Nocturna League- Season One Box Set

by Kell Inkston

  Even though it’s going as planned, Colette can’t help but feel a little nervous about Boris being so excited about devouring an exact physical copy of herself. “Y-yeah! Let’s go get that Colette and cook… cook her right up!” She says with a put-on smile.

  Boris gurgles out a stream of salty, food-covered bubbles in a euphoria of cooking excitement. “THIS IS JUST AS I WAS OF THE DREAMING! A MEAT WOULD HELP ME HUNT ANOTHER MEAT JUST LIKE THE HELPING MEAT! THIS IS THE DAY OF THE BEST OF MY LIFE!” Boris says, grabbing his prized cleaver and ensuring that it’s sparkling clean.

  Colette forces a wider grin. “Y-yeah! Definitely! Let’s go get… me, Boris!”

  At that, Boris smashes out of the kitchen with Colette close behind. “IT IS TIME OF THE INGREDIENT FINDING!” Boris shouts, scanning out the deck for the other Colette. He only needs to twitch his lance-sized whiskers a single time before he gets a reading. “I AM FEELING OF THE MOVEMENT! A DELICIOUS HUMAN FLESH WITH ALL THE FLESH THERE BEING. BE OF THE HOPPING ON, APPRENTICE FLESH! BORIS WILL BE OF THE FINDING!”

  “Eh, sure!” Colette hops onto Boris’ back and holds on by the whiskers. Colette suddenly goes from zero to Boris kilometers per hour as The Tyrant Butcher of The Waves leaps up to the second deck and dashes down the first Colette in only ten seconds time. She’s now even more glad that Boris is on her side. She couldn’t rightly imagine what it would feel like to be hunted down by a half-ton lobster that moves faster than a horse. The other Colette is immediately in view, toting around more chemicals from the medical bay that Estradia apparently doubles as a laboratory. “There, Boris!” The riding Colette points out.

  “I WILL BE OF THE CATCHING!” Boris flies forward to the first Colette, whose eyes are wide with disbelief. In the last second she bolts off the railing to the lower deck, and starts dashing around the corner.

  “Get it!” Colette commands to her valiant red steed.

  “IT? I THOUGHT THE MEAT WAS BEING OF THE SHE!”

  Colette sighs. “Yes! She! Get Colette!”

  Boris nods, almost slinging the riding Colette off of his head and into the ocean. “LET’S BE OF THE GOING, THEN!” Boris leaps off to the first deck and turns around. The hunted Colette just turns to look behind her and continues running. She tosses several chemical bombs in Boris’ face, each one exploding in a vicious fire. “NO, APPRENTICE MEAT! I AM SUPPOSED TO BE OF THE SPICING YOU! NOT OF THE OTHER WAY AROUND!” Boris says as he corners the first Colette at the tip of the Nocturna’s deck. Boris snaps his claws and brandishes his over-sized cleaver in joy as he steps forward to apprehend the other Colette. She looks about, and spots something climbing out of the water just in time to save her skin.

  “Captain!” She shouts.

  Boris and the Colette riding her look behind them to spot a wet, unclothed Captain, having just recovered an unconscious Dr. Estradia from the water. “Why, hello there, you tw… three? Why are there three of you?”

  The cornered Colette speaks up first. “Captain! These two are trying to kill me! The Colette on top of Boris is a fake! An eldritch parasite!”

  The Captain sets Estradia to the side of the ship and turns back—though the only thing still on him are his glasses and of course his bandages, he looks terribly official as he adjusts them. “Ahh! One of those degenerate parasites engaging in degenerate activity. Might this be true, Colette riding Boris?”

  She shakes her head. “No! It’s her!”

  The Captain steps forward, both hands behind his back, and then looks over both Colettes.

  “Excuse me, Colette riding Boris.”

  She smirks sheepishly. “Y-yeah?”

  “Why is it that you’re wearing my jacket?”

  She takes it off and hands it to him. “I found it on the ship, I was cold.”

  The Captain nods, looks over to the cornered Colette and then they both share a smirk. Slowly, the riding Colette’s features turn from uncertainty, to horror—she gets it now.

  “Hmm, yes,” The Captain says, cracking his knuckles, “the real Colette is obvious. Boris, you’ve made a terrible mistake.”

  Boris nods his head to the side in wonder. “I WAS MAKING OF THE MISTAKING?”

  “That’s right, Boris. The Colette riding you is the fake. Please retrieve her.”

  The riding Colette cringes in terror. “N-no! Boris! Do-”

  “DO I STILL GET TO BE OF THE COOKING AND EATING OF THIS APPRENTICE FLESH?”

  The Captain nods. “If that is what pleases you. I’m certain the crew will be simply thrilled to take a bite out of her.”

  Colette’s jaw drops and she looks back down to Boris. “Look, Boris! I was the one who came and got you! There’s no way that the fake would have brought someone else into it, right?... Right?”

  “COLETTE FLESH,” Boris says.

  The Colette riding him takes a deep breath, as the other Colette grins wickedly. “Y-yes?”

  “WOULD YOU BE OF THE PREFERRING OF THE FRYING, THE BAKING, OR THE SOUPING?”

  “Boris, please! You’re all I have right now!”

  “THERE’S MANY OF THE WAYS TO BE PREPARING OF THE DELICIOUS HUMAN. NOW BE OF THE CHOOSING LEST I START OF THE CUTTING!”

  She loses her breath as, with a single blink-fast movement, Boris reaches up and grabs her with his free claw. “B-Boris! Don’t! I’m not the eldritch!”

  “OF COURSE YOU’RE NOT OF THE ELDRITCHING!” Boris says between a gurgling chuckle.

  “Then why are you about to kill me?!”

  “I WAS BEING OF THE SARCASTIC, ELDRITCHING COLETTE. THE REAL COLETTE TAUGHT ME THAT, DIDN’T YOU, COLETTE OF THE REAL?”

  The first Colette, laxing now on the railing, nods. “Eh, sure! Yeah.”

  The captured Colette’s gaze widens. Not only does she understand the situation now, she also knows the solution. “The eldritch parasite’s based on the thoughts of the single person they spawn out of… so that means the person they spawned from couldn’t possibly tell them apart from the real one,” she mutters to herself.

  “WHAT ARE YOU OF THE SAYING, PARASITE COLETTE?” Boris asks.

  “Of course, if the person the parasite came from didn’t know about something, the parasite wouldn’t either!” Colette, secure in Boris’ single claw, brushes her face against his cleaver to make eye contact with the other Colette. “Hey! Colette!”

  The other Colette smiles as Grancis turns the corner from the lower decks. “Yeah?” she asks with a cock-sure grin.

  “What’s The Captain’s favorite drink?!” The captured Colette exclaims, asking a question, not even she knows the answer to, but she knows someone here that does.

  What is The Captain’s Favorite Drink?

  The Captain scoffs. “What a simple question! Colette,” he says, encouraging her to speak.

  The other Colette, just a second ago relaxed and victorious, flinches as she thinks. “Uh,” she looks aside. “C-coffee.”

  The Captain nods, “That’s right! See? As real as she can b-”

  “BUT CAPTAIN, THAT IS NOT OF THE RIGHT,” Boris says.

  Both The Captain and the other Colette flinch. The Captain crosses his arms. “Oh? Could it be you’d be so presumptuous as to tell me what my favorite beverage is?”

  “CAPTAIN, I AM OF THE KNOWING THAT YOU ARE OF THE LOVING OF MANY OF THE BEVERAGES, BUT I AM ALSO OF THE KNOWING THAT ALL YOU ARE OF THE TALKING ABOUT IS THE SCOTCH OF THE DUGAL’S. YOU ARE OF THE CARRYING OF A FLASK ALL OF THE DAY IN YOUR POCKET OF THE LEFT.” Boris says this as Grancis comes up from behind, her gun full of bullets as she notches into a hidden corner. She doesn’t make herself known, as she wants to make her final judgments without them being alert to her.

  The Captain shrugs. “Oh, Boris, you foolish crustacean… thing, you! ”

  “NO… I AM OF THE SURE. YOU ARE OF THE GOING OUT OF YOUR WAY TO TELL ME HOW MUCH YOU ARE LOVING OF THE DUGAL’S SCOTCH. YOU ARE ALWAYS OF THE ORDERING MORE ON THE SHIP LEDGER… YOU MUST BE OF THE FAKE CAPTAIN AS WELL!”

  The Captain scoffs
. “Boris, pleeease! It just so happens that I changed my favorite drink as of late. If you were really the real Boris, you’d know that! That’s such a completely asinine thing for you to make a big deal ab-”

  Boris clears his throat. “Oh~ I’m the Captain~ My my~ Do I love Dugal’s scotch! Boris, Make sure I’m served scotch at least one meal a day, and it must be Dugal’s! That oaky flavor, those subtle notes, surely this is a drink a captain can enjoy for all his years sailing!~ Don’t you dare be a degenerate, Boris, and serve me my Dugal’s!~” Boris said all of this with the most horrifically-accurate mockery of The Captain’s voice ever heard by human ears. Everyone’s frozen in shock. It’s as if a phonograph of his recorded voice were just played.

  “M-my,” The Captain says, drawn back. “You’re certainly quite… good at impersonations, aren’t you, Boris?”

  Boris gurgles in thought, and then answers. “AND YOU ARE POOR OF THE IMPERSONATIONS. YOU ARE BOTH OF THE FAKING,” he places Colette back upon his head, and sharpens his crustacean gaze upon the two at the point of the ship. “THE CAPTAIN WOULD NOT BE OF THE SURPRISING THAT I AM GOOD OF THE IMPERSONATING.”

  The other Colette presses against the railing of the ship with The Captain. “N-now hey, Boris! You can’t hate us for being a little forgetful! Don’t be hasty with this!”

  “NO, I AM OF THE CERTAIN, YOU MUST BE OF THE FAKES, BOTH OF YOU!”

  “Absolutely not!” The Captain cries. “Look over there, do you not see Doctor Estradia there? Are you literally blind? Would an eldritch pull its own victim from the waves? I think not!”

  “Oh?” The first Colette coos with a suspicious look to The Captain. “Are you so sure one wouldn’t?”

  “Eh, yeah,” The Colette on top of Boris says, “I know for sure you’re not The Captain.” She’s spotted Grancis in the corner, so she knows she’s listening; it’s a stretch, but it’s worth a try.

  The Captain focuses his gaze and re-buttons his jacket. “Oh? Why’s that?”

  The Colette riding Boris grins, “Because a true captain never appears undressed!” She says.

  Grancis, still behind cover, gasps. She’d also read the note left by the true Captain.

  The Captain shrugs. “Now, fake Colette, be reasonable. Be honest with yourself, what does that phrase even mea-”

  *BANG*

  A gaping hole appears in The Captain’s head, spewing out grey, eldritch blood. “Y-you!” He, or better yet, it, falls to the ground and crawls into the ocean, where it sinks down harmlessly, its body figure deteriorating into an amorphous, crawling horror the second it flops off deck.

  Everyone looks to where the shot rang out, it was Grancis, standing out obviously from the corner. “I have five more for the Colette that lied to me,” she says, approaching with the gaze of an undertaker, “state your cases.”

  The two Colettes look to one another, and the second Colette, the one that was riding Boris, is waved down by Grancis to hop off and join the first Colette.

  “Alright, Gran,” the first says, “What do you want us to tell you?” she says, gaining a scoff from the second Colette.

  Grancis takes a deep breath. “I thought hard about this one, and I think I know what to ask: What do I mean to you?” She points her gun at the second Colette first, who sighs before starting.

  “Okay, look, Gran. We’ve known each other a long time. You helped me fish, and then once you got kidnapped by the overlord, I had to come get you—you’ve been my friend for years, and my companion on our quest for a few months now. I know you can’t know it’s me, because the parasite knows your memories better than I do. But seriously…” Second Colette takes a deep breath as her expression shifts with a critical flare, “if you shoot me, fuck you.”

  Grancis flinches. “What?!”

  “Yeah, seriously. How dumb could you be? I mean, what do you want me to say? ‘Thanks for helping me but not really because you shot me in the face and replaced me with a goddamn parasite?’ Really, Gran. I thought you knew me better than this, like we had something deeper, or something.”

  “I thought the same! But I bet you don’t even know my middle name!” She shouts to the second Colette.

  The first Colette begins sweating.

  The second Colette sighs. “Uh… Samir?”

  Grancis sighs. “No! It’s Samar!”

  “I knew that,” the first Colette chimes in.

  “Okay, so tell me this,” Grancis says, to the second Colette, “Why did you bring me along if you didn’t care about me?”

  The second Colette shakes her head. “Are you kidding me?! I super care about you! I’m just under a lot of stress. Don’t you think it’s sort of stupid to expect me to remember all your stupid little facts when I’m trying to kill an overlord? I mean, damn, sister, come on!”

  Grancis starts tearing up. “I guess… I don’t know… I guess I just thought you cared more.”

  “I do! But like, our friendship is important, but do you actually think I wouldn’t let you die for the sake of the village? Do you have any perspective? Of course I would! I really, really love you, Gran, but you’re just one person!” The second Colette snaps.

  Grancis holds down a sob. “Okay, I’ve heard enough… Now you,” she says, pointing the gun at the first Colette.

  The first Colette grins, her eyes wide, honest, and friendly. “Gran, I’ve known you since we were kids. I remembered all the times we’d play together and sat around in class—you’d always help me with my practical jokes. That meant a lot to me. When you were kidnapped those months ago I couldn’t help myself. I had to go and get you back, and I did! Did that mean anything to you? No, I’m sorry. Grancis Samar Vereyrty, you’re my best friend. I’d do anything for you. You’re the most special person I have in my life. I don’t have anyone else. I couldn’t ever imagine betraying you, because there’s no one in all the Omniverse that I care about more than y-”

  *BANG*

  The first Colette, the one with the needle wound in her eye, finds a bullet through her stomach, grey blood spraying out as it takes its true, crawling form.

  Grancis takes a deep breath. “Nice try, but now I know that the real Colette would kill me on a dime if it meant getting revenge on the man that hurt her pride!”

  The eldritch parasite gurgles out a curse as it attempts to crawl into the water.

  *BANG*

  “It’s just principle to her,” Grancis continues between shots.

  *BANG*

  “I’m just a tool to her.”

  *BANG*

  “I was just there at the castle by circumstance, Colette didn’t actually come back for me.”

  …*BANG*

  “She went for herself.”

  The writhing parasite coughs up its last spit of shifting, acrid blood, and the other Colette kicks it off into the water. Grancis throws down her gun, and comes forward with a bland gaze. A disappointed Boris steps back as Colette and Grancis look at one another.

  “Is that… really how you knew I was the real one?” Colette asks.

  Grancis nods. “Yeah. I thought we… we were better friends than we are, I guess.”

  There’s an awkward silence, because even though they find themselves victorious, they feel like the only way they came to their win was by learning more about each other than they’d have liked. “Sorry, Grancis. I’ve been a… a bad friend, but I still think that it wasn’t reasonable of you to assume I’d know all that, or remember everything perfectly.”

  Grancis sighs and hugs her friend. “It’s okay if you’d kill me—I’d let you,” she says, wiping her tears with Colette’s shoulder. Neither have anything else to say, but Colette embraces Grancis in return and the two just stand there a moment in front of Boris, who still has a blazing chemical fire on his face.

  “WELL, I AM GLAD YOU TWO ARE BEING OF THE FRIENDSHIP, BUT WHAT AM I TO BE DOING OF THE FOOD?”

  Grancis sighs with humor. “I don’t know, Master Boris.”

  Boris spits out a quart of b
rackish water. “THIS IS OF THE OKAY. I’LL SIMPLY BE FINDING OF THE SOMETHING ELSE TO BE OF THE BREAKFAST MAKING. WOULD YOU TWO LIKE TO BE OF THE FISHING FOR ME?” Boris says.

  “It’s still pitch black out,” Colette says.

  “THAT IS JUST OF THE MEANING THAT THE FISHES ARE OF THE BIGGER, AND MORE FUN!”

  Colette and Grancis exchange gazes for a moment, and approve jointly. Boris gives them some rods, holy water, and large knives, then they cast their lines.

  Falling Action, and The Captain’s Glorious Return

  They’re quiet for a bit, and then Colette turns to look at Grancis. “So, yeah.”

  Grancis glances over for only a second. “Yeah?”

  “Do I really seem that… different, to you?” Colette asks.

  “Different how?” Grancis asks in a plain, almost disinterested voice.

  “Like, now, versus when we started out?”

  “I suppose, I just saw you and I as best friends. Well, I suppose we are still, but I thought that… No, honestly I should have guessed. Your goal of becoming powerful is more important than anything to you. You’re dead set on… avenging your mom, right?”

  Colette looks away hearing this and she takes a deep breath. Slowly, she comes to a nod. “You’re right, I think. It pains me to say it… it sucks, it really does, but I think I want revenge for you, and my mom, and everyone. I’m willing to give up a lot for that, everything, even.”

  “You’d be willing to lose me, to get revenge for me?” Grancis asks, glancing aside to her.

  Colette has trouble answering that one, and just keeps to her line.

  A few seconds pass, and Grancis nods. “Well, I hope you get what you want Colette. I’ll still be your friend. I’m glad you have something to believe in,” she says, nudging her friend with her elbow.

  Colette smiles, and nudges Grancis back. “What do you believe in, Gran?”

  “You,” Grancis says, her eyes focused on the water below.

  Colette has nothing to say to that. She returns to the awkwardness of staring into the ink-black water of the ocean, and all of a sudden, both lines feel a tug.

  “Wh- I got something!” Colette stands up.