10th Grade

by Joe Weisberg

  I sat down on the sand with the girls except Randys date who was with some people we just met and John and Randy and Cindys date Pete were off playing night frisbee with some guys. Everybody thought Prom was pretty cool and it was a beautiful night.

  “We’re really lucky you know” said Renee.

  “I know” said Lenea.

  “It’s so beautiful and here we are and we’ve had really good lifes so far. I just think this is 1 of those nights where you really appreciate things.”

  She was sitting there in the sand and we weren’t very far from the fire and her face was sort of 1/2 lit up red by it but the other 1/2 was totally dark and even though you couldn’t even exactly see her she looked more beautiful than ever. And here she was talking and I just said “I feel really lucky.”

  “Why?” said Lenea.

  I didn’t know what to say so I said “Well it’s so beautiful and everything. And we’re all here together.”

  “Oh Jeremy” Renee said.

  “That’s so sweet” Lenea said and she leaned over and gave me a huge hug.

  We talked a lot philosophically that night. Later I was sitting with Lenea and Renee and John and Lenea made the point that it wouldn’t be that long before we were at our Senior Prom and at the party afterwards and then going off to start our lifes. John said “starting different lifes” and we were like “Yeah” except for Renee who said “No it’s the same life.”

  And then I don’t even know how it happened but I was taking a walk with Renee down the beach a lot of people at the party were walking back and forth so there were people around but especially when we got a little further away there weren’t other people. We were just talking about Sophomore Year being over and how weird it was then Renee said “it was weird with John having this thing for me all year.”

  “Yeah” I said.

  “I know all the girls like him and he’s a great guy and everything. He’s just not my type there’s no chemistry between us. You know chemistry is everything I go for a different kind of guy I don’t know but he never gives up.”

  “He’s like that with everything” I said.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Like with soccer. You can be down 3 nothing with a minute to play and he’s still like “Come on guys let’s go” not like he thinks you can win or anything he just likes to keep trying.”

  “That’s what he’s like” Renee said.

  “Yeah” I said.

  “I’m just not interested in him.”

  “He’s a great guy though” I said.

  “I know” she said.

  “Do you like that guy from um that other school? That you were telling your Uncle about?”

  “I think so. We’ll be away at different times over the summer I’m going away in June and the 2nd 1/2 of August and he’s going away in July and the 1st 1/2 of August so we’re never here at the same time we’ll see next year though.”

  She said this like she was psyched like she was looking forward to next year and I know it sounds weird but until she said that I just never really realized next year was going to happen. Right after the summer. I mean I knew I’d be a Junior and everything and I thought about that but I just never really thought about it like that.

  “We’ll be Juniors” I said.

  “Can you believe it?” said Renee.

  The water was coming up on the beach and we were walking where it was coming pretty close to us but we stayed a few inches away from it you could hear people yelling down by the bonfire which was very far away and the wind was making a noise and it was dark but the moon was up there like a big light bulb. If she’d been my girlfriend and we’d been walking down the beach and holding hands on a night just like this I knew right then I’d be the happiest guy on planet Earth at that moment. I thought of holding her hand as friends but I didn’t. We turned around and walked back.

  When I came back Lenea was like “There’s my date!” but she wasn’t mad or anything she was just being funny. We all sat around. I had a 2nd brew but I wasn’t drunk. My Dad lets me drink a beer at home with dinner if I want to so I’m used to it. A couple Senior guys we didn’t really know came over and were all over the girls and hitting on them and they were pretty wasted and rude and I almost thought John was going to say something to them like “LISTEN man they’re our dates” but he was mellow. They finally took off realizing they weren’t going to get anywhere with our girls.

  It was really late when I went to the bathroom inside. These 2 guys drinking drinks in the house were like “what’s up man?” and I talked to them. Then I went to the bathroom and also looked around including going out on the balcony upstairs where I was the only 1 around and I could look down at the beach and see the bonfire and everyone. It was not as loud now and more mellow because it was really late. When I came back down and went outside on the beach Cindy and Pete were sitting there and I saw Randy and Wendy pretty close not exactly making out but hugging and kind of touching each other on this kind of plateau very close by where the sand went up a little and there was some grass and weeds in the sand. Lenea wasn’t there and I went for a walk down the beach in the other direction from the 1 I went with Renee but much higher up so I wasn’t by the water I was closer to where the plateau was and all the houses next to the beach.

  I was walking along and a few couples passed me holding hands and with their arms around each other and 1 where the girl was holding the guy up so much it looked like he’d fall down if she moved. 1 group of guys went by and 1 of them saw me and yelled really loud “What’s up Man???” and I was like “Hey” and I thought for a second they were going to jump me or something then the beach was pretty deserted and I looked up on the plateau and I saw something and I heard a noise that was definitely human like “Mmm Uuuh” or something and I slowed down and I saw these shapes sticking out of the grass and weeds on the plateau. They were 2 top 1/2s of people it was dark and they were moving around and sideways so I could only see the shapes and barely but somehow I knew it was John and Renee and it wasn’t just her making noises either. He was going “Mmm uuh” too but in a totally different way. Like he was all over her. I wasn’t walking anymore and I was pretty close to them even though I got there by accident but I could see they were just kissing and stuff they had no idea I was there they were totally in their own little world. They were sitting down and Johns arm I think was around her it was a little hard to tell whose arm was who because it was so dark. And I turned around and walked away casually because I didn’t want them to hear me.

  Back at the house Lenea was standing near the keg outside with a couple guys and a girl I went up and she put her arm around me and said in a friendly way “You keep disappearing.”

  “I was just on the beach” I said.

  She introduced me to the people she was standing there with and I said hi. It was like way past the middle of the night now. Lenea said where is everybody and I said I don’t know. I really like Lenea. She went inside and it was crazy in there the lights were off and people were all over each other on the couch and the stereo was blaring Pink Floyd which of course now I know every word of I thought about Caroline and how she would like it but she wouldn’t be at Prom in about a million years. Some people were very drunk but I didn’t see anyone violent or puking I smelled pot in a few places. We sat down in the kitchen at the kitchen table with 1 of the guys from outside who was hitting on Lenea I could tell she wasn’t in to him though. Then we saw a spot on 1 of the couches and we went over and sat down there the guy was talking a lot but then I think he ran out of things to say because he finally shut up. We all just kind of zoned out and sat there. Then Lenea whispered to me “Will you come upstairs with me while I smoke a cigarette I just want to get away from everyone.” “OK” I said. We got up (leaving the idiot there) and went up the stairs. When we got up there we went back into that same room and I closed the door because Lenea wanted to get away from everyone and she sat down on the back of the bed with her back leani
ng on the wall. I sat on the front of the bed (which was sideways) not leaning on the wall to the side and sort of in front of her. She had 2 cigarettes and some matches and she lit up and started smoking.

  “It’s a nice party” she said.

  “Yeah” I said. “Dinner was great too.”

  “I know” she said.

  She smoked some more.

  “Are you tired?” she said.

  “No. Are you?”

  “No.”

  Then she said “Here come sit here” and she sort of patted the bed next to her but not like right next to her. I moved back and sat with my back against the wall next to her.

  “Do you mind the smoke?” she said.

  “No” I said.

  When she finished her cigarette she mushed it out on this empty plate somebody left there with some pizza crust on it. We just sat there for a while. We both had our feet down on the bed with our knees up and my knees went down to the side a little basically because of gravity and hers did too at the same time and they bumped into each other. Big deal. But then it happens twice more and then 1 time they don’t go back up they stay touching. I’m like ‘hmmmm’. I put my hand on my knee. A second later Lenea puts her hand on her knee. And then suddenly we’re holding hands.

  Then I said “Do you want a backrub?”

  She said yes and we lay down and I rubbed her back. She had on a T-shirt that said Columbia where she wanted to go to school and eventually I went under it to rub. I could tell she was really into it because a couple times she went “Mmm” or “Ohhh”. I was really into it because it feels good rubbing a persons back just because skin feels good. And also because doing something that feels good to another person (especially in a way that involves the senses) feels good.

  What happened next is 2 peoples business so I’m not going to write about it. I know Mr. Rasfenjohn says write about everything you’re thinking and feeling but what if he’s wrong. I will say 1 thing though. When you feel (or might feel) strong feelings for someone you should express it verbally or physically (or both). This is part of nature. There is a strong connection between the body and the soul. When you feel this connection even just for a little while it’s like everything is different now. You’re more at 1 with the universe. You have felt the fullness of a womans flesh and it becomes a part of you then and forever and so does she. (Simultaneously it’s like nothing is different at the same time. This is just a feeling it’s hard to explain.)

  Romantically my night with Lenea progressed to the end. Then we lay there for a long time. I could feel her breathing in and out and in and out.

  Eventually she said “Let’s go back down” and I said I’ll be there in a minute. She went downstairs. It was a good time to think so I did. I thought about everything. Lenea and who she is and me. Should we be together? Did she like me? Probably. Renee. I felt a little weird almost like I cheated on her like she gives a fuck. But I was in love with her or was I? Maybe I wasn’t. Maybe I just thought I was versus knowing it. Maybe I never really was in love with Renee. Maybe you can’t be in love with somebody who isn’t in love with you in the same exact way. Of course maybe Renee is secretly in love with me. Yeah right. To tell the truth in spite of many conversations I don’t really know Renee that well for example in the way I know Lenea after sharing our dreams etc. with each other at dinner and fooling around. But also when I’m with or around Renee there’s something very intense (maybe chemicals) just going on and I feel there is something special flowing between us. But I guess she flows that way with everybody. Life is complicated. People aren’t who you think they are all the time because what do you know about what’s really going on inside their mind. But on the other hand life is full of human beings who are often surprising. You never know what people will do and that can be good and interesting for example to keep the world full of surprises. So who knows. If you think about Douglas and not trusting people I think it’s a bad idea. Because we are people. There’s nothing wrong with that including mistakes by you or other people. Lies, deceit, arrogance, stupidity, sloth. These are bad but are in their own way a part of happiness, love, goodness, sex, and virtue. Get used to it.

  I went downstairs. People were smoking and drinking and 1 couple was slow dancing in the living room I saw Lenea drinking a beer by the counter between the living room and the kitchen. I went over to her and she came over to me too and we stood there. She was drinking a beer and I had a couple sips. We shot the breeze a little. Cindy and her moron date appeared out of nowhere. Lenea leaned on me so her whole side was on me and she stayed like that while she talked to Cindy about nothing for a minute. Then the girls went off to talk more and I was standing there with Cindys date then he went to get more beer.

  I went outside. The bonfire was still raging people had really kept it going. I stood there and looked at the water. Some people in their swim suits were swimming some of them were having chicken fights and screaming a lot. I saw the shapes of John and Randy in the water they both had girls I didn’t know on their shoulders and their shirts off and they were running around and yelling and laughing and knocking each other and other people over then getting back up again and doing it again.

  The after-Prom was almost over. Sophomore Year was a few hours from its final conclusion. Soon morning will appear and we will eat donuts and clean up. Soon we will get a ride on the chartered bus back to Hutch Falls because the limo was long gone. When we get dropped off at school the girls will cry and me and the guys will give each other Hi-5s and hug each other because it was a great year. Summer will officially begin. Summer a time for fun and reflection. Who knows what will happen. Then the cycle of life starts again.

  But now this journey is drawing to a close. It was long and fruitful. I learned many lessons like be yourself and let your heart shine. And in the years to come I will experience life and friendship and always remember 10th Grade.

  To Mom and Dad,

  For so much encouragement,

  And to my classmates:

  I still dream about you

  ABOUT THE AUTHOR

  Joseph Weisberg was born and raised in

  Chicago and now lives in New York City.

  He wrote his first short story, “The Mid-Life

  Crisis Exploits,” when he was twelve.

  10th Grade is his first novel.