheroot from one of the hanging lanterns. “Marriage is making you soft.”
“Actually, it’s making me hard.”
Bell snorted.
Will stared up at the sky full of chimney smoke. Still, he could make out a half-moon and stars.
“Hunter is here tonight,” Bell said.
“Oh?” The hair on Will’s nape stiffened.
Bell inhaled and blew out a smoke ring. “He is spending lavishly all over town. I’ve heard others at the club talking about his winnings that night and your losses. More than a few believe you intentionally compromised your wife in that wine cellar and married her for her fortune.”
“They can bloody well think what they want. I know the truth and so does my wife.”
“She doesn’t know about your gaming debt,” Bell said. “You’ve got two choices. Either you keep silent in hopes that she never discovers the truth or you confess.”
Amy would despise him for the deception. He ought to have confessed everything to her, but he’d thought it kinder to keep the information from her. At the time, he’d believed the chances of Amy finding out were negligible. Now the risk loomed over him like an approaching storm. Will knew the gossips were watching and waiting for him to make a misstep. He’d given them plenty of fodder, but he no longer felt like the man who had reveled in his devilish reputation.
If he told Amy, he would hurt her. She’d struggled with her doubts about him, but she’d promised to give him her trust. They had worked hard to make this marriage work, but his deception could ruin everything. He wanted to wait it out, but he knew it would be cruel to let someone else inform her. “I have to tell her.”
“Explain the circumstances,” Bell said. “The gambling had nothing to do with her. You only wanted money to travel.”
“Yes, and then I tried to compromise her at Lord and Lady Broughton’s ball. She’ll know that I was fortune hunting.” Now he stood to lose far more than a fortune, because she would never trust him again after learning of his deception.
Amy stood talking to Georgette and Beau about their plans. “I will consult with Will, but perhaps the two of you would visit us over the summer.”
“That sounds like an excellent idea,” Beau said.
“I agree,” Georgette said. “Amy, will you and Mr. Darcett continue to live in the cottage?”
“We haven’t discussed it, to be honest. It is convenient to Will’s position and is cozy. I guess I’ve grown rather attached to it since it is our first home.”
“We will live with Beau’s parents,” Georgette said.
“It’s an enormous house, and we’ll have our own apartments,” Beau said.
Amy wondered if Georgette would prefer to live in her own house, but of course she would not broach the subject in front of Beau. She figured Georgette would grow weary of Lady Wallingham’s interference and insist upon a home of their own.
Georgette frowned at the hem of Amy’s gown. “One of the satin leaves is loose. You had better have that repaired before it falls off.”
“Oh, you’re right,” Amy said. She excused herself to visit the retiring room. A familiar-looking woman with brown hair and a longish, foxlike face fell into step beside Amy as she climbed the stairs.
“You don’t remember me,” she said. “You’re Mrs. Darcett.”
“I apologize for not recollecting your name, but you do look familiar,” Amy said.
“Lady Hunter, formerly Caroline Fielding,” she said.
“Oh, yes,” Amy said. She remembered the story that Caroline had chased Hunter for years. Hunter had kept his distance until it appeared he had a rival.
“There is something I wish to discuss with you privately if you are amenable.”
Amy frowned. A warning clanged in her head. Why would this woman she was barely acquainted with wish to speak to her privately? Then it occurred to her that the woman might be seeking a dress design. “Lady Hunter, if this concerns fashion, there is a shop where I can direct you.”
Lady Hunter wet her lips and leaned closer. “This concerns a gambling debt. I’m worried. I know what it is to be a gaming widow.”
Amy thought that Lady Hunter was more than a little strange. “You are mistaken, Lady Hunter. Now, if you will excuse me, I am in a rush.” She hurried ahead on the steps, glad to escape the strange woman.
As Amy entered the retiring room, she admitted that if Will had not spent every night at home with her, she might have grown alarmed. A maid hastily procured thread and a needle and quickly secured the leaf.
Afterward, Amy walked over to the pitcher and bowl to wash her hands. As she dried them, Amy realized she was being unfair and hypocritical. He wasn’t the deceptive partner in this marriage. In truth, her deception never quite left her. Every time she walked past her trunk she thought of the full purse inside, and the secret that she was keeping from her husband. She knew it was wrong to keep this matter from him. Soon, she must sit down and admit her dishonesty. He wouldn’t like it, but she would take full responsibility and tell him that she was done with it. She just needed to find the right time.
A few minutes later, Amy descended the stairs to find Will in the great hall looking up at her. He smiled, and her heart contracted. She slowed her steps as the giddy emotions flooded her chest.
He met her at the base of the steps and took her hands.
“How is Bell this evening?” she asked.
“The same as always. Smoking his cheroots and saying a great deal in as few words as possible,” Will said.
Amy laughed. “He does seem to be a thoughtful person.”
Will leaned closer. “Do you mind if we depart early?”
“Not at all,” she said. “We will say good-bye to Georgette and Beau. Then we will thank Lady Wallingham and leave.”
They walked through the crowd and found Georget
te and Beau. Amy hugged Georgette. “I look forward to your wedding and know that you will be happy.”
Georgette hugged her. “I am so happy for you, Amy, and fear that I didn’t express it well the last time we met. I look forward to visiting you and Mr. Darcett this summer.” Georgette’s eyes welled with tears. “I doubt either of us expected to be married by the end of the Season. I have missed you, but I know we will always be friends.”
“I imagine we will exchange many letters,” Amy said. “You will always be the sister of my heart.” Then she and Will bid Georgette and Beau good-bye for the evening.
They had taken only a few steps when Lady Wallingham minced over to them. “You cannot be leaving already. Why, it’s barely midnight.”
“I have an early day planned tomorrow,” Will said. “Thank you, my lady, we enjoyed the ball.”
As Will led Amy out of the ballroom and down the stairs, she was glad to escape the crowd. She recollected that odd woman, Lady Hunter, but decided not to mention it until they were in the carriage. There were a number of guests on the stairs, and Amy felt it wise to watch what she said in a place where others might eavesdrop.
After collecting his greatcoat and her wrap, they walked to the waiting carriage. Even though the night air was cool, her face grew a bit warm as she anticipated Will’s lovemaking tonight. She always felt closest to him afterward, when they were sated and spooning, to use Will’s term for their cuddling during sleep. Of course, she also loved his playful side in bed. He knew how to make her laugh and how to enslave her with his touch.
He handed her up the carriage steps, followed her inside, and rapped on the roof. Then he put his arm around her shoulders and kissed her cheek. For a short while, the carriage lulled her, and her thoughts drifted. She’d vowed to trust him and never to compare their lives to others’. From this point on, she must focus on the positive aspects of her marriage to Will, and there were many. She would not wish a marriage on any couple who were effectively strangers, because of the vexation. But obstacles did help one to grow in character.