Jonah

by Louis Stone

  “Good day, good day to you, Mrs Herring,” he said briskly. “The same as usual, I suppose? And what’ll your friend take?” he added, grinning at Ada.

  “My friend, Mrs Jones,” said the housekeeper.

  “Glad to meet you,” cried Cassidy. “A terrible hill this,” he continued, winking at Ada. “We should never see Mrs Herring, if it wasn’t for the hill.”

  “Nothing for me,” said Ada, shaking her head.

  “Now just a drop to keep me company,” begged Mrs Herring.

  As Ada continued to shake her head, Cassidy went out, and returned with a bottle of brandy and three glasses on a tray.

  “Sure, I forgot to tell you I’m a father again; father number nine, unless I’ve lost count. Sure your friend will join us in a glass to wet the head of the baby?”

  He filled three glasses as he spoke, and winked at Mrs Herring. Ada’s brain was in a whirl. She saw that she had been trapped, and that Mrs Herring was a liar and a comedian. She might as well drink now she was here. But Jonah would kill her, if he smelt drink on her. Well, let him! It was little enough fun she got out of life anyhow. She nodded to Cassidy. They clinked the three glasses and drank, the landlord and Mrs Herring at a gulp, Ada with tiny sips as if it were poison.

  “Well, I’ll leave you to your bit of gossip; I think I hear the child crying,” said the landlord, backing out of the door with a grin.

  Mrs Herring, who had forgotten her palpitations, filled her glass again, and sipped slowly to keep Ada company. In half an hour Ada finished her second glass. A pleasant glow had spread through her body. The weight was lifted off her mind, and she felt calm and happy. She thought of Jonah with indifference. What did he matter? She listened cheerfully to Mrs Herring’s ceaseless whisper, only catching the meaning of one word in ten.

  “And many’s the time, when my poor dear husband was alive, have I gone out meaning to throw myself into the harbour, and a drop of cordial has changed my mind.”

  Ada nodded to show that she understood that the late Mr Herring was a brute and a tyrant.

  “And then he went with the contingent to South Africa, and the next I heard was that he was dead. And the thought of my poor dear lying with his face turned to the skies would have driven me mad, if the doctor hadn’t insisted on my taking a drop of cordial to bear my grief. And when I recovered, I vowed I would never marry again. The men, dearie, are all alike. They marry one woman, and want twenty. And if you as much as look at another man, they smash the furniture and threaten to get a divorce. I can see you’ve found that out.”

  “Ye’re barkin’ up the wrong tree,” said Ada. “My old man’s as ’ard as nails, but ’e don’t run after women. ’E’s the wrong shape, see.”

  Ada had never spent such a pleasant time in her life. She had never tasted brandy till that afternoon. Cardigan Street drank beer, and the glasses Ada had drunk at odd times had only made her sleepy without excitement. But this seductive liquid leapt through her veins, bringing a delicious languor and a sense of comfort. Her mind, dull and heavy by habit, ran on wheels. She wanted to interrupt Mrs Herring to make some observations of her own which seemed too good to lose. She felt a silly impulse to ask her whether she was born with a moustache, who taught her to shave, whether she could grow a moustache if she left it alone. She wanted to ask why her palpitations had gone off so quickly, and why she seemed perfectly at home in the Angel, but her thoughts crowded heel on heel so fast that she had forgotten them before she could speak.

  She remembered that a few weeks ago the housekeeper’s husband had died of typhoid in the Never Never country, and Mrs Herring had nursed him bravely to the end. She tried to reconcile this with his death this afternoon in the Boer War, and decided that it didn’t matter. He must have died somewhere, for no one had ever seen him. She was discovering slowly that this woman was a consummate liar, who lied as the birds sing, but forgot her many inventions, a born liar without a memory. Suddenly Mrs Herring said she must be going, and Ada got up to leave. She lurched as she stood, and pushed her chair over with a clumsy movement.

  “I b’lieve I’m drunk,” she muttered, with a foolish titter.

  15

  MRS PARTRIDGE LENDS A HAND

  Since ten o’clock in the morning the large house, standing in its own grounds, had been invaded by a swarm of dealers, hook-nosed and ferret-eyed, prying into every corner, searching each lot for hidden faults, judging at a glance the actual value of every piece of furniture, their blood stirred with the hereditary joy in chaffering, for an auction is as full of surprises as a battle, the prices rising and falling according to the temper of the crowd. And they watched one another with crafty eyes that had long lost the power to see anything but the faults and defects in the property of others. Those who had commissions from buyers marked the chosen lots in their catalogue with a stumpy pencil.

  Mother Jenkins was one of these. She was the auctioneer’s scavenger, snapping up the dishonoured, broken remnants disdained by the others, buying for a song the job lots on the way to the rubbish-heap. All was fish that came to her net, for her second-hand shop in Bathurst Street had taught her to despise nothing that had an ounce of wear left in it. Her bids never ran beyond a few shillings, but today she had an important commission, twenty pounds to lay out on the furnishing of three rooms for a married couple. These were her windfalls. Sometimes she got a wedding order, and furnished the house out of her amazing collection, supplemented by her bargains at the next auction sale. This had brought her to the sale early, for the young couple, deciding to furnish in style, had exhausted her resources by demanding wardrobes, dressing-tables, and washstands with marble tops.

  The young woman with the mop of red hair followed on her heels, amazed by the luxury of the interior harmonized in a scheme of colour. Her day-dreams, coloured by the descriptions of ducal mansions in penny novelettes, came suddenly true. And she lingered before carved cabinets, strange vases like frozen rainbows, and Oriental tapestry with the instinctive delight in luxury planted in women.

  But Mother Jenkins had no time to spare. She had found the very thing for Pinkey, and led the way to the servants’ quarters, hidden at the back of the house. Pinkey’s visions of grandeur fled at the sight. The rooms were small, and a sour smell hung on the air, the peculiar odour of servants’ rooms where ventilation is unknown. Pinkey recognized the curtains and drapes at a glance, the pick of a suburban rag-shop. One room was as bare as a prison cell, merely a place to sleep in, but the next was royally furnished with a wardrobe, toilet-table, and washstand, solid and old-fashioned like the generation it had outlived. By its look it had descended in regular stages from the bedrooms of the family to the casual guests’ room and then to the servants. But Pinkey had seen nothing so beautiful at home, and her heart swelled at the thought of possessing such genteel furniture. Mother Jenkins explained that with a lick of furniture polish they would look as good as new, but Pinkey’s only fear was that they would be too expensive. Then the dealer reckoned that she could get the lot for seven pounds. The only rivals she feared were women, who, if they set their heart on anything, sometimes forced the price up till you could buy it for less in the shop.

  Meanwhile the sale had begun, and in the distance Pinkey could hear the monotonous voice of the auctioneer forcing the bids up till he reached the limit. From time to time there was a roar of laughter as he cracked a joke over the heads of his customers. The buyers stood wedged like sardines in the room, craning their necks to see each lot as it was put up. As the crowd moved from room to room, Pinkey’s excitement increased. Mother Jenkins had gone to the kitchen, where she always found a few pickings. She came back and found Pinkey’s husband, the young man with the ugly face and dancing eyes, who was waiting outside with the cart, watching while Pinkey polished a corner of the wardrobe to show him its quality. She hurried them down to the kitchen to examine the linoleum on the floor, as it would fit their dining-room, if the worn parts were cut out.

  The crowd moved l
ike a mob of sheep into the servants’ rooms, standing in each other’s way, tired of the strain on their attention. Mother Jenkins whispered that things would go cheap because the auctioneer was in a hurry to get to his lunch. Pinkey stood behind her, ready to poke her in the ribs if she wished her to keep on bidding.

  “Now, gentlemen,” said the auctioneer, “lot one hundred and seventy-five. Duchesse wardrobe, dressing-table with bevelled mirrors, and marble-top washstand, specially imported from England by Mrs Harper. What am I offered?”

  “Specially imported from England?” cried a dealer. “Yes, came out in the first fleet.”

  “What’s that?” cried the auctioneer. “Thank you for telling me, Mr Isaacs.” And he began again: “What offer for this solid ash bedroom suite, imported in the first fleet, guaranteed by Mr Isaacs, who was in leg-irons and saw it.”

  There was a roar of laughter at the dealer’s discomfiture.

  “Now, Mr Isaacs, how much are you going to bid, for old times’ sake?” cried the auctioneer, pushing his advantage. But Isaacs had turned sulky.

  “A pound,” said Mother Jenkins.

  “No, mother, you don’t mean it,” cried the auctioneer, grinning. “That’ll leave you nothing to pay your tram fare home.” But he went on: “I’m offered a pound for this solid ash bedroom suite that cost thirty guineas in London.”

  The bids crawled slowly up to six pounds.

  “It’s against you, mother,” cried the auctioneer; “don’t let a few shillings stand in the way of your getting married. I knew the men couldn’t leave you alone with that face. Thank you, six-five.”

  The old hag showed her toothless gums in a hideous smile, the woman that was left in the dried shell still tickled at the reference to marriage. But her look changed to one of intense pain as Pinkey, trembling with excitement, nudged her violently in the ribs as a signal to keep on bidding. However, there was no real opposition, and the bidding stopped suddenly at seven pounds, forced up to that price by a friend of Mother Jenkins’s to increase her commission.

  In the kitchen the auctioneer lost his temper, and knocked down to Mother Jenkins enough pots and pans to last Pinkey a lifetime for ten shillings before the others could get in a bid. Chook, who had borrowed Jack Ryan’s cart for the day, drove off with his load in triumph, while Pinkey went with Mother Jenkins to her shop in Bathurst Street to sort out her curtains, bed-linen, and crockery from that extraordinary collection. Twenty pounds would pay for the lot, and leave a few shillings over.

  One Saturday morning, two years ago, Pinkey had set out for the factory as usual, and had come home to dinner with her wages in her handkerchief and a wedding ring on her finger. Mrs Partridge gave up novelettes for a week when she learned that her stepdaughter had married Chook that morning at the registry office. Partridge had taken the news with a look that had frightened the women; the only sign of emotion that he had given was to turn his back without a word on his favourite daughter. Since then they had lived with Chook’s mother, as he had no money to furnish; but last month Chook had joined a syndicate of three to buy a five-shilling sweep ticket, which, to their amazement, drew a hundred-pound prize. With Chook’s share they had decided to take Jack Ryan’s shop in Pitt Street just round the corner from Cardigan Street. It was a cottage that had been turned into a shop by adding a false front to it. The rent, fifteen shillings a week, frightened Chook, but he reserved ten pounds to stock it with vegetables, and buy the fittings from Jack Ryan, who had tried to conduct his business from the bar of the nearest hotel, and failed. If the money had run to Jack’s horse and cart, their fortunes would have been made.

  Mrs Partridge’s wanderings had ended with the marriage of Pinkey. Only once had she contrived to move, and the result had frightened her, for William had mumbled about his lost time in his sleep. And she had lived in Botany Street for two years, a stone’s throw from the new shop in Pitt Street. She remembered that Chook had helped to move her furniture in at their first meeting, and, not liking to be outdone in generosity, resolved to slip round after tea and lend a hand. She knew, if any woman did, the trouble of moving furniture and setting it straight. She prepared for her labours by putting on her black silk blouse and her best skirt, and as William was anchored by the fireside with the newspaper, she decided to wear her new hat with the ostrich feathers, twenty years too young for her face, which she had worn for three months on the quiet out of regard for William’s feelings, for it had cost the best part of his week’s wages, squeezed out in shillings and sixpences, the price of imaginary pounds of tea, butter, and groceries.

  She found Chook with his mouth full of nails, hanging pictures at five shillings the pair; Pinkey, dishevelled, sweating in beads, covered with dust, her sleeves tucked up to the elbows, ordering Chook to raise or lower the picture half an inch to increase the effect. It was some time before Mrs Partridge could find a comfortable chair where she ran no risk of soiling her best clothes, but when she did she smiled graciously on them, noting with intense satisfaction Pinkey’s stare of amazement at the black hat, twenty years too young for her face.

  “I thought I’d come round and give you a hand,” she explained.

  “Thanks, Missis,” said Chook, thankful for even a little assistance.

  Pinkey stared again at the hat, and Mrs Partridge felt a momentary dissatisfaction with life in possessing such a hat without the right to wear it in public. In half an hour Chook and Pinkey had altered the position of everything in the room under the direction of Mrs Partridge, who sat in her chair like a spectator at the play. At last they sat down exhausted, and Mrs Partridge, who felt as fresh as paint, gave them her opinion on matrimony and the cares of housekeeping. But Pinkey, unable to sit in idleness among this beautiful furniture, got to work with her duster.

  “Ah,” said Mrs Partridge, “it’s natural to take a pride in the bit of furniture you start with, but when you’ve been through the mill like I ’ave, you’ll think more of your own comfort. There was yer Aunt Maria wore ’er fingers to the bone polishing ’er furniture on the time-payment plan, an’ then lost it all through the death of ’er ’usband, an’ the furniture man thanked ’er kindly fer keepin’ it in such beautiful order when ’e took it away. An’ Mrs Ross starved ’erself to buy chairs an’ sofas, which she needed, in my opinion, being too weak to walk about; an’ then ’er ’usband dropped a match, an’ they ’ad the best fire ever seen in the street, an’ ’ave lived in lodgings ever since.”

  “That’s all right,” said Chook uneasily, “but this ain’t time-payment furniture, an’ I ain’t goin’ ter sling matches about like some people sling advice.”

  “That’s very true,” said Mrs Partridge, warming up to her subject, “but there’s no knowin’ ’ow careless yer may git when yer stomach’s undermined with bad cookin’.”

  “Wot rot ye’re talkin’!” cried Chook. “Mother taught her to cook a fair treat these two years. She niver got anythin’ to practise on in your ’ouse.”

  “That’s true,’ said Mrs Partridge, placidly. “I was never one to poison meself with me own cooking. When I was a girl I used ter buy a penn’orth of everythin’, peas-pudden, saveloys, pies, brawn, trotters, Fritz, an’ German sausage. Give me the ’am shop, an’ then I know who ter blame, if anythin’ goes wrong with me stomach.”

  Chook gave his opinion of cookshops.

  “Ah well,” said Mrs Partridge, “what the eye doesn’t see the ’eart doesn’t grieve over, as the sayin’ is! An’ that reminds me. Elizabeth suffers from ’er ’eart, an’ that means a doctor’s bill which I could never understand the prices they charge, knowin’ plenty as got better before the doctor could cure ’em, an’ so takin’ the bread out of ’is mouth, as the sayin’ is. Though I make it my business to be very smooth with them as might put somethin’ nasty in the medsin an’ so carry you off, an’ none the wiser, as the sayin’ is.”

  “’Ere, this ain’t a funeral,” cried Chook, in disgust.

  “An’ thankful you ought te
r be that it ain’t,” cried Mrs Partridge, “after what I read in the paper only last week about people bein’ buried alive oftener than dead, an’ fair gave me the creeps thinkin’ I could see the people scratchin’ their way out of the coffin, an’ sittin’ on a tombstone with nuthin’ but a sheet round ’em. It would cure anybody of wantin’ ter die. I’ve told William to stick pins in me when my time comes.”

  “Anybody could tell w’en you’re dead,” said Chook.

  “Why, ’ow?” cried Mrs Partridge, eagerly.

  “Yer’ll stop gassin’ about yerself,” cried Chook, roughly.

  Mrs Partridge started to smile, and then stopped. It dawned slowly on her mind that she was insulted, and she rose to her feet.

  “Thanks fer yer nasty remark,” she cried. “That’s all the thanks I get fer comin’ to give a ’elpin’ ’and. But I know when I’m not wanted.”

  “Yer don’t,” said Pinkey, “or yer’d ’ave gone ’ours ago.”

  Mrs Partridge turned to go, the picture of offended dignity, when her eyes fell on an apparition in the doorway, and she quailed. It was William, left safely by the fireside for the night, and now glowering, not at her as she swiftly divined, but at the hat with the drooping feathers, twenty years too young for her face. For the first time in her life she lost her nerve, but with wonderful presence of mind, she smiled in her agony.

  “Why, there you are, William,” she cried. “Yer gave me quite a start. I was just tryin’ on Elizabeth’s new ’at, to see if it suited me.”

  As she spoke, she tore out the hatpins with feverish dexterity, and thrust the hat into Pinkey’s astonished hand.

  “Take it, yer little fool,” she whispered, savagely.

  Her face looked suddenly old and withered under the scanty grey hair.

  “Good evenin’, Mr Partridge—glad ter see yer,” cried Chook, advancing with outstretched hand; but the old man ignored him. His eyes travelled slowly round the room, taking in every detail of the humble furniture. The others stood silent with a little fear in their hearts at the sight of this old man with the face of a sleep-walker; but suddenly Pinkey walked up to him, and, reaching on tiptoe, kissed him, her face pink with emotion. It was the first time since her unforgiven marriage. And she hung on him like a child, her wonderful hair, the colour of a new penny, heightening the bloodless pallor of the old man’s face. The stolid grey eyes turned misty, and, in silence, he slowly patted his daughter’s cheek.