by Joe Weisberg
“No not even my Mom.”
Well that pretty much stopped the conversation I couldn’t believe I said it it wasn’t like I ever ever tell my Mom anything about school but now it sounded like I was totally a Mommas boy and I tell her everything. I just said my Mom because it was someone I know really well to prove a point that I wouldn’t even tell somebody like that.
“I mean I don’t tell my Mom”
“It’s OK” Renee said.
“No but I mean”
“I know” she said.
I wanted to explain but I could tell it would just make it worse.
“Why’s it so bad if people know?” I said.
“We’re not going out anymore” Renee said “so it’s not true.”
“Oh” I said.
She looked down at that puddle again and she kicked her boot in it and it splashed on me.
“Oh sorry” Renee said.
“That’s OK.”
I was so wet it didn’t matter anyway Renee put her hands in her Dick Tracy coat pockets and said “the thing is that David’s a great guy but he’s not friends with John and Randy.”
“Oh” I said.
Then she said “I’d just moved here all my friends were in Japan. I really wanted to be friends with those guys.”
“But they would of been friends with you.”
“Guys are - well - with John and Randy they just wouldn’t of been friends with me if I had a boyfriend.”
“Really?” I said.
“Absolutely.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
“I think they would” I said.
“Do you think?”
“Yeah.”
Renee looked around a little.
“You’re naive Jeremy.”
I didn’t say anything then I said “I think your friends are your friends no matter what.”
“That’s my point” she said and she sounded mad. “They weren’t my friends.”
“Well they are now” I said.
“I know but if Jeremy if it turned out I was lying I don’t want them to think I’m a liar.”
“Mmm-hmm” I said.
“Besides Lenea had a crush on him too. I didn’t want her to be hurt.”
We stood there and then I said “where do you know him from?”
“He goes to RTS I met him at a party.”
“Oh” I said.
“He’s a great guy.”
“Why’d you break up with him?”
“What makes you think I broke up with him?”
“Um. I don’t know.”
“We were fighting a lot. It was a destructive relationship for both of us.”
“Oh” I said.
I was so wet now that I was almost shivering and Renee said “You’re all wet.”
“I know” I said.
“Well Jeremy.” And she stopped for a second then she said “Thank you. For not telling anyone. A lot of guys would of they can’t mind their own business.”
“That’s OK” I said.
For a millisecond I thought she was going to hug me or kiss me (in a friends way) but then she just turned around and walked away. She was going in the only direction there was so I had to wait there standing in the rain until she turned around the side of the building and then got a little further away so I wouldn’t run into her when I went.
That night after talking to Renee I was lying in bed when I fell asleep. I had insomnia and I kept waking up and falling asleep and having different dreams. In the main 1 I remember I dreamed I was flying to Mount Kilimanjaro. (This mountain is in Africa if it exists which I think it does). I’m flying a plane towards this huge mountain with snow all over it like a giant snowcone. The snow is flying back and forth. Renee is next to me and I’m not sure but I think she’s the co-pilot. I’ve never flown a plane in real life but in the dream when I pull the steering thing up the plane starts to go up and when I pull it down it goes back down and it feels so real it’s like I’m really in a plane that’s moving as I fly it and it feels totally like reality. It was definitely the most realistic dream I ever had. Even though nothing else happened.
I think this dream was inspired by the Ernest Hemingway short story The Snows Of Kilimanjaro but in Hemingways story the dream is different. The main character (who probably represents Hemingway) is dying of a leg infection and he goes on a plane ride back to civilization to get to a hospital even though it’s probably already too late.
Then they began to climb and they were going to the East it seemed, and then it darkened and they were in a storm, the rain so thick it seemed like flying through a waterfall, and then they were out and Compie turned his head and grinned and pointed and there, ahead, all he could see, as wide as all the world, great, high, and unbelievably white in the sun, was the square top of Kilimanjaro. And then he knew that there was where he was going.
But we discover later it’s all a dream and really he’s dreaming this while he’s dying and then he dies.
Outside the tent the hyena made the same strange noise that had awakened her. But she did not hear him for the beating of her heart.
I’ve noticed people die at the end of stories all the time.
I bet Renee had a dream that night too but with me in it only as a minor character or not at all. I bet it was a night of magic and everyone in Hutch Falls dreamed something about somebody.
CHAPTER 16
GILLIAN MAKES HER MOVE
“Hello?”
“It’s Caroline I need you at the theater right now.”
“What’s wrong?”
“Just get over there right now.”
“OK.”
It was Friday night and we all had plans for Saturday night so I was home doing nothing. Beth was home and Mom asked her to drive me and she did but she was kind of weird in the car like she was thinking about something. Drivers Ed started in February and it was a piece of cake and I was an excellent driver so I wouldn’t be stuck with her driving me forever but even after I get my permit I can’t drive alone until I turn 16 which is after summer vacation starts so that sucks.
Anyway the theater we go to in Hutch Falls is by the mall but off in its own place you turn right at Long John Silvers and go down this road and there it is. Everyone hangs out in back where there’s extra parking and this wall to sit on that goes all the way around the parking lot like they put it there for people to sit on. It’s dark back there and people from different schools sit in different parts but it’s not like a rule where you sit you just go to any open place and sit there with your friends when they get there.
Previously I told my Dad I needed a leather jacket because I didn’t want to wear my soccer jacket all year like I did last year and I didn’t want to wear my down jacket when it wasn’t freezing. So I figured my Dad would find like the Mo Levitskys of leather jackets and take me there but he came home 1 day with a big bag and inside the bag was a leather jacket. It had big strips going down both sides and then inside the strips where you didn’t really know they were there were pockets. My Dad said “It’s a European style”. I thought it looked weird but when I put it on I liked it I wore it all night and even lay down in bed in it but I didn’t sleep in it because I’m not an idiot. It smelled great like fresh leather and OK I admit it about 50 times I looked in the mirror and went “Eeeyyyy” like The Fonz. Anyway with my jacket it was cool behind the theater now because even if I didn’t smoke or anything I had it and it looked cool so nobody was going to fuck with me or think what the fuck is he doing here.
In fact when I didn’t see Caroline instead of going back around the front and waiting in front for her where a lot of people were waiting for movies and people I wandered around and then staked out an area on the wall and just stood there.
Finally I see Caroline she’s in 1 of her tight sweaters (the white 1) and has a purse around her shoulders so the strap is down right between her Tits and kind of presses the sweater down over the Tits so you can really see them. She’
s also got these 60s Jeans she wears sometimes that make her look like a drugged out hippie freak. She comes towards me and you can tell something’s really wrong by the expression on her face.
“Hey” I say.
“I can’t fucking believe this” she said.
“What?” I say.
“My crazy insane freak bitch mother.”
“What about her.”
“She kicked me out.”
“Of the house?”
“Yes.”
“Really?”
“Yes.”
“When?”
“Now.”
“Why?”
“She’s a complete lunatic.”
“What happened?”
“She found out about Rich.”
“I thought she knew about him.”
“She did but she didn’t know how old he was.”
“She never met him?”
“No.”
“How’d she find out?”
“She asked him.”
“Oh.”
When she’s talking she’s so freaked out she isn’t even smoking (which is like Uh-oh something’s really wrong).
“We got in a huge fight. I was like Richie’s a great guy and it doesn’t matter what age he is. Then she wants to know did we have sex which is none of her fucking business.” She put both of her hands on her waist and she said “She said he was a pervert.” She looked at me. “So I said you’re a pervert. Then we started screaming and she kicked me out!”
“What did she say?” I said.
“She said Get Out.”
“What like forever?”
“Yes.”
“She probably didn’t mean forever.”
“She kicked me out.”
“She was probably just upset.”
“I can’t believe this I can’t fucking believe she kicked me out.”
“She probably just thought you’d both be better off with some time alone. You know to cool off?”
“I hate her.”
“No you don’t.”
“And she hates me.”
“No she doesn’t Caroline your Mom loves you.”
“Jeremy Jeremy” she said twice and then she stopped for a second and said “God.”
“Do you want to call her?” I said.
“No.”
“Maybe you should call her and try to make up. Maybe she just meant get out for right now for like an hour or 2 so she can be alone.”
Now she went into her purse and got a cigarette then she rooted around in her purse some more but she couldn’t find a match. She went over to this group of girls some of who were smoking on the wall got a light from 1 and came back. She was standing there taking a lot of puffs when I saw Douglas walking across the parking lot.
I was sort of surprised because I kind of thought the way Caroline said I need you to come to the theater right now like it’s some big emergency she wanted to talk to me immediately and it had to be fast because it was just me and I was kind of like “Hmmm” when I saw Douglas but not because I was jealous or wanted Caroline or anything that wasn’t it I didn’t want Caroline.
I was so into Renee and Caroline also didn’t look as good as last year when I was a little into her she was kind of getting older looking and just life I think was taking a toll on her now.
So Douglas comes up and the 1st thing he gives Caroline this big hug and she’s holding her cigarette behind his back when they’re hugging and she says to him “My Mom kicked me out.”
“What a Cunt” Douglas says.
“Out of the house” Caroline said.
“She’s psychotic.”
“Well why did I have to get a psycho mom?”
“You got screwed on fathers too” Douglas said.
Caroline actually laughed when he said this then they sat down on the wall and they were talking to each other and I’m like why is she so psyched to see Douglas when he’s like Your Mom’s a cunt.
Pretty soon after that Gillian and Kath got there so now the whole gang was here. Gillian and Caroline went off to talk and Kath who does this sometimes looked at me and said “Drama drama drama.”
Meanwhile when Gillian and Caroline go off Douglas says
“Hi”.
“Hey” I said.
“She’s flipping out” he said.
“Yeah” I said.
“Her Mom’s a bitch.”
“She doesn’t seem like that.”
“What do you mean?”
“She seems OK.”
“That’s because you’re there. It’s different when people are over. Aren’t your parents different when people are over?”
“Not really.”
“Mine are.”
“Oh.”
“That’s why I never have people over.”
The girls came back and Gillian said “Let’s go to my house”. Douglas drove. Gillians Mom was watching TV and we didn’t say hi we just went right down to the basement Caroline was in this really weird mood now not freaking out as much but very quiet and I was actually pretty worried about her. Douglas was putting his arm around her and sitting next to her on the floor and he was whispering stuff in her ear Kath told this really long story about how her Mom had forced her to go on this diet when she was in 5th grade and she got really sick and had to go to the hospital and how her Mom said to the Doctor “Well what am I supposed to do about her weight?” when Kath was sleeping only Kath wasn’t sleeping she was just lying there and the whole thing was kind of implicating “Caroline you’re not the only 1 with a fucked up Mom and problems” but in this Kath way and don’t think Caroline got it because she just said “Bummer” after the story and went back talking to Douglas.
And now here’s what happened next. Douglas and Caroline are sitting there and they’re whispering and then they just get up and go in the guest bedroom which has wood paneling and a bed and sheets and stuff. Now maybe they were just going because Caroline was freaking out and needed to be alone or maybe he was going to give her a backrub but why couldn’t they do it here and then right after Kath suddenly says “I’m really tired I’m going home” (it’s like 8:30). And she just goes right upstairs and calls her mom and goes.
So now it’s me and Gillian I’m on the brown couch and she’s on the floor sitting and she gets up and sits down on the couch.
“Poor Caroline” she says.
“Yeah. She doesn’t know how to deal with stuff like this” I say.
“I suppose” said Gillian. “But she’ll be OK.”
“You think?”
“Oh I don’t know. Don’t you think?”
“Not really.”
“Look at all she’s gone through. With her Dad. Those things make you stronger.”
We sat there for a while and you couldn’t hear anything from the other room where Douglas and Caroline were and I was just spacing out when suddenly I feel Gillians hand on my arm and she was right next to me and she says “Jeremy?”
She was practically whispering.
“Yeah?”
“Well” she said and she looked down for a second then she looked up but not right at me and she started to move her face towards me and I said “What’s going on with them?”
Gillian said “Douglas and Caroline?” And she took her hand off me.
“Yeah I mean what’s Douglas doing?”
“I don’t know I guess he’s I guess he’s,”
“I mean she’s really hurt right now” I said.
“Oh she’s like this 1/2 the time anyway.”
“Not this bad.”
“I suppose.”
“He’s being a jerk I don’t care what he thinks he’s supposed to be being her friend now.”
“Oh it’s not such a big deal.”
“Yes it is.”
“People need each other Jeremy.”
I was going to get up but it seemed weird but then Gillian got up and she went upstairs.
Caroline and Douglas came out of
the room a little while later.
“Where’s Gillian?” Caroline said.
“Upstairs.”
Caroline went upstairs and Douglas stood there in front of the couch he just stood there sort of smiling then he sat down next to me on the couch.
“She’s really great” he said.
“Uh-huh” I said.
“She’s so, innocent. Under all that stuff. Man. Wow.”
“Is she OK?” I said.
“No she’s all fucked up but then she forgot it all. I think I’m in love with her.”
“You’re not in love with her” I said.
He looked at me.
“How do you know?”
“I don’t know know I just think it’s a bad situation.”
He said “She’s so sweet. The way she is.”
“Yeah” I said.
I was pretty freaked out that night I didn’t talk to Gillian again I just sort of waved goodbye when we left but when I went to bed I felt really weird like something happened to my life. I know she sort of made a pass at me I wasn’t stupid. And I knew Douglas was in about the best mood of his life I wasn’t jealous that he was with Caroline and I wasn’t. I swear but I think I felt worried about Gillian and my friendship with her there wasn’t really anything to say about it. I couldn’t call her and say “what happened?” I just sleep in my underwear and I was lying there on the bed thinking and wondering about it.
CHAPTER 17
CHAIN OF EVENTS
I didn’t know there would be 3 things in the chain of events but there are. Thing #3 in the chain of events: If you’re on a team you get out of class early for away games. It’s basically the best moment of your life you’re sitting there in some boring class and pretty much wanting to set yourself on fire and die and then about 20 minutes before you’re really supposed to go you look around at the other guys on the team and then someone says “Mr. Or Mrs. Whatever the soccer team has to go.” The cool teachers like Mr. Rasfenjohn are like “Have a good game” but most of the teachers make this face like what kind of sick people think sports are more important than this boring fucking class but they don’t stop you because they can’t versus Mr. Rasfenjohn who would want you to play soccer even if he had a choice because he believes people should express themselves and do what they want. For example 1 day 1st Semester Greg Elbet was writing a paragraph about his dog and he said his dad said “this is fucking absurd” when he was talking to the Vet about the dog dying and could he put that in the story and Mr. Rasfenjohn said yes you can express yourself anyway you want but don’t tell your parents or I’ll be in trouble. Not to mention writing anything you want about sex. 1 time a girl named Tanya Laroach wrote a story about this guy she was so in love with and how he ignored her then later he liked her and how they basically had sex for the 1st time (or almost sex) in this dark room and Mr. Rasfenjohn said “That was excellent”. Anyway then not only are you going to a soccer game but you’re not in class too so you’re totally psyched. So of course this hasn’t happened to me since soccer ended but it was still happening to the baseball team on which John McKnight and Randy Brewer were. And 1 day when my last period class was gym I went down to the locker room in the middle of gym to go to the bathroom and the baseball team was down there changing and when I was going by them John McKnight goes “Jeremy!”